Jokes & Riddles - December 2006

Will Young, Robbie and Kylie went for a night on the town, as
they left the night-club, Kylie slipped and got her head stuck between
the railings of the fence opposite the club.
Robbie decided to take full advantage of this and lifted up her
Little skirt, pushed her thong to one side and gave her good a seeing
to.
"It's your turn now, Will" grinned Robbie but Will started
crying.
Robbie asked "Why are you crying, Will? What's wrong?"
Will sobbed "My head won't fit between the railings"

2006-12-01 22:00:06 · 11 answers · asked by Pickles 2

moaning about the noise from the bedrrom , i said , i have'nt been making any noise , he said , neither have i , thats what i'm f*cking moaning about !!

2006-12-01 21:56:46 · 7 answers · asked by nicemanvery 7

A 70 yr old nun goes to see a ginacolgest. when the doctor is through checking her he says, everything looks alright except for one thing.
The Nun ask whats that? the dodcor said, Looks like you've got the crabs.
The Nun looks at him and says I can't have the crabs I'm a 70 yr old Nun. I've NEVER had sex. she is so upset she leaves his office and goes to another doctor. As he is checking her she tells him what the other doctor told her. He said Well the other doctor was wrong. Your cherry is so old you have FRUIT FLIES.

2006-12-01 21:54:35 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-01 21:47:24 · 5 answers · asked by verle may l 1

My current husband is a mechanic. He tore it up the first night and has been workingon it ever since.

2006-12-01 21:40:56 · 7 answers · asked by Jamie T 1

teacher: use the words green pink and yellow in a sentence
daniella: when the phone goes GREEN GREEN i PINK it up and say YELLOW

2006-12-01 21:35:12 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Three nuns were assigned to paint a room in a church. It was a really hot day and the nuns were getting really hot in those black clothes they wear so they took off all their clothes and went on painting naked. Later they heard a knock on the door....

"Who is it?????", The man who knocked replied, "I'm the blind man".

So, the nuns decided to let him in since he would not be able to see them. The nuns let him into the room.... The man then looked around the room, then looked at them and said, "nice t-ts sisters, where do you want the blinds?"

2006-12-01 21:25:43 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-01 21:19:48 · 18 answers · asked by Cannibal 4

so clever why do they need idiots like us sat in front of them?

2006-12-01 21:17:11 · 10 answers · asked by Shredder 6

and threre is Robbie Williams smiling at you!What would you do?

2006-12-01 21:14:15 · 20 answers · asked by chrissy 7

A family are driving behind a dust cart when a dildo flies out the back of the truck and hits the wind screen, embarassed, & to protect her young sons innocence the woman says it was a moth, the son replies "a moth? im surprised it could fly with a **** that big"

2006-12-01 21:05:29 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

I remember hearing this a long time ago now, so thought I'd tell you just before I go eat something.. Anyone wanna join me for breakfast..? Might go out.. lol.. Well, here's my joke..

A construction worker on the 3rd floor of a building needs a handsaw. He sees another man on the 1st floor. He yells down to him, but he can't hear, so he does sign language.

To do sign language, the man on the 3rd floor points at his eye meaning "I", points at his knee meaning "need", and moves his hand back and forth in a handsaw motion.

The man on the 1st floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, and starts masturbating. The man on the 3rd floor gets so angry he runs down to the 1st floor and says, "What the f*ck is wrong with you, dumb a*s? I said I need a handsaw!"

The other guy says, "I knew that, I was just trying to tell you I'm coming."

2006-12-01 20:59:16 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Police have found a badly decomposed corpse,wife no brain,saggy t-ts,fat a-se and no dress sense! Txt back so i Know ur ok.

2006-12-01 20:57:16 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

a man, for 20 years insisted on making love to his wife in the dark, one night, in the throws of passion she turns the light on & finds him with a vibrator up her, she goes mad, "you impotant b.stard, how could you lie to me after all these years" husband looks at her strait in the eye & calmly says " ill explain the toy if you explain the kids"

2006-12-01 20:56:24 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

the men from the boys, something the Church has been trying to do for years. !!!!!!

2006-12-01 20:46:27 · 14 answers · asked by pokerfacelad 4

There is a new f---y wash for woman! Its made with cocain,deodorant,and kentucky fried chicken! It leaves your f---y high,dry and finger licking good.

2006-12-01 20:43:47 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

This one made me chuckle..

Priest: What is your sin child?

Girl: I confess father, I called a man a son-of-a-b*tch..

Priest: Why?

Girl: Father he touched me..

Priest: Like this???? (The priest then touches the girl...)

Girl: Yes!!!

Priest: But that is no reason to call a man a son-of-a-b*tch.

Girl: Yes, but then he stripped me naked..

Priest: Like this??? (The priest then rips the girl's clothes off.)

Girl: Yes!!!

Priest: But that is no reason to call a man a son-of-a-b*tch.

Girl: Yes but then he had sex with me..

Priest: Like this??? (The priest then has wild sex with her.)

Girl: Yes exactly like that!!

Priest: But that is no reason to call a man a son-of-a-b*tch.

Girl: But father he had genital herpees!!!

Priest: That son-of-a-b*tch!!!!!

2006-12-01 20:37:26 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-01 20:17:21 · 9 answers · asked by qwerty u 1

A teacher started talking aboutthe final exam for the next day. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death.

One male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?" and the whole classroom burst into laughter.

After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write."

2006-12-01 20:13:36 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

when they know there is not enough?

2006-12-01 19:43:54 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-01 19:42:18 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

and Micharl Jacksons face is starring at you....What do you do?

2006-12-01 19:31:12 · 34 answers · asked by chrissy 7

The maker doesn't want it,
The buyer doesn't use it,
The user doesn'y see it.
What is it???

2006-12-01 19:28:10 · 37 answers · asked by Anonymous

Wife and Husband
a couple drove down a country road
for several miles, not saying a word
an earlier discussion had led to an argument
and neither of them wanted
to concede their position
as they passed a barnyard of mules,
goats and pigs
the husband asked sarcastically,
"relatives of yours?"
"yup," the wife replied, "in-laws"

2006-12-01 18:42:24 · 26 answers · asked by tess 6

A white salesman from New York, was on a business trip through some of the states in the deep south. After checking in to a hotel, he went to the cocktail lounge for a couple of drinks.

He had not been seated for more than a few minutes, when a southern gentleman at the bar stood up and announced, "My name is Brown, B-R-O-W-N, and I am a white man from the top of my head to the tip of my toes", and then sit back down.

Every ten minutes or so, he would stand and make the same announcment to the other patrons, "My name is Brown, B-R-O-W-N, and I am a white man from the top of my head to the tip of my toes".

It had been a long and tiring trip for the salesman, and all he wanted was a little peace and quiet.

After hearing the loud mouth's repeated words for some time, the salesman stood up and made his own announcment.

His was, "My name is Smith, S-M-I-T-H, and I am a white man from the top of my head to the tip of my toes, all except for my a-s-s-h-o-l-e which is brown, B-R-O-W-N".

2006-12-01 18:24:17 · 15 answers · asked by Dew Drop 3

whats the difference between red and purple



wait





the grip

as all you men will know

2006-12-01 18:22:20 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Okay, Okay, it finally all makes sense now... I never looked at it this way before:

MEN tal illness

MEN strual cramps

MEN tal breakdown

MEN opause

GUY nocologist

AND

When we have REAL trouble, it's a HIS terectomy

Ever notice how all of women's problems start with MEN ?

2006-12-01 18:22:02 · 13 answers · asked by Dew Drop 3

A guy walks into a Glasgow library and says to the prim librarian, "Excuse me Miss, day ye hiv ony books on suicide?"

To which she stops doing her tasks, looks at him over the top of her glasses, and says, "Buzz Off....., ye'll no bring it back!"

2006-12-01 18:00:03 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

Put around 100 bricks in a closed room with an open window. Then send 2-3 candidates in to the room closing the room from outside. Come back after 6 hrs and analyse the situation,

If they are counting & recounting the bricks- PUT THEM IN ACCOUNTS DEPT
If they have messed up whole place with bricks- ENGINEERING
If they are arranging bricks in some other order- PLANNING
If they are throwing bricks at each other- OPERATIONS
If they are sleeping- SECURITY
If they have broken the bricks in to pcs- INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY
If they are sitting idle- HUMAN RESOURCE
If they have thrown bricks out of the window- MATERIALS
If they are clinging onto bricks- TREASURY
If they say they tried many combo, yet no bricks moved- SALES
If they have already left for the day- MARKETING
If they are staring out of window- EXPORT

And last but not the least

If they are talking to eachother & no bricks moved- TOP MANAGEMENT.

2006-12-01 17:55:20 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-01 17:53:12 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous