Jokes & Riddles - November 2006

2006-11-29 10:14:53 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c_1rdLl3-l8

In this martial art demonstration 2 girls (about 110-130 pounds) jump on a guys stomach from a chair.

How can he take that?

Thanks

2006-11-29 10:11:30 · 12 answers · asked by gogogo 1

One morning he looked in the mirror and noticed that he was tanned all over except for his d.ick, so he went to the beach undressed buried himself in the sand and just left his d.ick sticking out, Two old ladies came walking by and one poked the di.ck with her cane. She said to the other old lady, "there's just no justice in the world"
"what do ya mean" said the other lady
"well, look at that, when i was 20 i was curious about it," when i was 30 i enjoyed it" When i was 40 i asked for it" When i was 50 i paid for it, " when i was 60 i prayed for it, when i was 70 i forgot all about it and now that i'm 80 the dammed things are growing wild and i'm too old to squat......

2006-11-29 10:02:02 · 12 answers · asked by chris w. 7

whats black and white and red all over???

2006-11-29 09:59:14 · 9 answers · asked by mr. fancy pants 3

because if he went forwards he would fall in the boat lmeo :)

2006-11-29 09:55:49 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

whats black and white and red all over???

2006-11-29 09:51:11 · 9 answers · asked by mr. fancy pants 3

2006-11-29 09:47:58 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

Married life is full of excitement and frustration:
* In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
* In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
* In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

It is true that love is blind but marriage is definitely an eye-opener.

Getting married is very much like going to the restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

It's true that all men are born free and equal, but some of them get married!

There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.

A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.

Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad?
Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.

Son: Is it true? Dad, I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries.
Father: That happens everywhere, son, everywhere!

2006-11-29 09:45:47 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

a Mexican man with a rubber toe?




Roberto!

2006-11-29 09:41:48 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

1. A family has two children. One of them is a boy. What is the probability the other one is a girl?

2. You are in a game show and are asked to choose one of three doors. Behind one of these doors is the prize. Let's call these doors A, B, and C. Assume you chose door A. The host then opens door B to reveal it does not have the prize. You now have the option of sticking with door A or changing to door C. Is there an advantage to either one or is it a 50/50 chance with both?

2006-11-29 09:34:02 · 7 answers · asked by Colin K 1

2006-11-29 09:31:34 · 18 answers · asked by ☆Star☆ 2

The English Language

Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language?

Let's face it
English is a stupid language.
There is no egg in the eggplant
No ham in the hamburger
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England
French fries were not invented in France.

We sometimes take English for granted
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
Quicksand takes you down slowly
Boxing rings are square
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
If the plural of tooth is teeth
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught.

If a vegetarian eats vegetables
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!

English was invented by people, not computers
And it reflects the creativity of the human race
(Which of course isn't a race at all)

That is why
When the stars are out they are visible
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch
It starts
But when I wind up this observation,
It ends.

2006-11-29 09:29:00 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

Why was tigger looking in the toilet?

2006-11-29 09:26:11 · 5 answers · asked by Bri 3

Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat, contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.
The frog hopped into the princesses lap and said: "Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am, and then, my sweet, we can marry and setup housekeeping in yon castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so."

That night, the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sautéed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and shallot cream sauce.

2006-11-29 09:23:44 · 8 answers · asked by Gemini23 4

So they could learn to live with an irritating T.W.A.T before they actually marry one!!

2006-11-29 09:21:13 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

A bloke.

2006-11-29 09:18:59 · 11 answers · asked by Little Minx 4

ok thers two bodies laying on the floor there is glass and water every where the only person that was in the room when it happened was the family cat.what happened?the first person to answer the question right recieves 10 pionts from me okwhen the time is up i will pick the first correct answer as my best answer and then you will be awrded ten points!have fun~ashley

2006-11-29 09:18:11 · 13 answers · asked by ashley 1

A widow.

2006-11-29 09:16:56 · 15 answers · asked by Little Minx 4

A Texan, a guy from Illinois, and a Wisconsinite are riding horses out on the range. The Texan, just to show off, pulls an expensive bottle of whiskey out of his saddlebag, takes a couple drinks, throws the bottle in the air, pulls out his gun and shoots it in mid-air. The guy from Illinois is shocked and asks, "What are you doing? That's a perfectly good bottle of whiskey!"

The Texan replies, "In Texas, there's plenty of whiskey and bottles are cheap!" A little while later, not wanting to be outdone, the guy from Illinois pulls out a bottle of champagne, takes a few sips, throws the bottle into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots it, just like the Texan. The guy from Wisconsin can't believe it. "What are you doing? That was a very expensive bottle of champagne. With a wink to the Texan he says, "In Chicago, there's plenty of champagne and bottles are cheap."

About 15 minutes later, the Wisconsinite pulls out a bottle of beer. He opens it and takes a sip. Then another sip. Then he chugs the rest of the bottle. He then places the bottle back in his saddlebag, pulls out his gun and shoots the guy from Illinois. The Texan is visibly shaken. "What did you do that for?"

The Wisconsinite replies, "Well, in Wisconsin, we have plenty of people from Illinois, and bottles are returnable."

2006-11-29 09:16:14 · 5 answers · asked by pooterosa 5

Tim goes to his boss’s office and says, “Sir, I need tomorrow off. My wife is going to have a baby.” The boss gives his the day off.
Two days later Tim walks into work, and the boss asks, “Was it a boy or a girl?”
Tim says, “We won’t know for nine months.”

2006-11-29 09:04:19 · 5 answers · asked by pooterosa 5

A single man woke up in a room, he did not ho how he got there. He looked around and saw that he was in a library. Startled, he walked around and found out there was not a single exit, no doors no windows no EXIT. He began to wonder how he got here. He thought for hours how to escape but in the end he gave up hope. he grabbed a book and started reading it, all of the sudden he jumps up and says "Thats it, Thats the answer, IM SAVED!!!" the next day he was telling his kids about what happened. HOW DID HE ESCAPE!!!........................
.........
.........
Start thinking!!!

2006-11-29 09:02:13 · 15 answers · asked by mr. fancy pants 3

A plane takes off from New York's Kennedy Airport. After it reaches a cruising altitude, Captain Sparks makes an announcement over the intercom.

'Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to flight 293,' he says. 'The weather ahead looks clear, so sit back, relax and - OH MY GOD!'

The intercom falls silent.

A minute later, Capt. Sparks comes back on the intercom. 'I'm so sorry for scaring you all earlier,' he says.

'But while I was talking, an attendant spilled a boiling cup of coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!'

'That's nothing,' a passenger in coach shouted. 'You should see the back of mine!'

2006-11-29 08:54:35 · 6 answers · asked by pooterosa 5

A guy goes to the doctor because of hemmroids. The doctor gives him some suppositories and tells him to come back in a month.
The man goes home and looks at the medicine, he never saw a suppository before, so he asks his wife how he should take them. She says, "I don;t know, maybe you melt them in your coffee."
A month goes by and the man goes back to the doctor. The doctor asks him, "Well, how did things go, are things any better?"
The guy says, "Doc, not only did those things taste bad, but for all the good they did me, I may as well have been shoving them up my rear end."

2006-11-29 08:53:58 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

A blonde,brunette & a redhead all die in a car crash.
They arrive in front of St Peter & see a giant stairway next to him.
He explains that to get to heaven they have to make it to the top of the staircase without laughing at the jokes told on each step.
The brunette gets to the 20th step before laughing.
The redhead gets to the 69th before she laughs.
The blonde makes it to the top then bursts out lauhging. God turns to her & asks why she laughed.
I just got the first joke she replies.

Sorry its so long and no offence meant.

2006-11-29 08:53:29 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

these r vry vry hrd
1.A doctor and a boy were fishing. The boy was the doctor's son, but the doctor was not the boy's father. Who was the doctor?
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
which one is tru?
1 At least one of theseten statements is false.
2. At least two of these ten statements are false.
3. At least three of these ten statements are false.
4. At least four of these ten statements are false.
5. At least five of these. ten statements are false
6. At least six of these. ten statements are false
7. At least seven of these ten statements are false
8. At least eight of these ten statements are false.
9. At least nine of these ten statements are false.
10. At least ten of these ten statements are false.

3.A 16-year-old boy was driving a moped down a one-way street in the wrong direction. A policeman stopped him and gave him a ticket. The policeman paid the ticket himself. What is a logical explanation for this?
and ps if anyone has a sweeeeet riddle, tell me!!

2006-11-29 08:45:58 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous

Q. How do you embarrass an archeologist?
A. Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.

2006-11-29 08:43:59 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall.
The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?"

The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough.I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative."

The owner says, "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!"

The clerk says, "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!"

2006-11-29 08:42:45 · 35 answers · asked by Anonymous

If I climb down ladder will I come out feet first at the other end ?

2006-11-29 08:41:24 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-29 08:37:02 · 16 answers · asked by Christ Follower 3

that the more wet it gets, the harder it gets and stuff comes out.

PS it's not what you think.........keep it G rated.

2006-11-29 08:31:53 · 8 answers · asked by CuriousEEB 1