Jokes & Riddles - July 2006

The U.S. Government decided to take an experiment to see what people say right before they get into an auto accident.
89% of the people in 49 states said: ''Oh, ****!''

In Texas 94% said: ''Hold my beer. Watch this.''

2006-07-31 05:54:47 · 12 answers · asked by Stephanie 3

Ok, go onto google, type in the word failure, and click "I'm feeling Lucky" and see what happens!

2006-07-31 05:45:22 · 25 answers · asked by Martha <3 3

OTTFFSS ...... What comes next?

2006-07-31 05:41:37 · 10 answers · asked by ematthew7 1

15) Fundraiser: "I'm afraid you're going to fall short
of your goal tonight."

14) Minister: "Sometimes it's better to neither give
nor receive. This is one of those times."

13) Magician: "Would you settle for a little sleight of
hand.?"

12) Loan officer: "My interest rate has dropped
significantly."

11) FEMA official: "I'll be there to help you right away."

10) Psychologist: "Why do you think you want to make
love?"

9) CEO: "I have no interest whatsoever in merging our
assets."

8) Dentist: "It doesn't look like we'll be filling any
cavities tonight. Nor will we be debating spitting versus swallowing, either."

7) Taxidermist: "I won't be able to mount your beaver
tonight."

6) Air traffic controller: "You're going to have to land
that baby on instruments."

5) Bookstore clerk: "I believe you'll find what you're
looking for in the self-help section."

4) Judge: "Erection overruled."

3) Flight attendant: "I'm sorry, sir, but you're going
to have to store that."

2) Drug dealer: "You'll have to get that blow somewhere
else."

And Topfive.com's Number 1 Professional Way to Say, "I
Have a Headache"...

1) Drill sergeant: "At ease, privates!"

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

2006-07-31 05:32:14 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-07-31 05:25:51 · 19 answers · asked by Dr. Chapatin 2

What is the answer to this riddle?

I run all day but never walk, I tell you somthing but I cannot talk.

2006-07-31 05:14:02 · 24 answers · asked by Amanda 3

Sue,Tina and Shannon are the treasurer,historian, and a president of their local book club, although not in that order. At the last meeting, the treasurer, an only child, spoke the least. Shannon, who is married to Sue's brother, spoke more than the historian.

Who does what?

2006-07-31 04:52:05 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

listen to this one i liked it---Ok this lady was sittin a bar drinkin and her boob fell out her shirt--the bar tender ran down there to her and licked it and put it back in her shirt--so she was sittin there drinkin somemore and it fell out again so the bar tender ran down there again licked it and put in back in her shirt--so there was this drunk guy sittin at the end of the bar he kept watchin what the bar tender was doin--so the womans boob fell out again so the drunk man ran down there and licked it and she slapped the hell outta him--he said why did you do that for you been lettin him lick it and she said cause he has a liqueur license and you dont

2006-07-31 04:48:56 · 17 answers · asked by blueeyed sexy blonde 2

Go to this web site.

http://www.eyetricks.com/scary_optical_illusion2.htm

You'll see a picture of a room.

First one back to tell me what's odd about it gets 10 points

Hint concentrate on the centre of the room ,it might take you a minute to get it.

2006-07-31 04:44:25 · 21 answers · asked by projetkarma 2

Tell me something that will make me laugh.

2006-07-31 04:40:17 · 19 answers · asked by Maggi 2

*riddle...

2006-07-31 04:34:09 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

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2006-07-31 04:27:22 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

Which state has the longest name?

2006-07-31 04:22:33 · 14 answers · asked by Erynn 1

2006-07-31 03:54:27 · 8 answers · asked by soxrcat 6

2006-07-31 03:47:39 · 10 answers · asked by snowdogdreams 4

2006-07-31 03:39:13 · 19 answers · asked by mbhoy 2

Here is mine.......
You might be a redneck if Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey, y'all watch this!"

2006-07-31 03:37:04 · 11 answers · asked by Boo Boo 4

2006-07-31 03:23:59 · 34 answers · asked by mbhoy 2

A man buys furniture and then prices it at low prices that the poor can afford. He starts losing money at a fast rate, but continues. Eventually he becomes a millionaire, how is this possible?

2006-07-31 03:19:20 · 10 answers · asked by Reighn J 2

knock knock
whose there
dwane
dwane who
dwane the bathtub i'm dwowning

got ne other lame jokes for a monday morning?

2006-07-31 03:18:52 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

You arrive at the gate of heaven and hell. Two guardians are here. None of them is seating in front of a particular gate, they are just walking around. One of the gate leads to heaven, the other to hell, and as you might have guessed, you have to find which one. The only thing you know is that one of the guardian is always lying and the other always telling the truth. You can ask one question to one of them.

2006-07-31 03:08:00 · 9 answers · asked by Reighn J 2

2006-07-31 03:06:11 · 3 answers · asked by rdx 2

2006-07-31 02:59:36 · 19 answers · asked by Ryan 2

Yeah, I know this is cheesy but it's monday, I'm bored, cream-crackered and need a laugh. so funniest gags please (winner gets a mars bar, pack of skittles and half a curley wurley!). Here's my (poor) attempt:

two fish in a tank one says to t'other, "can you drive this thing?!"

2006-07-31 02:31:07 · 23 answers · asked by Timmy 1

2006-07-31 02:28:12 · 8 answers · asked by susan999 3

2006-07-31 02:22:13 · 22 answers · asked by kiki 2

There are two very poor boys. The first is 18 and the second is 14. They live on their own. They are so poor they live in a small, strange house with only one bed. They both sleep in this bed every night, however, they sleep in separate rooms. How is this possible?

2006-07-31 02:16:50 · 6 answers · asked by Tweety 1

the word is _H_T___1_ME_

2006-07-31 02:09:14 · 5 answers · asked by saurabh s 1

from "iamgodofsheep"......Should i send all the sheeps in the world so that all people will go to sleep when they will count the SHEEPS....may be after that i can OVERTAKE the world because no one will stop me....what do u say?

2006-07-31 01:59:53 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

A Cockroach is staring me for a long time....and it's aiming for me....i think it's going to attack me....what should i do ?

2006-07-31 01:47:57 · 44 answers · asked by Anonymous