cheer me up please!!!!?

Question

i'm kinda bored and sad right now, please tell me a joke or funny story to perk me up?

i haven'tr smiled in 4 hours! the best smiler thing will win! :D

Answer 1

You're good enough, smart enough, and people like you.

Answer 2

I am going to tell you a story about my dad. I will first paint a picture of my dad so you can apreciate the story better. He is 70 years old, 6foot 9inches tall and about 350lbs. He has the most mischievious personality and love to stir up trouble. A few years ago he was on his fifth wife that was very snooty and materialistic. He embarrased her all the time and loved to do it. They were at a Piccadilly cafe in Gonzalas Louisiana (where all senior citizens frequent) and there was a man in the kitchen that came out and said "hey, i know you." My dad (bob) said "you do?" The man said "yeah, you that wrestler, i saw you wrestle randy savage" My dad who has never wrestled said "no, i wrestled his daddy." The man said "yeah yeah, i saw that, what's your name 'the hurrucane'" (BOB) "No my name is the blue cyclone and i wrestled randy savage's daddy, i broke both his legs" Well the man came out and got his autograph and told the other people that worked in the kitchen and they all came out and got his autograph. My dad's wife, lets call her golddigita, was so embarrased she went out the car and waited for my dad to finish his meal.

A few weeks later bob and golddigita were at another Piccadilly in a near by town, and guess what. The news traveled and my dad heard, "hey, i know you." Well this happened over and over again at every Piccadilly he went to.

A few years later golddigita took bob's money and built a house in alabama and left him. I was in college and i moved in with my dad to help take care of him (his health was bad at the time). I took my car to the cheve dealership to have it fixed. Somthing had happened at the Shell Oil plant and there was bad gas that affected 1000's of cars so the shop was booked. They asked me for my name and number and told me they would call me when they could see me. I told them and the guy said "wait, what is your last name?" I told him again and he asked me if i was bob's daughter, this not being unusual because my dad knows everyone in town. He said " hold on, what do you think of your dad being a wrestler?" I said knowing the story about the blue cyclone "well, that was before my time" He said he was so into wrestling and he wanted my dad to come to an opening of a Backyard Wrestling. I told him i would give him the message and they took my car that day and had had it finished within a few hours.

A few months ago, my dad and i were sitting at the Post Office and this guy walked by and said "Hey, I know you." My dad said "from where" and he said "Your the Blue Cyclone, you wrestled randy savage's daddy." Bob said "thats right, i broke both his legs."

This story is true and i have 1000 about my dad and his amazing life stories. The man has led a truly awesome life!

Answer 3

Just heard this somewhere else...a bit of a sick joke, but funny!:

A woman was giving birth at a hospital. After the baby came out, the doctor threw it on the ground and started stomping on it. The woman screamed, "What are you doing??!! What's wrong with you??!!" The doctor replied "Oh I'm just kidding. The baby was born dead"

Answer 4

my sister and i were talking about a movie in which a someone sees a woman put her signature on a receipt, and the person asks the woman "your elizabeth james?!" (it's the remake of the parent trap, you might have seen it) and so i say to my sister "okay, now, really how many people in the world have that name, and how did she know that that elizabeth james was a famous one?" and my sisters name is elizabeth also, so i said to her "i mean, your name is going to be elizabeth james when you marry tom!" tom is my sister's boyfriend, but his last name is not james, so we both start cracking up because her name wouldn't be elizabeth james if she marries tom at all! it was hilarious.
feel better!

Answer 5

OK, Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse are getting a divorce.

In court the judge turns to Mickey Mouse and says:
"Are you saying that Minnie Mouse is CRAZY??"

Mickey Mouse replies:
"No your honor, I said that Minnie was FUUCKING GOOFEY!"

Hope you got some giggles!

Answer 6

this was back when my gf was still in college in NYC. Her parents lived in Upstate New York around UTICA. Anyways, during the spring break she decided to visit her parent and surprise them. Since she didnt drive, she decided to take the greyhound bus - its was a 10 hour trip. She packs her bag and off she goes to the bus terminal all happy and giddy for a bus ride to see her family (whom she hadnt see for a year). After a long ride of 9 hours or so, the bus driver informs the passenger that inorder to get to the town of Utica, they will have to transfer to another bus at the bus terminal. Finally, the bus comes to the last stop of its destination and the bus driver asks all the passenger to get off the bus. My GF gets off and goes into the terminal for a cup of coffee. After a few minutes of wait, she boards another bus to take her to UTICA. While the bus is in motion, she gets all comfy, listening to music, all happy that she's gonna see her parents in 40 mins or so...40 mins go by...the bus is still moving at high speed....an hour go by ...still no sign of stopping...2 hours go by...still not stopping...she starts wondering how long before the bus will come to stop (remember she has never take the bus before, this was her first time)...anways...the bus keeps going and going with no end in sight any time soon...finally after another 5 hours on the bus....the bus makes a restroom stop....she goes to the busdriver and asks him:
"Excuse sir, how much more longer to UTICA? I thought i should be there by now."
The bus driver looks at her perplexed. He says:
"what are you talkin about miss? this bus is not going to Utica. This bus is going to New York City."

she took a round-trip from NYC to Utica to NYC that same day. When my gf told me about this...i felt bad yet it was so hilarious that i couldnt stop laughing...

Answer 7

all you gotta do is look at my messed up avatar :) Dane Cook ALWAYS cheers me up!!! he's got this one skit~ "you know the funny thing about car accidents... no matter if it is your fault or not, the other person always gets out of their car and looks at you like it IS your fault... they get out... *why did you stop at a legal red light?!!!! and let me hit you doing 80?????!!!!!!!* hahaha!!~ there, I hope you feel better!~~

Answer 8

Ok, the other day, I told my colleague... Hey, Britney has filed for a divorce.
She replied with: Yea, I know.. from Justin, rite?

Answer 9

"(Smile your on candid camera) !I USE TO TELL MY GRANDMA I"M BORED SHE"D SAY IF YOU CANT BE A BOARD BE A PLANK;BUT GRANDMA ' I DON'T GOT ANY THING TO DO SHE"D SAY WELL TWIDDLE YOUR THUMBS! NEVER COULD GET A ANSWER FROM THAT SWEET LITTLE WOMAN.

Answer 10

You should laugh now that we don't have to pay taxes for doing it, probably we are going to pay for it soon.