Jokes & Riddles - November 2006

Yes, crude, but I thought it was a funny joke. What do you think?

2006-11-30 01:16:17 · 5 answers · asked by The Nutmeg Master 1

I'm sure you won't be reported

2006-11-30 01:12:23 · 12 answers · asked by Blade 3

2006-11-30 01:06:35 · 12 answers · asked by Jimmy N 2

they must have talked manly once, why do they put on a soft girls voice it is so annoying !

2006-11-30 01:00:46 · 16 answers · asked by ? 3

why do cows have lips?
cos they would stand in fields all day saying "oooo"
is this the worst gag ever?

2006-11-30 00:57:40 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

Knock, Knock
Who's There?
Boo
Boo Hoo
Dont Cry It's only A joke

Not Funny

2006-11-30 00:50:49 · 8 answers · asked by #1 HOTTIE 1

I'm bored and I want some funny answers!

2006-11-30 00:48:17 · 46 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man is stranded on a deserted island with only a dog and a donkey. After several years the donkey starts to look good to the man, but every time the man tries anything with the donkey, the dog barks and bites his legs. One day there is a shipwreck and a woman washes ashore without any clothes. The man rushes out to save the woman and she is so gratefull she says "Thank you for saving me. I will do what ever you want, just ask!!" The man thinks a bit and replies "Ok, will you please hold that stupid dog for 10 minutes?"

2006-11-30 00:46:24 · 11 answers · asked by Cannibal 4

homework fro school

2006-11-30 00:36:22 · 3 answers · asked by yahoo_user 2

I think 'Boobless' was my best - 55378008 (then turn upside down)

2006-11-30 00:21:30 · 22 answers · asked by I am actually a Hot Dog 1

Two 90 year olds had been dating for a while, when the man told the woman, "Well, tonight's the night we have sex!"
And so they did.
As they are lying in bed afterward, the man thinks to himself, "My God, if I knew she was a virgin, I would have been much more gentle with her!"
And the woman was thinking to herself, "My God, if I knew the old geezer could actually get it up, I would have taken off my tights ".!!!!!!

2006-11-30 00:20:10 · 12 answers · asked by ztt_66 2

Once there was a prostitute who had three different rates based on the following three conditions:

1) $100.00 to do it on the grass.
2) $200.00 to do it on a couch.
3) $300.00 to do it in the bed.

In the morning a British bloke walks in and slaps a $100 note on the table. So they went out and did it on the grass. Soon, an American fellow walks in and slaps a $200 note on the table. So they head for the couch and did it there. About the end of the day, a Jamaican man walks in and slaps $300 on the table. Happy from seeing the money the prostitute says, "Wow, you have class". The Jamaican responds, "Class mi rass; three times pon the grass."

2006-11-30 00:16:48 · 16 answers · asked by ztt_66 2

A married couple have been stranded on a deserted island for many years. One day another man washes up on shore. He and the wife become attracted to each other right away, but realize they must be creative if they are to engage in any hanky-panky. The husband, however, is very glad to see the second man there. "Now we will be able to have three people doing eight hour shifts in the watchtower, rather than two people doing 12-hour shifts."

The newcomer is only too happy to help and in fact volunteers to do the first shift. He climbs up the tower to stand watch. Soon the couple on the ground are placing stones in a circle to make a fire to cook supper. The second man yells down, "Hey, no screwing!" They yell back, "We're not screwing!"

A few minutes later they start to put driftwood into the stone circle. Again the second man yells down, "Hey, no screwing!" Again they yell back, "We're not screwing!" Later they are putting palm leaves on the roof of their shack to patch leaks.

2006-11-29 23:57:27 · 27 answers · asked by GS 3

a man who weighs 10 stone and his two 5 stone twin sons are on a trek and come to a river. There is no bridge to cross the river and no other way across save for a very small boat, the boat only carries 10 stone in weight, no one can swim, how do they cross the river and continue thier journey?

2006-11-29 23:50:27 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

My parents have been singing this half-forgotten jingle my whole life. They are from the NYC area, born in the early thirties. Any idea what this is for? And how the rest of it goes? My father's version continues : "it's delightful order some! Now demand it - here's the name...." but my mother's version continues : "it's nutricious order some!"

2006-11-29 23:46:59 · 4 answers · asked by john4763 1

Vocabulary Test for the Dirty Minded:

1) What is a four-letter word that ends in "K" and means the same
as intercourse?
2) What is it that a cow has 4 of and a woman has only 2 of them?
3) What can you find in a man's pants that is about six inches
long, has a head on it, and that women love so much that
they often blow it?
4) What word starts with "F " and ends with "U-C-K"?
5) Name five words that are each four letters long, end in
" U-N-T " one of which is a word for a woman?
6) What does a dog do that you can step into?
7) What four letter word begins with "F " and ends with " K", and
if you can't get one you can use your hands?
8) What is hard, six inches long, has two nuts, and can make a girl fat?
9) What four-letter word ends in "I -T " and is found on the
bottom of birdcages?
10) What is it that all men have one of; it's longer on some men
than on others; the pope doesn't use his; and a man gives
it to his wife after they're married?

BYE - Imtiyaz G

2006-11-29 23:45:23 · 8 answers · asked by Imtiyaz G 4

The person who builds it sells it , the person who buys it doesnt use it, the person who uses it doesnt see it...

what can this be???

2006-11-29 23:40:12 · 20 answers · asked by Paki~Princess 1

Two convicts are locked in a cell.

There is an unbarred window high up in the cell.

No matter if they stand on the bed or one on top of the other they can't reach the window to escape.

They then decide to tunnel out.

However, they give up with the tunnelling because it will take too long.

Finally one of the convicts figures out how to escape from the cell.



What is his plan?

2006-11-29 23:31:23 · 11 answers · asked by Jellytot 2

to your chicken farm , my mate asked , i said , they all died , blimey , he said , what happened , i said , i dont know really , but i think i must have planted em too deep !!

2006-11-29 23:27:00 · 17 answers · asked by nicemanvery 7

... I can sleep with Paul McCartney and win a year's supply of false limbs. Which should I choose and why?

2006-11-29 22:32:12 · 20 answers · asked by Jenna 3

a lady found a cat which was ill & dirty n begged her husband to take it to the vet.The husband didnt really like the cat and hated the vet they would make cheap remarks @each other on every oppurnity they had.the vet used to call the husband el-CHEAP-o.but the husband used to always get the last word. the vet knew one day he'll get him back.the vet kept the cat for da nyt.the husband replied give it a bath it stinks and he pulled his wife and walked of.the next day the husband had an appointment with his doctor which was in the same building as the vets,the line was extremely long so he had to wait,the vet popped his head out of a sliding door and screamed to the husband :
Your wife's p#ssy doesn't stink any more and it's
finally clean and shaved, so she now smells like a rose.
Oh,and, by the way,
I think she's pregnant.God only knows who the father
is!" Then he closed the door.


AND THAT FRENS IS WHAT YOU CALL REVENGE

2006-11-29 22:23:38 · 10 answers · asked by kevnbn 2

A young couple had just finished having sex when the girlfriend said 'i wish my boobs were bigger', so the boyfriend said 'why don't you take some toilet paper and rub it between them everyday for two months'. The girlfriend then asked 'how is that supposed to make them bigger?'. The boyfriend then replied 'well it worked for your bum!'.

2006-11-29 22:17:46 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

What is heavy when put forwards but backwards it is not????

2006-11-29 22:07:56 · 17 answers · asked by nickynoodles33 4

A man traveling by plane was in urgent need of a restroom facility, but each time he tried, it was occupied. The flight attendant, aware of his predicament, suggested he use the attendants' ladies room but cautioned him not to press any of the buttons.

When he arrived in the attendants' ladies room, next to the paper roll there were four buttons marked: WW, WA, PP, and ATR. Making the mistake soooo many men make of not listening to a woman, he disregarded what she said when his curiosity got the best of him. He carefully pressed the WW button, and immediately a gentle flush of Warm Water sprayed onto his bare bottom.

He thought, "Wow, these gals really have it nice!"

So a little more boldly, he pressed the WA button, and body temperature Warm Air blew across his wet bottom and dried it comfortably.

"Aha," he thought, "no wonder these women take so long in the bathroom with these kinds of services!"

So he pushed the next button, PP, with anticipation. A soft, disposable Powder Puff swung below him and dusted his bottom lightly with talc.

"Man, this is great," he thought as he reached out for the ATR button.

When he awoke in the hospital, the morphine was just wearing off. Confused, he buzzed the nurse to find out what had happened. He explained that the last thing he remembered was intense pain in the ladies room on the plane.

The nurse explained, "Yes, you must have been having a great time until you pushed the Automatic Tampon Removal button."

2006-11-29 21:35:16 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

What is forever drinking, but always thirsty???

2006-11-29 21:29:48 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

My friend asked me how I was getting to the airport. I said "by plane obviously, to one of them anyway". I asked the Airport information office "how many airports are there in the world". She said I don't know. I said "you should - you're the airport information office."

Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation. I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one should have been "Shout For Help".

I like to go into the Body Shop and shout out really loud "I've already got one!"

If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel then on to a little see-saw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that.

I got stopped in the street by a lady who asked "have you got minute to help with Cancer Research?". I said "yes but we're not going to get much done".


Anyone else got any good sarcastic one liners like the above, Jimmy Carr is brilliant for them?

2006-11-29 21:28:34 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

There is a house with 4 walls.
Each of these walls has one window, all of these windows face south.
One day a bear walks past one of these windows.
What colour is the bear?

2006-11-29 21:25:08 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

What do Beatles the band and the homonymous insects have in common?

- They both make girls scream!!!

2006-11-29 21:16:48 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

It starts with the Letter A ends with The Letter H Its a 8 letter Word, It can Fly, But Doesnt have wings, Its light as a feather And Is yellow...What am i..?

2006-11-29 21:13:33 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

kk, the answer is not Count Dracula!
heres the riddle:

As I went over London Bridge

I met my sister Jenny

I broke her neck and drank her blood

And left her standing empty.

What am I?

2006-11-29 21:07:43 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous