Jokes & Riddles - August 2007

We always hear " the rules "From the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor.

2007-08-01 03:50:22 · 8 answers · asked by Bfloyd15 3

Date:tues 2 august 2007

1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.

2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelette.

3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.

4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.

5. You are using your cellular phone to dial up every bumpersticker that says, "How's my driving- call 1-800-***-****.

6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.

7. You're convinced there's a God and he's male.

8. You're counting down the days until menopause.

9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.

10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.

2007-08-01 03:31:57 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

A farmer went out one day and bought a
> brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop.
>
>
>
> The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says,
>
> "OK old timer, time for you to retire."
>
> The old rooster replies, "Come on, surely you cannot
> handle ALL of these hens.. Look what it has done to me.
>
>
> Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in
> the corner?"
> The young rooster says, "Beat it! You are washed up
>
> and I am taking over.."
>
> The old rooster says, "I tell you what, young stud.
>
> I will race you around the farmhouse.
>
> Whoever wins gets exclusive domain
>
> over the entire chicken coop."
>
>
> The young rooster laughs. "You know you
>
> don't stand a chance, old man.
>
> So, just to be fair, I will give you a head start."
>
> The old rooster takes off running.
>
>
>
> About 15 seconds later the young rooster
>
> takes off running after him.
>
> They round the front porch of the farmhouse and
>
> the young rooster has closed the gap.
>
> He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and
> gaining fast.
>
> The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot
> on the front porch when he sees the roosters go running by.
>
> He grabs his shotgun and - BOOM - he blows
> the young rooster to bits.
>
> The farmer sadly shakes his head and says,
>
>
> "Damn....third gay rooster I bought this month."
>
>
>
> Moral of this story?
>
> 1) You don't get old being a fool!
>
>
> 2) Age, skill, and treachery will always
> overcome youth and arrogance!
>
>
> 3) Don't mess with us OLD TIMERS!

2007-08-01 03:25:56 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-08-01 03:21:24 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

tendulkar is an opener

2007-08-01 03:02:25 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-08-01 02:42:09 · 10 answers · asked by Giggle Bear 3

Three little boys were looking for a summer job. Their preacher needed some people to go around and sell Bibles, so the preacher hired two boys without even thinking twice. He was hesitant about hiring the third boy because he suffered from a speech impediment, but hired him anyway.

So after the first days of work, they all met back at the church. The preacher looked at the first boy and asked him, "How many bibles did you sell?"

The boy stood up and said, "35."

"Is that all you sold?" the preacher asked.

"He looked at the second boy and asked him the same thing.

The boy said, "75."

"That's good," the preacher replied.

He didn't want to ask the third boy but did. The boy with the speech impediment said, "I-I-I s-s-sold 175."

The preacher was amazed and asked the boy how he managed to sell all those Bibles.

He said, "I-I-I t-t-told them to b-b-buy t-t them or I will r-r-read it to t-t-them."

2007-08-01 02:03:39 · 14 answers · asked by Bfloyd15 3

i hate awkward silences and i really wish i knew something to say to break them....any thoughts?

2007-08-01 01:28:28 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous