Tell me something that will make me laugh.
2006-07-31 04:40:17 · 19 answers · asked by Maggi 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
My roommate sleeps with a freaking handpuppet!!!!!!!!
2006-08-04 19:42:01 · answer #1 · answered by Jersey's Franchise 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
An old man and a young man work together in an office. The old man always has a jar of peanuts on his desk, and the young man really loves peanuts.
One day, while the old man is away from his desk, the young man yields to temptation and scarfs down over half of the contents of the jar. When the old man returns, the young man feels guilty and confesses to his crime.
"Don't worry, son. I never eat the peanuts anyway," the old man replies. "Since I lost my teeth, all I can do is gum chocolate off the M&M's."
2006-07-31 04:44:41 · answer #2 · answered by Kaizzha? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Johnny was terrible at math he had flunked several times so his mother decided to put him in Catholic school. From the first day he came home went straight to his room and did his entire home work, this carried on for the rest of the year. At the end Johnny passed math with flying colours. His mother wanted to know what had inspired him. So she sat him down and asked him "Was it the strict rules?"
"No" he replied.
"Was it the encouragement of the nuns?"
"No" he replied.
"Then what was it?"
"That first day when I walked in and saw that guy hung up on the plus sign I knew they meant business!"
Two individuals proceeded towards the apex of a natural geologic protuberance, the purpose of their expedition being the procurement of a sample of fluid hydride of oxygen in a large vessel, the exact size of which was unspecified.
One member of the team precipitously descended, sustaining severe damage to the upper cranial portion of his anatomical structure.
Subsequently the second member of the team performed a self-rotational translation, oriented in the same direction taken by the first team member.
In simple English what does this translate to????
Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water
Jack fell down and broke his crown
And Jill came tumbling after!
The president of a large corporation opened his directors meeting by announcing, "All those who are opposed to the plan I am about to propose will reply by saying, 'I resign'
What's the difference between people who pray in church and those who pray in casinos?
The ones in the casinos are serious.
When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.
The First Law of Philosophy: For every philosopher, there exists an equal and opposite philosopher.
The Second Law of Philosophy: They're both wrong
2006-07-31 04:46:51 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mother has an Amazon parrot that talks a lot!
One of her phrases is....
"It's preposterous to hear a parrot talk!"
True!
ps...she says HELLO everytime the phone rings.
2006-07-31 04:45:27 · answer #4 · answered by brant_aughey 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. What is height of Secrecy?
Offering blank visiting cards.
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2. What is height of Activelaziness?
Asking for a lift to house while on a morning walk.
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3. What is height of Laziness?
Adopting a child.
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4. What is height of Craziness?
Getting a blank paper Xeroxed.
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5. What is height of Forgetfulness?
Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw him / her last.
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6. What is height of Stupidity?
A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door.
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7. What is height of Honesty?
A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket.
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8. What is height of Suicide?
A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.
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9. What is height of De-hydration?
A cow giving milk powder.
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Now some different answers
10. What is height of Secrecy?
Not attending your own marriage
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11. What is height of Activelaziness?
hiring somebody for your own morning walk !!!!
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12. What is height of Laziness?
adopting another child !!!!
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13. What is height of Craziness?
Trying to do blowwjob to a enuch
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14. What is height of Forgetfulness?
Going out from own house in the morning and getting back to neighbour's house.
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15. What is height of Stupidity?
Going to swim without underwear
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2006-07-31 04:55:02 · answer #5 · answered by Tanya S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
mary had a little lamb
who liked to play with pythons
ten thousand volts went up its ***
and turned it into nylon
2006-07-31 04:47:04 · answer #6 · answered by Saul 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two blondes were walking along a beach one day. They saw a compact in the sand and picked it up. The first one said to the other, "I wonder who it belongs to?" The second said, "Open it, maybe it has something in it." The first one opens the compact and sees her reflection and says, "Hmm, she looks familiar," the second one wrenches it from her hands and looks, too. "You dummy, " she says to the first one, "That's me!!"
2006-07-31 04:49:56 · answer #7 · answered by The Y!ABut 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its raining cats and dogs ive just stepped in a poodle
2006-07-31 04:46:46 · answer #8 · answered by carebear 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go here:
http://www.eyetricks.com/scary_optical_illusion2.htm
2006-07-31 05:14:26 · answer #9 · answered by Britney♥ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im a toe picker
my boogers itch
i pooted
2006-07-31 05:06:04 · answer #10 · answered by vinselgomez 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋