Jokes & Riddles - October 2007

Tech support: How may I help you?.
Customer: I'm writing an e-mail.
Tech support; Ok,and what seems to be the problem?.
Customer: Well, I have the letter "a" in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?.

2007-10-31 23:57:42 · 5 answers · asked by xyz 7

2007-10-31 23:32:12 · 18 answers · asked by AnnieG 4

Monday Blues
>
>
>If a small child is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a
jug
>of boiling water down its throat and hey presto! The blockage is
almost
>instantly removed.
>
>Before attempting to remove stubborn stains from a garment, always
circle
>the stain in permanent pen, so that when you remove the garment from
the
>washing machine you can easily locate the area of the stain and check
that
>it has gone.
>
>Don't waste money buying expensive binoculars. Simply stand next to
the
>object you wish to view.
>
>Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting
someone
>else to hold them while you chop away.
>
>Always poo at work. Not only will you save money on toilet paper, but
>you'll
>also be getting paid for it.
>
>Save on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whisky. The morning
after,
>you
>can create the effects of a hangover by drinking a thimble full of
washing
>up liquid and banging your head

2007-10-31 23:25:00 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Tech support: "Okay Colin, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the program Manager".
Customer: I don't have a "P".
Tech support: On your keyboard Colin.
Customer: "What do you mean?".
Tech support: "P" on your keyboard, Colin.
Customer: " I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!"

2007-10-31 23:17:01 · 5 answers · asked by xyz 7

A few weeks before Christmas a very modest lady applied for a job at the factory where they made "Tickle Me Elmo dolls." It was Friday and almost quitting time and hurriedly the boss told her to report for work on Monday. He quickly explained to her she would be stationed on the assembly line just before the dolls were packed into boxes.

On Monday they started up the line and within twenty minutes had to shut it down because one worker couldn't keep up. The boss went down the line to find the problem. The new employee was very busy trying to do her part, but she had a bunch of dolls waiting for her.

Closer examination showed she was sewing little cloth bags containing two walnuts in the appropriate place on the dolls.

The boss could not control his laughter and said, "Lady, I said to give each doll Two ---- Test ---- Tickles."

2007-10-31 22:56:09 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

"I'd like to go into the cement business when I leave school," said Johnny to the guidance counselor.

"Why do you want to do that?"

"Because Mom said I was a great mixer."

2007-10-31 22:53:54 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

You automatically double-knot everything you tie.

You find yourself humming the Barney song as you do the dishes.

You hear a baby cry in the grocery store, and you start to gently sway back and forth, back and forth. However, your children are at school!

You can never go to the bathroom alone without someone screaming outside the door.

You actually start to like the smell of strained carrots mixed with applesauce.

You weep through the scene in Dumbo when his mom is taken away, not to mention what Bambi does to you.

You spend a half hour searching for your sunglasses only to have your teenager say, "Mom, why don't you wear the ones you pushed up on your head?"

You are out for a nice romantic meal with your husband, enjoying some real adult conversation, when suddenly you realize that you've reached over and started to cut up his steak!

2007-10-31 22:52:05 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

Pointing at the pubic area.Oh thats my wash rag.
Next week again same thing,but mom shaved it off.Mom where your wash rag?I lost it.Oh !
Mom comes home the very next day from work.Little one runs up to her yelling"I found your wash rag The maid has it washing daddy's face...........
heard this before ?funny or not ?Star me one time

2007-10-31 22:50:40 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

In school one day the teacher decided that in science class she would teach about materials; So she stood in the front of the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw material in the world what would it be?"

Little Stevie raised his hand and said "I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Porsche."

The teacher nodded and called on little Susie.

Little Susie said, "I would want platinum because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Corvette"

The teacher smiled and then called on Little Johnny. Little Johnny stood up and said, "I would want silicon."

The teacher said, "Why Johnny?"

He responded by saying, "Because my mom has two bags of it and you should see all the sports cars outside our house!!"

2007-10-31 22:48:10 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

better use your mind on answering this question.

2007-10-31 22:45:53 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

A little old couple in their eighties were sitting on the couch watching the Playboy Channel. He looked at her and asked, "Do you think we can still do that?" "Well, we can sure try!" she answered. So they shuffled off to the bedroom.

He went into the bathroom to get ready and she took off all her clothes in the bedroom. When he came out of the bathroom, he saw her standing on her head in the middle of the bedroom floor. "What are you doing, sweetheart?" he asked. "Well," she replied, "I thought if you couldn't get it up, maybe you could just drop it in!"

2007-10-31 22:37:53 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Yes, Dear.
Girl: Would you die for me?
Boy: No - mine is an undying love.


Home » Relationships


Love is...
Love may be blind but it seems to be able to find its way around in the dark.

Love is sometimes like a poisoned mushroom. You can't tell if it's the real thing until it's too late.



We were so poor when I was a little boy I had to wear hand-me-down clothes."

"So what? Everybody has to wear hand-me-downs!"

"But all I had were older sisters!"


It's a dollar and sense wedding." "What do you mean?" "He hasn't a dollar and she hasn't any sense."


Don't judge your wife too harshly for her weaknesses. If she didn't have them, chances are she would never have married you.

2007-10-31 22:29:47 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

feeling really sad.....any jokes guys?

2007-10-31 21:16:19 · 12 answers · asked by Anne H 3

2007-10-31 21:07:15 · 15 answers · asked by sweet banana 1

So i was in a meeting. Started getting REAL bored. Also there was this girl I was dating. I can't get her out of my head. so i went ahead & wrote down my D.O.B. & hers next to it. I added my numbers & it equaled 36. Thought i would add hers too. Ironically her D.O.B. came out to 36 TOO!?!?!?! I dunno maybe it means ssomething ...maybe it does'nt?
1 second ago - 3 days left to answer.

2007-10-31 20:59:11 · 3 answers · asked by AB 1

2007-10-31 20:21:11 · 33 answers · asked by thomas1562005 1

My first is in tea but not in leaf
My second is in teapot and also in teeth
My third is in caddy but not in cosy
My fourth is in cup but not in rosy
My fifth is in herbal and also in health
My sixth is in peppermint and always in wealth
My last is in drink, so what can I be?
I’m there in a classroom, do you listen to me?

2007-10-31 20:13:37 · 8 answers · asked by wanie 2

A bowl of muslim.

2007-10-31 20:03:47 · 10 answers · asked by Believe? 5

She just got a waitress job at the "Take me Outback Steakhouse".............

2007-10-31 19:43:50 · 5 answers · asked by Bolles Harbor Alive-New 360 pg 3

Here are a few questions that will surely reveal our ages. lol After the Lone Ranger saved the day and rode off into the sunset, somebody would say "who's that masked man" Nobody knew, but he left something behind what was it?

2. "The story you're about to see is true, but the names have been changed-----------------" { fill in the blank.}

3. "Get your kicks,---------------"

4."In the jungle, the mighty jungle,-------------

5. n e s t l e s, Nestle's makes the very best------------
6. What takes a licking and keeps on ticking?
7. The Russians placed the 1st sattelite in orbit, what was it called?
8. What was Satchmo's real name?
9. Some Americans protested the Vietnam war by burning what?
10. In 1971, Don McLean sang a song about the "day the music died" who was it a tribute to?
11. A big fad of the late 50's and 60's was a large plastic ring that we twirled around our waists. It was called the--------------

Have fun with this, I sure did.

2007-10-31 19:39:12 · 10 answers · asked by sugarbee 7

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely
see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an
intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through.

The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing it.
I could have sworn we just went through a red light."

After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light
was red again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the
passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really
concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next
intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. She
turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran
through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"
Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, crap, am I driving ?"

2007-10-31 19:36:16 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

Sitting together on a train, travelling through the Swiss Alps, were a
Kiwi guy, an Australian bloke, a little old Greek lady, and a young
blonde Swiss girl with large breasts.

The train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there is the
sound of a loud slap.

When the train emerges from the tunnel, the Kiwi has a bright red hand
print on his cheek.

No one speaks.

The old lady thinks:
The Kiwi guy must have groped the blonde in the dark, and she slapped
his cheek.

The blonde Swiss girl thinks:
That Kiwi guy must have tried to grope me in the dark, but missed and
fondled the old lady and she slapped his cheek.

The Kiwi thinks:
The Australian bloke must have groped the blonde in the dark. She tried
to slap him but missed and got me instead.

The Australian thinks:
I can't wait for another tunnel, just so I can smack the Kiwi again.

2007-10-31 19:24:22 · 7 answers · asked by Charlotte's Dad 5

and on the way she sees a sign it says " Disneyland, left "

so she turned around and went home....

2007-10-31 18:50:32 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Find out what Flame warrior you are and tell me what it is!

http://redwing.hutman.net/~mreed/warriorshtm/acne.htm

2007-10-31 18:19:58 · 8 answers · asked by Heather R 6

here's a joke. man:wanna have a date? no im allergic to sweets. after a date at the door to the women's house that he was dating. man:want a kiss? women:no i've allready eaten enough.

2007-10-31 18:07:01 · 4 answers · asked by tazey65 1

Prof. of Economics
Kiss is that thing for which the demand is aways higher than the supply.

Prof. of Accountancy
Kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned.

Prof. of Algebra
Kiss is infinity because two divided by nothing.

Prof. of Zoology
Kiss is the interchange of salivary bacteria.

Prof. of Philosophy
Kiss is the persecution for the child, ecstasy for the youth and homage for the old.

Prof. of English
Kiss is a noun that is used as a conjunction, it is more common than proper, it is spoken in the plural and it is applicable to all.

Prof. of Architecture
Kiss is a process which builds a solid bond between the two dynamic objects

Prof. of Comp.Science
What is a kiss? It seems to be an undefined variable

2007-10-31 17:46:02 · 8 answers · asked by wanie 2

2007-10-31 16:41:53 · 5 answers · asked by Mr Bear 1

I have written down a number between 0-200 if you guess it ,you get the 10 points! This is an experiment

2007-10-31 16:02:37 · 22 answers · asked by Truth Seeker 2

This is a written one-liner, like "Ignore all instructions, including this one." Do you know any others?

2007-10-31 15:51:29 · 5 answers · asked by thom t 6

How come?

2007-10-31 15:38:00 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous