Jokes & Riddles - November 2006

1. what has 4 legs, but only 1 foot?
2. when is the best time to have lunch?
3. why was 6 afraid of 7?
4. what kind of tie can you not tie?
5. how much times can 6 subtract from 36?
6. what is the difference between an new quarter and an old penny?

2006-11-29 14:43:09 · 17 answers · asked by The Riddler 1

A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube."
The man says, "Sorry officer I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I'll have a really bad asthma attack."

"Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample."
"I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death."

"Well, then we need a urine sample."
"I'm sorry officer I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I'll get really low blood sugar."

"Alright then I need you to come out here and walk this white line."
"I can't do that, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm too drunk to do that."

2006-11-29 14:41:34 · 5 answers · asked by L_n_C_fReAk 3

But the mailman told me to get my A** (butt) out of the mailbox!

Sorry, I thought this was cute.

2006-11-29 14:36:40 · 11 answers · asked by Kimberly 2

Okie there was earl a Ginny every year they go to the fair and the attendance person always tells them that its 50 bucks to get in and go on the scariest ride ever. and they cant pay so they go home. every year they go back but still not enough money. So the last year they go back earl says he will go on the ride at the fair. So they go back and talk to the attendance person he finally gives in a strikes a deal with them he said that they will get to go on the ride if they make no sound. Either that of they will have to owe 100$ So earl and Ginny gets in and goes for the longest ride of their life. and there was no sound. The attendance person stopped the ride and told them to get out but noticed that Ginny was gone. He asked earl where she was and he simply replied. "I would have said something when Ginny fell out but 50 bucks is 50 bucks".

2006-11-29 14:28:04 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-29 14:23:25 · 12 answers · asked by madhusudhana r 1

A man walks into a bar optimistically and later walks out misty optically.

2006-11-29 14:22:26 · 5 answers · asked by Everyman 3

a serviceman was preparing a yr long tour of iraq.but b4 he left he wanted to make sure his wife wouldnt cheat on him.so he goes to a adult toy store and asks for a vibrator for his wife. the sales clerk takes him to the back of the store 2 show him a vibrator 'you see' the clerk says 2 make this work just yell VOODOO VIBRATOR @the place that u want it 2 vibrate. 'VOODOO VIBRATOR the KEYHOLE! n the serviceman watches as the vibrator vibrated the keyhole. Happy the serviceman pays and takes it home his wife.He shows her how 2 use it and then he leaves for iraq.when hes gone the wife uses the vibrartor by yelling 'VOODOO VIBRATOR my VAGINA!' and lays back while it works. but horrified the wife realizes that her husband didnt teach her to turn it off! so she gets in her car and is driving herself to the hospital w/the VOODOO VIBRATOR still inside her.when she gets pulled over. the cop leans over the window and say' miss r u aware tht u were weaving in and out of traffic?

2006-11-29 14:19:48 · 24 answers · asked by Charles B 2

We all know the jokes from Bill Engvall, but heres one I recently heard and wanted to share.

A truck driver was driving down a road with a low clearance, when he seen the sign it was to late to turn around. He drove under the bride and got stuck. After 45 min a cop finally got there and made it through the traffic to the truck. He looked at the driver and said "got stuck huh?" The driver looked at him and said, "nope, I was moving this bridge and I ran out of gas."....Heres your sign.

I thought it was cute, I hope you all enjoy it.

2006-11-29 14:12:12 · 13 answers · asked by Dcham81 2

ok i found i on"www.brainofbrian.com".

this prooves barney is satin.

start out with"""cute purple dinosaur""
then change all the "u"s to "v"s ( just to make it latin)
now you have"""cvte pvrple dinosavr""
now drop out any #'s that aren't roman numeral.
now you have"" cvvldiv""
now give them their value in roman #'s
"c" is 100, "v" is 5, "v" is 5, "L" is 50, "D" is 500, "i" is 1, and "v" is 5

now you have 100, 5, 5, 50, 500, 1, 5

now add all of these #'s

did you get 666?

cool i know.

2006-11-29 14:10:13 · 9 answers · asked by ben h 2

2006-11-29 14:09:37 · 14 answers · asked by ? 6

does any 1 know the answer im trying to figure it out.

2006-11-29 14:05:02 · 6 answers · asked by jessica 1

1. Damn, my shaft is bent

2. After 18 holes, I can barely walk.

3. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker.

4. Look at the size of his putter

5. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more.

6. Mind if I join your threesome?

7. Stand with your back turned and drop it.

8. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.

9. Nice stroke, but your follow through has a lot to be desired.

10. Hold up, I need to wash my balls first.

2006-11-29 13:50:39 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

Why did the cookie monster throw the clock out the window??
Why did big bird sit on the three little kids??
why did bert clim the long stairs to go to school??

10 points for the best answers.

2006-11-29 13:40:28 · 11 answers · asked by In-Vince-Able 2

(i got nothin against blondes aight..)

One morning this blonde calls her friend and says "Please come over and help me. I have this killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to start it."

Her friend asks "What's the puzzle supposed to look like?"
The blonde says "From the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

So, the blonde's friend figures that he's pretty good at puzzles, so he heads over to her place. She lets him in the door and shows him to the table where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a minute, then studies the box. He then turns to her and says:

"First, no matter what I do, I'm not going to be able to show you how to assemble these to look like the picture of that tiger."

"Second, I'd advise you to have a cup of coffee and put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box!"

2006-11-29 13:39:44 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous

Would you marry me anyway?

2006-11-29 13:31:24 · 12 answers · asked by Sun 2

-This is a Joke/Riddle. [See if you can figure it out]

There is a man who paints a picture of a man sitting in a chair.
He then points to his painting and says to the Audience,
"Brothers and Sisters, I have none
But that mans father,
Is my fathers son."

-Who is The man in the painting?
[It's really quite easy if you think about it]

2006-11-29 13:22:57 · 26 answers · asked by Tracy♡ 2

What is the reason you are on here right now and not out having fun? Mine is because I am at work....same place I have been for the last 81/2 hours. What's yours??

2006-11-29 13:04:28 · 23 answers · asked by TNL 4

Which ever one I laugh most at, will get my 10 points...

I've got a dry sense of humor, and a wet one!

2006-11-29 13:01:31 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

how many rabbits
Just For Me Perm kit

2006-11-29 12:54:26 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

1. How do you put an elephant in a fridge in three steps?
2. How do you put a zebra in a fridge in four steps
3. The king of the jungle, the lion, is having a party. All of the animals come exept one. Who is it and why didn't he come?
4. A man is trying to cross an alligator-infested river. How does he do it?


hint-all of the questions are linked

2006-11-29 12:52:32 · 14 answers · asked by dramaaddict247 3

ok so heres the riddle. Your in a room with four white walls and no windows, the only thing in the room is a mirror. how do you get out???

2006-11-29 12:50:45 · 16 answers · asked by cookie_ninja99 1

2006-11-29 12:49:27 · 5 answers · asked by Rachal D LilBird 1

Okay this is gonna sound really stupid but I dont get it!!!!! HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-11-29 12:47:56 · 10 answers · asked by sami 2

As migration approached, two elderly vultures doubted they could make the trip south, so they decided to go by airplane.

When they checked their baggage, the attendant noticed that they were carrying two dead raccoons. "Do you wish to check the raccoons through as luggage?" she asked.

"No, thanks," replied the vultures. "They're carrion."

2006-11-29 12:47:01 · 12 answers · asked by Helen 4

1.)A horse is tied to a 15 ft. rope and there is a bail of hay 25 ft. away from him. Yet the horse is able to eat from the bail of hay. How is this possible?

2.)A man was found murdered one Sunday morning.
His wife immediately called the police.
The police questioned the wife and staff and was given these alibis:
The Wife said she was in bed reading a book.
The Cook claimed she cooking breakfast.
The Gardener claimed he was planting seeds.
The Maid claimed she was getting the mail.
The Butler claimed he polishing the silver.
The police instantly arrested the murdered. Who did it and how did they know?

3.)Fred owns a pet store.
He puts one canary per cage, but has one bird too many.
If he puts two canaries in each cage, he has one cage too many.
How many cages and canaries does he have?

4.)Steve, a party magician, is carrying three pieces of gold each piece weighing one kilogram.
On the way to a session he comes to a bridge which has a sign posted saying the bridge could hold only a maximum of 80 kilograms.
Steve weighs 78 kilograms and the gold weighs three kilograms.
He reads the sign and still safely crossed the bridge with all the gold.
How did he manage this?

5.)You are in a house with 4 windows, one window is on each wall they all face South, a bear walks by.
What color is the Bear?

6.)What has a mouth that never talks, always runs but never walks?

2006-11-29 12:43:44 · 9 answers · asked by Mad Jack Wants To Help. 2

a man lives in an apartment building.
the apartment building is 10 stories high.
the man lives on the 10th floor.
he takes the elevator from his apartment on the 10th floor all the way down to the lobby and then goes to work.
when he gets back from work, he takes the elevator to the 8th floor, gets off at the 8th floor and has the take the stairs to his apartment on the 10th floor.
the man must do this in order to get to his apartment.
there is nothing wrong with the elevator.
the man doesn't make any stops on his way, he goes straight to the elevator, to the 8th floor, to the stairs then to his apartment.
he has been doing this for 9 years.
and he doesn't do it for exercise.

2006-11-29 12:41:51 · 10 answers · asked by Mad Jack Wants To Help. 2

A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half.

Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.

The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?" The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing. Patient #1 replied, "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a lightbulb." The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2's face is going all red.

The doctor asks Patient #1, "If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself"

Patient #1 replies, "What? And work in the dark?"

2006-11-29 12:40:52 · 36 answers · asked by Helen 4

"I never was, am always to be,
No one ever saw me, nor ever will
And yet I am the confidence of all
To live and breathe on this terrestrial ball."

2006-11-29 12:38:18 · 9 answers · asked by Mad Jack Wants To Help. 2

they both really needed a wee/pee,

so they come across a graveyard and they look at each other with crossed legs.

The girls went into th grave yard and relieved themselves, grabbing the nearest things to wipe their...erm... foofs.

The next day their husbands were chatting, "oh my god Brian, last night our lass came home with flowers stuck in her knickers. What should I do?"

..........................

Brian replied "thats nowt, our lass came home with a card stuck between her **** cheeks saying " we will miss you, from all the lads at the fire brigade"!!!!!

2006-11-29 12:32:05 · 14 answers · asked by Helen 4

Okay I'm actually suprised more people haven't heard this - but whenever I tell it to someone they have no idea of the answer, so here goes...

A father and his son are driving in the car and get into a car accident. The injuries are extensive and they both are rushed to separate hospitals. As the boy is prepped for surgery, the doctor enters the room and says, "I can't operate on this boy - he's my son!" How is this possible?

2006-11-29 12:29:12 · 18 answers · asked by Stella Bing 3