Jokes & Riddles - August 2007

A sloth named Herman is walking through the forest one day.
A gang of snails approach him and beat him up. He is left at the bottom of a tree with several cuts and bruises.
Several hours later he gathers up enough strength to go to a local police station. Herman walks into the Sergeant's office.
"What happened to you? the officer asks.
"A gang of snails beat me up," Herman replied.
"Can you describe what they looked like?"
"I don't know," the sloth says. "It all happened so fast."

2007-08-04 10:48:50 · 6 answers · asked by "!" 5

2007-08-04 10:38:55 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

A little kid asks his father, "Daddy, is God a man or a woman?"

"Both son. God is both."

After a while the kid comes again and asks, "Daddy, is God black or white?"

"Both son, both."

The child returns a few minutes later and says, "Daddy, is Michael Jackson God?"

2007-08-04 10:31:40 · 6 answers · asked by LiLi =] 3

A little boy is in school working on his arithmetic. The teacher says, "Imagine there are 5 black birds sitting on a fence. You pick up your BB gun and shoot one. How many
blackbirds are left?"

The little boy thinks for a moment and says, "NONE!" The teacher replies, "None, how do you figure that?" The little boy says, if I shoot one, all the other birds will fly away scared, leaving none on the fence." The teacher replies, "Hmm, not exactly, but I do like the way you think!"

The little boy then says, "Teacher, let me ask you a question.

There are 3 women sitting on a park bench eating ice cream cones. One is licking her cone, another is biting it and the third one is sucking it. How can you tell which one of the women is married?"

The teacher ponders the question ncomfortably and then finally replies, "Well, I guess the one sucking her cone."

To which the little boy replies, "Actually, its the one with the wedding ring, but I do like the way YOU think!"

2007-08-04 10:22:15 · 19 answers · asked by LiLi =] 3

2007-08-04 09:54:51 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

play on words and a not so-common fruit drink (around winter tyme).

2007-08-04 09:29:12 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

hint something to do with a condiment.

2007-08-04 09:24:38 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-08-04 09:23:48 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-08-04 09:23:11 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

In the car, there are: -
2 children
2 parents
1 grandparent

How many are in the car?

2007-08-04 09:17:48 · 28 answers · asked by Jo 2

I was out shopping the other day when I saw six women beating my wifes mother up. As I stood there and watched, her neighbour, who knew me, said, "Well, aren't you going to help?" I replied, "No. Six of them is enough".


A guy brings his dog into the vet and says, "Could you please cut my dog's tail off?" The vet examines the tail and says, "There is nothing wrong. Why would you want this done?" The man replies, "My wifes mother is coming to visit, and I don't want anything in the house to make her think that she is welcome!"

I bought my wifes mother a chair for Christmas, but she wouldn't plug it in

2007-08-04 07:02:21 · 5 answers · asked by dead?_not_me 1

The song goes:
Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear
Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair
Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't fuzzy, was he?

It says Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear... So what is he now?

2007-08-04 05:54:30 · 4 answers · asked by Puppy fam 2

And I mean for everything! Sleepovers, getting back at an enemy, mean brothers, ect.

2007-08-04 05:45:32 · 5 answers · asked by bballgurlis 5

2007-08-04 05:43:26 · 11 answers · asked by aussie witch 51 1

i no they both sell out everywhere they go but whos better?

2007-08-04 05:38:14 · 7 answers · asked by shaq miami heats 32 1

What 3 words does a woman not want to hear when having sex?

Darling I'm home!

2007-08-04 05:13:04 · 6 answers · asked by wdh25 2

A blonde goes to the Western Union office and says, "I just have to get an urgent message to my mother in Europe."

The clerk says it will be $100, and she replies "But I don't have that much money, and I must get a message to her, it's urgent! I'll do anything to get a message to her."

The clerk replies "Anything?"

"Yes... ANYTHING!" replies the blonde.

He leads her back to his office and closes the door. He tells her to kneel in front of him and unzip his pants."

She does. "Take it out", says the clerk."

She does this as well. She looks up at him, his member in her hands and he says "Well... go ahead and do it..."

She brings her lips close to it and shouts "Hello?... Mom?"

2007-08-04 05:04:32 · 13 answers · asked by wdh25 2

8 something. Hehe.

2007-08-04 03:37:48 · 8 answers · asked by Kit 3

A Man gets a Woman pregnate, She goes to the doctor and finds out she's having 5 kids, but when she gives birth, half of them are boys is this possible?

Explain your answer

2007-08-04 03:12:39 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

What is that which costs nothing, but is worth everything? Weighs nothing, but lasts a lifetime? That one person can't own, but two can share?

2007-08-04 00:45:13 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-08-04 00:29:02 · 16 answers · asked by billyndave 1

Kev and Kate where walking up the mountains in Austria it was a cold day and it turned out kev had forgot the sandwiches at the hut, then instead of pulling out sandwiches from the bag he pulled out.................

2007-08-04 00:26:04 · 19 answers · asked by ωєℓѕн 4

A drunk is sitting at a bar when a woman stands behind him and raises her arm really high to get the bartender's attention.
She has very hairy armpits. The drunk sees this and yells at the bartender, "Get the ballerina a drink."

She gets her drink and goes away.
Later she returns and raises her arm again. The drunk sees her and yells to the bartender, "Get the ballerina another drink." She gets her drink and goes away again.
The bartender asks the drunk how he knows that she is a ballerina
given that she is a stranger and has never been in the bar before.
The drunk replies, "She's got to be a ballerina if she can lift
her leg that high."

2007-08-03 20:20:46 · 25 answers · asked by ♥Honesty ♥.•´ `*.¸ ♥ 7

Supposedly, these are actual advertisements that have appeared in papers across the country.

Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.

A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.

Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.

For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.

Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.

Wanted: 50 girls for ********* machine operators in factory.

Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.

We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand

2007-08-03 19:31:29 · 17 answers · asked by Star_Night 5

First one with the right answer gets 10 points! (or maybe if you come up with something better than what I have - you might get the 10 points then)

2007-08-03 18:58:46 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

First one with the right answer gets 10 points! (or maybe if you come up with something better than what I have - you might get the 10 points then)

2007-08-03 18:57:56 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

First one with the right answer gets 10 points! (or maybe if you come up with something better than what I have - you might get the 10 points then)

2007-08-03 18:56:07 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two fathers and two sons come upon a tree with three apples—
the three apples are not cut, broken or shared and everyone eats one apple...
...how is this possible?

2007-08-03 17:29:09 · 15 answers · asked by sbuxchic29 1

A faucet, a lettuce and a tomato ran a race.

2007-08-03 17:26:13 · 4 answers · asked by Princess Picalilly 4

What can go up the chimney down; but it can't go down the chimney up?

2007-08-03 17:23:53 · 7 answers · asked by Princess Picalilly 4