Jokes & Riddles - December 2006

Last time, we saw this following riddle:

What should you do if you are late for a haircut?
A: Take a short cut!

Heheh... And here is today's riddle:

How do you make a real Texan chili?

Have fun! :)

2006-12-01 17:46:24 · 9 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

This guy has been sitting in a bar all night, staring at a blonde wearing the tightest pants he's ever seen.

Finally his curiosity gets the best of him, so he walks over and asks, "How do you get into those pants?"

The young woman looks him over and replies, "Well, you could start by buying me a drink."

2006-12-01 17:37:18 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

I came across this while searching the net...........
Warning: You are reading this at your own risk
HOW TO FAIL IN LIFE
MORE ACCURATELY: HOW TO LOSE TEETH PREMATURELY IN LIFE

When a person throws rocks at a mango tree (which causes the mangoes to fall to the ground so that it is reachable to the mentioned person to take and eat it) and fails the first, second and third attempts, laugh at him. Increase the pitch of your laughter with each failure. If the person is quite strong, he/she will break your teeth, and if not strong, his/her father will break your teeth. Or most probably, the rocks directed at the mangoes, will be directed at you.
Either way, you end up as a failure.

This and other steps (such as reading this unadvisable advice) will ensure that you become a failure, failing at everything in life. However, you must make an effort to ensure that you do not fail in ensuring that you are failure.

2006-12-01 16:54:53 · 12 answers · asked by Rick S 1

this:

Jingle Bells, Batman Smells,
Robin Laid an egg,
The Batmobile lost a wheel,
On the M6 Motorway,
Dashing through the snow,
On a pair of broken skis,
Over the hills we go,
Crashing into trees,
The snow is turning red,
I think I might be dead,
All I want this Christmas is an artificial head!

and this:

Frosty, the snowman
was an evil filthy soul
with a toothless smile and a rotten mouth
And some eyes he plucked and stole
Frosty, the snowman,
was a holocaust they say
He was made of snow but his victims know
How he ruled the earth one day......

2006-12-01 16:51:00 · 8 answers · asked by Rick S 1

2006-12-01 16:47:35 · 3 answers · asked by unztable007 1

There are 2 tribes and they both look alike. One tribe allways lies and one tells the truth. You don't know which one is which. They can't speak your lanuage but they understand it.(meaning they can point ect.) You need to find your way back to your village and you are at a fork in the road. There is 1 member from each tribe standing there. You can ask one question. (They'll each get a turn to answer.)
What is the question?

2006-12-01 16:21:11 · 10 answers · asked by PMCQ 2

There are 10 fish in the fishbowl. 2 drowned. How many fish are in the fishbowl

2006-12-01 16:10:16 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

First the joke (don't worry, this makes NO Sense at all):
Two marshmallows are running up a hill, one of them is a yellow marshmallow, the other is a pink marshmallow. And the two marshmallows are competing, seeing who can run the fastest, when all of a sudden, the yellow marshmallow, stops because its exhausted, and says, "Radio, radio, radio!"
((it's not supposed to make a lick of sense, you'll see why))

This takes TWO People in on the gag, to make it work. You and your pal find another friend, and tell him you've got the funniest joke. You tell this stupid joke. Both you and your friend bust up laughing, and the other guy will either look dumb as a stump, which is funny, OR, he will laugh at it too, Acting as dumb as stump. OK, you've had the first HALF of the fun... Now, let that third guy in on the gag completely. And ask him if he will play along with you two, as you tell it again, to a fourth person.
You go through it all again, but this time, you and your pal

2006-12-01 16:03:07 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-01 15:53:16 · 15 answers · asked by Hockeyplaya88 2

3 girls walk into an antiqe shop. they are a blonde a brunette and a rehead. the manager says "r u looking 4 something special?" they say "yes" so the manager leads them 2 a mirror and says "this mirror is magic. if you say something that is not true, you will disapear" and then they said "let's try it" the brunette went 2 the mirror and said "i think i'm the prettiest girl in the world" and POOF she disapeared. then the redhead went 2 the mirror and said" i think i'm the smartest girl in the world" and POOF she disapeared. The blonde walked up to the mirror and said "I think..." And POOF she disappeared!

2006-12-01 15:50:58 · 33 answers · asked by ~Amber~ 4

2006-12-01 15:50:13 · 9 answers · asked by songndance1999 4

Cause love means nothing to them!

2006-12-01 15:45:53 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-01 15:36:20 · 9 answers · asked by Dee Dee 1

2006-12-01 15:34:26 · 13 answers · asked by Dee Dee 1

there was a man who was in a real need of a new tiolet. he goes to a new tiolet shop had very odd tiolets, so he decided to go there for a tiolet.
the man that runs the store said that they had 3 types of tiolets,a glass, a wood and a singing one, the man decided to start with the cheapest, so he got the wood one. a week later the man came back in holding his butt. he said " i can not use this tiolet, it gives me WAY too many splinters" so the store owner said, why dont you try the glass or singing. the singing tiolet was a bit odd to him so he bought the glass one. a week later, the man comes back to the store with a bad limp, and says i cant use the glass tiolet, i kept slipping off so the store manager said, try the singing tiolet. so he bought the singing tiolet. and suprisingly, the man walked back in just one week after buying the tiolet. " i cant use this tiolet. everytime i start to go it starts singing

" do you see what i see what i see "

srry if its an old joke

2006-12-01 15:33:39 · 8 answers · asked by the princess of the world 3

2006-12-01 15:04:27 · 13 answers · asked by Hot Lips 1

stage 1-smart=this is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known universe. you know everything and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. at this stage you are always right. and of course the person you are talking to is very wrong. it makes for an interesting argument when both parties are smart

stage 2-good looking=this is when you realize that you are the best looking person in the entire bar and that people fancy you. you can go up to a perfect stranger knowing they will adore the way you look. bear in mind that you are still smart, so you can talk to this person about any subject under the sun

stage 3-rich=this is when suddenly become the richest person in the world you can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have an armored truck full of money parked behind the bar. you can also make bets at this stage, because of course, you are still smart, so naturally you will win all your bets. it doesn’t matter how much you bet because you are rich

stage 4-bulletproof=you are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone especially those with whom you have been betting or arguing. This is because nothing can hurt you. At this point you can also go up to the partners of the people you fancy and challenge them to a battle f wits or money. You have no fear of losing this battle because not only are you smart, you are rich and hell, you’re better looking than they are anyway

stage 5-invinsible=this is the Final Stage of Drunkenness. At this point you can do anything because no one can see you. You dance on a table to impress the people you fancy because the rest of the people in the room cannot see you. You are invincible to the person who wants to fight. You can walk through the street singing at the top of your lungs because no one can see or hear you. Because you’re still smart, you know all the words

2006-12-01 15:03:10 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

This word has seven letters.
it succedes the devil in evil.
it it greater than God.
It isn't anything.
It is everything.

The first person to get this write gets best answer.

2006-12-01 14:51:03 · 14 answers · asked by Look into the Air 3

Two men are in a desert. They both have packs on. One of the guys is dead. The guy who is alive has his pack open, the guy who is dead has his pack closed. What is in the pack?

2006-12-01 14:49:34 · 27 answers · asked by smile♥ 3

if so how is it.........

2006-12-01 14:41:58 · 7 answers · asked by Saints Fan 100% N.0.l.A. 3

He sits beside a pretty girl and asks if he can buy her a drink
She says "I don't think so"
He says "why not? I'm a Fun gi" (fun guy)

2006-12-01 14:37:49 · 11 answers · asked by al p 3

baking cookies. She tells him they are p.u.ssy cookies and taste like p.u.ssy. The man tries a bite and spits it out "P.u.ssy??? This taste like S.h.i.t."
His wife says."Turn it over, dummy"

2006-12-01 14:23:17 · 9 answers · asked by al p 3

After a while I will post another question with the answer....unless someone get's it correct

2006-12-01 14:04:10 · 30 answers · asked by better2969 1

This is not a joke or riddle but true just trying to help us all out click this link I am level 4 so i get a water bottle http://advision.webevents.yahoo.com/thankyougift/landing.html don't worry this is on yahoo's Q&A front page you just have to look
It says supplys are limited hey 7's I am jealous I want that fleece oh well Keep warm
you must sign up by 12/13 and it goes by what level you are on by 12/03 so if a few points from next level get to answering

2006-12-01 13:48:07 · 8 answers · asked by katlady927 6

A blonde finds herself in serious trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in dire financial straits. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray..."God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the Lotto."

Lotto night comes, and somebody else wins it. She again prays..."God, please let me win the Lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."

Lotto night comes and she still has no luck. Once again, she prays..."My God, why have You forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask You for help, and I have always been a good servant to You. PLEASE let me win the Lotto just this one time so I can get my life back in order."

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open. The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God Himself..."Sweetheart, work with Me on this... Buy a ticket"

2006-12-01 13:47:27 · 20 answers · asked by babegirl 1

Pick a number between 2 and 9
Multiply that number by 9
Add the two digits together (ie: 4 * 9 = 36 ... 3+6 = 9)
Subtract 5
Pick the letter of the alphabet that corresponds to your number
Pick a country that starts with that letter
Take the second letter of the country an choose an animal
Pick the color of that animal.


Is the color Gray????

2006-12-01 13:47:11 · 30 answers · asked by better2969 1

Yo, whats up?

lol yah i know that was VERY important. haha im funny.. =P

2006-12-01 13:07:45 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

ok
Yo mama so dumb, she thought George W. Bush was Hu Jin Tao!
ahahahaha hlolololololol
man I'm funny!

2006-12-01 13:04:08 · 30 answers · asked by Robert G 1

Triplets

A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a
masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the
stomach.

Luckily the babies were OK. The surgeon decided to leave the bullets
in because it was too risky to operate. She gave birth to two
healthy daughters and a healthy son. All was fine for 16 years, and
then one
daughter walked into the room in tears.

"What's wrong?" asked the mother.

"I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out," replied the
daughter.
The mother told her it was okay and explained what happened 16 years
ago.

About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in
tears. "Mom, I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out."

Again the mother told her not to worry and explained what happened
16 years ago.

A week later her son walked into ! the room in tears.

"It's okay" said the Mom, "I know what happened. You were taking a
tinkle and a bullet came out."

"No," said the boy, "I was playing with myself and I shot the dog."

2006-12-01 12:58:44 · 29 answers · asked by basscatcher 4

2006-12-01 12:55:47 · 14 answers · asked by believe to achieve 2