Jokes & Riddles - August 2007

Ru Paul, Bill Gates, and Roger Ebert are all struck by lightning on the same day. All three find themselves in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. They start begging him to give them another chance at life. St. Peter agrees but on one condition: they each have to give up something they truly enjoy.
Ru Paul says, "I really love men, but I will give up screwing around with them."

Bill Gates says, "I really love money, but I will give up all the money I have."

Ebert says." I really love food, but I'll give up pizza."

Soon, all three find themselves back on Earth. They start walking down street feeling very grateful. Suddenly, Ebert spots a pizzeria. He smells the aroma and can't help himself — he runs in there and eats a slice of pizza. POOF! He disappears.

Ru Paul and Bill Gates are astonished and agree that that won't happen to them. So they resume walking down the street when Bill Gates spots a shiny, new quarter. He thinks that if he picks it up, he can found a new company and become fabulously wealthy again. He bends down to pick up the quarter and POOF! Ru Paul disappears.

2007-08-31 23:40:43 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

There were two nuns...
One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM),
and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).
It is getting dark and they are still far away from the
convent.
SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for
the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he
wants.
SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.
SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at
the most! What can we do?
SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.
SM: It's not working.
SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical
thing. He started to walk faster, too.
SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in
one minute.
SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that
way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.
So the man decided to follow Sister Logical.
Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried
about what has happened to Sister Logical .
Then Sister Logical arrives.
SM: Sister Logical ! Thank God you are here! Tell me what
happened!
SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow
us both,so he followed me
SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?
SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as
fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.
SM: And?
SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me
SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.
SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.
SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
SL: Isn't it logical, Sister?
A nun with her dress up can run faster than man with his
pants down.
And for those of you who thought it would be dirty,
I'll pray for you!

2007-08-31 23:33:27 · 25 answers · asked by Lyndall T 2

a man with two hobbies took great care to post a letter to an address he knew didnt exist.why?

2007-08-31 23:18:56 · 6 answers · asked by joe k 3

Its the beginning of eternity and the end of time its also the end of Life. What is it?

2007-08-31 23:13:11 · 22 answers · asked by Lyndall T 2

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman are driving through the desert when their car breaks down. So they have to get out.

The Englishman takes a bottle of wine with him, the Scotsman takes an umbrella and the Irishman takes a car door.

On the way they meet this old b*stard. He says to the Englishman "I know why you've got the wine so you can have a drink when your thirsty", He says to the Scotsman "I know why you've got the umbrella to keep the sun off you", "but" he says to the Irishman "Why have you got the car door?" and the Irishman replies "If I get hot I can wind the window down!"

2007-08-31 23:06:36 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big
smiles on
their faces. Along with them comes a police inspector to find out
how
they died.

"First body: Frenchman, 60. Died of heart failure while making
love
to
his mistress. Hence, the enormous smile, Inspector,"
says the Coroner.

"Second body: Scotsman, 25. Won a thousand pounds on the
lottery.Spent
it all on whiskey. Died of alcohol poisoning. Hence the smile."

The Inspector asks, "What of the third body?"

"Ah," says the Coroner, "this is the most unusual one.

Sipho, a street sweeper from Soweto, 30. Struck by lightning."

"Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector.

Thought he was having his picture taken."

2007-08-31 22:27:07 · 12 answers · asked by Lyndall T 2

For a boy I was thinking Benjamin (Ben for short) and if it is a girl I was thinking Amber or Lily

2007-08-31 21:08:35 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

after loosing a breastsrok race the blond swimmer complained that the other swimer used their arms...

When if first heard it i laughed really hard... U just have to imagine it...

2007-08-31 21:06:40 · 10 answers · asked by frizzfox 2

horror story :
there were 2 friends JO and WO.
1 day JO got scared and sudenly WO died.
why did WO died?

bcoz

JO dar(scared) gaya ,
WO mar(died) gaya.
Q: What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his examination?
A: Dad they questioned me for 3 hours but I never told them anything."

============ ========= ========= =========

Today a phone without wire is fashion. One day will come when human without brain will be a fashion.

On that day, my friend, u will Rock..

============ ========= ========= ======

Bhikari-sahab ek rupiya de do.

Sahab-tumhe sharam nahi aati road par khade hokar bhikh mangte?

Bhikari-abe tere ek rupiye ke liye office kholu kya?

============ ========= ========= =======

Baithe tere khayalo mai,kore kagazpe likha tera nam.

Tasvir B bana dali or likha us par yah paigam.
Zinda ya murda,pakdne waleko Rs.50,000 inam

============ ========= ========= =======

"Laziness is our biggest enemy" -Jawaharlal Nehru.

"We should learn to love our enemies"- Mahathma Gandhi.

Which one to follow?... Great confusion.

============ ========= ========= ======

"CELLO "
The pen of india .


"LUX"
The soap of india .


"Amul"
The taste of india .

"I"
The best in I ndia.

"You"
The waste of india ... :

============ ========= ========= ========= =

Dad : Son, what do you want for your birthday?
Son : Not much dad, just a radio with a sports car around it.

============ ========= ========= =========

What is the height of mixed emotions???
when ur mother in law falls from 7th floor on ur Mercedes!!!!

============ ========= ========= =======

What's the height of hope???....


A 99 year old lady going for airtel ka naya lifetime scheme...!!

============ ========= ========= ========= =

Height of Optimism...

Soldier: "Sir, we are surrounded by the enemies",

SARDAR Major: "Excellent ! We can now attack them in any direction" !.

============ ========= ========= ========= =

U r miles away from me.Still I'm watching ur every move by 3 diff channels
1.DISCOVERY
2.NATIONAL GEOGRAPHICAL 3.ANIMAL PLANET

Thanks 2 media.

============ ========= ========= ========= =

A Gorgeous Girl walks up to Professor's cabin & says: I'll do anything to Pass the Exam.
Prof: Anything?
Girl: Ya
Prof: Sure??
Girl : Ya !!
Prof: Then Go & study...!!

============ ========= ========= =========

Y does Waheeda Rehman never changes her saree in the film GUIDE?
Coz Dev Anand says: O mere humrahi, meri baanh thame chalna, badle duniya "SAREE", tum na badalna.

2007-08-31 21:01:08 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous

Ralph Klein was cleaning his office, when he found a lamp. He then rubbed it and a genie appeared. The genie said, "You have three wishes that I will grant you."
He first wishes for a cold can of beer.
Poof!! A can of beer appears.
He then wished that he could be on a tropical island, surrounded by young and beautiful women.
Poof!! He was on a tropical island, surrounded by young and beautiful women.
Then he thought, wow this is great! He then wishes he never has to work again.
Poof!! He's back in his office














There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define great, he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!" He now works for Microsoft writing error messages

2007-08-31 20:21:36 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-08-31 19:42:49 · 10 answers · asked by coopchic 5

A nun at a convent goes to see the Mother Superior. She tells her that
there is a case of syphilis in the convent.



Mother Superior replies, "Thank God for that, I was getting sick of the
Chablis"!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2 overweight men sitting at the bar. One says to the other "your
round".

The other one says "so are you, you fat bastard"!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bloke walks into a bar with his dog.
He says to the barman "If fido here can tell you the name of a famous
composer, can I have a free drink"?

The barman humours him and says ok.

"Right", says the bloke, "come on fido, tell everyone the name of a
famous composer".

The dog says "bark".

At this the barman gets annoyed and throws the bloke and his dog out on
the street.

He picks himself up and starts walking off down the road when the dog
turns to him and says "Do you think I should have said Beethoven"?

2007-08-31 18:49:49 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous

Lawyers should never ask grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
-------------------------...
In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first
witness, an elderly grandmother to the stand. He approached her and asked; "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you're a big disappointment to
me. You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I
know you."

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

2007-08-31 18:37:52 · 14 answers · asked by Red Panda 6

Little Johnny's mom goes home to visit her mom's family, Little Johnny mess with other women while his wife is with her family, one day, Little Johnny wakes up at night, and he feels that he needs to use bathroom.
After Little Johnny uses bathroom, he hears that his father is talking and laughing outside of the house with a pretty woman, Little Johnny even sees that his father kisses a mysterious woman after he says :"Good Night". Little Johnny's father surprises that he sees his son stares at outside where he was. So he asks: "How long have you bee watching?"
Johnny: "After you left the ride with that lady til now"
Father: "What did you see? "
Johnny: "I saw you kissed a mysterious lady."
Father: "Don't tell me. I'll buy you a new monster truck toy."
Johnny: "No."
Father: "I'll buy you a new video game."
Johnny: "No."
Father: "I'll buy you a new bicycle."
Johnny: "No."
Father: (feel pressures) I'll buy you a new computer."
Johnny: "No."

2007-08-31 18:11:23 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

A Mother passing by her son's bedroom was astonished to see that his
> > > bed was nicely made and everything was picked up.
> > >
> > > Then she saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that
> > > was
> > > addressed to "Mom" With the worst premonition she opened the envelope
> > > with trembling hands and read the letter.
> > >
> > >
> > > Dear Mom,:
> > >
> > > It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to
> > > elope
> > > with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and
> > > you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice.
> > > But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings,
> > > tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older
> > > than I am. But it's not only the passion...Mom she's pregnant. Stacy
> > > said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and
> > > has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of
> > > having many more children.
> > >
> > > Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really
> > > hurt
> > > anyone.We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other
> > >
> > > people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy. In the meantime we
> > > will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get
> > > better. She deserves it. Don't worry Mom. I'm 15 and I know how to
> > > take
> > > care of myself. Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that
> > >
> > > you can get to know your grandchildren.
> > >
> > > Love,
> > > Your Son Jon
> > >
> > >
> > > P.S. Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just
> > >
> > > wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the
> > > report card that's in my center desk drawer.
> > >
> > > I love you.
> > > Call me when it's safe to come home.

2007-08-31 17:43:55 · 8 answers · asked by Chantel C 3

NO SPEAKAH DE ENGLISH


A bus stops and 2 men get on. They sit down and engage in
an animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more! Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."

The lady can't take this any more, "You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig," she retorted indignantly. "In this country, we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives. "Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin'abouta sex? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell " Mississippi '."

$5.00 says you're gonna read this again

2007-08-31 17:42:02 · 12 answers · asked by Chantel C 3

Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud.

The passenger, Bubba, said, "Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it's a police roadblock! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!!"

"Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers, peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads, and throw the bottles under the seat."

"What fer?", asked Bubba.

"Just let me do the talkin', OK?", said Earl.

Well, they finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat, and each put a label on their forehead.

When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff asked, "You boys been drinkin'?"

"No Sir," Earl replied, "we're on the patch."

2007-08-31 17:37:54 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

A Redneck told the pharmacist, "I have a hot date tonight, and I need me some pertection. How much is a pack of them there rubbers gonna cost me?"

The pharmacist responded, " A three-pack of condoms is $6.99, with tax".


"TACKS"! hollered the Redneck, "Gawll A'Mighty! Don't they stay on by theirselves?"

2007-08-31 17:35:30 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

1. Avoid overuse of ‘quotation “marks”’.
2. Avoid un-necessary hyphenation.
3. Avoid ampersands & abbreviations etc.
4. Don’t overuse exclamation marks!!!!!
5. Parenthetical marks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
6. Parenthetical words if absolutely necessary however should be enclosed in commas.
7. Use the apostrophe in it’s proper place and omit it when its not needed.
8. Use the semicolon properly, always use it where it is appropriate; and never when it isn’t.
9. Avoids commas, that are not necessary.
10. Avoid run-on sentences they are hard to read.
11. Avoid consecutive sentences that start with the same word.
12. And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction.
13. Prepositions are not good words to end sentences with.
14. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of ten or more words, to their antecedents.
15. Everyone should be careful if using a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.
16. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

2007-08-31 17:34:48 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, "Esther, I'd like to ride in that helicopter."

Esther always replied, "I know, Morris, but that helicopter is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars."

One year, Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, "Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance." To this, Esther replied, "Morris, that helicopter is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars."

The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I won't charge you. But if you say one word, it's fifty dollars."

Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word.

When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!"

Morris replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars."

2007-08-31 17:32:18 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

in the wizard of oz when dorathy meets the scarecrow,there are two paths.they choose one path,but whats the other way?

2007-08-31 17:20:31 · 5 answers · asked by andrea s 4

1) you can get chocolate whenever you want
2)choc satisfies you even when soft
3)you can safely have choc when driving
4)you can make choc last as long as you want
5)you can have choc infront of your mum and dad
6)the word 'commitment' doesn't scare chocolate away
7)with choc there is no need to 'fake it'
8) you are never too old or too young for choc
9)having choc doesn't disturb the neighbors
10)with chocolate size doesn't matter, it all tastes good

2007-08-31 13:40:46 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years.

He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: 'Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck.' If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do> >whatever he tells you.

Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very
dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love
you.

To which his wife responds: 'He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey.

I love you too!!

2007-08-31 13:39:43 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

ok there are 2 men. 1 bad criminal and 1 good doing guy.

they both die and go to the gates of heaven.
then god tells them to do something to go to heaven. they both agree.

god tells the bad guy to jump into a beautiful river and take a swim. he does it happily.
"aaaaah such a fresh river!! " he says

then god tells the good guy to jump into a nasty trash heap. he does it though.

hahahaha the bad guy laughs at him.

then god tells the bad guy to jump into a pool of delicious honey. "yummmmm very delicious!!" he says

then god tells the good guy to rub himself in dog poo. he does it. "hahahaahh" the bad guy laughs.

Ok now is the descision maker!! god tells them
the bad guy is still laughing at the good guy when god says. now lick each other.

....

i think its so funny.

2007-08-31 13:01:54 · 17 answers · asked by > FOB ROCKS < 2

Gotta love a drunk?
A man and his wife are awakened at 3 oclock in the morning by a loud
> pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a
> drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
>
> Not a chance, says the husband. It is 3 oclock in the morning. He
> slams the door and returns to bed.
>
> Who was that? asked his wife. Just some drunk guy asking for a push!
>
> Did you help him? she asks. No. I did not. It is 3 oclock in the
> morning and it is pouring rain outside!
>
> His wife said, Cant you remember about three months ago when we broke
> down and those two guys helped us? You should be ashamed of yourself!
>
> The man reluctantly gets dressed and goes out into the pouring rain.
> He calls out into the dark, Hello. Are you still there?
>
> Yes, comes back the answer.
>
> Do you still need a push? calls out the husband.
>
> Yes! Please! comes the reply from the darkness.
>
> Where are you? asks the husband.
>
> Over here on the swing! replies the drunk

2007-08-31 12:27:54 · 15 answers · asked by Esperanza 3

MY LOVING WIFE EMAIL

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, ...go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2003 models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$60,000"

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing....the house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"

MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.

Then he asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

2007-08-31 11:39:08 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous

WHY?


1. Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

2. Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

3. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

4. Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

5. Why do they use sterilised needles for death by lethal injection?

6. Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a gun at him?

7. Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

8. Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

9. If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

10. If someone with a split personality threatens to commit suicide, is it a hostage situation?

11. What level of importance must a person have, before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

12. If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

13. Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

14. How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on bigger suitcases?

15. Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up, like, every two hours?

16. Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

17. Why do doctors, when they ask you to strip, leave the room or close the cubicle curtain while you change? ..... They're still going to see you naked anyway.

2007-08-31 11:36:48 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

1. Regular naps prevent old age... especially if you take them while driving.
2. Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes you a referee.
3. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the
husband!
4. They said we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried- but they wanted cash.
5. A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school
uniforms.
6. Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.
7. Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without... but
whatever you do, you'll regret it later.
8. You can't buy love. . But you pay heavily for it.
9. True friends stab you in the front.
10. Forgiveness is giving up my right to hate you for hurting me.
11. Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
12. Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
13. My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.
14. Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.
15. Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.
16. It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same
boss.
17. They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.
18. Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.
19. Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say
something.
20. Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books

2007-08-31 10:12:36 · 12 answers · asked by LONE WOLF 1

"I refuse to enter a battle of the wits with you --it's against my morals to attack an unarmed person".

"Yeah, I'd love to f!ck your brains out, but apparently someone BEAT ME TO IT!"

"Are your parents cousins?"

"I know cement that gets hard faster than you".

"Your teeth are so yellow; I can't believe it's not butter".

"Sex with you is like using drugs. Lots of people do it, but nobody's stupid
enough to admit it."


"Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, would you like to take this
knife out of my back? You'll probably need it again."

Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife."

"How could two people as beautiful you have such an ugly baby?"

"I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. After having
met you, I've changed my mind."

"I must admit, you brought Religion in my life. I never believed in Hell till
I met you."

"Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but
wonder: What the **** was I thinking?"

"As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin it
for me."

"If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it's your sister."

"As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you've given me. Like the
need for therapy..."

"Someday I hope to get married, but not to you."

"Sorry things didn't work out, but I can't handle guys with boobs that are
bigger than mine."

"Happy Birthday! You look great for your age...Almost Lifelike!

"Congratulations on getting married! It's not every day you decide to ruin
your life!"

"When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've
broke up, I think it's time you kept your promise."

"I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're here."

"We have been friends for a very long time, what say we call it quits."

"You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship and there was
only one life jacket.... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often."

2007-08-31 09:36:31 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

We all know those cute little computer symbols called "emoticons," where:

:) means a smile and

:( is a frown.

Well, how about some "ARSEICONS?"
Here goes:

(_!_) a regular ar$e

(__!__) a fat ****

(!) a tight ****

(_*_) a sore ****

{_!_} a swishy ****

(_o_) an **** that's been around

(_x_) kiss my ****

(_X_) leave my **** alone

(_zzz_) a tired ****

(_E=mc2_) a smart ****

(_$_) Money coming out of his ****

(_?_) Dumb ****

2007-08-31 09:31:00 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous