Jokes & Riddles - November 2006

2006-11-30 03:40:12 · 4 answers · asked by legionmober 2

I am a person who is 25 feet tall
cant jump higher that half a foot
can eat a horse in one sitting
and cant stand the noise of cars
what am i?

2006-11-30 03:37:21 · 4 answers · asked by legionmober 2

2006-11-30 03:35:37 · 8 answers · asked by legionmober 2

so....your in a round room and your with a bunch of kids and they are driving you crazy ... how do you keep them busy?

2006-11-30 03:35:16 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

Did you hear about the Hasidic Jewish Director who made a new movie about the Pearl Harbor attack? It's called Torah! Torah! Torah!

2006-11-30 03:34:25 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

FAKE *** FRIENDS: Never ask for food.

REAL FRIENDS: are the reason you have no food.


FAKE *** FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs

REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD/MOM


FAKE *** FRIENDS: bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.

REAL FRIENDS: Would sit next to you sayin "Damn ... we ****** up ... but that **** was fun!"


FAKE *** FRIENDS: never seen you cry.

REAL FRIENDS: cry with you


FAKE *** FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.

REAL FRIENDS: keep your **** so long they forget its yours.


FAKE *** FRIENDS: know a few things about you.

REAL FRIENDS: Could write a book about you with direct quotes from you.


FAKE *** FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.

REAL FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds *** that left you.


FAKE *** FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.

REAL FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME!"


FAKE *** FRIENDS: Are for awhile.

REAL FRIENDS: Are for life.


FAKE *** FRIENDS: Will take your drink away when they think you've had enough.

REAL FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place and say "***** drink the rest of that you know we don't waste."


FAKE *** FRIENDS: will talk **** to the person who talks **** about you.

REAL FRIENDS: Will knock them the **** out


FAKE *** FRIENDS: Would ignore this

REAL FRIENDS: will send diz back to u.

2006-11-30 03:29:55 · 5 answers · asked by *Dat*-*Libra*-*Cutie* 3

I bored and need some really controversial topics of conversation for work.

For example - Woman drivers are rubbish??

2006-11-30 03:28:04 · 15 answers · asked by splandastic 3

A blind man makes his way to a bar stool and orders
a drink. After sitting there for awhile, he yells to
the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
T he bar immediately falls absolutely quiet.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him
says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is
only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. T he bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. T he bouncer is a blonde "biker girl."
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in
karate.
4. T he woman sitting next to me is a blonde and a professional
weightlifter.
5. T he lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that
blonde joke?"
T he blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head and
mutters, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

2006-11-30 03:26:18 · 10 answers · asked by bbwandsingle1980 3

I got to puzzle SMSes, the answers of which i couldn't find:
Message~1:
The fishermen love me. The doctors hate me. Kids want 2 eat me. I m a 13 letter word. Who i'm?
_H_T__I__ME_

Message~2
Ek ___ lady market mai ___ lene gayi. ___ lekar uski ___ gir gai, usko ek ___ ladka mila usne uski ___ uthai aur lady co di. Only one 3letter word fits all the blanks. Find it out.

2006-11-30 03:23:46 · 7 answers · asked by Parth 2

Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a cheque ."

"Oh, by the way don't worry about my bulldog Spike. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!" "I REPEAT, DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!"

When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking bulldog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work.

The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled,

"Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!"

To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"

2006-11-30 03:23:22 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

29 degrees!!!! & I LIVE IN SOUTH TEXAS!!

What do you think all the homeless people are saying right now when they're waking up from their drunken sleep?

2006-11-30 03:03:39 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

whats my name?

2006-11-30 02:54:46 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

There is an Edward Woodward joke that has the punchline "Ewar woowar" but i have no idea what the actual body of the joke is! Can anyone help????!!!!

2006-11-30 02:52:43 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Whats the only night club in Etheopia?








STRINGYFELLOWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you must like that one .

2006-11-30 02:45:09 · 13 answers · asked by ? 4

HE: I'm a photographer I've been looking for a face like yours!
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours!!

HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance?
SHE: No, I'd like to have some pleasure too!!!

HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must have been given your share!!!

HE: Will yo u come out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry! I'm having a headache this weekend!!!

HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out!
SHE: Okay, get out!!!

HE: I think I could make you very happy
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?

HE: What would you say if I asked u to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time!!!

HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why, don't you already have one?

HE: Shall we go and see a film?
SHE: I've already seen it!!!

HE: Do you think it was fate that brought us together?
SHE: Nah, it was plain bad luck!!!

HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you.

2006-11-30 02:39:59 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-30 02:39:03 · 4 answers · asked by вяεηδа™ 2

An Irishman goes to the Doctor with botty problems....
"Dactor, it's me ahrse. I'd loik ya ta teyhk a look, if ya woot".
So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look.
"Incredible? he says, "There is a £20 note lodged up here."
tentatively he eases the twenty out of the man's bottom,
and then a £10 pound note appears.
"This is amazing!? exclaims the Doctor. ''What do you want me to do?"
"Well fur gadness sake teyhk it out, man!? shrieks the patient.
The doctor pulls out the tenner and another twenty appears,
and another and another and another, etc....
Finally the last note comes out and no more appears.
"Ah Dactor, tank ya koindly, dat's moch batter.
Just out of interest, how moch was in dare den?"
The Doctor counts the pile of cash.
"£1,990 exactly."
"Ah, dat'd be roit,''says the Irishman


I knew I wasn't feeling two grand...!!!!!!

2006-11-30 02:35:22 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

I know you probably know that one,but why did he??????/she??????

2006-11-30 02:34:46 · 5 answers · asked by irish s 2

then some sliced limes and eats them jumps up on the pool table, grabs the 8 ball and swallows it. The bartender yells at the guy "Hey! You see what your chimp just did?"The guy says "No?" "He just ate the 8 ball off my pool table, whole!" says the bartender."Yep, that doesn't surprise me" replied the guy. "Eats everything in sight, the little bastard. I'll pay for the 8 ball and stuff." Finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. 2 weeks later hes in the bar again with his chimp, orders a drink and the monkey starts running around again. As the man drinks, the chimp finds a cherry on the bar grabs it sticks it up his butt pulls it out and eats it. The bartend’s disgusted "Did you see what your monkey just did?" he asks."Now what?" responds the guy."Well he just stuck a cherry up his butt, pulled it out and ate it!" says the bar keep."Yeah, that doesn't surprise me" replied the guy"He still eats everything in sight but ever since he ate that damn 8 ball he measures everything first"

2006-11-30 02:13:46 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

Prime Minister Mori was given some basic English conversation training
before he visits Washington and meets with President Bill Clinton.

The instructor told Mori " Prime Minister, when you shake hand with
President Clinton, please say 'how are you'. Then Mr Clinton should
say "I am fine, and you ?

" Now you should say 'me too'. Afterwards we, translators, will do all
the work for you." It looks quite simple, but the truth is ....

When Mori met Clinton, he mistakenly said "Who Are You ?". Mr Clinton was a
bit shocked but still managed to react with humour : "Well, I am
Hilary's husband, ha ha..."

Then Mori replied confidently "Me too, ha ha ha.."

Then there was a long silent moment in the meeting room.

BYE - Imtiyaz G

2006-11-30 02:07:06 · 7 answers · asked by Imtiyaz G 4

its a riddle

2006-11-30 02:03:29 · 9 answers · asked by v b 2

A: Michael Jackson.

2006-11-30 01:50:19 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

oops...gotta go som 1 runn off with my 8 track machine !!!!!

2006-11-30 01:43:48 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man lives on the 18th floor of an apartment building. Every morning when he goes to work he takes the elevator to the 1st floor, gets off, and walks to work. In the evening he walks home, takes the elevator to the 9th floor, gets off, and takes the stairs up the remaining 9 floors to his apartment. Why???

2006-11-30 01:39:30 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

Yo mama is so stupid, I told her Christmas was right around the corner - so she went looking for it.

2006-11-30 01:38:20 · 6 answers · asked by daniel a 2

2006-11-30 01:31:46 · 5 answers · asked by sezzame 3

The Flasher

Three old ladies are sitting on a park bench when much to thier surprise a man in a trenchcoat walks up and opens his coat right in front of all three of them, and is stark naked underneath!!

Mabel immediately had a stroke

Hazel had a stroke right after Mabel

Priscilla, beeing a bit more old and feeble than the other two, unfortunately couldn't reach that far.

yuk yuk yuk

2006-11-30 01:29:03 · 9 answers · asked by My Dog Rowdy 5

2006-11-30 01:24:01 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

A week after their marriage, the redneck newlyweds, Ed and
Arlene, paid a visit to their doctor.

"You ain't gonna believe this, Doc," said the husband. "My
thingy's
turnin' blue."

"That's pretty unusual," said the doctor.
"Let me examine you."

The doctor takes a look. Sure enough, the redneck's "thingy"
really was blue.

The doctor turns to the wife, "Are you using the diaphragm
that I prescribed for you?"
"Yep, shore am," she replied brightly.
"And what kind of jelly are you using with it?"
"Grape", she said

2006-11-30 01:20:07 · 7 answers · asked by eeyoree rocks2003 7

2006-11-30 01:19:57 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous