We were very poor when we were growing up. Thank god I was a boy otherwise I'd have nothing to play with.
A girl phoned me the other day and said, "come on over, there is nobody home." I went over...Nobody was home.
My wife loves phone sex with me...just the other night she called me from her hotel room while she was having sex.
I told my psychiatrist that everybody hates. He said "don't be ridiculous, not everybody has met you yet."
When I was a kid, my parents moved around alot, I always found them.
Once, somebody stole our car. I asked my wife if she saw who it was. She said, "No, but I did get the license number".
My cousin is gay; I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.
I asked him, "Who said you could fool around with my wife?" He said, "Everybody."
My sex life is terrible; my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.
2006-11-30 12:09:23 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
I'm so ugly... I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get.
I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the West.
…went to a bar for a few drinks. The bartender asked what I wanted. "Surprise me", I said. So he showed me a naked picture of my wife.
I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
Oh, last week was a rough week. I noticed my gums were shrinking. I was brushing my teeth with Preparation H.
I asked my wife if she enjoys a cigarette after sex and she said, "No one drag is enough."
2006-11-30 12:14:54 · update #1
When my old man wanted sex, my mother would show him a picture of me.
I went to look for a used car and found my wife's dress in the back seat.
Boy what a hotel that was, why they stole my towel!
I'm so ugly - my father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
2006-11-30 12:21:04 · update #2
I loved his jokes so much that I think they deserved the respect to be retold again and again to be laughed at by everyone.
2006-11-30 13:05:55 · update #3
He is dearly missed. I can even hear his voice saying them in my head. I definatly repect him.
2006-11-30 12:13:40 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My wife and I have an agreement to smoke only after sex. I've had the same pack for 3 years. She's up to 2 packs a day!
2006-11-30 20:12:11 · answer #2 · answered by Mr. Boof 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
DUDE! I didn't think I was the only Rodney D fan. Got the same jokes of a web site for him.
"I was so ugly when I was born my mother got morning sickness after."
"I was so ugly as a baby my mother fed me with a slingshot".
"When I found my family tree a dog peed on it".
2006-11-30 20:14:28 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hahahahahaha! Rodney Dangerfield sure was funny. I will miss him too. I was so sad when he died, I went out and bought Caddyshack on DVD.
2006-11-30 21:36:48 · answer #4 · answered by Cuddly Lez 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
one time i went to a whore house, there was a sign on the door that said "closed, beat it"
love rodney, dont know if thats one of his, but it cracks me up
2006-11-30 21:59:11 · answer #5 · answered by lweber_2112 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sad... Byebye Rodney, we miss you!
2006-11-30 21:01:17 · answer #6 · answered by chloe. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
rodney is the best ever one liner guy ever
2006-11-30 20:25:30 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, I loved him too. That's not his real name though.
2006-11-30 20:14:11 · answer #8 · answered by For sure 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i'm so tired of answering questions.
2006-11-30 20:34:10 · answer #9 · answered by hpz ftw 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Thanks for the memories. He was a funny man.
2006-11-30 20:50:10 · answer #10 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋