Jokes & Riddles - November 2007

Mrs. Jones' kitty isn't feeling well , a bad case of constipation. She takes it to the vet, who gives her a new kind of laxative. "Give her about four teaspoons of this, and she'll be better in no time."


Mrs. Jones' does as she's told and returns a week later. The vet asks, "How's your calf?"
"I don't have a calf. It was my cat who wasn't
feeling well." "Well, how's your cat doing?"


"I'm not sure. The last time I saw her, she was heading toward the north end of town with ten other cats. Five were digging, three were covering, and two were scouting for new territory."

2007-11-14 22:29:07 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

There was a guy who was struggling to decide what to wear
to go to a fancy costume party... Then he had a bright idea.
When the host answered the door, he found the guy standing
there with no shirt and no socks on. "What the hell are you supposed to be?" asked
the host. "A premature ejaculation, " said the man.
"I just came in my pants!"

2007-11-14 22:28:48 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

The Husband Store

A brand new store has just opened in New York City that sells Husbands.
When women go to choose a husband, they have to follow the instructions
at the entrance:- "You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are 6
floors and the value of the products increase as you ascend the flights.
You may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up
to the next floor, but you CANNOT go back down except to exit the
building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

On the 1st floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have
jobs.

The 2nd floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

The 3rd floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids and
are extremely good looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the 4th floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 - These men Have
Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help with the Housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the 5th floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men Have
Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, help with Housework and Have A
Strong Romantic Streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the
6th floor and the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on
this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible
to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opens a New Wives store
just across the street

The 1st floor has wives that love sex.

The 2nd floor has wives that love sex and have money.

(The 3rd through 6th floors have never been visited.)

2007-11-14 22:20:41 · 11 answers · asked by Fr3dinbed 6

A couple had been married for many years, and their son was
old enough to date. One day the boy brought a girl over to
dinner. The mother was thrilled with her son's choice
and couldn't wait for the wedding. However, the father
was upset and, eventually, the boy asked, "Dad, why
don't you seem happy with her? Mom likes her a lot."



The father explained, "No son, there's nothing
wrong with the girl. It's just that I cheated on your
mother a long time ago, and the girl you've been dating
is my daughter by that woman."


So the boy dumped her and found himself another girl. Again,
he brought her home to the mother's delight, but the
father again told him that this girl was actually his half-sister.
The boy lost his temper and told his mother what his father
had said.


Furious, the mother shouted, "Don't listen
to him, sweetheart! He isn't even your father!"

2007-11-14 22:19:52 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

Q: What did Santa says when he met 'Destiny's Child' ?


'
'
'
'
'
'A: "Ho Ho Ho"

2007-11-14 22:15:02 · 6 answers · asked by david d 5

Dear Bert.....

I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off
for work, leaving my husband in the house watching
the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a few
hundred yards down the road when my engine conked
out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back
home to get my husband's help.

When I got home, I couldn't believe my eyes. He was
parading in front of the wardrobe mirror dressed in
my underwear and high-heel shoes, and he was wearing
my makeup. I am 32, my husband is 34 and we have
been married for twelve years. When I confronted
him, he tried to make out that he had dressed in my
lingerie because he couldn't find his own underwear.
But when I asked him about the make up, he broke
own and admitted that he'd been wearing my clothes
for six months. I told him to stop or I would leave
him.

He was let go from his job six months ago and he
says he has been feeling increasingly depressed and
worthless.

2007-11-14 22:14:19 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

One evening a husband ,thinking he was being funny, said to his
wife "Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim fast
may be it would take a few inches off your butt"

His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't
let such a comment go unrewarded.

The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of
his draw. " What the Hell is this??" he said to himself as a
little "dust" cloud appeared when he shook them out .

"April" he hollered into the bathroom " why did you put Talcum
powder in my under wear

She replied with a snicker " It's not Talcum powder ..... it's
Miracle grow .

2007-11-14 22:10:34 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

there were ten mentally challenged men and a doctor.

Ther doctor draws a door on the wall with a chalk.
And he says to them,"anyone who can open that door gets to go home".
All the nine guys try to open the door for over an hour,the tenth guy on the other hand,is standing next to the doctor is laughing his head off.
doctor,"what is so funny".
Patient," don't you think all those guys are crazy?.I saw what you did."
Doctor impressed gives the patient the release papers to sign after he has signed them the doctor asks the patient,"so tell me why do you think they are crazy?"
Patient,"how do you expect me to leave when you have the key to the door YOU LOCKED?"

2007-11-14 22:09:03 · 4 answers · asked by ms avarage 2

Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

"In honor of this holy season" Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle", he said.

"You may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells."

Saint Peter said "You may pass through the pearly gates".

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"

The man replied, "These are Carols."

And so the Christmas season begins......

2007-11-14 22:04:23 · 19 answers · asked by Jim 7

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk
ahead of
me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.
2. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to
steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
3. Sex is like air-it's not important unless you aren't
getting any.
4. No one is listening until you fart.
5. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a
couple of car payments.
6. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in
their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away,
and you have their shoes.
7. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
8. Give a man a fish, and he
will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
9. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again,
it was worth it.
10. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of
that comes from bad judgment.

2007-11-14 22:03:14 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

jim & his mum,dad went out in rain on their holiday but onlyntwo of them got their hair wet.why????????

2007-11-14 21:57:51 · 12 answers · asked by muskaan 4

2007-11-14 21:45:23 · 36 answers · asked by muskaan 4

There were 3 men who decided to go camping.
As soon as they sent up their tent, they went straight to sleep.
In the morning they all shared their dreams with each other.
The guy who slept on the left said, "I had a dream last night that someone was pulling my d*ck"
The guy on the right said, "I also had a dream that somone was pulling my d*ck too"!
Then the guy in the middle said, "I had a dream last night, and I was skiing"!

2007-11-14 21:43:24 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.

The truck’s driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.

He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.

Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.

The blonde started laughing.

This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.

This time the blonde laughed even harder.

Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.

The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what’s so funny.

The blonde giggles and replies, “When you weren’t looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!”

2007-11-14 21:41:21 · 17 answers · asked by jake5282 2

what has teeth,but can't eat??????

2007-11-14 21:39:51 · 19 answers · asked by muskaan 4

Master Card Wedding

You got to love this guy.
This is a true story about a recent wedding that
took place at Clemson University It made the
local newspaper; even Jay Leno mentioned
it.
It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests.
After the wedding, at the reception, the
groom got up on stage with a
microphone to talk to the
crowd.
He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming,
many from long distances, to support them at
their wedding. He especially wanted to thank
the bride's family & to especially thank his
new father-in-law for providing such a
lavish reception.
As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted
to give everyone a special gift just from him. So taped
to the bottom of everyone's chair, including the
wedding party, was an envelope. He stressed
that this was his gift to ev eryone, & asked
them to open their envelope.
Inside each manila envelope was an 8 x 10 glossy of his
bride having sex with his best friend, the best man.
The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks
earlier & had hired a private detective to tail them.
After just standing there, just watching the guests' reactions
for a couple of minutes, he turned to his best man & said,
"F--- you!" Then he turned to his bride & said, "F--- you!"
Then he turned back to the dumbfounded crowd & said,
"I'm outta here." He had the marriage annulled first
thing the following morning.
While most people would have canceled the Wedding
immediately after finding out about the affair, this
guy goes through with the charade, as if nothing
were wrong. His revenge--making the bride' s
parents pay over $32,000 for a 300+ guest
wedding & reception, & best of all,
trashing the bride's & his best
man's reputations in front of
300+ friends & family
members.
This guy has balls the size of church bells.
Do you think we might get a Master Card
"PRICELESS" commercial out of this?
Elegant wedding reception for 300 family members & friends:
$32,000...
Wedding photographs commemorating the Occasion:
$3,000...
Deluxe two week honeymoon accommod ations in Maui :
$8,500...
The look on everyone's face when they see the 8x10
glossy of the bride humping his best man:
Priceless...
There are some things money can't buy,
for everything else there's
MASTERCARD!
"Life isn't like a bowl of cherries or peaches,
it's more like a jar of Jalapenos - - -
What you do today, might burn
your *** tomorrow.

2007-11-14 21:22:28 · 20 answers · asked by Fr3dinbed 6

A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up
behind him and whacked him on the head with a magazine.
"What was that for?" he asked.
"That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name
Laura Lou written on it," she replied.

"Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Laura Lou was the name of one
of the horses I bet on," he explained. "Oh honey, I'm sorry," she said. "I should have known
there was a good explanation "

Three days later he was watching a ball game on TV when she walked up
and hit him in the head again, this time with the iron skillet, which
knock ed him out cold. When he came to, he asked, "What the hell was that for?"
She replied... "Your horse called."

2007-11-14 21:20:37 · 21 answers · asked by Fr3dinbed 6

Grandma and grandpa were watching a religious
healing program on TV.

The evangelist called to all who wanted to be
healed, to put one hand on the TV and the other
on the body part they wanted healed.

Grandma hobbled to the TV and put one hand on the
TV and the other on her arthritic hip.

Grandpa made his way to the set and put one hand
on the TV and the other on his crotch.

Grandma looked at him with disgust: "You just don't
understand, you old coot!

The purpose of this program is to heal the sick,
not raise the dead."

2007-11-14 21:19:36 · 22 answers · asked by Fr3dinbed 6

A guy stumbles through the front door of a bar completely drunk. He walks up to the bartender and asks for a drink. The bartender kindly tells the guy he can't give him a drink because he is already drunk. Angry the guy stumbles back out the front door. About five minuters later the guy stumbles through the side door of the bar. He asks the bartender for a drink and once again the bartender tells the guy no because he is already drunk. The guy stumbles back through the side door. A few minutes later the guy stumbles through the bars back door. The guy walks up to the bar, looks at the bartender for a moment then says "Damn man how many bars do you work at?"

2007-11-14 21:17:14 · 23 answers · asked by Fr3dinbed 6

The Pope and the Queen of England are on the same stage at an Anglican and Catholic commemoration of the Anglo- Irish accords. The crowd is huge - thousands. Her Majesty and His Holiness, can't help but have a little rivalry, both being heads of churches and all.

The Queen says to the Pope, "Did you know that with just one little wave of my hand I can make every English person in the crowd go wild?"

He doubts it, so she shows him. Sure enough, the royal- gloved wave elicits rapture and cheering from every Englishman in the crowd. Gradually the cheering subsides.

The Pope, not wanting to be outdone by someone wearing a worse frock and hat than he, considers what he could do. So the Pope says to the Queen, "Your Majesty, that was impressive. But did you know that with one little wave of MY hand I can make every Irish person in the crowd go crazy with joy? Their joy will not be a momentary display like that of your subjects, but will go deep into their hearts, and they will speak forever of this day and rejoice. They will recount it to their grandchildren and they to their descendants."

The Queen seriously doubts this, and says so. "One little wave of your hand and all Irish people will rejoice forever? Show me."

So the Pope slaps her.

2007-11-14 21:15:41 · 11 answers · asked by jake5282 2

The Man Code
• Thou shall not rent the movie Chocolat.
• Under no circumstances may 2 men share an umbrella.
• Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.
• When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence.
• Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
• You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call BULLSHIT (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent).
• If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever.
• The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 babe scale.
• Complaining about the brand of free beer in a buddy's refrigerator is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.
• No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a friend's birthday is strictly optional and slightly gay.
• Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe that your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty.
• Before dating a buddy's "ex", you are required to ask his permission and he in return is required to grant it.
• Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.
• If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem. *You* didn't see nothin'.
• The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.
• A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat.
• When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
• When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiny friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll be able to warn your buddy and give him time to prepare excuses about joining the priesthood.
• It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and a supermodel delivers it... and it's free.
• Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
• A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
• If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ***-whoopin", then you may sit back and enjoy.
• Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.
• If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be referring to his beer.
• Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing: either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations, a nod is all the conversation you need.
• If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not join him...too gay.

2007-11-14 21:14:54 · 9 answers · asked by jake5282 2

Judy is in big trouble. Her one-woman business went down the drain and she is in serious financial trouble. So she falls down on her knees and starts praying, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"God please help me, I am completely broke, and on the verge of having everything reposessed. Please let me win the big lottery!"

Lotto-evening comes and goes, and someone else has walked away with the big prize. So Judy goes and prays again.

"Please please God, I just lost my house too and my car is next. Please I beg you let me win the state lottery!"

Lotto-evening is up again, numbers are being rolled, and again someone else walks away a millionair. No luck for Judy. This time she completely breaks down, crying.

"Oh no please please please God, why don't you help me? I have no home, no car, two kids, and nowhere to go. I have always served you and never asked for help. This one time I ask, and you don't answer me. Please I ask again, let me win this upcoming lottery so I can start my life new! Please God!"

Suddenly there is this blinding flash in front of her as the heavens open up, and loud and clear she hears God's voice saying, "Judy, help me out here, will ya? Buy a damn ticket

2007-11-14 21:13:46 · 12 answers · asked by jake5282 2

He Said She Said

He said... "Want a quickie?"
She said..."As opposed to what?"

He said... "I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in
it."
She said..."You wear briefs, don't you?"

He said... "Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune?"
She said..."Not at all honey, I would love you no matter who left you the money."

She said..."I won the lottery! Five million dollars. Whoo-ee-start
packing!"
He said... "That's great!!! What should I pack?"
She said..."Whatever you want, just be out of the house by the time I get there"

He said... "This coffee isn't fit for a pig!"
She said..."No problem, I'll get you someyhing that is."

She said..."What do you mean by coming home half drunk?"
He said... "It's not my fault...I ran out of money."

He said... "Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make love to you in the worst way."
She said..."Well, you succeeded."

He said... "If you only could learn to make me a proper meal, then we could manage without the cook. And if you cleaned the house, we could fire the maid as well."
She said..."Darling, if you only could learn to satisfy me properly we would do without the gardener too"

Priest... "I don't think you will ever find another man like your late husband."
She said..."Who's gonna look?"

He said... "You have a flat chest and need to shave your legs, have you ever been mistaken for a man?"
She said..."No, have you?"

He said... "Why do you women always try to impress us with your looks, not with your brains?"
She said..."Because there is a bigger chance that a man is a moron than he is blind."

He said... "What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?"
She said..."Turn sideways and look in the mirror."

He said... "Let's go out and have some fun tonight."
She said..."Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on."

He said... "Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?"
She said..."I would, but you're never there."

He said... "Shall we try a different position tonight?"
She said..."That's a good idea.... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart."

2007-11-14 21:12:55 · 8 answers · asked by jake5282 2

FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

FIVE MINUTES
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

NOTHING
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine"

GO AHEAD
This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.

LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she
thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"

THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome.

2007-11-14 21:11:34 · 8 answers · asked by jake5282 2

A man goes to a psychiatrist, and tells him, "Doc, I think I have an obsession with sex."

The doctor agrees to examine him and begins by showing him various drawings.

First the doctor draws a square and asks the man to identify it. The man immediately says, "Omigosh! Four people having sex!"

Next, the doctor draws a circle, at which the man gasps, and says, "One man having sex."

Next, the doctor draws a triangle, which, of course, the patient identifies as, "Two woman and one man having sex."

The doctor put the drawings away and says to the patient, "Yes, I do believe that you have an obsession with sex."

To which the man replies, "Me? You're the one drawing all the dirty pictures!"

2007-11-14 21:10:29 · 11 answers · asked by jake5282 2

How many men does it take to open a beer?
> > None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
> Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
> > Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will
> > probably never be able to support you.
> > Why do women have smaller feet than men?
> >
> > It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to
> > stand closer to the kitchen sink.
> > How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
> > When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
> > How do you fix a woman's watch?
> > You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
> Why do men break wind more than women?
> > Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required
> > pressure.
> > If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling
> > at the front door, who do you let in first?
> > The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you have let him in.
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
> >
> > A woman who won't do what she's told.
> > -------------------------------------------------------------------
> > I married Miss Right.
> >
> > I just didn't know her first name was
> > Always.
> > -------------------------------------------------------------------
> > Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex
> > drive by 90%.
> >
> > It's called a Wedding Cake.
> > -------------------------------------------------------------------
> > Why do men die before their wives?
> >
> > They want to.
> > -------------------------------------------------------------------
> > Women will never be equal to men
> > until they can walk down the street
> >
> > with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are
> > sexy.
> > -------------------------------------------------------------------
> > In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
> > Then God created Man and rested.
> > Then God created Woman.
> >
> > Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
> > -------------------------------------------------------------------

2007-11-14 20:57:45 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

There's a farmer nearby who's rumored to have 4 beautiful daughters.....
One by one, the boys show up at his house....



- 'Evening sir. My name's Lance, I'd love to take your daughter France to the dance...is there a chance?

Farmer looks at him up and down, thinks to himself -he's in the army, can't be all bad. ....allright.
Accepts under the condition he bring her back by midnight.



Second guy shows up.
Good evening sir, name's Blair, I'd like to take your daughter Claire to the fair, is she there?

Same deal, no worries, just no hanky panky and bring her back by midnight.....




Third guy :
Hi, I'm Ray, I want to take your daughter Faye to the play, is that okay??.....

- No funny stuff-back by midnight.....
-Yes sir!....




The forth bloke shows up
- Hi my name's Tucker.......













And the farmer shot him......

2007-11-14 20:50:35 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

Subject: Sick leave.




> I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not

> allow me to take leave. I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then he

> would

> tell me to take a few days off.

>

> So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker

> (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing. I told her that I was

> pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was "CRAZY"

> and give

> me a few days off.

>

> A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked "What are

> you doing?"

> I told him I was a light bulb.

>

> He said, "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a

> couple of days".

> I jumped down and walked out of the office.

>

> When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her, "...And

> where do you think you're going?"

>

> (You're gonna love this.....)

>

































> She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark."

2007-11-14 20:26:14 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man in his 40s was very happy to be married to a stunning blonde in her twenties. So happy, in fact, he found it hard to contain himself during sexy and would often orgasm too early and leave her dissatisfied. Saddened at his inability to please his wife, he turned to a closwe friend for help.

"As you know," the friend told him, "my wife and I have a very happy sex life. Everyday after work, she greets me at the door naked. On the way home from work, I mastrubate. You know, to get the first one out the way. The second one always lasts much longer."

Eager to try his friends approach, the man starts jerking himself, but had difficulty keeping his car on the road. He pulled over and layed down next to the car to finish the deed.

Five minutes into his roadside, a police officer walks up to the man and asks what he might be doing.

"I'm checking my exhaust," the man replied.

"Well sir," said the cop, "you should check your brakes, too. Your car rolled away 5 mins ago

2007-11-14 20:14:05 · 5 answers · asked by Sincere Lee 2

When Dan found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. So, one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her, "but in just a week or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."

Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening and, three days later, she became his stepmother.

2007-11-14 20:12:19 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous