Jokes & Riddles - November 2006

The mexican says, "This is for my people!" Then jumps off the edge. One of the black guys says,"This is for my people!" Jumps off. The other black guy walks over to the white guy and says, "This is for my people!" So he pushed the white guy over the edge.

2006-11-30 14:37:27 · 10 answers · asked by Roll'n Bluntz 2

Breast rhymes with nest and rest and best and pest and lest and chest.

What else does it rhyme with? And is this some sort of conspiracy?

http://fuelthearmy.com

2006-11-30 14:31:24 · 8 answers · asked by http://fuelthearmy.com 1

a bear, alligator, shark, tiger, or a killer whale.

2006-11-30 14:31:23 · 10 answers · asked by chris 3

"Hello, doctor", he says, "I've got a problem. I seem to have bit of lettuce sticking out of my bum"
The doctor asks him to get on all fours, and gives him an examination.
As the doctor is examining him, he makes many 'ooh',and 'oh,dear' comments.
"Is it something serious?", asks the patient. "I'm a bit concerned"
"Well", says the doctor, "I've had a good look, but I'm sorry to say this is serious. The bit of lettuce I can see is only the tip of the Iceberg"

2006-11-30 14:24:23 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Gidday!

The four members of U2 (Bono, Edge, Adam, and Larry) must cross a bridge in 17 minutes in order to get to their concert on time.
The conditions: 2 people can cross at a time and they walk at the slower person's rate when crossing (Bono - 1 min to cross, Edge - 2 minutes, Adam - 5 minutes, Larry - 10 minutes). They must travel with the one flashlight when crossing.
How can everyone get across within 17 minutes?

2006-11-30 14:23:58 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

OK, this is a very sensitive question for the ladies...concerning breasts.

Ummm, with turkey breast, how can I keep it from drying out in the oven...?

FUEL THE ARMY DOT COM

2006-11-30 14:21:34 · 6 answers · asked by http://fuelthearmy.com 1

OK, so let's say a vampire wanted to kiss you. Hmmm. Would you let him? Or, would you chew some garlic gum first?

FUEL THE ARMY DOT COM

2006-11-30 14:15:46 · 14 answers · asked by http://fuelthearmy.com 1

we need a good punch line for this one. me and a friend are trying to come up with new and inproved no arms no legs jokes.

2006-11-30 14:14:36 · 17 answers · asked by Dan R 1

1) You are in a race...You overtake the second person, What place are you in?

2) You are in a race...You overtake the last person, What place are you in?

3) Do this in your head don't use a pen, paper, or calculator, it is MENTAL MATH! And do this problem.

Take 1000 add 40 then add another 1000 then add 30 then add another thousand then add 20 then add another thousand then add ten...What is the answer?

4) A mute person goes into a shop and wants a toothbrush...He imitates brushing his teeth and the storekeeper gets what he's saying and gets him a toothbrush. Later, a blind person goes into the shop and wants sunglasses...How does he ask the storekeeper what he wants?

GOOD LUCK!

2006-11-30 14:07:13 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-30 14:03:39 · 8 answers · asked by damselindistress 2

2006-11-30 13:58:56 · 15 answers · asked by chris 3

Last week I went to my buddy's bachelor party. I slept with 4 hookers, I drank 2 1/2 bottles of vodka, we put a cat in a sleeping bag and lit it on fire, accidentally killed one of the hookers, intentionally killed another hooker to make it look like a murder/suicide, and stole gummies out of the vending machine.

2006-11-30 13:49:44 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

I've hid 5 muffins in 5 major cities around the U.S. Who ever finds one first gets a prize. The cites are: Minneapolis, New York, Detroit, Washington D.C., and St. Louis.

2006-11-30 13:46:10 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

doesnt matter rude or not short or long i want them all

2006-11-30 13:45:50 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

A big city London lawyer went duck hunting in rural Scotland. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.

As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked the lawyer what he was doing.

The lawyer responded, "I shot a duck and it fell into this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."

The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and your not coming over here."

The indignant lawyer replied. "I'm one of the best trial lawyers in the UK, and if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything that you own.

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Scotland. We settle small disagreements like this, with the Scottish Three Kick Rule."

The lawyer asked, "What is the Scottish Three Kick Rule?"

The farmer replied, "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth until someone gives up."

The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly gets down from the tractor and walked up to the city fellow. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin, which dropped him to his knees.

His second kick nearly ripped the nose off his face.

The lawyer was flat on his belly, when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly causing him to give up, but didn't.

The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old tosser, now it's my turn."

The old farmer smiled and said,

"Naw, I give up, You can keep the duck!"

2006-11-30 13:41:50 · 31 answers · asked by stone 4

A MAN APPROACED A VERY BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN A LARGE SUPER MARKET AND SAID.

"YOU KNOW I HAVE LOST MY WIFE HERE IN THE SUPERMARKET. CAN YOU PLEASE TALK TO ME FOR A COUPLE OF MINUTES/"
"BUT HOWS THAT GOING TO HELP ?" ASKED THE WOMAN
WELL REPLIED THE MAN " BECAUSE EVERY TIME I TALK TO A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, MY WIFE APPEARS OUT OF NO WHERE "

2006-11-30 13:31:34 · 23 answers · asked by stone 4

the statement below this one is false

the statement above this one is true

2006-11-30 13:26:18 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

my friend and i are having a competition of who can tell a funnier blonde joke.

2006-11-30 13:24:47 · 25 answers · asked by fablehorse5 1

You are in a dream. In the dream there is a bridge that you must cross to get to the other side. In the bridge there are a few Cobras, in the river there are alligators , and in the other side of
the bridge there are lions. What would you do?

2006-11-30 13:23:49 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?''

When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.

''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber.

Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?''

And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!''

The lady fante

2006-11-30 13:22:55 · 14 answers · asked by monica s 1

There are 3 words in the English langauge that end in gry The first one is angry, the second one is Hungry, but do u know the third one?
Everyone knows what the third one means and what it stands for. and if you've read very carefully I've given you the third word.
What is the third word?

2006-11-30 13:05:33 · 23 answers · asked by CheerChic1022 3

Nothing. You can't call him at all. He doesn't have a phone!

2006-11-30 12:52:21 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

Nevermind, it's way over your head!

2006-11-30 12:49:07 · 9 answers · asked by buff23_7 3

finally i said lady you can have your purse back

2006-11-30 12:40:01 · 5 answers · asked by BIG JOHN 4

Jokes are there to poke fun at life. You can make a joke about anything. It will never make it true. Or make it an opinion.

It will be only a joke. A JOKE...

Check it out people, sorry i guess i didnt realise i was posting to such anal people

2006-11-30 12:19:00 · 16 answers · asked by Pete 1

This is going to make you so MAD! There are three words in the English
language that end in "gry". ONE is angry and the other is hungry. EveryONE
knows what the third ONE means and what it stands for. EveryONE uses them
everyday, and if you listened very carefully, I've given you the third word.
What is it? _______gry?

2006-11-30 12:18:46 · 31 answers · asked by Soraya 1

At school all my friends are laughing but their jokes arn't really funny to me, i think it's funny but i wont laugh. How can i laugh more at school?

2006-11-30 12:17:40 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

We were very poor when we were growing up. Thank god I was a boy otherwise I'd have nothing to play with.

A girl phoned me the other day and said, "come on over, there is nobody home." I went over...Nobody was home.

My wife loves phone sex with me...just the other night she called me from her hotel room while she was having sex.

I told my psychiatrist that everybody hates. He said "don't be ridiculous, not everybody has met you yet."

When I was a kid, my parents moved around alot, I always found them.

Once, somebody stole our car. I asked my wife if she saw who it was. She said, "No, but I did get the license number".

My cousin is gay; I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.

I asked him, "Who said you could fool around with my wife?" He said, "Everybody."

My sex life is terrible; my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.

2006-11-30 12:09:23 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-30 11:52:13 · 38 answers · asked by Jasmine C 1

There was a mirror of truth and if you said a lie in front of it, it would suck you in.
A brunette went in front of it, and said, "I think I'm the smartest person in the world."
The mirror sucked her in.
A redhead went in front of it, and said, "I think I'm the prettiest person in the world."
The mirror sucked her in.
A blonde went in front of it, and said, "I think...
And the mirror sucked her in.

2006-11-30 11:51:51 · 28 answers · asked by d 3