All categories

Wilma and her husband Barney go to church every Sunday, and during the service Barney falls asleep. One afternoon Wilma goes to the priest and asks what she can do. The priest hands her a needle and tells her to prick him with it everytime he falls asleep.
The next week at church Barney falls asleep while the priest is talking and when the priest asks who is our savior? Wilma pokes him with the needle and he yells out JESUS!!Soon after that he goes back to sleep. The next question the priest asks is: Who is Jesus's Father? Wilma pokes him with the needle and Barney yells out GOD!!and goes back to sleep. The last question the priest asks is what did Eve say to Adam after he impregnated her for the 99th time? Wilma pricks him with the needle again and he yells:IF YOU POKE THAT DAMN THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME I'LL SNAP IT IN HALF AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ****!!

2007-11-14 23:59:56 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

if ohio state wins will they go to a better bowl then the rose bowl

2007-11-14 23:59:32 · 6 answers · asked by eayad j 2 in Football (American)

Three days ago I gave two kittens to a lady...last night she told me she has mild allergies & gives cats baths with Dawn dishwashing liquid to lower dander & kill fleas...I asked her to please not do this, as I have seen pics of cats given baths with products not for cats..such as people shampoo, soaps, dog products...not only does it remove the oils they need, it can kill them...it can act like an acid & literally burn them...it might be fine on one, then kill another...you just don't know...She says she did it to her two for years & that's just vets wanting to scare you into buying expensive products...I'm very upset & thinking I made a very wrong decision in giving her the kitties...If anyone has some facts or links I could show her, it would be greatly appreciated...& yes, I would take them back in a heartbeat..

2007-11-14 23:59:10 · 19 answers · asked by thrashqueen01 1 in Cats

very special to all of us...i simply do not want to use any of those names....(no i'm not one of those yet...but i'm sure it's not far off) what i was thinking was...i would love to hear some foriegn names of the granparent...i remember hearing some in my youth and thinking how pretty they sounded, i just can't recall them....please go for it and let me know what yours are, and, of course any creative names would be appreciated. (not TOO creative...lets be respectful ;)

2007-11-14 23:59:05 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family

People go out with someone for not even a month and they are saying they are in love with that person. I think a month is way too short to say something like that and it probably is just lust. The word is just tossed around. It means so much more to me then to use it casually.

2007-11-14 23:58:56 · 14 answers · asked by Brownie12866 2 in Singles & Dating

Hi guys. I live in Cyprus and over here we drive on the left side (Steering wheel is on the right)

I recently bought some xenon headlights for my car over ebay. But after installing them my electrician told me that they are for left steering wheel cars.

I was told that its not a very big issue, only that i could be slighty blinding the opposite cars (not worse than having the big headlights on)

I was wondering if there is a trick or an easy mod to fix this. I cant be bothered to open an arguement wih the seller and also have to ship them back

Thanks

2007-11-14 23:58:16 · 5 answers · asked by obiecy 2 in Maintenance & Repairs

Not just serious questions but the throwaway jokey ones too.

2007-11-14 23:58:16 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

A mother had 3 daughters. They were all getting married within a
short time period. Because mom was a bit worried about how their
sex lives would get started, she made them all promise to send a
postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex
felt.

The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the
wedding. The card said nothing but "Nescafe." Mom was puzzled at
first, but then went to the kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar.
It said: "Good till the last drop." Mom blushed, but was pleased
for her daughter.

The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the
wedding, and the card read: "Benson & Hedges." Mom now knew to
go straight to her husband's cigarettes, and she read from the
Benson & Hedges pack: "Extra Long. King Size." She was again
slightly embarrased but still happy for her daughter.

The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean. Mom
waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by, and still
nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived.
Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words: "British
Airways." Mom took out her latest Harper's Bazaar magazine,
flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found
the ad for the airline. The ad said: "Three times a day, seven
days a week, both ways." Mom fainted.

2007-11-14 23:58:09 · 39 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

Drink with my Tuna Pasta lunch?

A Beer Or a Glass of wine

2007-11-14 23:57:57 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

How much would it cost ($US) if i came to the USA from AUS if i was there for 6 weeks?So all up including accommodation, Domestic flights (eg LA to Vegas etc.) and food and a little bit of spending money.

BUT do not Include my international flight from aus to usa.(because i have already saved up for that)
so i jus want to know how much i would need to save up for my time in the USA which will be about 6 weeks.
I plan on going to California for about a weekish, then off to Vegas, then prob NY, and mayb 1 or 2 more places in between and maybe canada toronoto.
how much do you think i would need to save. i have a bout 5 months to save.

2007-11-14 23:57:17 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous in Other - United States

;O)

2007-11-14 23:57:05 · 27 answers · asked by pir8 6 in Polls & Surveys

I'm ready.

2007-11-14 23:56:41 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Religion & Spirituality

One day two boys were walking through the woods when they saw some rabbit turds. One of the boys said, ''What is that?''

''They're smart pills,'' said the other boy. ''Eat them and they'll make you smarter.

So he ate them and said, ''These taste like sh*t.''

''See,'' said the other boy, ''you're getting smarter already.''

2007-11-14 23:55:43 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Jokes & Riddles

This is how some have defined adultery:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AlBpWQxTbu7Pk1kCBH9cirfsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20071115044318AAFaIHa

2007-11-14 23:55:23 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Religion & Spirituality

I think its the dolphin!

2007-11-14 23:55:22 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

I applied for a Barclaycard, as it had an offer of 5.9% for the life of balance transfers. Having spoken to customer services there, with the intention of transferring a balance from another card, they told me that the 5.9% offer meant that the interest would be charged on the full amount I transfer, until it is all paid off, even if I have paid some off. So if I transfer £1000, and pay off £100 after a month, I am being charged interest on £1000 still, rather than £900. Have I understood this correctly, and is this usual practice?
Thanks
John

2007-11-14 23:54:58 · 2 answers · asked by Johnboy 1 in Personal Finance

Were of its britons brightist game show its the price is right and we need contestonts jon smith come on down jim topmson
come on down Emme jones come on down and gail klark come on down. These are the first people to play the price is right but there will be now show without joe its joe pasqualie. any good?

2007-11-14 23:54:40 · 2 answers · asked by Phillip K 1 in Other - Family & Relationships

Does anyone know an email address for the FBI or another investigating agency to whom I can forward these scam e-mails?

You know the ones. The claim to be the executor of some multi-million dollar estate, and want to name the recipient as the next-of-kin and wire the money... blah blah blah.

Its really an identity theft scam, and I'm tired of seeing it. I the Postmaster General or the FBI to go after these people. Any ideas where to send the evidence?

2007-11-14 23:53:54 · 2 answers · asked by chocolahoma 7 in Law & Ethics

2007-11-14 23:53:49 · 13 answers · asked by rockman 7 in Polls & Surveys

Can you figure out this eqation??????????
1.A 'snooker' table (measuring 8 metres by 4m) with 4 'pockets' (measuring 0.5m and placed at diagonal slants in all 4 corners) contains 10 balls (each with a diameter of 0.25m) placed at the following coords:

2m,1m...(white ball)
...and red balls...
1m,5m... 2m,5m... 3m,5m
1m,6m... 2m,6m... 3m,6m
1m,7m... 2m,7m... 3m,7m


The white ball is then shot at a particular angle from 0 to 360 degrees (0 being north, and going clockwise).
Just to make it clear, a ball is 'potted' if at least half of the ball is in area of the 'pocket'

Assuming the balls travel indefinitely (i.e. no loss of energy via friction, air resistance or collisions), answer the following:

a: What exact angle/s should you choose to ensure that all the balls are potted the quickest?
b: What is the minimum amount of contacts the balls can make with each other before they are all knocked in?
c: Same as b, except that each ball - just before it is knocked in

2007-11-14 23:53:45 · 1 answers · asked by ng18 5 in Mathematics

In the philosophy section, people ask this question all the time: what is time? does time really exist?

And youd be happy to know that most of the answers dont really answer the question.

Does your religion mention anything about how Time came to be? Does God work within the framework of Time without being fully a part of it?

Comments?

2007-11-14 23:53:40 · 17 answers · asked by Antares 6 in Religion & Spirituality

2007-11-14 23:53:26 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Words & Wordplay

2007-11-14 23:52:54 · 18 answers · asked by Aquamarine 5 in Polls & Surveys

Also, can you purcahse just pancakes, or do you need to get a value meal to get them?

2007-11-14 23:52:53 · 16 answers · asked by s.p 3 in Fast Food

http://www.catholicnewsagency.com/new.php?n=10976

Defining Personhood
Colorado Court OKs pro-life ballot initiative to expand definition of personhood

Denver, Nov 14, 2007 / 10:30 am (CNA).- The Colorado Supreme Court on Tuesday released a decision approving a pro-life group's ballot initiative to restore legal personhood to human beings from the moment of conception.

"We fully expected this positive decision from the Colorado Supreme Court. We are pleased that they supported the Title Board's previous decisions. Plans to begin our petition drive are underway," stated Kristi Burton, spokesperson of Colorado for Equal Rights.

Colorado for Equal Rights is seeking to pass an amendment expanding the definition of "person" in three parts of the Colorado Constitution. The new definition will define "person" to mean a human being from the moment of fertilization.

2007-11-14 23:52:52 · 29 answers · asked by Naturescent 4 in Religion & Spirituality

Story about friends going out seeking adventure nowadays its friends seeking out Violence. whatever happened to that style of group you go out and have fun. Whats made so you angry to stop and think your actions i used love hanging out with me mates but we never seek-ed to harm or to make trouble i will always cherish those memeories and share them with my children. the people who go out and make trouble what are they going to tell there children they will be ashamed. What can we do do bring back those days?

2007-11-14 23:52:37 · 11 answers · asked by El Greco 2 in Other - Cultures & Groups

From the smallest or oddest to big or beautiful. What do you always look forward to doing and always will?

2007-11-14 23:52:00 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Polls & Surveys

So after informing the public in the 90's that she was not so much a house-wife, then recently stating that she's very comfortable in "the kitchen" (running in the campaign), Hillary Clinton has reversed her stand on giving illegal immagrants liscense, and now stands AGAINST it. Hillary Clinton, the liar, the one who will swtich her stands just because it is a popular beliefe at the time. Wake up America and realise we need to stop electing these stupid LIARS!!!

2007-11-14 23:51:54 · 15 answers · asked by Justin 1 in Elections

Okay...last night, I think I ate something wrong, and last night I rememembered going to sleep with my legs hurting like heck.

Now, I woke up (Lol...so pathetic, I know), I look at my legs, and both of them, from my knees down has like these pink bumps that hurt like heck when you touch them. I have gym today, first thing in the morning at first thing of school, in 3 hours. What should I do.?

It really hurts and I really want it to go away, because it doesn't look so good when anybody glances at it.

Any answers will be appreciated! But please, mature answers only!

2007-11-14 23:51:54 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Injuries

1. what will the kinetic energy of an arrow having a potential energy of 50 J after it is shot from a bow?

also.

2. a boulder is raised above the ground so that its potential energy relative to the ground is 200 J. Then it is dropped. What is its kinetic energy just before it hits the ground?

thanks so much

2007-11-14 23:51:17 · 1 answers · asked by Anonymous in Physics