My friend asked me how I was getting to the airport. I said "by plane obviously, to one of them anyway". I asked the Airport information office "how many airports are there in the world". She said I don't know. I said "you should - you're the airport information office."
Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation. I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one should have been "Shout For Help".
I like to go into the Body Shop and shout out really loud "I've already got one!"
If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel then on to a little see-saw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that.
I got stopped in the street by a lady who asked "have you got minute to help with Cancer Research?". I said "yes but we're not going to get much done".
Anyone else got any good sarcastic one liners like the above, Jimmy Carr is brilliant for them?
2006-11-29 21:28:34 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
From Steven Wright, you kind of need his delivery...
A cop stopped me for speeding. He said, "Why were you going so fast?" I said, "See this thing my foot is on? It's called an accelerator. When you push down on it, it sends more gas to the engine. The whole car just takes right off. And see this thing? This steers it."
After they make styrofoam, what do they ship it in?
Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?
Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
I bought a self-learning record to learn Spanish. I turned it on and went to sleep; the record got stuck. The next day I could only stutter in Spanish.
I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the Gift Wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.
I can levitate birds. No one cares.
I didn't get a toy train like the other kids. I got a toy subway instead. You couldn't see anything, but every now and then you'd hear this rumbling noise go by.
I think it's wrong that the game Monopoly is made by only one company.
I tried to hang myself with bungee cord. I kept almost dying.
I was born by Caesarean section, but you really can't tell... except that when I leave my house, I always go out the window...
I was reading the dictionary; I thought it was a poem about everything.
In my new house there's a switch on the wall that doesn't do anything, so for fun I'd just flick it up and down, over and over. Then one day I got a letter from a woman in Germany. It just said, "Cut it out."
2006-11-29 22:07:26 · answer #1 · answered by slipstreamer 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
jimmy car:
why are they putting up them stupid signs to late like:
MURDER CAN YOU HELP ON TH 6/7/2006
why would they ask us for their hep
any way i fort that was a brilliant 1
2006-11-30 11:05:22 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm so tired I can't think of any right now, but the ones you put up are funny as hell.
2006-11-30 05:31:55 · answer #3 · answered by Sandra D 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Those were great. But I too exhausted to think. Sorry, dude.
2006-11-30 05:59:47 · answer #4 · answered by Hardrock 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Those r all funny! LOL! =D
2006-11-30 06:00:12 · answer #5 · answered by lilypond868 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋