Any jokes??

Question

Can you please send me some jokes, to put into a television program that i work with, here in Malta?

Answer 1

oooh where in Malta? i love diving there

Answer 2

Santa Singh applied for an engineering position at DEMAN CONSTRUCTION office in Amritsar. Reddy from Chennai applied for the same job and both
applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the Department manager Mr. Arvin Singh. Upon completion of the test, the results showed that both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Santa and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the job to Reddy". Santa: And why would you be doing that? We both got 9 questions correct. This being Punjab I should get the job!" Manager: "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the one question that you got wrong. "Santa: "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?" Manager: "Simple, for the question that both of you got wrong, Reddy put down 'I don't know' as the answer. And you wrote 'Neither do I'!"

Answer 3

Why Did Superman Kill A hooker?


Beause She Made Some Crack About Him Being Faster Than A Speeding Bullet.

Answer 4

*Being British! *

Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.

And the most British thing of all? Suspicion of anything foreign.
Oh and...... Only in Britain... can a pizza get to your house faster
than an ambulance.

Only in Britain... do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way
to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions, while healthy
people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in Britain... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries
and a DIET coke.

Only in Britain... do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens
to the counters.

Only in Britain... do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on The
drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

Only in Britain... do we use answering machines to screen calls and
then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we
didn't want to talk to in the first place.

Only in Britain... are there disabled parking places in front of a
skating rink. NOT TO MENTION...

3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.
142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.

58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of
screwdrivers.
31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while
the fairy lights were plugged in.

19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas
decorations were chocolate.

British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker
pulling accidents.

101 people since 1999 have had broken parts of plastic toys pulled
out of the soles of their feet.

18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit
cigarette in their mouth.

A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after
opening bottles of beer with their teeth.

5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out of Control
Scalextric cars.
and finally......... In 2000 eight Brits cracked their skull
whilst throwing up into the toilet.

Answer 5

yes. take this one:

Embarrassing Situations!
A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the other end. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?" To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" By now, the entire bar is staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations." To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200!"

Answer 6

Pinocchio is moaning to Geppetto about the problems he has while having sex with his girl. "Every time we screw she complains about splinters" he tells his dad. "Sandpaper, my boy, that's what you need!" the old carpenter tells him. A couple of weeks later Gippetto asks Pinocchio,"How are you getting on with the girlfriend now?" "Who needs girlfriend's?" replied Pinocchio.

Answer 7

I hope these sites give you hours of fun in reading some of the funniest jokes around.

http://www.comedycentral.com/jokes/index...

http://www.ahajokes.com/

http://www.ahajokes.com/kids_jokes.html...

http://xtraedition.indiatimes.com/articl...

http://www.byrum.org/the.web.walker/tast...

http://www.thefunnypages.com/

http://www.johndclare.net/russ12_jokes.h...

Answer 8

A little girl ran crying to her mom asking for a glass of cider. "What do you want a glass of cider for ?" asks mom. "I've cut my finger on a thorn." ..... "So why the cider ?" asks mom. ..... "Well, I overheard my big sister saying whenever she gets a prick in her hand she cant wait to get it in cider."

LOL

Answer 9

How do you make a Maltese cross?
Kick him in the nuts!

Answer 10

that Bush got to be President on his intellectual abilities