Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

Have you ever been this drunk?

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=3227611673430545477

2006-07-31 23:53:17 · 14 answers · asked by Bubba 3

Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot, bad Girls make it hot by loosening a few buttons.

2006-07-31 23:47:10 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-31 23:41:22 · 10 answers · asked by XCuteX 1

1 - the people's Republic of Milton Keynes
2 - Mustique
3 - a world of your own

2006-07-31 23:38:33 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

My cat was in the park really early this morning, ringing a handbell to wake up rabbits.

2006-07-31 23:36:11 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous

1 - Simon the Seasonal Seabird
2 - Mr Adhesion
3 - Man With A Bubbly Temperament and a Tiny Claw
4 - Half-Man, Half-Squirrel
5 - The Man Who Puts Marmalade on to Birds' Beaks
6 - Crutchy the Mole
7 - The Yeoman, with Rusty the Whistling Raven

2006-07-31 23:33:37 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

come on!!!

2006-07-31 22:57:11 · 4 answers · asked by POWER-FULL 2

A little rabbit is running happily through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint.
The rabbit looks at the giraffe and says, "Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Come. Run with me through the forest! You''ll feel so much better!"
The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit. Then they come across an elephant doing coke.
So the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come. Run with us through the pretty forest, you''ll see, you''ll feel so good!"
The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and coke, then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe. The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up.
"Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! Come. Run with us through the beautiful forest and you''ll feel so good!" The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and mauls the rabbit.
(not finish yet i add notes)

2006-07-31 22:56:53 · 23 answers · asked by anti_money 2

http://video.yahoo.com/video/play?vid=c618bf049cd34ff9fb4532cdcf23c0e4.635579

2006-07-31 22:56:13 · 8 answers · asked by Billy Talent 3

2006-07-31 22:33:42 · 18 answers · asked by Fadi 2

what do you get when you cross a snake with a rabbit and an amoeba?

2006-07-31 22:17:56 · 5 answers · asked by Mel K 2

Bob came home from his first date with a gal, and had quite the black eye.

"What the heck happened to you?!" said his room mate, Mike.

"Hey pal, I was just following your advice!" Bob yelled.

"What?" Mike said. "Let me think. When did I give you this advice?"

Bob rolled his eyes: "Just before I left, dummy."

Mike thinks back. "You mean, 'kiss her when she leasts expects it'?"

"Oh hell," Bob says with a sigh as he put an ice pack on his shiner. "I thought you said where!"

2006-07-31 21:28:11 · 8 answers · asked by Dew Drop 3

A handy guide for men, 13 Things PMS Stands For:

1. Pass My Shotgun

2. Psychotic Mood Shift

3. Perpetual Munching Spree

4 Puffy Mid-Section

5. People Make me Sick

6. Provide Me with Sweets

7. Pardon My Sobbing

8. Pimples May Surface

9. Pass My Sweat pants

10. Pissy Mood Syndrome

11. Plainly; Men Suck

2006-07-31 21:26:49 · 8 answers · asked by Dew Drop 3

The beautiful eighteen-year-old girl sobbed
hysterically at the funeral service of her
seventy-five-year-old husband. She confided in a
friend, "We had such a happy marriage for the
three months it lasted. Every Sunday morning he
would make love to me, keeping time with the
rhythm of the church bells." She sobbed again,
then added, "If that fire engine hadn't clanged
by, he'd be alive today."

2006-07-31 20:56:40 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-31 20:43:49 · 17 answers · asked by Eric R 2

especially from a "different group " of people or a "different" person .

2006-07-31 20:30:04 · 8 answers · asked by simon r 1

i know there are but .......

2006-07-31 20:24:32 · 13 answers · asked by simon r 1

Remember dont put a questionmark in your answers be sure about them and good luck!

A cool glass of beer for the winner

2006-07-31 20:18:07 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

...at dusk i come without being fetched. at dawn i disappear without being stolen. i am a poets tears and a sailors guide. what am i?

the third one who gets it right gets 10 pts!
♥hv fun ppls!♥

2006-07-31 20:08:34 · 16 answers · asked by Nocturnal Supremacy 3

2006-07-31 20:06:16 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-31 20:02:52 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

You're driving a Semi-Truck. The truck ways a few tons. Theres 16 wheels. Each wheel weighs a lot. Gas is Half Full. The Air Conditioning is on. The air bag it broken. The truck is yellow. It's carrying Furniture. It's very comfortble. Now how old is the driver? Tell me if you don't get it. plus, I can give you the answer if you ask.

2006-07-31 20:02:40 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Think you know? here it is again..
Marie's dad has 4 kids


1. ChiChi

2. ChaCha

3. ChoCho

whats the fourth onces name?

2006-07-31 19:51:40 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

a young american business man goes to japan for a weekend business trip,

Not knowing any of the language and not knowing anybody there he decided to do the one thing thats constant in all cultures,
Hire a prostitute

So he hires this japanese hooker who doesnt speak a lick of english and they get down to business...

things get going and he thinks hes doing good cuz all night shes screaming hoshimoto! hoshimoto

They finish he pays her she leaves...

the next day on the golf course witht he japanese business exec and the americans boss the japanese guy hits a beautiful hole in one and all of them start complimenting him and cheering him on in japanese...
not knowing anything else to say the american yells out hoshimoto hoshimoto

the group falls silent and the japanese boss looks at him and asks,
"what do you mean its in the wrong hole?"

2006-07-31 19:46:27 · 6 answers · asked by ripdom415 2

At school, a boy was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth". The boy decides to go home and try it out.
He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth."
His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father."
Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth."
The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."
Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day, when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth."
The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your FATHER a big hug."

2006-07-31 19:43:51 · 16 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

which came first?
chicken or elephant?
chicken or cockroach?
chicken or mouse?
chicken or human?

2006-07-31 19:41:12 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous

Dick Cheney and George W. Bush were having breakfast at the White House. The attractive waitress asks Cheney what he would like, and he replies, I'd like a bowl of oatmeal and some fruit." And what can I get for you, Mr. President?" George W. replies with his trademark wink and slight grin, "How about a quickie this morning?" Why, Mr. President!" the waitress exclaims How rude! You're starting to act like Mr. Clinton, and you've only been in your second term of office for a year! '' As the waitress storms away, Cheney leans over to Bush and whispers.."It's pronounced 'quiche'."

2006-07-31 19:34:24 · 6 answers · asked by flicflac 3

2006-07-31 19:33:46 · 11 answers · asked by euro b 1

I thought this was hilarious, and supposely its true.. Its a mix of Bill Engvall "Here's you sign" in no yours trully.. Wal Mart!!

2006-07-31 19:32:25 · 2 answers · asked by Stephanie 3

Last time we saw this riddle:

How do you make a piece of wood to be like a king?
A: By making it a ruler!

Hehehe. I guess everyone got that right. But try today's riddle, could be a little bit more difficult :)

How do you know that Lincoln is not guilty?

Make sure you explain it well. Good luck :)

2006-07-31 19:32:00 · 10 answers · asked by iamigloo 6