What are some good jokes?

Question

Anybody know any funny jokes that arn't stupid, don't say bad words, or involve bad stuff? Will chose a best joke! (Remember, you get 10 points if I chose best answer!)

Answer 1

A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain, and, as it was still early, decided to go to the party. In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.

She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived.

She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a good time. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had. He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"

He replied, "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But you're not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to!"





Three men are stranded on a desert island. They come across nine slices of bread with chocolate spread on them, they each eat a slice, a voice says, "Don't eat any more bread."

They ignore it and the next day eat another slice. "No," the voice says again, "don't eat any more. I'm warning you."

They ignored it and the next day ate the last three slices. The voice came again and said, "I TOLD YOU ONCE, I TOLD YOU TWICE, I WIPED MY *** ON EVERY SLICE!"





There was this dad who was so unbelievably shy, and when his little daughter first saw him naked and wondered what his 'thingy' was, he answered; "Well, err..., ehhh..., that is my little bird it is". His daughter was baffled by the fact that men and/or boys were so lucky as to have their own bird, but she was eventually persuaded and went to bed as any other night.
When the father woke up again, he was experiencing the ultimate, and I mean really ultimate, pain! His daughter was at his side and he asked;
"Ohhhhhhh, moan, MOAN, moan..... My little daughter, WHAT has happened to me?"
And the daughter answered;
"Well, I woke up in the middle of the night and decided I wanted to see your birdy, and well, when I patted it for a while it SPITTED at me. I was *SO* mad at it, so I wringed it's head off, broke all the eggs and burnt the nest!"

Answer 2

No jokes that meet those conditions are funny.