Jokes & Riddles - June 2007

I mean really, what do you think?

2007-06-28 13:25:02 · 18 answers · asked by blazikin89 2

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
I love.
I love who?
I don't know, you tell me!

next joke:

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Butter.
Butter who?
Butter let me in!

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Zany.
Zany who?
Zany body home?

If you know any jokes, feel free to tell me.

2007-06-28 12:43:53 · 6 answers · asked by *princess* 2

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."
Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

2007-06-28 12:42:23 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

A woman was walking towards a crossroads. On the road from the left came a cyclist. From the right a pedestrian. Towards her came a man on a horse. The question was which one new her.
Answer, the horse manure. Everyone laughed so the American joined in.

Back in America he repeated the joke to his friends.
This doll was walking towards a cross roads. On the road from the left came biker. From the right came another guy walking. Towards her came a man on horseback.
Which one new her.
His friends asked "well which one new her?".

He said "horsesh*t" . . . "Well the Limeys' thought it was hilarious".

2007-06-28 11:48:59 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

lol

2007-06-28 11:16:42 · 13 answers · asked by vickie 3

This is just for fun! First person with the right answer gets best answer.

2007-06-28 11:12:40 · 14 answers · asked by Li'l Devil 3

She also said it would fall off. So would I have to wee out my bum like a girl with respect? to bums.

2007-06-28 10:43:21 · 23 answers · asked by Jonathan V 7

I found what I wanted. I bought it and now I want it no more.

What did I buy?

2007-06-28 10:21:50 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

As a mother passed her daughter's closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter giving herself a real workout with a vibrator. Shocked, she asked, "What in the world are you doing?"

The daughter replied, "Mam, i'm 37, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as i'll ever get to a husband, please go away and leave me alone."

The next day, the girl's father heard the same buzz coming from the other side of the closed door. Upon entering the room, he observed his daughter getting it on with her toy. To his query as to what she was doing, she said, "Dad, i'm 37, unmarried and this is as close as i'll ever get to a husband, so please leave me alone."

A couple of days later, the wife comes home from shopping, put the bags in the kitchen and heard the buzzing noise coming from, of all places the sitting room. She entered the room and observed her husband sitting on the sofa, watching the tv.

2007-06-28 10:16:48 · 27 answers · asked by MYKLIA G 5

a plane crashes between new york and new jersey where do u bury the survivors

2007-06-28 09:43:02 · 15 answers · asked by angelblackearth 1

George W Bush, Condalisa Rice, and Dick Cheney are on Air Force One and GWB says "I could throw a $100 bill out the window and make someone really happy right now." To which Condalisa Rice replies "I could throw a ten $10 bills out the window and make ten really people happy right now." And of course Dick Cheney chimes in with "Well I could throw a hundred $1 bills and make a hundred people happy right now." After hearing this conversation, the pilot looks at the copilot and says "I could throw those three out the window and make 300,000 people really happy right now!"

2007-06-28 09:32:24 · 30 answers · asked by lazyjbob 5

Blonde Joke.

Not a hard laughing joke..

Legend has it that there is a bar in New York where, in the Ladies Room there is a very special mirror. If one stands in front of the mirror and tells the truth, one is granted a wish. However, if one tells a lie - - poof - - you are instantly swallowed up by the mirror, never to be seen again.

Sooooo, A redhead of questionable looks walks into the Ladies Room and stands before the mirror and says, "I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world." - - - poof - - -. The mirror swallows her.

Next a rather large brunette stands before the mirror and says, "I think I'm the sexiest woman alive." - - - poof - - -. The mirror swallows her.

Then an absolutely gorgeous blond comes in and stands before the mirror and says, "I think..." - - - poof - - -

2007-06-28 09:20:30 · 7 answers · asked by KÖoÌSÍÄy€r5 - "S" 4 SÍ 4

why did the blonde go to the post office 72 times a day?

2007-06-28 09:01:42 · 4 answers · asked by -O.o- 1

A man was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his 4-year-old son standing wide-eyed at the fence, soaking in the whole event.

The man thought, "Great... he's 4 and I'm gonna have to start explaining the birds and the bees. No need to jump the gun - I'll just let him ask, and I'll answer."

After everything was over, the man walked over to his son and said, "Well son, do you have any questions?"

"Just one," gasped the still wide-eyed lad. "How fast was that calf going when he hit that cow?

2007-06-28 08:22:50 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous

This girl at my school told me it! and yes it is G rated

So these three guys had a bet to go in a haunted mansion and the first night guy number one went in! in the middle of the night he wakes up a hears the log rolls over hes dead hehe the log rolls over he is dead hoo hoo he runs out. So the next night the same thing happens the second guy goes in and in the middle of the night he hears the log rolls over hes dead hehe the log rolls over hes dead hoo hoo..
The next night the same thing happens the third guy walks in and hears in the middle of the night the log rolls over hes dead hehe the log rolls over hes dead hoo hoo so then he decides to investigate so he goes in the living room and hears it louder
then he goes in the kitchen and hears it even louder
then he walks into the bathroom and hears it Louder and then he looks in the sink and hears it louder the log rolls over hes dead he the log rolls over hes dead hoohoo so he looks in the toilet and he sees a fly and a poop.

2007-06-28 08:19:57 · 35 answers · asked by Anonymous

I broke a toilet lid at work today, it was plastic and I sat on it to tie my shoe laces, it flexed and then there was an almighty crack and the lid had broken into about 5 pieces. I put the broken lid pieces down beside the sanitary waste disposal bin and crept out and didn't report it as I was too embarrassed.

2007-06-28 07:08:12 · 28 answers · asked by talkland72 4

Why are there a bunch of people in the woods kicking trees, and then a random man with orange pig tails (like wendy) starts chanting "HOT JUICY BURGER"
I do not get it......?

2007-06-28 06:40:24 · 12 answers · asked by celtsbball3445 2

eating giant turkey legs, you'll be dead within a month. Now, onto you.
Peter: So, what do you think? Pretty healthy, eh?
Doctor: Well, Mr. Griffin, let's take a look at your physical results. Argh! There's a spider in here. Now, here we go. Mr Griffin, you're going to expire in a month.
Peter/Lois: Argh!
Doctor: This is your driver's licence, isn't it? Now, unfortunately, I'm afraid you're going to die...
Peter: Argh!
Doctor: ...when you watch these Dean Martin Celebrity Roasts.
Lois: Will you just tell us how Peter's health is?!
Doctor: Ah, Mr. Griffin, I'm not quite sure how to say this. Kim Bassinger? Bass singer? Bassinger? But now, onto the cancer.
Lois: Oh my goodness!
Doctor: You are a Cancer, right? You were born in July? Now onto these test results. My, they're much worse than I thought.
Peter/Lois: Oh!
Doctor: My son got a D minus on his history test. Now Mr Griffin, that liver's got to come out.
Lois: What?!
Doctor: It's been in the microwave for three minutes

2007-06-28 06:04:49 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

Tom Tucker: A bit of breaking news. A local family is forced out of their home by ghosts. Who are they gonna call?
Diane Simmons (sighs): Ghostbusters, Tom.
Tom Tucker: No, Diane. Their insurance company. That's just stupid what you said.

Meg: I just want to kill myself I'm gonna go upstairs and eat a whole bowl of peanuts.
(Lois and Peter stare in silence)
Meg: I'm allergic to peanuts.
(Peter and Lois keep staring)
Meg: You dont know anything about me. (runs upstairs)
Peter: Who was that guy?

Peter (when he's hungover): This sucks worse than that time I went to that museum. (Flashback to childhood, standing in museum looking at dinosaur
skeltons.)
Peter (as a child): Why did all the dinosaurs die out?
Man at Museum: Because you touch yourself at night

Lois: So doctor, is Peter healthy?
Doctor: My goodness, you'll be dead within a month.
Peter: What?
Doctor (revealing comic he was reading): Oh, Hagar the Horrible, if you keep up that lifestyle of pillaging and

2007-06-28 06:03:56 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

Some signs on my girlfriends panty:
1) Men at work
2) Slippery when wet
3) Deep excavation
4) One way

Signs on my girlfriends panty after we fought:
1) No Entry
2) Sorry for the inconvenience
3) No parking
4) STOP

2007-06-28 03:05:46 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-06-28 02:27:12 · 6 answers · asked by What's this > ? 2

this is just for fun

2007-06-28 02:06:58 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Can you trust te people in the net.. I mean, you don't know them.. not even met them...

2007-06-28 01:09:04 · 9 answers · asked by someone 3

man I've got some but how do they work. how do i star people. wht r the benefits?

2007-06-28 00:48:04 · 10 answers · asked by the16th 4

One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house. His three children were outside, still in their P.J.'s, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers thrown all about the front yard. The door to his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess.

A lamp had been knocked over, and a throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, Breakfast food was spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand lay piled up by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and other piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried that she might be ill, or worse!!

He found her lounging into the bedroom, still in her pajamas, reading a n

2007-06-28 00:15:08 · 11 answers · asked by gangrekalve k 7

A really rich man decided to hold a party,To which lots of really rich people attend.For the party,he built a huge swimming pool,
And filled it full of sharks alligators and snakes,
At the beginning of the party the host announced that if anybody could swim the length of the tank and servive, he would grant them three request.

Nobody take's on the challenge,everyone just stand's around drinking.

Until suddenly "Splash," everyone looked around and saw a man swimming for his life,to the end of the of the pool.........he made it,The host helped him out and said "Well done! what are you three request?" The man replied,
"1: give me a gun,2: load it for me 3: Show me the idiot who pushed me in!"

2007-06-27 23:51:39 · 16 answers · asked by "!" 5

The bathroom or the kitchen!!LOL

2007-06-27 23:31:32 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man finds a magic lamp which he rubs and a genie comes out. The genie tells the man that he can have three wishes but whatever he wishes for his ex wife will get double of that wish. So the man wishes for a big house, his wish is granted but his ex wife gets two big houses. Next he wishes for a billion quid. Again, his ex wife gets double this. He thinks for a minute and says "Genie I wish that I could get half beaten to death."

2007-06-27 23:13:17 · 6 answers · asked by becciberesford 2

vowels may be in any order.

2007-06-27 22:58:32 · 22 answers · asked by farouk_alam 2

A patient goes to the doctor's and waits for the results of his tests.The dostor comes in and says:
i'm sorry to inform you this but till the end of your life you've got left only 10..
Patient: ten what?Years,months,weeks???
Doctor: 9,8,7,6.............

2007-06-27 22:35:06 · 13 answers · asked by Marija 1