Jokes & Riddles - December 2006

if you drop a steel ball weighing five pounds from a height of 45 inches, will it fall more rapidly through water at 20 degrees Fahrenheit or water at 40 degrees Fahrenheit. Or will it make no difference?

2006-12-02 16:30:49 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

There was a blind little boy, and his mom was tucking him into bed, and was telling him " Ok honey, if you wish really hard, tomorrow you'll be able to see!"

little boy: "really mommy?"

mom: "Of course honey"

The next morning the little boy cried out "Mommy, mommy! I still can't see!"

mom: "Oh I know honey, April Fools!"



haha cruel, but funny......my kind of joke

2006-12-02 16:25:20 · 9 answers · asked by ηєvєrmorє 6

room full >>>house full >>yard full>> but you cant get a cup full

2006-12-02 16:11:57 · 5 answers · asked by mejoe39 2

2006-12-02 15:50:47 · 5 answers · asked by DidoDeeDee 3

2006-12-02 15:44:48 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

A woman scratched her butt and then when she sniffed her fingers they didn't smell. How can this be?

2006-12-02 15:44:30 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man goes out drinking every night,returning home in wee hours of morning.this drink is very well known but rarely consumed served warm and taken from the source. the man can't live without it.

Whats the drink

2006-12-02 15:42:56 · 9 answers · asked by Hermione 3

A man goes out drinking every night,returning home in wee hours of morning.this drink is very well known but rarely consumed served warm and taken from the source. the man can't live without it.

Whats the drink

2006-12-02 15:40:34 · 6 answers · asked by Hermione 3

A woman shoots her husband.
Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes.
Finally, she hangs him.
But 5 minutes later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together.
How can this be?

2006-12-02 15:37:06 · 13 answers · asked by Southpaw 2

Roses are red
violets are blue

2006-12-02 15:36:52 · 13 answers · asked by keybaordz 2

2006-12-02 15:36:43 · 4 answers · asked by Deborah K 2

Like it started raining and she lost control?

2006-12-02 15:33:51 · 5 answers · asked by Odeve A 1

would you give a ride, since you can only take one person, and the old lady really needs a hospital?

2006-12-02 15:33:10 · 8 answers · asked by Izzie 1

And what is the size of an elephant, but weighs nothing?

2006-12-02 15:31:21 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

A woman goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, my husband never seems to be in the mood for sex anymore. He always gives excuses, and I'm getting tired of it. What can I do?"

The doctor gives her a bottle of potion and says, "Give this to him during a meal sometime and believe me, you'll be making love in no time."

So the woman leaves with the potion, but a week later, she comes back very agitated.

"What's the matter?" the doctor asked.

"Well," the woman replied, "the potion worked, and me and my husband made love right on the table during lunch."

"So what's the problem?" the doctor asked.

"I can never show my face at McDonald's again!"

2006-12-02 15:29:48 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man has Ten Horses and nine stables as shown here.

[] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] []

The man wants to fit Ten Horses into nine stables. How can he fit Ten horses into nine stables?

2006-12-02 15:25:08 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Like how did she die?

2006-12-02 15:22:00 · 19 answers · asked by Odeve A 1

If you say smile I will be angry >:(

i have a bonus joke with this one:

Four nuns die and go to heaven, and they see god standing there. God says "Ok women. I know you may seem faithful to me, be in order to go to heaven you must be fully cleansed. So if you have ever touched a male's jewels/spout, then you must bathe that body part in this tub of holy water."
The first nun comes foreward and says "Well, I touched one once." She dips her fingertips in the water.
The second nun comes and says, "well, I gave a handjob once."
She dips her whole hand n the water.
The third nun is stuttering and says "Well, umm, err, well, actually, I kinda..."
Then the fourth nun interrupted: "If you expect me to gargle that water after her @$$ has been in it, then you have something new comin' to you!"

2006-12-02 15:15:09 · 11 answers · asked by keybaordz 2

One day, the Lord decided to make a companion for Adam. He summoned St. Peter. He told St. Peter that he wanted to make a being who was similar to man, yet was different, and could offer him comfort, companionship and pleasure. The Lord said he would call this being woman.

So St. Peter went about creating this being which was similar to man yet was different in ways that would be appealing and could provide physical pleasure to man. When St. Peter had finished creating this being who could now be called woman he summoned The Lord.

"I am now ready to provide the brain, nerve endings and senses to the being, this .. woman. I require your assistance on this matter O Lord. How many nerve endings should we put in woman's genitals", inquired St. Peter.
"How many did we put in Adam?", asked The Lord.
"Four hundred and twenty, ", replied St. Peter. "
"Do the same for woman", said The Lord.
"Yes, O Great Lord", said St. Peter.
"No, wait.", said The Lord. "Give her ten thousand, when she cums, I want her to scream my f*cking name!"

2006-12-02 15:05:54 · 2 answers · asked by al p 3

What would you have if Elmer got frozen in a blizard?





A Fudd-cicle (fudgecicle).

2006-12-02 15:02:18 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

PLEASE don't be a smart alek and say receipe because I get it! Please say something funny

2006-12-02 14:58:43 · 15 answers · asked by keybaordz 2

2006-12-02 14:58:09 · 8 answers · asked by T C 2

in. I sent one to my drunken B-I-L and he thought it was a letter asking for money and read it out loud to a bunch of friends. Boy was he pissed when they laughed at him.

REVEREND CHARLES BENNING
19543 S. BOSTON AVE.
WILSON, MASS.
97163


Dear Marty,

My dear Marty, your name was suggested to me by a mutual friend and this address given. I understand you are in need of a summer job and I am in need of an assistant. Please allow me to explain.
I operate a traveling revival show. Fire & brimstone and the like. I had, until recently, an assistant who was a most valuable asset to the intensity and content of the revival meetings, Mr. William Hope. After the preaching, praying and singing portion of the meeting, I do faith healing. This is where Willie was invaluable.
He was so very good at being one of the dregs of society. Everyone believed, immediately, that he was the worthless piece of society scum he portrayed. I would call out to the assembled if there was any among them who needed the healing power of the Lord. At this point Willie would come forward, staggering, drooling and muttering.
His hair was a filthy shamble and matted with urine and blood. His clothes appeared as if he had slept in them for a week. His stench could be realized for six full rows.
He would falter half-way down the center aisle, fall to his knees, pass gas and wet his pants. He would then crawl on his hands and knees to the stage. He had the unusual ability of making mucus run from his nostrils at will.
He would then rise up as I evoked the Power of the Lord and a miracle would occur. He could suddenly talk intelligently, control his bodily functions and the mucus would stop running. The crowd loved it.
It was after this performance I would pass the collection basket and the money flowed like water. I am sure you can understand the effect Willie had on these good-God-fearing people. Sadly, Willie passed away last month. Choking on his own vomit during a bout of drunkenness.
With summer and fall (pre-christmas) being my peak season I'm sure you see why I am in desperate need of someone to take Willie's place. I have been told you are that man. I am even led to believe you already do a lot of the things Willie did. Please contact me as soon as possible or pass this letter to a friend if you are unavailable. It is important to get started as soon as possible since summer is half over.

Waiting to hear,
The Right Reverend
Charles Benning, D.O.D.

2006-12-02 14:56:11 · 4 answers · asked by al p 3

I turn polar bears white
and I will make you cry.
I make guys have to pee
and girls comb their hair.
I make celebrities look stupid
and normal people look like celebrities.
I turn pancakes brown
and make your champane bubble.
If you sqeeze me, I'll pop.
If you look at me, you'll pop.
I got this from a myspace bulliten and i cant figure it out at the end of the bulliten it also said 97% of Harvard graduates can not figure this riddle out,
but 84% of kindergarten students were able to figure this out in 6 minutes or less. Can some one please tell me the answer!!! thanks

2006-12-02 14:53:19 · 16 answers · asked by bitty1992 2

what is the three main part's of a wood burning cook stove

2006-12-02 14:50:16 · 5 answers · asked by vinel10 4

A guest with a reservation at our bed and breakfast had trouble finding us and went to the funeral home across the street by mistake
With his garnment bag over his shoulder,he walked in and looked around
Is this where I check in?he asked someone in the lobby
No came the reply...this is where you check out


A 6 yr old comes crying to his mother because his little sister pulled his hair
don't be angry with your sister the mother said she doesn't realize that pulling hair hurts
A short while later there's more crying and the mother goes to investigate
this time the sister is bawling and her brother says
now she knows

2006-12-02 14:50:02 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

Put something funny down (please don't be a smart alek and say Mastercard, ok?)

2006-12-02 14:47:58 · 31 answers · asked by keybaordz 2

What is the difference between love, true love, and showing off?



spitting, swallowing and gargaling(sp)

2006-12-02 14:41:51 · 4 answers · asked by Melisa H 2

Anybody know any funny jokes that arn't stupid, don't say bad words, or involve bad stuff? Will chose a best joke! (Remember, you get 10 points if I chose best answer!)

2006-12-02 14:34:46 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

ok so, there was two sisters and a mother. the mother then died so the sisters planned a funeral and at the funeral one of the sisters (lets call her mary) met a guy at the funeral. Mary and the guy fell in love at first sight, but they never got eachothers numbers, or myspaces so they never saw eachother again. 2 weeks later, Mary ended up killing her sister. Why did she kill her sister?


can ayone answer this?

2006-12-02 14:31:56 · 8 answers · asked by EstacioA 1