I'll give ten points to the person who can make me laugh the hardest!?

Question

Trick is you can't tell me any sort of joke, 'ever wondered' or one liner. Good luck!

Answer 1

My brother lived in London for a few years and myself and my sister went to see him.He booked us into an "hotel" called St.Patrick's.It was fairly grotty.On the wall in our bedroom in that little underground symbol was written Mind The Herpes!!!!

Also a good few years ago that same brother of mine threw half a turnip at me.We were walking through a mini zoo in a wood near us.It hurt like hell.Funniest thing was though, about 4/5 years later a friend asked "what vegetable makes you cry?" I said an onion? and he goes "no a turnip, were you ever hit in the head with one?"

Answer 2

A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and
tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of
the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just
inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments, everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, "I'm sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me.'

The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he
didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so
much. The driver replied, "No, no, I'm sorry, it's entirely my
fault. Today is my first day driving a cab. I've been driving a
hearse for the last 25 years."

Answer 3

i bounce off a sixty 5 foot cliff into 25 foot deep of water purely lacking the rocks beside the cliff i replaced into fortunate. I have a humorous reaction to birth control i won't be able to any of it. it will make me sick. and that i'm frightened of lice. if anybody i recognize that has it received't flow close to that human being. i'd be sitting next in the journey that they say my childrens has and the isn't any the position round i am going to take off operating any opposite direction.

Answer 4

An old Italian woman is riding the elevator in a very lavish New York City Office Building.

A young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator and smelling like expensive perfume turns to the old Italian woman and says arrogantly, "Giorgio Beverly Hills, $100 an ounce!"

The next young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator and also very arrogantly turns to the old Italian woman and says, "Chanel No. 5, $150 an ounce!"

About three floors later, the old Italian woman has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator. Before she leaves, she looks both beautiful women in the eye, she bends over, and farts.......
"Broccoli - 49 cents a pound!"

Answer 5

One day, in the recreation room of the Peaceville
Nursing Home, a little old woman and a little old
man were sitting watching t.v. There was usually
nothing better to do.

The little old woman suddenly turned to the little
old man and said "I bet I can guess your age." The
little old man responded. "Can not." The little
old woman replied, "Yes, I can. All I have to do
is take a good look at your penis. I can tell a
person's age by their penis."

The little old man thought about this for a while,
and then decided to see if this was true. So, he
stood up and dropped his drawers.

The little old woman took a long good look at the
penis. She studied it for a few minutes and then
smiled. "You are 94", she said.

The little old man was amazed! "You're right!" He
laughed. "How could you do that?"

"Oh," smiled the little old woman, "You told me
yesterday."

Answer 6

Biggist Dickist

Answer 7

You're a comedianne fishing for amateur jokes because you're too lazy to work up your own material.

My political opponent is trying to look good by telling people that he is not me! He's lying!

Answer 8

The boy sat on the burden deck
Picking his nose like mad
He rolled them up into little balls
AND SHOT THEM AT HIS DAD! lol

Answer 9

this is a true story not a joke !!!
i was talkin to a old man the otherday and he farted and he got spashed by water by a pasing bus and my mate said look at that wet old fart

and i laughed so muched i pissed myself

Answer 10

there were 10 ugly people in an ugly bus they got in a crash and they all died. God felt bad so he gave them all 1 wish. Of course being all ugly they all wished to be beautiful. But when it got to the last person he was cracking up and rolling on the ground. God said whats your wish and he said "wish em all ugle again"