Jokes & Riddles - November 2006

what is it called when someone is in bed on top of another person? His Dad, wanting to be honest says "that is called sexual intercourse son".

5 minutes later Timmy comes running back in the house and says "Dad, the answer to the question I asked you a minute ago was actually bunk beds. And by the way, Joey's Mom wants to talk to you!".

2006-11-29 06:47:03 · 7 answers · asked by wyatt_bellis 3

The people who make it don't want it. The people who buy it don't use it. The people who use it don't know it. What is it?

2006-11-29 06:45:51 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-29 06:42:25 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

Will you be my first lover?
To which she did reply...............

Now it's in your hands......................

2006-11-29 06:41:57 · 3 answers · asked by D8411 5

A woman says to her husband, "my girlfriend told me if I rub toilet paper between my boobs it will make them grow. Do you believe that? The husband said" Sure, look what it's done for your *** !!"

2006-11-29 06:37:57 · 13 answers · asked by impromptu_57 4

There were two lesbians walking down a beach.
One was brunette named Vicky
The other was a blonde like me and named Kara.
Vicky spotted a gorgeous girl wearing a tight swimsuit that was very sexy. She said to Kara, "Check out that girl's swimsuit."
Kara said "Uhmmmm Yummy"
Vicky: "Check out her fanny"
Kara: "Uhmmmm"
Vicky: "She sure has sexy legs too"
Kara: "Uhmmmm"
Vicky gets fed up with Kara's response and asks if that's all she has to say about her. Kara picks up a stick and writes the following message in the sand.
|
|
|
|
V



"I can't say anything, my tongue got hard"

2006-11-29 06:33:09 · 7 answers · asked by Cuddly Lez 6

A fiftyish woman was at home happily jumping on
her bed and squealing with delight. Her husband
watches her for a while and asks, "Do you have any
idea how ridiculous you look? What's the matter
with you?"
The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says,
"I don't care. I just came from having a mammogram
and the doctor says I have the breasts of an 18
year-old."


The husband said, "What did he say about your 56
year old ***?"

"Your name never came up," she replied

2006-11-29 06:27:38 · 17 answers · asked by Cowboy 4

A boy run up to his dad and shouts "Dad Dad i've just shoved a firework up a dogs ar se.

"RECTUM" dad shouts.

Boy replies"RECTUM ? IT BLEW HIS BALLS OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-11-29 06:26:36 · 15 answers · asked by ? 4

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse.
"But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

2006-11-29 06:23:21 · 19 answers · asked by Psychodelic Chicken 5

One day a blonde went to a ventriloquist show. During the show, the ventriloquist used his "dummy" to make fun of blondes. The crowd roared with laughter, but the blonde was angry. Outraged, she stood up and said, "how dare you make fun of blondes!" The Ventriloquist replied saying, "Madame, Im very sorry, but its part of the act."
The Blonde then screams, " You Shut up! Im talking to the man on your knee!"


Q: how do you get a one-armed blonde to fall out of a tree?
A: Wave at her.

2006-11-29 06:21:54 · 10 answers · asked by Such A Chicka 3

[sender is a woman]

http://naucon.net/images/fun/tarzan.jpg...

2006-11-29 06:17:25 · 6 answers · asked by Flower 2

2006-11-29 06:15:07 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

I'm hard yet soft, I am coloured yet clear, I am fruity and sweet. I am jelly. What am I?

2006-11-29 06:12:06 · 5 answers · asked by richard a 2

Mustard. It always goes good on a "hot dog". :) I crack me up.




Did you hear about the peanut that ended up in the hospital?

.........................

It turns out it was a salted.

2006-11-29 06:10:34 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

A cucumber, a pickle, and a penis were all sitting around one day
talking about how much their lives sucked.
The cucumber said, "Man, my lifesucks. Whenever I get big, fat, and
juicy, someone cuts me up and puts me in a salad."
"So," the pickle looks at him and says, "You think you have it bad?
Whenever I get big, fat, and juicy, someone puts me in vinegar, puts
spices on me, and sticks me in a jar."
The penis glared at them both and said, "You guys think you have it
rough? Whenever I get big, fat, and juicy, they put a rubber tarp over
my head, stick me in a dark room, and bang my head against the wall
until I throw up and pass out."

2006-11-29 06:09:33 · 7 answers · asked by Jessica_Bessica 3

2006-11-29 06:08:57 · 2 answers · asked by Mar'Kayla 1

What is the point of me or anyone posting jokes when all you get is uhhh.. mmmmm...
Has everybody had a sence of humour by-pass.

Its not serious ITS A JOKE.

Lighten up for gods sake!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-11-29 06:07:28 · 12 answers · asked by ? 4

u cant sleep with the heavy on lol

2006-11-29 06:04:37 · 10 answers · asked by richard a 2

A drunk staggers into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'd like to buy everyone in the bar a drink and get one for yourself too!" The bartender makes the drinks and everyone raises their glass and yells "CHEERS!" and downs their drinks.

The bartender says "That'll be $37.50."
The drunk says, "I don't have any money!"
This infuriates the bartender who then jumps over the bar and beats the living daylights out of the drunk and throws him out into the street.

The next day the same drunk walks into the same bar and says, "I'd like to buy the whole bar a drink, and get one for yourself, too." The bartender figures that maybe he was a little hard on the guy the day before and decides to give the guy the benefit of the doubt.

He makes the drinks and they all say, "Salute!" and down the drinks. The bartender says, "That'll be $42.50."

The drunk replies by putting his thumb to his nose, wiggling his fingers, and making a loud raspberry noise followed by, "I don't have any money!"

This angers the bartender even more than the first time. He jumps over the bar and beats the hell out of the drunk and throws him out into the street onto his face and kicks him a few times for good measure.

The next day the same drunk walks into the same bar, but before he can say anything the bartender says, "Let me guess, you want to buy the whole bar a drink and I should get one for myself, too, right?"

The drunk replies, "No way, you get too violent when you drink!"

2006-11-29 06:01:49 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-29 05:56:55 · 9 answers · asked by sweetestrose1983 2

2006-11-29 05:56:30 · 18 answers · asked by ~ 3

post what it comes? and how do u like it?
RULES-->Please select month, date and colour that is relevant to you or the colour you like and complete the sentence.

Pick the month you were born in:
January-------i shot
February----- i ate
March---------i killed
April------- -i ran away with
May-----------i fell in love with
June----------i murdered
July----------i gave my shoes to
August--------i sang a duvet with
September ----i had crush on
October-------i danced with
November -----i kissed
December------I hit

Pick the day (number) you were born on:
1-------------homeless guy
2-------------a fat lady
3-------------a mad cow
4-------------a mad monkey
5-------------a mexican
6-------------a gangster
7-------------a monkey
8------ ------an ipod
9------- -----my best friends boyfriend
10------------a goat
11------ -----my dog
12------ -----my cat
13------------the computer
14------- ----my science teacher
15-------- ---my neighbor
16------------myself

2006-11-29 05:43:30 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

in a field, and one says." oh boy its mighty cold in here" and the other says, " yeah i think i'll go and slip into a nice Jersey"

2006-11-29 05:40:05 · 10 answers · asked by chris w. 7

Whats the difference between a chicken leg and

a penis.........?








Don't you know?











Fancy a picnic on sunday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-11-29 05:38:24 · 17 answers · asked by ? 4

There is a plane full of people, and the plane is getting ready to crash,so the pilot gets on the speaker and says we have to have people jump off, we are going to do this in a orderly fashion. We are going to start alphabetically, so with that, African Americans.. come to the front, they all got up and went to the front and jumped, Black people, come to the front, Colored people...come to the front, A little boy and his dad were sitting in the back of the plane, and the boy said dad, "ain't that us" and the Dad answered, no son today we is ******....

2006-11-29 05:35:12 · 19 answers · asked by bbwandsingle1980 3

A single man woke up in a room, he did not ho how he got there. He looked around and saw that he was in a library. Startled, he walked around and found out there was not a single exit, no doors no windows no EXIT. He began to wonder how he got here. He thought for hours how to escape but in the end he gave up hope. he grabbed a book and started reading it, all of the sudden he jumps up and says "Thats it, Thats the answer, IM SAVED!!!" the next day he was telling his kids about what happened. HOW DID HE ESCAPE!!!................................................................................................................................................................................................................
.........
.........
Start thinking!!!

2006-11-29 05:32:04 · 7 answers · asked by mr. fancy pants 3

love one night in the middle of a dark forest

"I wish i had a flashlight " said the man

"so do i said" the woman

Youv'e been eating grass for the past hour"

2006-11-29 05:31:58 · 13 answers · asked by chris w. 7

What If Jesus Comes Back Like That
(Pat Bunch/Doug Johnson)

He came to town on an old freight train
He jumped off in the puring rain
Everybody says he's insane
Just a low down account hobo

He made his bed beneath the county bridge
The town folks said that's not his
They signed a petition they're gonna get rid
Of that white trash low down no count

What if Jesus comes back like that
On an old freight train in a hobo hat
Will we let him in or turn our back
What if Jesus comes back like that
Hey what if Jesus comes back like that

Born with a habit of drug abuse
She couldn't help what her mama used
It wasn't like she got to choose
Now she's layin' there all alone

Got a monkey on her back
Nurses say they never saw a smile like that
Doctor says she might stand a chance
If somebody takes her home

What if Jesus comes back like that
Two months early and hooked on crack
Will we let him in or turn our back
What if Jesus comes back like that
Oh what if Jesus comes back like that

Nobody said life is fair
We've all got a cross to bear
When it gets a little hard to care
Just think of Jesus hanging there

He came to town on a cold dark night
A single star was his only light
The baby born that silent night
A manger for his bed

What if Jesus comes back like that
Where will he find out hearts are at
Will he let us in or turn his back
Hey what if Jesus comes back like that
Yeh what if Jesus comes back like that
Will he cry when he sees where our hearts are at
Will he let us in or turn his back
Hey what if Jesus comes back like that
Oh what if Jesus comes back like that

2006-11-29 05:30:00 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

What is the next number in this sequence?

1,11,21,1211,111221.......?

2006-11-29 05:28:42 · 6 answers · asked by Mikki 2

There are 2 guys in a car, 1 dog, and a hobo, they are in the middle of the desert and nobody knows how they got there. They look around and not a soul in sight. They wonder if they are going to survive and they start to cry. all of the sudden, the hobo says something. The other two guys are amazed at what he said. a couple of hours later they are in vegas gambling and having a blast. WHAT DID THE HOBO SAY!!!

2006-11-29 05:24:18 · 11 answers · asked by mr. fancy pants 3