We were very poor when we were growing up. Thank god I was a boy otherwise I'd have nothing to play with.
A girl phoned me the other day and said, "come on over, there is nobody home." I went over...Nobody was home.
My wife loves phone sex with me...just the other night she called me from her hotel room while she was having sex.
I told my psychiatrist that everybody hates. He said "don't be ridiculous, not everybody has met you yet."
When I was a kid, my parents moved around alot, I always found them.
Once, somebody stole our car. I asked my wife if she saw who it was. She said, "No, but I did get the license number".
My cousin is gay; I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.
I asked him, "Who said you could fool around with my wife?" He said, "Everybody."
My sex life is terrible; my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.
2006-11-30
12:09:23
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11 answers
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asked by
Anonymous
in
Entertainment & Music
➔ Jokes & Riddles
I'm so ugly... I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get.
I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the West.
…went to a bar for a few drinks. The bartender asked what I wanted. "Surprise me", I said. So he showed me a naked picture of my wife.
I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
Oh, last week was a rough week. I noticed my gums were shrinking. I was brushing my teeth with Preparation H.
I asked my wife if she enjoys a cigarette after sex and she said, "No one drag is enough."
2006-11-30
12:14:54 ·
update #1
When my old man wanted sex, my mother would show him a picture of me.
I went to look for a used car and found my wife's dress in the back seat.
Boy what a hotel that was, why they stole my towel!
I'm so ugly - my father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
2006-11-30
12:21:04 ·
update #2
I loved his jokes so much that I think they deserved the respect to be retold again and again to be laughed at by everyone.
2006-11-30
13:05:55 ·
update #3