Jokes & Riddles - December 2006

i am square yet round, i'm soft yet hard, i have left my right but i have no left. if i were yellow i would be shallow. what am i?

2006-12-02 06:53:26 · 12 answers · asked by millers 1

2006-12-02 06:49:15 · 21 answers · asked by richincalciumandvitamind 2

2006-12-02 06:48:51 · 10 answers · asked by richincalciumandvitamind 2

Im a allways around most people can never tuch me no mater how hard thay try. I can be green,black,blue or browne. I hate the sun and sand ther my worse enenmy. When people have problems with me some people clame weed helps me out.

2006-12-02 06:47:17 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-02 06:42:14 · 11 answers · asked by richincalciumandvitamind 2

An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A young man walked up
and sat down next to him. He had spiked hair in different colours;
green, red, orange, blue, and yellow. The old man just stared at
him. The young man turned to him and said sarcastically, "What's
the matter old-timer, never done anything wild in your life?"
Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and
f-cked a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son."

2006-12-02 06:37:55 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous

Which is more:
the number of trains that pass trough Grand Central Station in a year,or the trees cut down in the usa to print money???

2006-12-02 06:34:25 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

I'll tell u next week if you can't figure it out....:)

2006-12-02 06:30:19 · 4 answers · asked by isis 4

2006-12-02 06:29:38 · 8 answers · asked by masteryoda 3

But he says, As today is my birthday, dont just tell me, mime it,
So the waiter, feeling in a good mood, starts strutting round the resturaunt, flapping his arms and clucking, The man says "Ah Chicken" the waiter replies "No Mushroom",The bloke responds, "If its Mushroom, why the bloody hell did you make a noise like a chicken. the waiter said "I cant make a noise like a Mushroom"

2006-12-02 06:28:58 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

John McGrath hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest
of me life, between the legs of me wife!"
That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best
toast of the night." She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your
toast?"
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church
beside me wife."
"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the
street corner. The man chuckled leering and said, "John won the prize
the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You
know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell
asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him
come."

2006-12-02 06:21:49 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

Every weekend my wife keeps on about wanting pork in cider, anyone know what she is talking about? l cant even cook!

2006-12-02 06:07:05 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

A little boy was out walking with his mum,and saw two people at it like rabbits. He said to his mum what are they doing,she replied making cakes..The next day he was walking to school with his mum,he said you were making cakes with daddy last night werent you ? How do you know ? Cos i licked the iceing off the sofa....

2006-12-02 06:03:57 · 15 answers · asked by madmarie35 3

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.

"I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer. I'll smell it and order from there."

A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath.

"Ah, yes, that's what I'll have -- meatloaf and mashed potatoes."

Unbelievable, the owner thinks as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner's wife. He tells her what had just happened.

The blind man eats his meal and leaves.

Several days later, the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again.

"Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."

"I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork."

The owner retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man.

After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great. I'll take the macaroni and cheese with broccoli."

Walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is
screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him.

The blind man eats and leaves.

He returns the following week, but this time the owner sees him coming and runs to the kitchen.

He tells his wife, "Mary, rub this fork on your panties before
take it to the blind man."

Mary complies and hands her husband the fork. As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting.

"Good afternoon, sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you."

The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff, and says, "Hey I didn't know that Mary worked here..."

2006-12-02 05:52:10 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

I Know It, Just Testing You! Kind Of Difficult.

2006-12-02 05:48:15 · 15 answers · asked by i8 1

A guy goes to the Government to apply for a job. The interviewer asks
him,
"Have you been in the service?"
"Yes," he says. "I was in Vietnam for three years."
The interviewer says,"That will give you extra points toward
employment," and then asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy says, "Yes... a mortar round exploded near me and blew my
testicles off." The interviewer tells the guy, "OK. I can hire you
right now.
The hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm. You can start tomorrow. Come
in at 10:00 am."
The guy is puzzled and says, "If the hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm
then why do you want me to come in at 10:00 am?"
"This is a government job," the interviewer says. "For the first two
hours we sit around scratching our balls... no point in you coming in
for that....

2006-12-02 05:45:03 · 35 answers · asked by Anonymous

The waitress walks up to one of her tables and is shocked to see three Japanese men, all sat there masturbating violently.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" she screams.
One of the Japanese guys looks up and says, "Well, it says on the menu, First come, First served!"

2006-12-02 05:42:55 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

When the top moves, the bottom is happy.
When the bottom moves, the top is happy.
When the top moves hard, the bottom’s mouth hurts.

2006-12-02 05:39:14 · 2 answers · asked by blueyes 2

A man appears before St. Peter at the pearly gates. "Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asks.
"Well, I can think of one thing," the man offers. "Once, on a trip to the Black Hills, out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of high-testosterone bikers who were threatening a young woman.
I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker.
I smacked him on the head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring and threw it on the ground, and told him,
'Leave her alone now or you'll answer to me.'"
St. Peter was impressed.
"When did this happen?"
"Just a couple of minutes ago."

2006-12-02 05:29:55 · 8 answers · asked by Cowboy 4

Mother looks at her and replies,what do you want," SYMPATHY".

2006-12-02 05:27:15 · 4 answers · asked by kman1830 5

What starts with "F" and ends with "uck"?

2006-12-02 05:08:48 · 18 answers · asked by ☆ Sarah ☆ 4

Is known by both masculine and feminine names,
And lightens up (or burns up) without rain;
Originates from a man and goes into a man,
But no one has been able to guess what it is.

2006-12-02 05:06:26 · 10 answers · asked by Tellus A 2

we need a name for a mixed sex pub quiz team, not the usual r soles, norfolk 'n' chance or mary hinges plz

2006-12-02 04:58:22 · 14 answers · asked by polydoodle 3

Meena is 21 years older than her son raju.
In 6 years from now Meena will be 5 times as old as raju.

Question: Where's Meena's Husband?

(There IS a mathematical solution for this.. Think)

Winner will be awarded "The Smartest" title from Yahoo answers club... along with 10 Points

2006-12-02 04:44:56 · 9 answers · asked by ☺•˚ºo(█?) 2

after all the evidence is heard the judge announces,
'Mr Mouse i cannot grant you a divorce on the grounds
that your wife, Minnie mouse, has protruding teeth'.
At which, Mickey's attorney stands and explains
'i'm sorry your honour my client did not say
'Mrs Mouse has protruding teeth',
he said 'she was f*****g Goofy !

2006-12-02 04:41:00 · 9 answers · asked by composepro 2

How do you make 30 cents from 2 american coin where one of the coins cant be a nickel?

2006-12-02 04:36:55 · 10 answers · asked by justinr1819 1

The actual one I am looking for is a green sack with a key ring attached, when you press the middle it really laughs loudly. Anybody know where I can get one from please?

2006-12-02 04:26:29 · 8 answers · asked by calamity 2

He was the only barber in the town and had a sign board "Shaved for only those who cannot shave themselfs" in his shop.Will he do self shaving??? What you think...?

2006-12-02 04:22:31 · 2 answers · asked by ☺•˚ºo(█?) 2

Small Quiz...lets the winner gets 10 points!
I am 7 letter long 1234567.My123 is a vehicle.My2345 was a pop group.My 456 is a piece of luggage.My 567 changes every year.Who am i?

2006-12-02 04:13:35 · 11 answers · asked by DoubtingThomas 2

3 men want to buy a room in a hotel for the night. The bellboy tells them it'll be $10 each so they pay him. The cashier tells the bellboy that the room only costed $25 and the bellboy needed to refund the men $5. The bellboy knew that dividing $5 among 3 people wouldn't work so he pocketed $2 for himself and gave each of the men $1 back each.

The men payed $9 each for their room after the rebate and the bellboy pocketed $2.

9+9+9+2=29

Where'd the other $1 go?

I will give an explaination so try your hardest.

2006-12-02 04:11:06 · 10 answers · asked by txsaxman91 3