Jokes & Riddles - December 2006

A doctor and a bus driver are in love with the same woman, an attractive woman named Sarah. The bus driver had to go on a long bus trip that would last a week. Before he left, he gave Sarah seven apples. Why?

2006-12-08 12:15:00 · 7 answers · asked by Jassierra 3

ok, so your a guy, you have been with your girlfriend for a few months. you are crazy about her. she gives you a flask, what would you want engraved on it. oh yea, and you love jager.

2006-12-08 12:11:54 · 4 answers · asked by meamom04 1

should you then change your answer to a question? say for instance someone asked "how can i get my dyck to grow?" (spelling is theirs) should i answer... try sulphuric acid .... maybe if it works you'll have lots of kids and people who ask questions like that will really flourish - you could maybe re-populate the globe - but then again it might not work .... anyway give it a shot and let us know

2006-12-08 12:09:16 · 7 answers · asked by justfleshnblud 2

I work for a credit card company and this lady calls in saying.... " Yes I have fraud on my account"...and I go...ok what makes you think that? And she goes well there is a fee for latte...some kind of latte fee. I dont even drink coffee!

After being confused for a second then I looked at her bill and I go umm...that is a late fee. She was so embarrased she hung up on me. lol...it was funny maybe you had to be there....

2006-12-08 12:04:22 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

Me and my friend want to ding dong ditch someones house,they have no bush's in their front yard where do we hide? How do we get away w/out getting caught????????

2006-12-08 12:02:28 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

1st one:
This lady goes to the doctor for a check up.
When she gets home her husband asks, "So how did the appointment go?"
She replies, "He said, I have the body of a twenty year old.
Her husband says, "Oh yeah. and what did he have to say about your forty year old ***?"
She says, "Your name didn't come up."

2nd one :
A Harvard and Yale Law grad met in a washroom during a law convention.
The Harvard graduate said, "Didn't they teach you to wash your hands at Yale?"
The Yale grad responded, "They taught us not to piss on our hands."

3rd one:
One day there was a big lady swimming at the beach when she noticed that she had lost her top. She thought that no one would notice if she covered herself with her arms and walked overto her towel. Then a little girl came running up to her.
"If you're going to drown those puppies, at least let me have the one with the cute little pink nose."

If you are lvl 2, then can you please rate the THUMBS UP or THUMBS DOWN.

2006-12-08 12:01:40 · 14 answers · asked by Coolkid81 3

A man was going away on a business trip for a week. His wife was going to miss the good loving he gave to her and began to cry when she heard he was leaving. The husband went to a sex toy store and bought her a voodoo penis. All you had to do was say voodoo my (body part) and it would rise up and begin intercourse with you. The wife tried it the day her husband left but she left it by her sewing materials and a needle got stuck on the voodoo penis. When it began she felt the needle inside her and it hurt like hell. So she rushed to the hospital and got pulled over by the police. She told him the story of her husband leaving and a voodoo doll that has intercourse with you when you want. The police officer then says "yeah right, voodoo my ***" I tried to make it as less dirty as possible.

2006-12-08 11:59:27 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

should be banned completely. It killed my grandad, he was run over by a Park Drive wagon !!!!!!!!!

2006-12-08 11:48:26 · 15 answers · asked by Shredder 6

does anyone have any good fun, angrying pranks i can pull on some friends?

i like to get people REAL mad......

2006-12-08 11:44:34 · 4 answers · asked by nαrcíssα [misses being a TC] 6

Below is a site called 'the things people say'

Scroll down the left hand side of the page for different categories of genuine things people have said.

Some of my favourites are 'courtroom quotes' and 'product labels.'

But there are many more:


http://www.rinkworks.com/said/

2006-12-08 11:35:38 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Father comes into the kitchen, and his son is at the table with a look of deep concentration on his face.
"Dad, can you help me put this puzzle together?"
The father looks down at the many pieces on the table.
"Hmmm - what's it supposed to be son?"
The boy picks up the puzzle box, studies it and shows it to his Dad.
"I think it's supposed to be a big dog".
The Dad sighs.

"First of all, that's a Tiger - Tony the Tiger. And secondly, those aren't puzzle pieces - now help me put all those frosted flakes back in the box."

2006-12-08 11:31:26 · 12 answers · asked by a m 4

2006-12-08 11:29:48 · 12 answers · asked by blood red roses kill your soul 1

are walking down a dark alley when two men jump them and pull them to the ground. While the men are assaulting them the first nun says,"forgive him lord, he doesn't know what he's doing."
the second nun says,"Mine does!!!"

2006-12-08 11:27:06 · 10 answers · asked by al p 3

riddle

2006-12-08 11:23:13 · 5 answers · asked by Happy Jan 1

Okay. So you're walking down the street when it starts to rain. You look down the streets, and all the lights inside all the houses turned off. You figure the electricty shut off. Trying not to get soaked, you walk into the nearest building that wasn't locked. Once inside, you hear someone calling your name, and you try to follow it. You go through a green door, a yellow door, a blue door, a glass door, an orange door, a polka-dot door, a white door, and a black door, trying to follow the voice. When you go through the last door, you see a guy.
"I was calling your name," he says.
"Why?" You ask.
"Because I want to kill you," he replies.
You turn around and run for the door but he grabs you and you can't get free of his grip. He gives you four choices of how to die. He can shoot you, stab you, put you on an electric chair, or choke you. Which do you choose and why?

2006-12-08 11:19:54 · 26 answers · asked by lolz 4

Twin sisters in Sunnyside Nursing Home were turning 100 years old. The local newspaper sends a photographer to take pictures...
One of the twins was hard of hearing and the other could hear quite well. Once the photographer arrived he asked the sisters to sit on the sofa.

The deaf sister said to her twin, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"

"WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!", said the other.

"Now get a little closer together," said the cameraman.

Again, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"

"HE SAYS SQUEEZE TOGETHER A LITTLE."

So they wiggled up close to each other.

"Just hold on for a bit longer, I've got to focus a little," said the photographer.

Yet again, "WHAT DID HE SAY?"

"HE SAYS HE'S GONNA FOCUS!"

With a big grin the deaf twin shouted out, "OH MY GOD - BOTH OF US

2006-12-08 11:19:01 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

"I once made a remark about the hidden books of the Bible.
It was a lulu; kept people looking so hard for facts, and
for others, it was a revelation. Some were in a jam, especially
since the name of the books Were not capitalized. But the truth
finally struck home to numbers of our readers. To others it was a
real job. We want it to be a most fascinating few moments for you.
Yes, there will be some really easy ones to spot. Others may require
judges to help find them. I will quickly admit it usually takes a
minister to find one of them, and there will be loud lamentations
when it is found. A little lady says she brews a cup of tea so she
can concentrate better. See how well you can compete. Relax now,
for there really are sixteen names of books of the Bible in
this paragraph."

good luck

2006-12-08 11:15:50 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

This is a clue that a mate gave me (written exaclty like above, including the capslock!) about something that is priceless that you can give. I presume the clue or riddle is cryptic but it may not be! Any ideas anyone?

My mate said shes going to give me more clues every 3 days!

2006-12-08 11:14:42 · 7 answers · asked by Dr Tesfurdo 2

a lesbian driving a truck full of dildos?

a d.ick van d.yke

(posted again)

2006-12-08 10:55:41 · 5 answers · asked by al p 3

THE DIFFERENT HAIR STYLES COME UP BUT THEY ARE ALL BRUNNETTES SO WHAT DO I DO TO MAKE ME BLONDE !

2006-12-08 10:54:28 · 26 answers · asked by angel 1

2006-12-08 10:45:46 · 19 answers · asked by Book of Changes 3

A woman and her friend are visiting the zoo. They are standing in front of the big silver back gorillas cage, when one woman makes a gesture that the gorilla interprets as an invitation. He grabs her yanks her over the fence and takes her to his nest in the pen. There he ravishhes her and makes passionate love to her for about 2 hours till he is tranquilized, and the lady taken to hospital. Her friend visits her the next day and asks' Are you hurt?'


She replies, "Of course I'm hurt, he hasn't called! He hasn't written!"

2006-12-08 10:41:47 · 28 answers · asked by a m 4

January Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.....bottles won't fit in typewriter.

March Got excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 3 months.....box said "2 - 4 years."

April Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out.

May Tried to make Kool-Aid.....but 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets.

June Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later other swimmers cheated and used their arms.

August Got locked out of car in rain storm.....car swamped because top was down.

September The capital of California is "C".....isn't it?

October Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel.

November Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days.....instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighs 108.

December Couldn't call 911.....there's no "eleven" button on the phone.

What a year!!

2006-12-08 10:40:15 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous

1) If an electric train is going north, which way does the steam blow?
2) If a rooster lays an egg on top of a barn with slanted sides, which way will the egg roll?
3) You are in a house and you must have a source of light. The only things in there are a gas stove and an oil lantern. If you only have one match, which should you light first?
4) You're driving a bus. If there are 15 people on it and it stops and 4 get off and 2 get on, then it stops again and 7 people get off and 3 get on, then it stops again and 9 people get off and 7 get on, then 4 change their minds and get off again, what is the bus driver's name?

2006-12-08 10:33:26 · 27 answers · asked by No, You. 4

A man walkis into a bar.



"OUCH!"

2006-12-08 10:28:13 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

Im half viet & half laos.
I have really dark skin, but my mom and dad have light skin.
so why am i dark?
will i always be dark?

2006-12-08 10:22:48 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man traveling by plane was in urgent need of a restroom facility, but each time he tried, it was occupied. The flight attendant, aware of his predicament, suggested he use the attendants' ladies room but cautioned him not to press any of the buttons.

When he arrived in the attendants' ladies room, next to the paper roll there were four buttons marked: WW, WA, PP, and ATR. Making the mistake soooo many men make of not listening to a woman, he disregarded what she said when his curiosity got the best of him. He carefully pressed the WW button, and immediately a gentle flush of Warm Water sprayed onto his bare bottom.

He thought, "Wow, these gals really have it nice!"

So a little more boldly, he pressed the WA button, and body temperature Warm Air blew across his wet bottom and dried it comfortably.

"Aha," he thought, "no wonder these women take so long in the bathroom with these kinds of services!"

So he pushed the next button, PP, with anticipation. A soft, disposable Powder Puff swung below him and dusted his bottom lightly with talc.

"Man, this is great," he thought as he reached out for the ATR button.

When he awoke in the hospital, the morphine was just wearing off. Confused, he buzzed the nurse to find out what had happened. He explained that the last thing he remembered was intense pain in the ladies room on the plane.

The nurse explained, "Yes, you must have been having a great time until you pushed the Automatic Tampon Removal button."

2006-12-08 10:16:15 · 16 answers · asked by Eraser 1

Me & my friend were justplaying around and calling each other names. she called me a prostitute and she said " theres your corner over there!" what does that mean?

2006-12-08 10:15:35 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Doctor Dave slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. Every once in a while though, he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice that said: "Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of their patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Let it go..."









But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality:











"Dave, you're a vet..."

2006-12-08 10:09:28 · 13 answers · asked by a m 4

2006-12-08 10:08:07 · 6 answers · asked by zona 1