Jokes & Riddles - December 2006

are they worth the T.V Licence fee

2006-12-01 03:15:01 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-01 03:14:01 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-01 03:10:57 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

Find out...i'll be back after 4 hrs to vote for best answer...if you are the first person to give the right answer...10points...

2006-12-01 03:06:20 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

There was the doctor who was prosecuted for having sex with one of his patients. It wasn't that she was underage or anything like that ... it's just that he's a vet ...

2006-12-01 02:57:10 · 8 answers · asked by drrwalker2003 3

Yesterday, while stopped at a zebra crossing l made the following bet with my daughter;

If an elderly chap happened to be carrying 12 eggs while crossing in front of us at the zebra crossing, and l hooted really loud how many eggs would he drop?

2006-12-01 02:05:21 · 17 answers · asked by max 4

2006-12-01 01:46:14 · 19 answers · asked by sweetsmile 2

1.Can you spell super?
2.Spell it!

2006-12-01 01:42:44 · 21 answers · asked by ? 4

I know the answer and was suprised when i was told it!!!!!!

2006-12-01 01:39:58 · 85 answers · asked by Antony D 1

2006-12-01 01:25:34 · 28 answers · asked by Cherry 3

A 17 year old virgin goes into a brothel and asks if he can have a 69,
Sure says the lady,that will be £30.
She takes him in a room and they both strip off.
What do i do says the lad.
She gets him in the position to start then farts right in his face.
OOOoooh thats disgusting he says.
I'm so sorry she says lets try again.
They get back in position and she farts again right in his face.
Oh no eeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwww he shouts.
I'm so so so sorry she says lets try again.
BOLLO CKS says the lad i can't take another 67 of them!!

2006-12-01 01:24:10 · 12 answers · asked by ? 4

i asked my wife the other day
what she liked best about me
my firm trimbody my intellect or
my good looks.
she replied
your sense of humour dear

2006-12-01 01:18:45 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-01 01:15:12 · 6 answers · asked by toonz20012001 1

a husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tell your weigt and fortune and dropped in a coin
listen to this he said to his wife it says i am energetic bright resourceful and a great lover
uh huh his wife nodded
its got your wetght wrong too

2006-12-01 01:08:01 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

Q:how many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
































A: Who knows they would rather sit in the dark and cut their wrists.

2006-12-01 01:04:49 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

husband says to wife
i am feeling depressed today
wife says whys that honey
husband says i feel all alone and useless
wife replies oh you do not have to feel so alone a lot of people think your useless

2006-12-01 01:01:29 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."



Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.



He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."



He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then.....," he sighed, "let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box.

2006-12-01 00:54:52 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."



Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.



He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."



He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then.....," he sighed, "let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box.

2006-12-01 00:54:39 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

people said that when the song stairway to heaven is played backwards, a voice is heard praising the devil,please send me the song backwards if possible.

2006-12-01 00:41:57 · 9 answers · asked by watermargin8 1

A man met a beautiful blonde lady and decided he wanted to marry her right away.
She said "But we don't know anything about each other.".
He said That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along."
So she consented, they were married, and off they went on a honeymoon at a very nice resort.
One morning they were laying by the pool when he got up off his towel, climbed up to the 10 metre diving board, did a two and a half tuck, followed by three rotations in the pike position, straightened out and cut the water like a knife.
After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.
She said "That was incredible!".
He said "I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about each other as we went along."
So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps. After seventy-five laps, she climbed out of the pool, lay down on her towel, and was hardly out of breath.
He said "That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?".

"No" she replied, "I was a prostitute in Liverpool , but I worked both sides of the river."

2006-12-01 00:38:12 · 32 answers · asked by biggsy 1

A dwarf with a lisp visits a stud farm. "I'd like to buy a horth", he says to the owner of the farm.
"What sort of horse?" asks the owner.
"A female horth," the dwarf replies.
So the owner shows him a mare.
"Nithe horth," says the dwarf, "Can I thee her eyeth?"
So the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horse's eyes and puts him down again.
"Nithe eyeth", says the dwarf, "Can I thee her teeth?"
Again the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horse's teeth and puts him down.
"Nithe teeth... may I now thee her eerth?" the dwarf says.
By now the owner is getting a little fed up, but again picks up the dwarf to show him the horse's ears and then puts him down.
"Nithe eerth," he says. "Now... can I thee her twot?"
With this, the owner picks the dwarf up, and, holding him by the scruff of his neck and the back of his belt, shoves his head deep inside the horse's vagina. He holds him there for a couple of seconds before pulling him out and putting him down.
The dwarf shakes his head and says, "Perhaps I should weefwaze that: Can I see her wun awound?"

2006-12-01 00:36:37 · 15 answers · asked by biggsy 1

Do you have snow???
we do and still falling {6 to 12 inches}

2006-12-01 00:18:17 · 24 answers · asked by miki 3

i told the wife she looked like a million dollars
all green and crinkly
i also told her i like to see her in something long and flowing
the thames

2006-12-01 00:16:44 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization?



Answer: Princess Diana's death.
Question: How come?
Answer: An English princess
With an Egyptian boyfriend
Crashes in a French tunnel,
Driving a German car
With a Dutch engine,
Driven by a Belgian who was drunk
On Scottish whisky, (check the bottle before you change the spelling)
Followed closely by Italian Paparazzi,
On Japanese motorcycles;
Treated by an American doctor,
Using Brazilian medicines.
This is sent to you by an South African,
Using Bill Gates's - (an American)technology,
And you're probably reading this on your computer,
That use Taiwanese chips,
And a Korean monitor,
Assembled by Bangladeshi workers
In a Singapore plant,
Transported by Indian lorry-drivers,
Hijacked by Indonesians,
Unloaded by Pakistani men,
And trucked to you by Mexicans
and
now being read by a person sitting in SOUTH AFRICA(witch contry ur in) who should
Be working instead of wasting time like

2006-12-01 00:08:58 · 7 answers · asked by smurrfie 2