Jokes & Riddles - November 2006

We have many many jokes on sardarjis . do any body know how they originated?

2006-11-10 02:03:07 · 13 answers · asked by supreeth k 1

i heard you can make them and im wondering if all ya show me how to do it?

2006-11-10 02:02:27 · 11 answers · asked by chamillionaire 2

A man lives on the top floor of a building. When he is with someone or it is raining he goes straight to the top floor. All other times he gets out at the seventh floor and walks. Why?

2006-11-10 01:58:45 · 10 answers · asked by katie32u 2

Q. What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
A. Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Q. How can you tell if a man is happy?
A. Who cares?

Q. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, & good-looking?
A. Because those men already have boyfriends.

Q. When does a woman most want a man's company?
A. When he owns it.

Q. How many men does it take to wallpaper a bathroom?
A. If you slice them very thinly it takes 3 average size men.

Q. Why do men get married?
A. So they don't have to hold their stomachs in any more.

Q. How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
A. Put the remote control between his toes

Q. Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A. So men can remember them.

Q. Why do men buy electric lawn mowers?
A. So they can find their way back to the house.

Q. Why are married women heavier than single women?
A. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge & go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed & go to the fridge.

2006-11-10 01:58:11 · 18 answers · asked by leila b 2

It's just been on the news......They've caught Bin Laden......He was in a betting shop in Grimsby......Filling in a yankee!!!

2006-11-10 01:55:07 · 10 answers · asked by kev3753 1

'Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those
expensive double-pane energy-efficient kind.

Yesterday, I got a call from the contractor who installed them.
He was complaining that the windows had been installed a whole
year ago and I hadn't paid for them yet.

Hellloooo? Now just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am
automatically stupid. So I told him just exactly what his
fast-talking sales guy had told ME last year... namely, that in

just one YEAR these windows would pay for themselves!

Hellloooo? (I told him) "It's been a year"!
There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally
just hung up....

He hasn't called back, probably too embarrassed about forgetting
the guarantee they made me.
Bet he won't underestimate a blonde anymore

2006-11-10 01:51:35 · 22 answers · asked by Grit Savage 4

A man starts work at a zoo & is told to take stock of the creatures, if he finds any that's died he has to count them, collect them, and enter it into a register. In the aviary he finds a chaffinch dead, figuring nobody's gonna miss it he throws it into the lions' cage. He goes to the ape house & finds 2 chimpanzees dead, deciding they're too heavy to carry 1/2 a mile he throws them in the lions' cage. In the insect house he's treading on hundreds of dead bees. Too many to count so into the lions' cage they go. A new lion arrives the next day and asks the others 'what's it like here'?. The oldest lion says.....'It's not too bad since the new keeper arrived, the meals have improved'....'Yesterday we had finch, chimps, & mushy bees'!!

2006-11-10 01:48:15 · 13 answers · asked by kev3753 1

2006-11-10 01:48:12 · 14 answers · asked by 2 good 2 miss 6

2006-11-10 01:47:28 · 18 answers · asked by 2 good 2 miss 6

Corporate Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are
walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin. clerk.
"I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without
a care in the world." Poof! She's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in
Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an
endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
Poof! He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, "I want those two back in the office
after lunch."

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first
say.


Corporate Lesson 4:
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
A rabbit asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing
all day long?"
The crow answered: "Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and
rested.
A fox jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you
must be sitting very high up.


Corporate Lesson 5:
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
"I would love to be able to Get to the top of that tree,"
sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on my droppings?" replied the
bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it gave
him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the
second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched
at the top of the tree.
Soon he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of
the tree.

Moral of the story: Bullshìt might get you to the top, but
it won't keep you there .

2006-11-10 01:45:10 · 10 answers · asked by chantelle d 3

according to me sardarjis jokes r the best things to laugh

2006-11-10 01:39:03 · 22 answers · asked by anand_fbi 1

Q: What's hairy on the outside, wet on the inside, starts with 'c', ends with 't' ?

A: A coconut

What woman can..

wash up with her left hand
cook the dinner with her right hand
sweep the floor with her left leg
do the dusting with her right leg
give you a b***job and...
open a bottle of beer using her a*se

A swiss army wife

Two rats in a sewer - been eating s**t all day.

The one rat says to the other rat "I'm sick of eating s**t all day"
"Cheer up" says the other rat "We're on the piss tonight !"










A chicken and an egg

A chicken and an egg were laying next to each other in bed. The chicken was smoking a cigarette, and with a very pissed-off look the egg said, "Well.... I guess that answers THAT long asked question!"

Q: How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?

A: Both of them.

Q: What's hard and straight going in, soft and sticky coming out ?

A: Chewing gum

2006-11-10 01:38:08 · 11 answers · asked by leila b 2

2006-11-10 01:34:32 · 2 answers · asked by Porgie 7

point to their wrist when asking for the time, but people don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

2006-11-10 01:33:33 · 9 answers · asked by 2 good 2 miss 6

ok a man was walkin down the street wen he saw this lady with spectacular breasts,he went up to her and said..''i'll gv u 5 lakhs$ if u let me bite ur breasts''.seeing that the offer was too tempting she agreed.They went to a dark alley and she opened her blouse.The man caressed it,kissed it,played with it & kissed it again but he dint bite it.When he was done the lady asked him'' well aren't you gonna bite them?"
"Nah"said the man"too expensive!"
hope liked the joke,if you do gv a thumbs-up :) or else a thumbs-down :(

2006-11-10 01:32:53 · 15 answers · asked by dodo brain 2

David Beckham and his wife Victoria are watching the evening news on television, it's an article about a man threatening to commit suicide by jumping of a bridge. David says to Victoria 'I bet you £50 that he doesn't jump'. 'OK' says Victoria '£50 it is'. They carry on watching the news, and the man jumps to his death, 'See, I told you he'd jump' said Victoria 'Oh Damn' said David.......'I saw the news at lunchtime, I just didn't think he'd be stupid enough to jump again!'

2006-11-10 01:32:09 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

A couple had been married 10 years. One afternoon, they were working in the garden together. As the wife was bending over pulling weeds, the husband said... ''Hey honey, you're getting fat. Your butt is huge. I'll bet it's as wide as the gas grill.'' Feeling the need to prove his point, he got out a yard stick and measured the grill, then his wife's butt. ''Yep,'' he said,'' just what I thought, just about the same size.'' The wife became mad and left him gardening alone. She went inside the house and didn't speak to him for the rest of the day.
When they retired to bed that evening, the husband cuddled up to his wife and said, ''How about it, honey? How about a little lovemaking?'' The wife turned her back to him, giving him the cold shoulder. ''What's the matter?'' he asked. She replied... ''You don't think I'm going to fire up this big A$$ grill for one little weenie, do you?''

2006-11-10 01:31:48 · 21 answers · asked by donttalkjustplay05 4

Give us a sense of humor, Lord,

Give us the grace to see a joke,

To get some humor out of life.

Amen.

Pls feel free to add on to the prayer.

2006-11-10 01:28:59 · 13 answers · asked by zaazzy 4

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?"

St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move." "Oh," said the man, "Whose clock is that?"" That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie." "Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?" St. Peter reponded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."

"Where's Bush's clock?" asked the man.

"Bush's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."

2006-11-10 01:27:32 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant opened by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu...

Broiled Missionary: $10.00 Fried Explorer: $15.00 Baked Politician: $100.00

The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, "Why such a price difference for the politician?"

The waiter replied, "Have you ever tried to clean one?"

2006-11-10 01:27:26 · 9 answers · asked by EL Big Ed 6

Aliens are coming to abduct all of the good looking sexy people only. YOU ARE SAFE. I'm just E.Mailing to say goodbye.

2006-11-10 01:25:02 · 13 answers · asked by glasgow girl 6

One day, in the recreation room of the Peaceville
Nursing Home, a little old woman and a little old
man were sitting watching t.v. There was usually
nothing better to do.

The little old woman suddenly turned to the little
old man and said "I bet I can guess your age." The
little old man responded. "Can not." The little
old woman replied, "Yes, I can. All I have to do
is take a good look at your penis. I can tell a
person's age by their penis."

The little old man thought about this for a while,
and then decided to see if this was true. So, he
stood up and dropped his drawers.

The little old woman took a long good look at the
penis. She studied it for a few minutes and then
smiled. "You are 94", she said.

The little old man was amazed! "You're right!" He
laughed. "How could you do that?"

"Oh," smiled the little old woman, "You told me
yesterday."

thanks for answering, plz give a thumbs up if you like it, thumbs up if you dont. Thanks!

2006-11-10 01:21:55 · 15 answers · asked by Creston M 2

Trick is you can't tell me any sort of joke, 'ever wondered' or one liner. Good luck!

2006-11-10 01:20:37 · 19 answers · asked by Barbie73 2

At the circus baby new crawls into rhe lions cage and is eaten up by a lion, daddy new tries to recue him and is mauled to death by a lioness, mummy new who is watching all this collapses and dies of a broken heart.


That's the end of the news, here's the weather forecast

2006-11-10 01:19:38 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

A priest, on seeing a small boy walking a cow on the side of the road asked him where he was taking the cow. "To the stud bull, Father", replied the boy. Quite embarassed, the priest enquired: "Can't your dad do this job?" "No Father, only the bull can do it", said the boy!

2006-11-10 01:07:01 · 14 answers · asked by Hobby 5

Paddy goes to the doc's with his feet in makeshift bandages. The doc has a look and exclaims.....'Good grief man!!, your feet are burned raw......'How did they get like this'??......Paddy replies.....'I opened a tin of peas'.......'and on the tin it said'......'Stand in boiling water for 20 minutes'!!

2006-11-10 01:06:35 · 11 answers · asked by kev3753 1

Here's a dilemma...
With all your honor and dignity, what would you do? Please don't answer without giving it serious thought. By giving an honest answer you will be able to test where you stand morally.

The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation, where you will have to make a decision one way or the other. Please scroll down slowly and consider each line- this is important for the test to work accurately.

You're in Florida... in Miami, to be exact. There is great chaos going on around you, caused by a hurricane and severe floods. There are huge masses of water all over you. You are a news photographer and you are in the middle of this great disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless. You're trying to shoot very impressive photos. There are houses and people floating around you, disappearing into the water. Nature is showing all its destructive power.

Suddenly you see a man in the water, fighting for his life, trying not to be taken away by the masses of water and mud. You move closer. Somehow the man looks familiar.

Suddenly you know who it is -- it's George W. Bush!

At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take him away, forever. You have two options. You can save him or you can take the best photo of your life. So you can save the life of George W. Bush, or you can shoot a Pulitzer prize winning photo, a unique photo displaying the death of one of the world's most powerful men.

And here's the question (please give an honest answer):

Would you select color film, or rather go with the simplicity of classic black and white?

2006-11-10 01:06:04 · 6 answers · asked by donttalkjustplay05 4

Corporate Lesson 1 :
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is
finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs
downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door
neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to
drop that towel," After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and
stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back
upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was
that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies.
"Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the
$800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story: If you share critical information
pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in
time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable
exposure.


Corporate Lesson 2:
A priest offered a lift to a Nun.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal
a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the
car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest removed his hand.
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg
again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up
Psalm 129.

It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find
glory."

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your
job, you might miss a great opportunity.

2006-11-10 01:04:34 · 9 answers · asked by chantelle d 3

Here's a series of numbers , whats the odd one out and why , 3 , 6 , 9 , 12 , 15 , 17 , 21 , 24 ,,if nobody works it out i'l give you the answer later , good luck !

2006-11-10 01:03:17 · 5 answers · asked by nicemanvery 7

2006-11-10 00:58:58 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous