Jokes & Riddles - November 2006

2006-11-30 23:48:11 · 11 answers · asked by Jenna G 1

like I just read a Q, about a dog with wheels at the back, some found it funny, while others were more circumspect.

I once was playing cricket with my son when he was small, I was bowling, he was batting. He didn't see me grab the extra tennis ball in my pocket. I did my usual short run up, but suddenly released 2 balls. Well he went kinda ballistic, as anyone would, expecting only one ball. I was kind of ashamed, but i couldn't resist.

why was that?

2006-11-30 23:44:12 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-30 23:43:18 · 11 answers · asked by shabnam b 1

2006-11-30 23:37:11 · 20 answers · asked by Jenna G 1

Why is the word 'boo' scary at all?

2006-11-30 23:31:59 · 15 answers · asked by The Phantom of Anna Nicole Smith 2

Old Friends
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me... I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't remember your name. I've thought and thought, but I can't recall it. Please tell me what your name is."

Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just looked at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"

2006-11-30 23:30:48 · 6 answers · asked by SWM 38 _4_ YOUNG GF 5

One day around Christmas time, an Avon lady was soliciting her products in an apartment building. She had just got on the elevator to go to the top floor when she had an overwhelming urge to fart. Seeing as how there was no one else in the elevator she decided to let it rip. It was the most intensely disgusting fart she had ever smelled. She quickly sprayed a new pine scented air freshener with the intent of covering up the smell of the fart. An older lady got on at the next floor, turned very red in the face and quickly got off on the next floor, so she decided to spray a little more of the air freshener. Two floors later a drunk man got on but did not seem overly distracted by the smell. She took the opportunity to advertise her product. She said, "Excuse me sir, but I’d like to ask you what you think of our new line of Christmas Scent air fresheners?" He sniffed the air intensely, hiccupped, and said "Smells to me like somebody sh1t a Christmas tree."

2006-11-30 23:30:14 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-30 23:27:01 · 23 answers · asked by Push It 1

For two weeks the blonde, brunette and redhead were lost in a desert, struggling thru a knee deep hot sand dunes they chance upon a magic lamp, knowing what to do the brunette quickly grab and rubs the lamp, then poof! Genie appears, and says “the rule is three wishes only, one each. The redhead quickly said, "I’m starving and thirsty bring me back to my home. With the flick of his fingers, the genie says "done". The redhead disappears and was sent home safely, then brunette said "I tired, starving to death and i miss my family" get me back home also. Once again the genie flicked his fingers and said "done" alas, the brunette is home safely. Finally the genie turns to the blonde and asks her one and final wish. The blonde pauses for a moment, looks around and said " I kinda miss both of them, please bring them back here". Boom! both the brunette and redhead appears on her side....

2006-11-30 23:23:05 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-30 23:21:01 · 19 answers · asked by Angelina 2

The kindergartners were now in the first grade.Their teacher wanted them to be more grown up since they were no longer in kindergarten and to use more grown up words instead of babyish words.She then asked them to tell her what they did during the summer. The first little one said he went to see his nana.The teacher said "No,No,you went to see your grandmother.Use the grown up word." The next little one said she went for a trip on a choo choo.The teacher again said ,"No,No, you went for a trip on a train.Thats the grown up word." Then the teacher asked the third little one what he did during the summer.He proudly stated that he read a book.The teacher asked what book he had read.He Puffed out his chest and in a very adult way replied,"Winnie the sh1t."

2006-11-30 23:15:55 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Rashtriya Swayam sevak sangh is an oldest sanghthan which works twordas Hinduisam.

2006-11-30 23:11:03 · 11 answers · asked by somani b 1

e.g. A horse walks into a bar.
The Barman asks: Why the long face?

2006-11-30 23:08:14 · 16 answers · asked by Mr Crusty 5

Micheal Jackson and Colin Farrel were on a chat show, The host was asking Colin about his sleeping habits, 'i tend to sleep with women' said colin while audience is laughing. 'What kind of women?' asked the host. 'Well' he said 'they have to be a certain age i like 28, thats a good age'. The host, slightly bemused asked 'whats so good about sleeping with 28 year olds?' MJ interrupted and said 'err, there's twenty of them.

2006-11-30 23:04:45 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

the way I laugh?

2006-11-30 23:02:02 · 12 answers · asked by Hem 1

Mary was having a tough day and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a bit of what she thought to be well-deserved complaining and self- pitying.

She moaned to her mom and brother, "Nobody loves me ... the whole world hates me!"

Her brother, busily occupied playing a game, hardly looked up at her and passed on this encouraging word: "That's not true, Mary. Some people don't even know you."

2006-11-30 22:54:57 · 10 answers · asked by daniel a 2

2006-11-30 22:52:02 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

What's pink and fluffy? Pink fluff

What's blue and fluffy? Pink fluff holding it's breath.

Anyone got any crappier jokes?

2006-11-30 22:51:25 · 15 answers · asked by Kirsty 7

He is having a bad day at work and l want to make him giggle!

2006-11-30 22:47:50 · 15 answers · asked by Jacqui 2

Can you please send me some jokes, to put into a television program that i work with, here in Malta?

2006-11-30 22:46:22 · 12 answers · asked by Phil Cope 1

2006-11-30 22:11:05 · 21 answers · asked by ashu p 1

A blonde, brunette, and a redhead were marrooned on a dessert island with no way of getting home. They were walking along the beach when they saw a bottle with a cork in it, they cracked open the bottle and a genie popped out, he said, 'sorry girls, bit of a struggle at the mo and i can only give you one wish each', the brunette quickly said 'ooh i wish i was a thousand times smarter than i already am so i can think of a way to get off this island'. The genie, without hesitation, flicked his wrist and boom! The brunnette swelled up like a balloon and floated across the water to safety. The redhead said 'ok i wish i was a million times smarter than her' and with a flick of his wrist and boom the genie granted her wish and she too swelled up like a balloon and floated across the water to safety. The blonde, having just witnessed what happened said 'ok i wish i was a million times smarter than both of them put together'. Boom, she turned into a man and walked across the bridge.

2006-11-30 22:03:37 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

Is it true that robin hood was actually made of wood?

2006-11-30 22:03:18 · 10 answers · asked by markhatter 6

Hey everyone. This is Imtiyaz G. Well I asked for my country and still no correct response. Anyway, I want to make friends with all who wish to. I can share anything and everyone is free to ask for any help specially ICT (Information & Communication Technology) cause I'm in that field and I'm always there to help you all.

My e-mail address for that would be assistfree@yahoo.com

Here's One

A Blonde with a Gun.

A young blonde is distraught because her husband is having an affair,so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "shut up...you're next!"

Good Grip

Blonde 1 (Painting Room)Got a Good Grip on the Brush
Blonde 2 (Painting Ceiling)Sure
Blonde 1 Hold on tight. I'm taking away the ladder

BYE - Imtiyaz G

2006-11-30 21:53:04 · 6 answers · asked by Imtiyaz G 4

Can driving too fast can cause smallpox?

2006-11-30 21:50:59 · 21 answers · asked by markhatter 6

The passengers on a commercial aircraft are sat on the plane waiting for the cockpit crew to arrive so they can get on their way.Finally, the pilot and co-pilot appear and begin walking across the tarmac towards the plane. It doesn't go unnoticed that both appear to be blind. The pilot is holding a white cane and only narrowly avoids being flattened by an incomming 747, while the co-pilot is being dragged down the runway by a guide dog. Both men have their eyes covered with huge sunglasses.

At first, the passengers giggle nervously,thinking it must be some sort of practical joke, as the pair jossle their way aboard. After a few minutes, the engines power up and the aircraft begins to move. Looking decidedly uneasy, the passengers begin to turn towards the stewardess for reassurance,but suddenly the plane accelerates rapidly and pure panic sets in. Some passengers start praying, while others get down on the floor. As the plane speeds closer to the end of the runway,the voices become more hysterical, until finally when the plane has less than 20 feet of runway left to go,everyone screams at once. But at the very last moment the nose begins to lift and the plane gracefully takes to the sky.

Up in the cockpit the co-pilot breathes a huge sigh of relief, turns to the pilot and says ," You know one of these days there not going to scream and we're all going to f**cking die !!!!!

2006-11-30 21:48:11 · 13 answers · asked by Jexf 2

A couple of friends were flying to Reno for a long weekend.An hour into the trip, the flight attendant came on the intercom and said "The pilot has just informed me that we've lost an engine.There's no need for alarm,though.We have three engines left,and we'll just be an hour late."About another hour into the flight she made another announcement."We've lost another engine.Don't worry.We still have two more,but we'll be another hour late."One guy turned to his friend and said,"Man if we loose the other two engines,we'll be up her all day.
******************
The first woman recruit in the Army reported for duty and was told that although her quarters would be in a separate building, she was to mess with the men. It wasn't until four weeks later someone finally told her that meant to eat her meals with them.

2006-11-30 21:47:15 · 18 answers · asked by Pd 6

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a
set
of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly
gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your
hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear
again."
The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just
sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will
three times!"

2006-11-30 21:35:28 · 16 answers · asked by Kamlesh 2

What is Santa's favourite breakfast cereal?
Snowflakes!

How does Santa take pictures?
With a pole-aroid!

What do elves learn in school?
The elf-abet!

What does Santa say to Mrs Claus when he looks out of the window?
Looks like rain-dear!

What do you call a polar bear wearing ear muffs?
Anything you like, he can't hear you!

2006-11-30 21:34:53 · 17 answers · asked by Kizzy_ 5

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a
bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: "Slim,
I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know
you're about my age. How do you feel?"
Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."
"Really!? Like a newborn baby!?"
"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants

2006-11-30 21:34:10 · 13 answers · asked by Kamlesh 2