Jokes & Riddles - November 2006

Britney Spears had just bought her new car and decided to go shopping with her friend and rival, Christina Aguilera.A few hours later she came out and realizes she had locked her keys in the car, so they spent a few hours pacing around the car trying to figure out what to do.

Finally, Britney looked off into the distance and sawstorm cloud. She turned to her friend and said," Quick, think of something because a storm is coming and I left the top open!"

2006-11-29 08:31:52 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

bed. her mother said " that is what you call spreading the butter" then the little girl says "well, i think daddy will have to buy some more because he's putting it all on ms.davis across the street.

2006-11-29 08:29:01 · 19 answers · asked by baby carol 2

Q:What do Barbie and Britney Spears have in common?

A:Both are blonde, brainless and made out of plastic.



Q. What do you get when Dolly Parton does the backstroke?


A.Islands In The Stream

Q.What do you call the space between Pamela Anderson's breasts?

A.Silicon Valley.


Q: What do Disney World & Viagra have in common?

A: They both make you wait an hour for a two-minute ride!



Q.How can you pick out Dolly Parton's kids on the play ground?

A.They're the ones with the stretch marks around their lips !


What happens when you put the Energizer Bunny batteries in backward?He keeps coming and coming and coming...

2006-11-29 08:23:57 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

As he turned the pages he stopped from time to time to fondle her p.ussy. he did this so many times that she became aroused.
At last she sprang out of bed breathing heavily and began to take off her nightie." Why are you taking off your nightdress darling" Well you fondled my p.ussy i thought it was foreplay for something heavier".she said.
" not at all" he said "I just couldn't turn the pages of my book.

2006-11-29 08:13:06 · 14 answers · asked by chris w. 7

please share it with us and explain it well so that we can understand it.

2006-11-29 08:07:25 · 17 answers · asked by Blade 3

Have you been naughtey or nice in 2006???/

2006-11-29 08:03:37 · 21 answers · asked by rainee 1

A lady walked into a drugstore and told the pharmacist she needed some cyanide right away. The pharmacist naturally was concerned by such a request and asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?" The lady then explained that she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license. They'll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things will happen! Absolutely not—you cannot have any cyanide!" The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "Well, now. You didn't tell me you had a prescription."

2006-11-29 08:03:20 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man walks into a bar and sits down next to a pretty young woman and asks to buy her a drink. She answers, "thank you, but no. i never let a man buy me a drink until after he passes my test." the man looks at her puzzled and asks, "what kind of test?" The woman replies, "well you can tell alot about a man by the way he does certain things. I personally look to see how he handles his keys. It really can tell you alot." The man looks at her unimpressed and asks, "really what could that tell you?" The woman responds," well some guys fumble with there key ring looking for the right key and when they finally fid it the scratch up the lock trying to get it in the hole. This indicates a sloppy lover, and i need something better than that in my life. Then there is the guys who jams his hand into his pocket, yanks out his keys, shoves it into the lock, then slams the door behind him. This indicates an angry lover, and i'm much to delicate for that. Then there is the guy who just unlock

2006-11-29 08:02:31 · 12 answers · asked by cutthroat_mako 2

Little Jon's sitting in class when the teacher stands up and says "Ok class math time, Jon it's your turn to answer the first math problem and it is, There Are 3 Crows Sitting On A Fence And Farmer Bob Shoots 1 How Many Are Left? Little Jon stands up and says the answer is 0...No no Jon says the teacher tell us how you got your answer then try again. Little Jon stands up again and says, "if there are 3 crows on a fence and farmer Bob shoots one then the sound the gun made would scare the rest away,i still think it's 0." Ok the teacher says but the answer is 2 crows were left on the fence. Teacher, can i ask you a question?Little Jon asked... Why sure she replied.... "there are 3 woman in an ice cream shop, 1 is bitting her cone,1 is licking her cone, and the other is sucking her cone wich one's married? The teacher thinks a while and replies, The 1 sucking her cone..No Little Jon answers,The one with the rings married,but i like how you think

2006-11-29 08:00:15 · 11 answers · asked by sk8ter_girl_of07 2

Business was good at the local whorehouse and the madam decided to partition one of larger rooms. After the work was complete the carpenter asked for payment but was put off.

After several weeks he still hadn't been paid and he regularly threatened, "Pay me or I'll rip out the partition."

Finally the madam offered to pay him in trade. "Take any girl in the house and have your pleasure with her."

"I'll take you."

"Me? I'm an old lady. Take one of those young, good looking chicks."

"I want you."

So he took her upstairs and removed all her clothes, laid her on her back and put one finger in her p---y and one finger in her butt. "What are you doing?" she asked.

"I told you before. Pay me or I'll rip out the partition."

2006-11-29 07:56:51 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

myself i dont believe in aliens!!

2006-11-29 07:55:24 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

and u see a bus stop and three ppl in it the first is ur soulmate the second is an old lady who must go to the hospital or she will die and the third is a person who saved ur life once and ur car will take only one person and the next bus will come after hours what will u do??

2006-11-29 07:48:31 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging out of his pants.
The bartender says, "Hey buddy, doesn't that bother you?"
The pirate says, "Arrr it's drivin me nuts"

2006-11-29 07:45:49 · 5 answers · asked by thuglife 5

"what are you in for "asks the first dog.
its curtains for me" says the 2nd dog. "i'm being put down"
"why what did you do", "Bit the Postman 3 times this week", says the 1st dog," i couldn't resist his ugly a.rse hanging out of his baggy shorts, and The Post Office have already prosecuted my owner twice already so it's the end of the line for me".
" me too said the 3rd dog." my owner had a prime steak under the grill and i had it off there before it was even warm ,argghhh lovely. my owner picked up a stick and i thought he was going to hit me so i bit the bastar.d 14 stitches he had in his hand, i thought he would see the funny side of it this morning but well life's so unfair".
"oh i wouldn't say that "said the 1st dog, "i saw my mistress doing the washing up at the sink this morning and at the sight of her tight little a.ss straining against the thin material of her dress well i jumped up and had her from behind.
"so your on death row too "said the 2nd dog,
"Hell no".

2006-11-29 07:44:56 · 14 answers · asked by chris w. 7

a man decides that he wants to take flying lessons and once the plane reaches 3000 ft. the instructor turns on the auto pilot and says "look boy i have 2 things to tell you. the first is that i'm a 3rd degree black belt,and the second is that i'm also a homosexual. now your gonna step to the back of the plane where i'm gonna have sex with you or your gonna have to jump.
Once the man gets home he confides in his friend what happened. His friend asks him "well did you jump?" the man repies, "well a little at first"

2006-11-29 07:44:25 · 11 answers · asked by cutthroat_mako 2

The midwife was shocked!!!

2006-11-29 07:37:15 · 15 answers · asked by Supersammy :o) 3

Two old woman go to a tour in a musam and while they're walking they got separated. At the end of the tour the two woman meet up again the first woman said "Did you see the naked man that was sitting on the bench?" Yes the other woman replies, His penise sure was BIG! The first woman looked at the other woman and said, "And cold too!"

2006-11-29 07:36:07 · 9 answers · asked by sk8ter_girl_of07 2

river dance show they put on, good do but six of them drowned !!!!!!

2006-11-29 07:31:26 · 12 answers · asked by Shredder 6

A young man wanted to buy a gift for his new
g/f's birthday, and as they had not been dating very
long, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of
gloves. Acompanied by his g/f's younger sister, he went to Nordstrom and bought a pair of white gloves.
The sister bought panties for herself.During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the g/f got the panties. Without checking the contents, the man sealed the package and sent it to his g/f with the following note:

2006-11-29 07:24:15 · 9 answers · asked by Cuddly Lez 6

" Mum is it wrong to have a Willy.".......
"Why of course not, why do you ask"
"Well Dads working up a real sweat in the bathroom and he's trying to pull his off".

2006-11-29 07:13:20 · 17 answers · asked by chris w. 7

to hurt someone in a fight

2006-11-29 07:12:55 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

Ok... first person to get all 12 right gets best answer! Im going to randomly select 3 Mad Gab Cards (Each with 4 phrases for a total of 12) from my Mad Gab game! Try to guess what it says! Example: Eye Mull Of Mush Sheen = I'm A Love Machine...This is just for fun!

1. Ohm They Eaters Hiss Dumb
2. Test Brit How Survives
3. Nay Home Each Hud (hint: person)
4. Mill Can Goo Keys
5. Sadder Dane Height Fee Fur
6. My Hill Hike Lob
7. Seize Hearse Sail Ed
8. Peas Dash He Own Huts
9. Wide Hidden Chews Haze Hoe
10. Theme Hag Nifty Cents Heaven
11. Wad Estrange Lank Wedge
12. Hook Hut Ditch Ease

there ya go! good luck! If you cant get it try saying it 5 times fast outloud... cuz remember... its not what you say, its what you hear!!

2006-11-29 07:08:38 · 7 answers · asked by Lissa 2

Over 199 million gallons of what is illegally discarded each year?

2006-11-29 07:01:10 · 13 answers · asked by fiscomi 2

If cats go meow, dogs go woof, pigs go oink, horses go naaay, sheep go baaah, then what do humans do?

2006-11-29 06:56:25 · 9 answers · asked by ladee_in_luv 2

If your gas, yes, bodily gas, was suddenly of monetary value, please, in detail, explain to me how you would "capture it" and sell it to the buyers. The buyers are a team of strange people who have little grins on their faces when you actually hand them the gas...but they pay good money.

Thanks...and check my profile.

2006-11-29 06:56:11 · 5 answers · asked by http://fuelthearmy.com 3

2006-11-29 06:55:38 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

Bless us o Lord, and these thy gifts
Which we are about to receive
From thy bounty
Through Christ Our Lord,
Amen

2006-11-29 06:53:24 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

It's bitten me twice and now it's demanding its own "web" site!!!!!!!!!

2006-11-29 06:53:04 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

A woman shoots her husband. Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him.

But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together.

How can this be?

2006-11-29 06:51:15 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

There are many doors and you are standing in the center.

Each door has lions in it who are hungry for more than 100 years. How will you go in the doors?

2006-11-29 06:47:57 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous