Jokes & Riddles - November 2006

2006-11-29 17:25:54 · 21 answers · asked by abcd 2

Eddie Murphy.

He meets a boxer who has had his brains beat in!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UStX6TcP008

2006-11-29 17:24:26 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

There was two little girls and a little boy, one of the little girls goes to her dad and says "Daddy, daddy, why did you name me Rose?"

Father: "well honey its a beautiful story, when your mom was in the hospital your grandfather brought her some roses and a petal fell on your head, so we named you Rose."


The second litle girl goes to her dad and asks "daddy, why did you name me Daisy?"
Father:"Well sweety its a beautiful story, when you mom was in the hospital your grandfather brought your mom some daisy's and a petal fell on your head, so we named you Daisy"

The little boy goes up to his dad and (in a retarted voice) "ahh dad , ehh dad"

Father:"Shut up Cinder block I'm talking to your sister!!

2006-11-29 17:21:19 · 24 answers · asked by ηєvєrmorє 6

Eliphino...get it?

2006-11-29 17:19:11 · 12 answers · asked by kdesky3 2

Its' a difficult question, ladies and gentlemen, which at some stage in your life you will ponder to the point of exhaustion.
Enjoy...

2006-11-29 17:15:01 · 13 answers · asked by The Answer 1

2006-11-29 17:09:23 · 6 answers · asked by Toshihiro 3

Hint: It is found in the middle of something .

2006-11-29 17:07:46 · 14 answers · asked by Toshihiro 3

An 80-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up. The doctor asked him how he was feeling and the 80-year-old said "Things are great and I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that?"

The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story. "I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was setting off hunting, he was in a bit of a hurry and accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun. As he neared a lake he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge. He realized he'd left his gun at home and so couldn't shoot the magnificent creature but out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang'. Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. Now, what do you think of that?" asked the doctor.

The 80-year-old said, "If you ask me, I'd say somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver."

The doctor replied, "My point exactly."

2006-11-29 16:52:50 · 13 answers · asked by 【ツ】ρεαcε! 5

Blonde moments? Ever run into a door because you thought it was automatic? That sort of thing.

2006-11-29 16:48:03 · 4 answers · asked by Kaylin 4

Fred and Mary got married but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's Mom and Dad's for their first night together.

In the morning, Johnny , Fred's little brother, gets up and has his
breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks
his mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.

She replies, "No".

Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies , "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to
school."

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

She replies, "No."

Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

His mom says, "No."

He asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "Ok, now tell me what you think?"

He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue.

2006-11-29 16:44:09 · 12 answers · asked by 【ツ】ρεαcε! 5

Two girls were sunbathing,

Girl 1: Why you don't have hairy box?

Girl 2: Have you ever seen grass growing on a busy road?

One more..

Why all the animals were laughing while Tarzan taking bath?

Because he had grown tail in the front!!!

2006-11-29 16:40:27 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-29 16:21:06 · 15 answers · asked by lady F 1

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.

After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."
"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. No nagging. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."

On the way home, the husband asked his wife. "What did the doctor say?"

“He said you're going to die," she replied.
_____________________________________________________
Shut Up
If my pants aren't at my ankles, don't open your mouth!
(That 1's bad)

2006-11-29 16:17:50 · 10 answers · asked by sk8ter_girl_of07 2

2006-11-29 16:13:21 · 19 answers · asked by abhi 1

Once there was a liitle boy in church. He had to go to the bathroom so he told his mother, ''Mommy, I have to piss.''
The mother said, ''Son don't say piss in church. Next time you have to piss, say, 'whisper' because it is more polite.

The next Sunday, the litle boy was sitting by his father this time, and once again, he had to go to the bathroom.

He told his father, ''Daddy I have to whisper.''

The father said, ''OK. Here, whisper in my ear.''

2006-11-29 16:03:13 · 12 answers · asked by sk8ter_girl_of07 2

count six months from your birthday>

2006-11-29 15:56:40 · 13 answers · asked by Hero in the city of dope 2

and what is the latin word for "full of darkness and agony?

2006-11-29 15:56:16 · 4 answers · asked by jess 1

they actually had boot! yes boot smelling aka leather, it didnt smell like leather at all it smelled like feet!

2006-11-29 15:54:40 · 5 answers · asked by DOMINATUS 3

do you lick it or bite it?
patient or impatient?

I lick it but then get bored quickly and bite it

2006-11-29 15:48:38 · 13 answers · asked by DOMINATUS 3

These are some of the things my girlfriend has said...

1) ducks dont fly
2) ponies are baby horses
3) lobsters are red

How did she get so smart??

2006-11-29 15:47:22 · 14 answers · asked by Kyle N 2

2006-11-29 15:42:37 · 14 answers · asked by 1251 2

I once ran away from the ________ because i was __________.

2006-11-29 15:30:01 · 10 answers · asked by BlissedandGone23 2

It's my friends birthday tomorrow and I need idea's for a funny joke to play on him over the phone.

ANY idea's are very appreciated! Thanks!!!!

2006-11-29 15:25:13 · 7 answers · asked by xboxgirl 3

This man comes to the bar everyday evening and orders 3 beers in 3 separate glasses. One day the curious waiter asked him the reason for 3 separate glasses. The man said it is for remembering my 2 other friends with whom I used to drink everyday. We were very close and they died due to drinking. This continued and one day this man orders only two beers in two separate glasses. The waiter couldn't wait and asked him the reason. The man replied "I quit drinking beer from today".

2006-11-29 15:24:33 · 9 answers · asked by yzyf 2

Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.

2006-11-29 15:19:07 · 13 answers · asked by Ruthie1959 6

A game warden came upon duck hunter and who had bagged 3 ducks and decided to give him a hard time and enforce the laws. He went up to the hunter and said, "Looks like you had a good day, mind if I inspect your kill."

The hunter said, "Not at all sir," and handed him his ducks. The warden took one duck and inserted his finger in the rectum, pulled it out, smelled it, and said, "This is a Washington State duck, do you have a Washington state hunting license?"

The hunter pulled out his wallet and presented him the appropriate license. THe warden took the second duck and did the same thing he did to the first duck and said, "This is an Idaho duck, do you have an Idaho state hunting license?"

The hunter pulled out his wallet and again presented him the appropriate license. THe warden took the last duck and did the same thing he did to the first and second duck and said, "This is an Oregan duck, do you have an Oregan state hunting license?"

2006-11-29 15:15:14 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

i luv dr.pepper alot so no1 dis it if u dont lik it

2006-11-29 15:08:56 · 16 answers · asked by logan n. 1

john is peter's father
if john is peters father then
john is the _________ of peter's father


supply the missing word!!!
10 pts for this

2006-11-29 15:01:45 · 26 answers · asked by Jinx 1

KNDYAPL

what type of car do you think i have?

2006-11-29 14:52:31 · 19 answers · asked by cherriberri 1

2006-11-29 14:43:35 · 7 answers · asked by Make a wish 2