Jokes & Riddles - December 2006

helpline - good morning it helpline what seems to be the problem?
customer - well my computer wont turn on
helpline - is the computer plugged in sercureley and the plug switched on.
customer - give me a sec I cant see all the lights are turned off
helpline- can you turn them back on?
customer- no they wont turn on
helpline - it seems you have an "id ten t" error just wait till the lights come on and then try to turn the pc on.
customer - whats an id ten t error?
helpline - write it on a piece of paper and you will see

ID10T

2006-12-02 11:32:11 · 11 answers · asked by geoffrey2312 3

Blithe artificially flavored masticating substance

2006-12-02 11:30:13 · 6 answers · asked by Kodoku Josei 4

the wife: Darling, why did u go outside while I was singing??
Do u think I am really bad at singing??
husband: ( desperately ) No, honey...I just want to prove our
neighbours that I wasn't beating u....

2006-12-02 11:27:42 · 3 answers · asked by Blue P 4

This made me laugh.. I'm going to bed after this, goodnight people..

A country preacher decided to skip services one Sunday and head to the hills to do some bear hunting.

As he rounded the corner on a perilous twist in the trail, he and a bear collided, sending him and his rifle tumbling down the mountainside.

Before he knew it, his rifle went one way and he went the other, landing on a rock and breaking both legs. That was the good news. The bad news was the ferocious bear charging at him from a distance, and he couldn't move.

"Oh, Lord," the preacher prayed, "I'm so sorry for skipping services today to come out here and hunt. Please forgive me and grant me just one wish...please make a Christian out of that bear that's coming at me. Please, Lord!"

That very instant, the bear skidded to a halt, fell to its knees, clasped its paws together and began to pray aloud right at the preacher's feet. "Dear God, bless this food I am about to receive...."

2006-12-02 11:15:33 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

I say: A blind guy wearing glasses!

-Most creative answer gets 10 pts.

2006-12-02 11:07:10 · 28 answers · asked by Epitome 2

2006-12-02 11:00:13 · 46 answers · asked by Anonymous

Guy out hunting,caught deer,cooked it ,served it to wife and kids refused to tell them wot it was, I ll give you a hint he says,its wot your mum sometimes calls me,little girl starts screaming DONT EAT IT,ITS A F***ING ARSEHOLE

2006-12-02 10:38:11 · 13 answers · asked by danjontina 2

good friday, easter, may bank holiday, some of you thanks giving, bonefire night, christmas eve, christmas day boxing day and new year, but what year did we all celebrate the new year first?????

2006-12-02 10:23:30 · 11 answers · asked by polly a 2

gaggle the silly goose pimp is making a bumping noise inside his pen( i live on a farm) last night. do you have any idea what it might be? i asked farmer john but he said i shouldnt know for another 10 years. what do you think it is?

2006-12-02 10:21:23 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-02 10:19:30 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

A room you can't swing a cat around in.

2006-12-02 10:19:14 · 13 answers · asked by shilo 2

Half a kitten

2006-12-02 10:16:30 · 19 answers · asked by shilo 2

the LONGEST one... and no, it's not supercalafragilisticexpeielidocious.

2006-12-02 10:02:45 · 28 answers · asked by the golden goose 3

A guy shows up late for work.
The boss yells "YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN HERE AT 8.30!"
He replies: "Why?....What happened at 8:30?"

2006-12-02 09:54:28 · 16 answers · asked by OO7 3

An American, a Russian and a Dane was sitting in a bar, bragging.

The American said: "We have the largest airforce in the world. If all our plains were to take off and fly side-by-side, not a single beam of sunlight would reach the ground."

"Well", said the Russian, "We have the largets Navy in the world. If we were to deploy all our ships and have them line up at the shores of every Continent in the world, not a single wave would reach the shore."

"Oh", said the Dane, "but I know a guy who lives in the center of Copenhagen, who has a p*nis a foot-and-a-half long".

The Russian and the American sat there in awe.

"Well", said the American, "I might have exaggerated a bit. A couple of light beams might slip through..."

"Yeah", went the Russian, "I might have exaggerated also, a couple of waves might reach the shore..."

And finally, the Dane goes "I wasn't completely honest either... He might live at the OUTSKIRTS of Copenhagen".

2006-12-02 09:48:28 · 4 answers · asked by darkskaners 3

Does any oe know how to get new themes on a Verizon WIreless V3c RAzr

2006-12-02 09:42:20 · 3 answers · asked by Sad_Satan 1

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!”
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!”
The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.”

2006-12-02 09:41:39 · 16 answers · asked by OO7 3

When Jane initially met Tarzan of the Jungle, she was attracted to him, and during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex. "Tarzan not know sex," he replied.

Jane explained to him what sex was.

Tarzan said, "Oh, Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree."

Horrified, she said, "Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly."

She took off her clothes and lay down on the ground. "Here," she said. "You must put it in here."

Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer with his huge erection, and then gave her an almighty kick right in the crotch.

Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity. Eventually she managed to gasp for air and screamed, "What did you do that for?"

"Tarzan first check for bees."

2006-12-02 09:34:48 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-02 09:32:45 · 4 answers · asked by armada 3

lol playing flip words and cant figure it out

2006-12-02 09:27:02 · 2 answers · asked by mariya 1

Two Irish guys take a walk, when one comes across a mirror and picks it up, looking into it he say's "I know that guy". So the other guy takes a look at the mirror and replies, "Yeah! so do I"

2006-12-02 09:16:17 · 9 answers · asked by sophie 3

2006-12-02 09:00:57 · 7 answers · asked by twonkomadness 2

Man Of The House

The husband had just finished reading the book, 'MAN OF THE HOUSE'.

He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law!

I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward.

Then, after dinner, you are going to draw me my bath so I can relax, and when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

His wife replied, "The fcuking funeral director would be my guess."

2006-12-02 08:58:59 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

I am slim and tall, Many find me desirable and appealing. They touch me and I give a false good feeling. Once I shine in splendor, But only once and then no more. For many I am "to die for". What am I?

2006-12-02 08:49:55 · 16 answers · asked by Sweetie Chick 2

Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables?

2006-12-02 08:46:46 · 16 answers · asked by Sweetie Chick 2

You walk up to a mountain that has two paths. One leads to the other side of the mountain, and the other will get you lost forever. Two twins know the path that leads to the other side. You can ask them only one question. Except! One lies and one tells the truth, and you don't know which is which. So, What do you ask?

2006-12-02 08:45:11 · 24 answers · asked by Sweetie Chick 2

Rungs of a Ladder The rungs of a 10 foot ladder attached to a ship are 1 foot apart. If the water is rising at the rate of one foot an hour, how long will it take until the water covers over the ladder?...

2006-12-02 08:44:16 · 18 answers · asked by Sweetie Chick 2

I also need the answers. :] I think these are so much fun!

2006-12-02 08:44:02 · 2 answers · asked by ACTiNGisLiFE 3

what colour are the vests sleeves?

2006-12-02 08:43:10 · 8 answers · asked by Sweetie Chick 2

Whoever makes it, tells it not. Whoever takes it, knows it not. Whoever knows it, wants it not. What is it?

2006-12-02 08:42:20 · 13 answers · asked by Sweetie Chick 2