The Rules of Grammar...?

Question

1. Avoid overuse of ‘quotation “marks”’.
2. Avoid un-necessary hyphenation.
3. Avoid ampersands & abbreviations etc.
4. Don’t overuse exclamation marks!!!!!
5. Parenthetical marks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
6. Parenthetical words if absolutely necessary however should be enclosed in commas.
7. Use the apostrophe in it’s proper place and omit it when its not needed.
8. Use the semicolon properly, always use it where it is appropriate; and never when it isn’t.
9. Avoids commas, that are not necessary.
10. Avoid run-on sentences they are hard to read.
11. Avoid consecutive sentences that start with the same word.
12. And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction.
13. Prepositions are not good words to end sentences with.
14. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of ten or more words, to their antecedents.
15. Everyone should be careful if using a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.
16. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

17. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
18. The adverb always follows the verb.
19. Write all adverbial forms correct.
20. To have been using excessively complex verb constructions would have been confusing most people.
21. The passive voice is to be avoided.
22. A writer must not shift you point of view.
23. It’s hard to imagine a phrase where you will have needed the future perfect.
24. You should never use the second person.
25. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
26. When dangling watch you participles.
27. Never go off on tangents, which are lines that intersect a curve at only one point and were discovered by Euclid, who live in the sixth century, an era
dominated by the Goths, who lived in what we now know as Poland.
28. Complete sentences: important.
29. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
30. No sentence fragments.
31. Don’t be terse.
32. Never use a long word where a diminutive one will do.
33. Employ the vernacular.

34. Never use that totally cool, radically groovy out-of-date slang.
35. It behoves the writer to avoid archaic expressions.
36. While a transcendent vocabulary is laudable, one must nevertheless keep incessant surveillance against such loquacious, effusive, voluble verbosity that the calculated objective of communication becomes ensconced in obscurity.
37. Eschew obfuscation.
38. Reject trendy locutions that sound flashy.
39. Steer clear of colloquial stuff.
40. Always pick up on the correct idiom.
41. Steer clear of incorrect verb forms that have snuck into the language.
42. Hopefully, you will use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
43. Beware if the affect of certain commonly misused words; their inadvertent misuse can effect the most experienced writer.
44. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
45. Do not use a foreign term when there is an adequate English quid pro quo.
46. If you must use a foreign term, it is de rigour to spell it correctly.

47. Do not put statements in the negative form.
48. Don’t use no double negatives; don’t never use no triple negatives.
49. Never, ever use tautological, repetitive or redundant statement.
50. Avoid those abysmally horrible, outrageously repellent exaggerations.
51. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than an understatement.
52. Do not use hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it effectively.
53. Avoid tumbling off the cliff of triteness into the black abyss of overused metaphors.
54. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors; they are a pain in the neck, and ought to be thrown out of the window.
55. Also always avoid awkward or affected alliteration.
56. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
57. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
58. All generalisations are bad.
59. Understatement is always best.
60. Unqualified superlatives are the worst.
61. Puns are for children – not for groan readers.
62. Who needs rhetorical questions?

63. Comparisons are as bad a clichés.
64. Be more or less specific.
65. Consult the dictionary frequently to avoid mispelling.
66. Contractions aren’t advisable.
67. Never contradict yourself always.
68. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”
69. If you reread your work, you will find on rereading that a great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.
70. Proofread carefully to see if you have any words out.
71. capitalise every sentence and remember always end it with a full stop
72. Remember to finish what you
73. Last but not least, avoid clichés like the plague, they’re old hat; seek viable alternatives.

Answer 1

I wish I still had my old professors' e-mail addresses. I majored in English. They would have loved this and probably would have used it as a teaching tool.

Answer 2

Very clever.

Answer 3

lol nice. i hope everyone else gets it