Jokes & Riddles - December 2006

....when they spot a skunk lying, shivering and obviously injured, in a ditch at the side of the road. Being animal lovers, they decide to stop the car and help.

As they walk over towards the skunk, it is clear that it is very much alive, although badly injured, and they decide to take it to the local animal hospital. So they carry the poor skunk back to their car.

"Hey, wait a moment" says the wife. "Where shall we put it? After all, it's a skunk...."

" Just hold it between you're legs" replies her husband.

"....but what about the smell" asks his wife.

" well, hold it's f**king nose!!"




( apologies ladies....it is only a joke!!)

2006-12-08 07:18:57 · 12 answers · asked by Andrew C 2

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, 'ere he drove out of sight,
Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"

What is the down of a thistle?

2006-12-08 07:13:48 · 6 answers · asked by Zana-Di Girl 4

A man was taking his wife, who was pregnant with twins, to the hospital when his car went out of control and crashed. Upon regaining consciousness, he saw his brother, a relentless world-class practical joker, sitting at his bed side.
He asked his brother how his wife was and his brother replied, "Don't worry, everybody is fine and you have a son and a daughter. But the hospital was in a real hurry to get the birth certificates filed and since both you and your wife were unconscious, I named them for you."
The husband was thinking to himself, "Oh no, what has he done now?" and said with trepidation,
"Well what did you name them?"
The brother replied, "I named the little girl Denise."
The husband, relieved, said, "That's a very pretty name!
What did you come up with for my son?"
The brother replied, "Denephew."

2006-12-08 07:12:56 · 23 answers · asked by Cowboy 4

Salad shooter

2006-12-08 07:09:38 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

when crossing a street how long do it take a mice,the stree on 247

2006-12-08 07:09:06 · 8 answers · asked by sexie lady 1

what has 100 legs but cant actually walk

2006-12-08 07:04:24 · 11 answers · asked by anuja 1

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"
Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense."
So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.
The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."
The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."
The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep ****."

2006-12-08 06:49:36 · 13 answers · asked by Cowboy 4

i am scared but not reali coz i will cook them for diiner

2006-12-08 06:46:06 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

and you know it. i am a sad fat git. and i know it.

blah blah blah.

la la

toot tooot

theend

2006-12-08 06:43:36 · 41 answers · asked by Anonymous

i bet it 8 letters long and ends with a t.

2006-12-08 06:43:03 · 11 answers · asked by john 3

Imagine there are 100 prisoners in a prison yard. The warden comes out, holding a lightbulb. He says to the prisoners, "you are all about to be placed into solitary confinement indefinetely. But I will let you all go if you can solve this riddle.
Here in my hand I have a lightbulb that you can turn off and on. You can turn it off and on as many times as you want, but you can do nothing else to the lightbulb. You may not break it, you make not paint it with anything. Each prisoner has the possibility of seeing the lightbulb once a day, but only once a day. Now I will let you all go free if at any time one of you can say that all prisoners have seen the lightbulb. However, if you do make the claim that all have seen it and you are wrong then I will kill all of you. Therefore, you only get one chance to answer."
Then all the prisoners are placed in solitary confinement, how will a prisoner be able to find out if everyone has seen the lightbulb?

2006-12-08 06:41:11 · 12 answers · asked by jazzman1127 2

I need to know this, I'm a desperate blonde and want to know what this means and it is like trying to answer all the questions to the world.

2006-12-08 06:40:20 · 7 answers · asked by Audra 1

A man says to his wife "you're *** is the size of a 3 burner BBQ" Later in bed the man asks if she fancies sex to which she replies"no point lighting a BBQ for half a sausage"

2006-12-08 06:37:22 · 28 answers · asked by Dooby 6

Think of a number (remember this number). Double it. Add 6. Half it. Subtract the first number that you thought of. Double it again and then again. Then add 8. Your answer is 20.

2006-12-08 06:34:10 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous

I wanted to find new cute answers to the ques. besides these to see his friend gregory peck to show a squirrel it can be done.

2006-12-08 06:29:27 · 18 answers · asked by Dotr 5

2006-12-08 06:29:05 · 16 answers · asked by Neerdowellian 6

Wife's prayer- when I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man who's not a creep, one who's handsome, smart and strong, one who's willy is thick and long, one who'll screw me til my body's twitching, in the hall, the garden or the kitchen. I pray that this man will love me no end, and never attempt to shag my best friend. Then as I kneel and pray by my bed I look at the wanker you sent me instead!

2006-12-08 06:28:05 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

An octopus walks into a bar and says 'I can play ANY musical instrument you like'. Englishman gives him a guitar which he plays better than Hendrix. Irishman gives him a piano which he plays better than Elton . Scotsman throws him a set of bag pipes. The octopus fumbles about for a couple of minutes and the Scotsman says 'Whats wrong - can ye no play it?'. The octopus says 'Play it ? -I'm gonna f*ck her brains out once I get her pyjamas off !'

Jack and Jill went up the hill so jack could lick Jills f*nny. Jack got a shock and a mouthfull of c*ck cuz Jill’s a F**kin Tranny!


A fella said 2 his mate :" me and the missus have never looked back since we got in2 S&M" . His mate said: "I cant believe your missus is in2 S&M." "yeah," he repied. "she snores while I m*sturbate”


Wife's prayer- when I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man who's not a creep, one who's handsome, smart and strong, one who's willy is thick and long, one who'll screw me til my body's twitching, in the ha

2006-12-08 06:21:23 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

just a funny question, i thought it would be kinda funny to post it but apparently its already been done XD

2006-12-08 06:17:08 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

3 guys went in a hotel room that cost $30.00 they split the cost evenly, when finding out the hot water didn't work they recieved $5.00 back for the manager, the bell hop brought it to them but took $2.00 so each guy got $1 back, So they each payed $9. It 3 times 9 is 27 then add 2 that the bell hop took that is only $29.00 what happen to the other $1?

2006-12-08 06:15:28 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

1
11
21
1211
11121
311211
13211221
What comes next???
I know do you?

2006-12-08 06:15:18 · 24 answers · asked by Frances M 1

At the end of the tax year, the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit The books of a synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said:

I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?"

"Good question," noted the Rabbi. "We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles."

"Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way:


"What about all these biscuit purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?"

"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, realising that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question.

"We collect them and send them back to the manufacturers, and every now and then they send a free box of holy biscuits."

"I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi.

"Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?"

"Here, too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and about once a year they send us a complete dick ".

2006-12-08 05:57:49 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

Announcement from Apple

"Apple Computer reported today that it has developed
computer chips that can store and play music inside
women's breasts. This is considered to be a major
breakthrough because women are always complaining
about men staring at their breasts and not listening
to them."

2006-12-08 05:52:16 · 11 answers · asked by texasblueslady 3

better if you give examples

2006-12-08 05:51:45 · 27 answers · asked by ROCKSTAR 2

wop, wop, wop wop, wop, wop wop,

2006-12-08 05:48:32 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

Little Johnny's teacher told the class to go home and find something interesting to tell the class for the next day. The next day when the teacher told Johnny to tell his story, he went up to the blackboard and drew a period. The teacher asked Johnny what was so interesting about a period. Johnny stood up and replied "I don't know, but this morning when my sister said she missed one, mom fainted, dad fell down the stairs, and the guy next door shot himself!"

2006-12-08 05:42:30 · 15 answers · asked by Neerdowellian 6

2006-12-08 05:40:40 · 13 answers · asked by P 2

2006-12-08 05:40:21 · 7 answers · asked by jessica_elizabeth_brown 1

Three guys and a lady were sitting at the bar talking about their professions.

The first guy says "I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E, you now....
Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful; Intelligent; Ecologist"

The second guy says "I'm a D.I.N.K, you know....
Double Income, No Kids." The third guy says, "I'm a R.U.B., you know.... Rich, Urban, Biker."

They turn to the woman and ask her, "What are you?"
She replies: "I'm a WIFE, you know....Wash, Iron, ****, Etc."

So, just exactly what is a *****?

B - BABE
I - IN
T - TOTAL
C - CONTROL OF
H - HERSELF

So ladies, next time somebody calls you a *****.......

SMILE.........

And say Thank You!

2006-12-08 05:36:03 · 46 answers · asked by Anonymous

I was chatting with my neighbour the other day when she spotted her husband walking towards us carrying a large bunch of flowers. "Oh, no!" she said, "that means I've got to open my legs tonight!" I replied "Why love, havn't you got a vase?"

2006-12-08 05:25:44 · 23 answers · asked by Kizzy_ 5