Give me a limerick ...?

Answer 1

A squeamish young fellow named Brand
Thought caressing his penis was grand.
But he viewed with distaste
The gelatinous paste
That it left in the palm of his hand.

Answer 2

There was a young lady of Riga
Who went for a ride on a tiger
They came back from the ride
With the lady inside
And a smile on the face of the tiger

Said an ape as he swung by his tail
To his children both male and female
From your offspring my dears
In a couple of years
May evolve a professor at Yale

Answer 3

There was a young fella from Oudh, Who's farts where unbelievably loud, When he let out a big un, Dogs where deafened in Wigan, And the windows where shattered in Stroud. A Mathematitian called Hall, Had a hydrohexagonal ball, The cube of its weight times his pr/ck end plus eight, Was four fifths of five eighths of f*ck all.

Answer 4

There was a young bard(poet) from Japan
who wrote verses no-one could scan
when told this was so
he replied "yes I know, but I always try to get just as many words into the last line as I possibly can.

Answer 5

There once was a lady called Jenna
Who once drank a bottle of Henna
She cried and she bled
Her pubes all turned red
And was cured by Paul McKenna

Answer 6

There was a girl called Jenna,
who used to do tricks for a tenner,
She was obsessed with Ringwauld,
To a point she became bald.
And now only sticks to henna.

Answer 7

'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?

His workers no longer would answer to "Elves".
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.

And labor conditions at the North Pole
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.

Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.

And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.

So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!

The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.

And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard sled noises coming from their roof-tops.

Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened."

And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose

And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in over-due compensation.

So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she had enough of this life,

Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.

And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion
That making a choice could cause so much commotion.

Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.

Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.

Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys.

Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific.

No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.

And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.

For they raised the hackles of those psychological
Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.

No baseball, no football...someone could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.

Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.

So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.

He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
But you've got to be careful with that word today.

His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.

Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.

A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, from every religion;

Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere...even you.

So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth...
"May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth."

Answer 8

there was a young lady called Jenna
who's hair was the colour of henna
she asked a Q
on yahoo
i would answer for a tenner

Answer 9

There was a young man from Brighton who met a nice girl with a tighton, he said oh my love it fits like a glove, she said bolloks its not in the righton

Answer 10

she stood on the bridge at midnight
her knees were all aquiver
she gave a cough
her leg fell off
and floated down the river