Jokes & Riddles - December 2006

10 Points...
I'll post the answer and vote in 30 minutes!

What object has keys that open no locks, space but no room, and you
can enter but not go in?

2006-12-02 18:38:15 · 6 answers · asked by MsElainious 4

2006-12-02 18:36:06 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

10 Points....
I'll post the answer and vote in 30 minutes!

According to most state laws, the attempt to commit a certain crime is punishable, but actually committing this one is not.
What is the crime?

2006-12-02 18:31:38 · 3 answers · asked by MsElainious 4

I just heard on the news about the tragic accident of the three Irish scouts drowning, their tent sunk !!!!!!!!

2006-12-02 18:15:51 · 11 answers · asked by Shredder 6

(this is not a racist joke!! please do not take it that way!! thank you.)
A redneck, a jewish, and an african find a magic lamp and rub it when a genie pops out. he says they all have 1 wish each. the jewish man wishes for his own country where all his people can live free. boom! he grants it. the african wishes for HIS own country where all his people can live freely. and the redneck looks around and says "Hell! If their gone, I'll just have a Diet Coke!"

sorryif you dont get it. your a loser if u dont. sorry again!!

2006-12-02 18:00:32 · 14 answers · asked by Bleed!ng Star 3

Here on earth it is always true,
that a day follows a day.
But there is a place where yesterday
always follows today!
What am I ?

2006-12-02 17:56:28 · 29 answers · asked by ☺•˚ºo(█?) 2

10. "My house isn't all cluttered with thoughtful birthday presents"

9. "Between my birthday and the damn groundhog, February's a non-stop party"

8. "Though it's not legal, I pay my taxes once every four years, too"

7. "You think I'd be appearing on national TV if I'd been born February 28th?"

6. "How many people get a car on their fifth birthday?"

5. "We still pay the children's price at the movies"

4. "Lack of birthday cake has kept me relatively thin"

3. "There's nothing good about it -- I just wanted to meet Cosby"

2. "Dumb people think you're supernatural"

1. "I don't know why, but it gets me a lot of tail"

2006-12-02 17:50:03 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

In a fancy Paris restaurant, there is a magical wish-granting mirror. But it only grants wishes if you tell the truth -- if you lie, you disappear. One day, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead enter the restaurant and decide to try out the mirror. The brunette goes first. "I think I'm the smartest woman on earth." "POOF!" She disappears. The redhead goes up to try. "I think I'm the prettiest woman on earth." "POOF!" She disappears. The blonde goes up. "I think--" "POOF!"

2006-12-02 17:48:44 · 17 answers · asked by Jadess 2

Last time, we had this following riddle:

How do you make a real Texan chili?
A: Take him to the north pole!

Hehehe. And here is today's riddle:

Who were the first people to play with a pair or dice?

Good luck :)

2006-12-02 17:47:39 · 4 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

Whats greater than God,
more evil than the devil,
The poor have it,
the rich need it,
and if you eat it you'll die??

2006-12-02 17:40:19 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Jesus and Satan are having an arguement about who is better on the computer. God hears this and is tired of the bickering. So, he set up a test that would last one hour. Jesus and Satan typed, made tables, did research, and made siggys. Ten minutes before the test was over the power went out because of a storm. Satan started to scream and say every curse word known to man, Jesus just sighed. When the power came back on they started their computers. Satan said "It's gone! It's all gone!" Jesus, meanwhile just quietly started to print out all of the things they had done over the past hour. Satan got so mad and started to yell, "THAT'S NOT FAIR HE CHEATED! HOW DID HE DO IT?" God just said, "Jesus saves."

2006-12-02 17:40:06 · 13 answers · asked by Jadess 2

Why is the sky blue and why did the chicken cross the street?

2006-12-02 17:33:34 · 6 answers · asked by coolmesillyme 1

(i got nothin against blondes aight)

A blonde walks into a barber shop one day and asks the man if she can get her hair cut. The man says "Well ma'am, I can't cut your hair with those head-phones on. You're going to have to take them off."

She shakes her head vigorously and replies "No, if I take them off, I will die." He put his hands on his hips and ripped them off of her head. She fell to the floor and died. He was extremely surprised and picked up the head-phones.

All he heard was "Breathe in, breathe out, breath in."

2006-12-02 17:31:41 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

Top Things You Should Not Say At A Funeral


Geez, what died in here?


He looks natural but those shoes do not go with that dress.


Nice service...where's the keg?


When did he die...really...hey Bob, you won the pool!!!


Hey, we're with the Publisher Clearing House Prize Patrol and we're looking for...oh, never mind.


Don't look now Fred but you and the deceased have the exact same suit on.


You know they touched that body up cause that shark has one of them legs.


Not to cause panic or anything but something is leaking out of that casket.

2006-12-02 17:31:32 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

Do you think she was really religious or was there a reason to her joke? She told me it was supposed to be funny but turned out kinda not. You know what I mean? So help me out.

2006-12-02 17:31:04 · 6 answers · asked by sally b 4

If there are 5 apples on the counter and you take away 2, how many do you have?

2006-12-02 17:30:21 · 15 answers · asked by soccergrl4103 3

What's mightier than God and more evil than the Devil? The poor have it. The rich need it. If you eat it, you will eventually die.

2006-12-02 17:26:44 · 11 answers · asked by ☺•˚ºo(█?) 2

There's a lady (blonde) and she walks into a casino.

She decides to play a round of poker with some guy that's been winning for a while.


And they deal out the cards so she says i'll flash u my cards if u flash me urs.


So the man flashes his cards and she flashes hers but 2 more cards go into her hand.


SO he sees her set her hand down and drop 2 cards.


And he sees looks at her with a weird face and so she says are u ready to lay?


And she says yes and he lays his hand of (4 aces and 1 Queen.)


And she drops her hand of(5 aces) and yells What?!


That's impossible i cheated to make sure i had all five aces!

2006-12-02 17:26:11 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

"I sure like chicken."
"What a wonderful day. Did I mention I was in a car accident on the way over?"
"This is so exciting! I've never taken two showers in one week before!"
"How about them Reading Phillies? ;)"
"That's quite interesting... (yawn)"
"I sold my entire 1999 set of baseball cards last week!"
"Do you watch Pokemon? I like Pokemon!"
"How 'bout them kidneys on eBay?"
"Do I smell tacos I wish we could have tacos!"
"My pet monkey gives you two thumbs up!"

2006-12-02 17:22:00 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

ok there is a man asleep downstairs he hears a large bang outside, so he runs upstairs puts the light on an then shoots himself in the head WHY????????????????

2006-12-02 17:21:09 · 9 answers · asked by bob z 1

2006-12-02 17:17:34 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

Follow your instincts.
Lose your directions.
Wear your sunglasses at night.
Follow the stars -- if it's daytime.
Forget what state you're in.
Spill coffee on your map.
Ask your pet monkey to read the directions and follow the map.
Let a man drive. :D

2006-12-02 17:15:44 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-02 17:15:00 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-02 17:12:14 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

What's that smell?
So who's that sleeping in the box?
I wouldn't be caught dead in that outfit.
I would have loaned him my good rope if I'd known what he was using it for!
(to the widow) Now that you're single, how about a date?
It must suck to be dead.
(crying) I guess this means I'm out of the buck he owes me! :~(
When do we eat?
Can I have his car?
People sure look stupid dead.

2006-12-02 17:01:07 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

I have a german shepard female she has been spayed now after her spaying she has three balls. does any one know why?

2006-12-02 16:59:15 · 9 answers · asked by mejoe39 2

my roommate has started the war, I need some ideas for pranks, the only rule is that we are not allowed to messup one anothers' room.

2006-12-02 16:45:57 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

superman met batman and says hey it's the weekend lets go out and get some pu**y. batman say no I got something better to do. so superman takes off and meets the lone ranger and says hey it's the weekend let's go get some p***y. lone ranger says not this week . so super man says I'll go alone .so he goes flying down the beach and there lays wonder woman on her back and no clothes on . he thinks I can go down and get that at the speed of light and she wont even know it . so down he flies and bang he got it . wonder woman jumps up and says what the hell was that >>>>> invisable man says I dont know but it hurt like hell

2006-12-02 16:44:26 · 6 answers · asked by mejoe39 2

A lady approaches her priest and tells him, "Father, I have
a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only
know how to say one thing."

"What do they say?" the priest inquired.

"They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to
have some fun?'"

"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a
solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over
to my house and I will put them with my two male talking
parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots
will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase
and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship."

The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the
priest's house. His two male parrots are holding rosary beads
and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female
parrots in with the male parrots, and the female parrots say,

"Hi, we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?"

2006-12-02 16:42:47 · 5 answers · asked by ☺•˚ºo(█?) 2

mind game: i'm 11 letters long. my 1,2,3,4 is an insect, 3,4,5 is food, 5,6,7,8 is a heavenly body, if you combine 1,3,5,8 you'll get my 7,8,9,10. My 9,10,11 is your best friend. What am I?

2006-12-02 16:32:39 · 17 answers · asked by Mel 1