Jokes & Riddles - November 2006

A three year old boy was in the bath examining his testicles and asked 'Mummy, what are these..? Are they my brains..?'








She sighed and replied.. 'Not yet they're not..'

2006-11-30 06:23:39 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c_1rdLl3-l8

In this martial art demonstration 2 girls (about 110-130 pounds) jump on a guys stomach from a chair.

How can he take that?

Thanks

2006-11-30 06:23:24 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-30 06:22:58 · 26 answers · asked by freddy197120032003 3

the front row at a daniel o donnel gig!

2006-11-30 06:22:17 · 5 answers · asked by wilson picket 2

Johnny wanted to sc--w a girl in his class,but she belonged to someone else.One day Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said I’ll give you a 1000 dollars if you let me sc--w you,but the girl said NO.Johnny said I’ll be fast, I’ll throw the money on the floor, you bend down,I’ll be finished by the time you pick it up.She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend.....so she called her boyfriend and told him the story.Her boyfriend says ask him for 2000 dollars, pick up the money very fast,he won’t even be able to get his pants down. So she agrees and accepts the proposal.30 mins goes by and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend 2 call. Finally after 45 mins the boyfriend calls and asks what happened.She said "THE BA---RD USED COINS!!!!

2006-11-30 06:21:56 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-30 06:21:22 · 14 answers · asked by bubbles 3

A young man walks up and sits down at the bar and asks the bartender for six shots of Jagermeister.

"six shots?!?" asks the bartender, "are you celebrating something?"

"Yeah," replies the man, "my first *******."

"Well, in that case, let me give you a 7th on the house."

"No offense, sir," replies the man, "but if 6 shots won't get rid of the taste, nothing will."

2006-11-30 06:21:10 · 4 answers · asked by bbwandsingle1980 3

A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist. The doctor takes one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the window.

Right away he tells her to undress. After she has disrobed he begins to stroke her thigh. As he does this he says to the woman, "Do you know what I'm doing?"

"Yes," she says, "you're checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities."

"That is correct," says the doctor. He then begins to fondle her breasts.

"Do you know what I'm doing now?" he asks.

"Yes," says the woman, "you're checking for any lumps or breast cancer."

"That's right," replies the doctor. He then beginsto have sexual intercourse with the woman. He says to her, "Do you know what I'm doing now?"

"Yes," she says, "you're getting herpes."

2006-11-30 06:17:48 · 20 answers · asked by bbwandsingle1980 3

"oh that's just a myth.
Yes but she's my myth.
No, MYTH MYTH!"

2006-11-30 06:14:16 · 12 answers · asked by angel32984 3

So this friend of mine always has these really funny nicknames he calls me and everday he has a new name for me. I am not creative so I need some help anything will help.

2006-11-30 06:11:29 · 10 answers · asked by anonomous 1

A man took his wife to the Rodeo and one of the exhibits was of breeding bulls. They went up to the first pen and there was a sign that said "This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife poked her husband in the ribs and said, "He mated 50 times last year."

They walked a little farther and saw another pen with a sign that said: "This bull mated 120 times last year." The wife hit her husband and said, "That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him."

They walked farther and a third pen had a bull with a sign saying: "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife got really excited and said, "That's once a day. You really could learn something from this one."

The husband looked at her and said, "Go and ask him if it was with the same cow."

2006-11-30 06:10:32 · 14 answers · asked by Cowboy 4

i know there's got to a be a good one out there somewhere, help me out!! looking for a good joke about make-up sex!!
thank you!

2006-11-30 06:09:30 · 4 answers · asked by Sarah R 2

you had two cheese wheels then what would you do??

2006-11-30 06:04:22 · 5 answers · asked by seeseezsee 2

I was just wondering where are all of you from and how old are you, if you don't mind stating you age..?

2006-11-30 06:03:58 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two guys, Brian and Dave, fancied a drink or two but didn’t have much money between them. They could only raise the staggering sum of two dollars.

Brian said "Hang on, I have an idea." He went to the butcher’s shop and came out with one large sausage.

Dave said "Are you crazy? Now we don’t have any money left at all!"

Brian replied, "Don’t worry - just follow me."

They went into the nearest bar where Brian immediately ordered two beers and two whiskies.

Dave said "Now you’ve lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven’t got any money!!"

Brian replied, with a smile. "Don’t worry, I have a plan, Cheers!"

They downed their drinks.

Brian said, "OK, I’ll stick the sausage in my pants. You go on your knees, pull it through my zipper and put it in your mouth."

As Dave did this, the barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out. They continued the same scam, bar after bar, getting drunker and drunker, and all for free.

At the tenth bar Dave said "Brian - I don’t think I can do any more of this. I’m drunk and me knees are killin’ me! I’m losin the plot"

Brian said, "How do you think I feel? I lost the sausage in the third bar."

2006-11-30 05:57:58 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

As for me, when my wife and I were first married, she used to never use public restrooms. Often we'd go to the movies then hurry home after all that soda so she could use the restroom. One time before leaving I stretched plastic wrap over the toilet bowl. She was in such a big hurry the light didn't even come on. Don't feel bad she got me back plenty. Another time while in the military I had been through the gas chamber. This is tear gas, it comes in crystal and is activated by heat. we wear seperate close just for this excercise. Unknown to her, when I brought my uniform home I asked her to iron it (tiny crystals still on it). Boy did the house fill up and out she came. 23 years of marriage adn I still iron my own clothes.

2006-11-30 05:52:24 · 8 answers · asked by father of 4 husband of 1 3

about who enjoys sex the most ."Men obviously enjoy it more why do you think we are so obsessed about getting laid."
"That doesn't prove anything" she said, Think about this, "When your ear itches and you put your finger in and wiggle it around and then pull it out, which feels better your ear or your finger..

2006-11-30 05:52:05 · 15 answers · asked by chris w. 7

There's nothing worse than a snotty doctor's receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong in a room full of other patients. I know you all have experienced this, and here's the way one old guy handled it.
An 86 year old man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?"
"There's something wrong with my penis," he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said ,"You shouldn't come into a crowded office and say things like that."

The receptionist replied snottily, "You've obviously caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and then discussed the problem further with the doctor in private."
The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.
The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"
"There's something wrong with my ear," he stated.
The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?"
"I can't piss out of it," the man replied.

2006-11-30 05:50:46 · 10 answers · asked by Cowboy 4

Four guys and a woman are stuck in an elevator.
> While they are stuck, they strike up a conversation.
> The first guy says, "I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E. , you know...
> ''Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist.''
> The second guy says, "I'm a D.I.N.K.Y., you know...
> ''Double Income, No Kids Yet. "
> The third guy says, "I'm a R.U.B., you know...
> ''Rich, Urban, Biker. "
> The fourth guy says, I am a D.I.L.D.O., you know...
> ''Double Income, Little Dog Owner.''
> They turn to the woman and ask her.
> ''What are you?''
> She replies: "I'm a WIFE, you know...
> Wash, Iron, ****, Etc.''

2006-11-30 05:48:38 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

'Enough for one large flan case or twelve little tarts'

2006-11-30 05:47:29 · 11 answers · asked by Archie W 2

There was a young man from china,
who wasnt a very good climber,
he slipped on a rock and lost his c--k,
and now he has a va--na


there was a young woman from eeling,
who had a very strange feeling,
she fell on her back,
opened her crack,
and pissed all over the ceiling


mary had a little lamb,
its face looked like a vase,
she took it down a dark dark path
and took it up the a-se


mary had a little lamb,
she tied it to a pylon
10000 volts went up its a-se,
and turnes its wool to nylon

2006-11-30 05:47:07 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

I Think It Was Will
COZ The Officer Shouted "Shoot At WILL"

2006-11-30 05:46:39 · 2 answers · asked by rhijoa 2

An 18 year-old girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the Chemist and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.

Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says,"Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know! The girl picks up the phone and makes a call."

Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature and distinguished man with grey hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the Ferrari and enters the house.

He sits in the living room with the father and the mother, and the girl and tells them, "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life."

"Additionally, if a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores,a townhouse, a beachfront villa and a 2,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a 4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they will receive a factory and 2,000,000 each.

However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?

At this point, the girls father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You shag her again!!!"

2006-11-30 05:42:31 · 7 answers · asked by bbwandsingle1980 3

i read somewhere its called do you wanna be on top by big slater.. but i googled and checked yahoo and no such singer as big slater exists.. does anyone know who sang this song and where i can hear it or buy it? or download it? thanks!

2006-11-30 05:41:10 · 4 answers · asked by qa k 3

A man is deserted on an island with only his dog. He walks the entire length of it the first day, and finds plenty of water and food, and even a nice cave to live in.

Just as he's about to return to the cave, he sees a random group of sheep. One of the sheep is looking sort of cute, and the man is feeling very horny, so he gets behind it, pulls out his cock, and is about to put it in when his dog starts barking wildly.

The man is startled, and jumps back, looking at the dog, who quiets down immediately. The man centers his attention once more on the sheep, and again, just before he pushes in, the dog goes crazy again, barking madly.

Frustrated, the man gathers some fruit, and goes back to the cave, and has a huge dinner. He waits until the dog falls asleep, then sneaks off and finds the sheep again. Just as he's about to **** it, the dog appears out of nowhere, barking wildly, and nipping at the man's heels.

This goes on for about two weeks, and the man gets steadily hornier. Finally, one day, he's walking along the beach and sees a beautiful naked woman washed up on the shore. He runs over to her, and gives her mouth-to-mouth, and she coughs a few times, then opens her eyes, and gives him a dazzling smile.

"You saved my life! I'll do anything to repay you!"

"Anything?" the man asks.

"Anything," she replies.

He looks her up and down, and leans in close, "Anything?" he asks again.

She looks him straight in the eye, and smiles sdeuctively, "Anything."

"Great! Watch my dog for ten minutes, I'll be right back!"

2006-11-30 05:39:28 · 8 answers · asked by bbwandsingle1980 3

http://joe-ks.com/archives_may2005/Elastic_Baby.htm

2006-11-30 05:39:21 · 5 answers · asked by Ginnykitty 7

what r some good prank calls 2 do on my friends. they r always prank calling me so i wanna get them back. any ideas?

2006-11-30 05:38:47 · 6 answers · asked by Muhh-liss-Uhh 2

A; The winner of last years hide and seek contest...

2006-11-30 05:38:39 · 7 answers · asked by bbwandsingle1980 3

my fav is this...
Whats the difference between a blonde and a washing machine?

A bloke can dump his load in a washing machine and it don't follow him around all week.

2006-11-30 05:34:20 · 14 answers · asked by snikleback 5

the wife tells the husband" Please be gentle as i am still a virgin"
"Hows this possible you have been married 3 times before"
"Well my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it"
"my 2nd husband was a phychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it"
"My 3rd husband was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do was li.........oh i do miss my 3rd husband....

2006-11-30 05:32:35 · 6 answers · asked by chris w. 7