Jokes & Riddles - November 2006

How much wood will a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck a wood? and Why?

2006-11-10 04:06:42 · 9 answers · asked by ? 3

An irish man an aussie and a scouser in a pub.
The 3 men see a man sitting at a table who looks like jesus,so they send him over 3 pints,1 lager,1 guiness and 1 bitter.
Later the man comes over to thank them,he shakes hands with paddy who is instantly cured of his arthritis.
He shakes hands with the aussie who in instantly cured of his bad back.
The scouser shouts "don`t you f ucking touch me i`m on disability benefit!"

2006-11-10 04:04:41 · 31 answers · asked by HOOPS 7

announced that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove the theory the fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and odserved that 100% of themstarted talking nonsense and lost the ability to drive

2006-11-10 04:04:04 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-10 04:01:11 · 24 answers · asked by 2 good 2 miss 6

i'm kinda bored and sad right now, please tell me a joke or funny story to perk me up?

i haven'tr smiled in 4 hours! the best smiler thing will win! :D

2006-11-10 04:00:55 · 10 answers · asked by Cy Angst 3

the longest word you can get from just the top line of letters (Q-P) on your keyboard?

2006-11-10 03:52:17 · 15 answers · asked by Liggy Lee 4

......a window that poses but one question, are you looking out or in.....


Please don't answer out or in.....the answer should be an object.

I need help with this for a riddle contest. I have gotten some answers but need you riddle wizards to help me out!

Thanks!

2006-11-10 03:48:38 · 8 answers · asked by jubilee1005 1

"where the hell did you get that?" asked the barman. "well," the toad replied, "You wont beleave it , but it started out as a little wart on my ***"

2006-11-10 03:46:46 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

......under rock, upon windowsill

I need help with this for a riddle contest. I have gotten some answers but need you riddle wizards to help me out!

Thanks!

2006-11-10 03:46:36 · 4 answers · asked by jubilee1005 1

CMON people
next one
whats blue and goes clang clang?
Whats green/white and goes clang clang?

2006-11-10 03:27:02 · 8 answers · asked by GoldMember 1

I was at work in tesco this afternoon and a pakistani ask me where they should go. I got the sack when replying f**k off back to your own country. Every little helps!

2006-11-10 03:26:01 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-10 03:07:03 · 6 answers · asked by Moose 6

i spin and and must move fast what am i

2006-11-10 03:06:50 · 8 answers · asked by samstinksya 1

Are they afraid somebody might clean them?

2006-11-10 03:05:44 · 9 answers · asked by Moose 6

2006-11-10 03:04:12 · 7 answers · asked by Moose 6

A little old couple walked slowly into a McDonalds one cold winter evening. They looked out of place amid the young families and young couples eating there that night. Some of the customers looked admiringly at them.

You could tell what the admirers were thinking. "Look, there's a couple who has been through a lot together, probably for 60 years or more!"

The little old man walked up to the cash register, placed his order with no hesitation and then paid for their meal. The couple took a table near the back wall and started taking food off of the tray. There was one hamburger, one order of French fries and one drink.

The little old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half. He placed one half in front of his wife. Then he carefully counted out the French fries, divided them in two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife. He took a sip of the drink, and then his wife took a sip as the man began to eat his few bites.

Again, you could tell what people around the old couple were thinking. "That poor old couple."

As the man began to eat his French fries, one young man stood and came over to the old couples' table. He politely offered to buy another meal. The old man replied that they were just fine. They were used to sharing everything.

Then the crowd noticed that the little old lady hadn't eaten a thing. She just sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally sipped some of the drink. Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy them something to eat. This time, the lady explained that no, they were used to sharing.

As the little old man finished eating and was wiping his face neatly with a napkin, the young man could stand it no longer and asked again.

After being politely refused again, he finally asked the little old lady, "Ma'am, why aren't you eating. You said that you share everything. What is it that you are waiting for?"

She answered,



"The teeth."

2006-11-10 03:03:57 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-10 03:03:23 · 25 answers · asked by 2 good 2 miss 6

2006-11-10 03:01:17 · 14 answers · asked by 2 good 2 miss 6

Several of the wombles have been arrested on various charges,ranging from exposure,grand theft auto.
soliciting and hanging around wimbledon common
with intent to supply.the council bailiffs have evicted
them from the common,but where should they go.

2006-11-10 02:59:33 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-10 02:52:19 · 10 answers · asked by 2 good 2 miss 6

2006-11-10 02:41:54 · 13 answers · asked by Cassandra R 1

2006-11-10 02:41:17 · 11 answers · asked by Davey 1

2006-11-10 02:40:00 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

A couple months ago, our power went out. While it was down, we got a phone call from our neighbor. She said,"is your power out too?" we told her it was. "Then why is your phone working?" she asked.
We had to explain to a 40-year old lady about phones with cords.
(she had called us from her cell phone)

2006-11-10 02:28:20 · 10 answers · asked by musicgirl31♫ 4

A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin."

The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age."

The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy."

"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"

"Tiger Woods."

"Tiger Woods the golfer?"

"Yeah."

"Well he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."

The husband and wife then make passionate love. When they get done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone. "What are you doing?" asks the wife. The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get some food." "Tiger wouldn't do that!" She claims.

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time." The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love with his wife a second time.

When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. "What are you doing?" She asks. The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to call room service to get some food."

"Tiger wouldn't do that." Again she claims.

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it a third time."

The guy slams down the phone and goes back to bed and makes love to his wife a third time. When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial. The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"

"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods to find out what's par for this damn hole!"

2006-11-10 02:16:47 · 16 answers · asked by Citizen 1

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in and animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I coma one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi.'

2006-11-10 02:14:29 · 16 answers · asked by Citizen 1

2006-11-10 02:12:52 · 17 answers · asked by Davey 1

His name is Reality, look at some of the things he has said to other people in his answers. i am sure he has insulted some people in this section. look in the questions i have answered and you will c him.

2006-11-10 02:12:12 · 6 answers · asked by Little Alchemist 2

Answer.
Tall

2006-11-10 02:09:29 · 10 answers · asked by SMILE _JESUS_ LOVES _YOU 1

A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, "I'm on the 7th hole, and you're a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole." He thanked her and went back to his golf.

On the back nine, the same thing happened, and he approached the lady again with the same request. She said, "I'm on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th." Once again he thanked her.

He finished his round and went into the club house and saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar. He went up to her and said, "Let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for your help." He started a conversation and asked her what kind of work she did. She said she was in sales, and he said he was in sales also. He asked what she sold.

She replied, "If I told you, you would only laugh."

"No, I wouldn't," he said.

She said, "I sell tampons."

With that he fell on the floor laughing so hard.

She said, "See, I knew you would laugh."

"That's not what I'm laughing at," he replied. "I'm a toilet paper salesman, so I'm STILL one hole behind you!"

2006-11-10 02:09:27 · 16 answers · asked by Citizen 1