Jokes & Riddles - December 2006

Let me know some of the funny bumper stickers/sayings that you've seen/heard, I could use a good laugh.

2006-12-08 05:18:12 · 30 answers · asked by lisa h 4

for my senoir prank we put a cow on the top floor of our school (we have 3 floors). the funny thing is is that cows cant go down stairs, only upstairs. =] what is your senoir prank?

2006-12-08 05:13:43 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She put on her robe and went downstairs.

He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appeared to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She saw him wipe a tear from his eye and take a sip of his coffee.

"What's the matter dear? Why are you down here at this time of night?" she asked.

"Do you remember twenty years ago when we were dating and you were only 16?" he asked.

"Yes, I do," she replied.

"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?"

"Yes, I remember."

"Do you remember when he shoved that shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter or spend twenty years in jail'?"

"Yes, I do," she said. He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, " You know, I would have gotten out today. "

2006-12-08 05:13:25 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

hiiiii frends its some thing 4 our exam

Exam == Kalyug

Classes == Kabhi Kabhi

Viva == Encounter

Examination Hall == Chamber of Secret

Examiner == Mrityudata

Course == GodZilla

Paper Correction == Andha Kanoon

Exam Time == Qayamat se Qayamat Tak

Question Paper == Paheli

Answer Paper == Kora Kagaz

Marks == Ashambhav

Paper Out == Plan

Cheating == Aksar

Last Exam == Independence Day

Result == Sadma

Pass == Ajooba / Chamatkar

Fail == Devdas

Vacations == Masti

Supplementary == Aakhri Rasta

2006-12-08 05:04:49 · 22 answers · asked by solution_for_u 2

ok i got three trick question i want to ask to see how witty everyone is, although there is an answer for evey one of these question you must really think to get the right answer.................


1.Is it legal for a man to marry his widow's sister?

2.Name the most recent year in which New Year's preceded Christmas.

3.A 10 foot rope ladder hangs over the side of a boat with the bottom rung on the surface of the water. The rungs are one foot apart, and the tide goes up at the rate of 6 inches per hour. How long will it be until three rungs are covered?

2006-12-08 05:01:18 · 15 answers · asked by googleh20 2

"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up?" said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.

"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer.

"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."

2006-12-08 04:44:41 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

A husband, wife, and 20 children waited by the bus stop for the bus to give them a ride to town. A couple minutes past by and a blind man sits on the bench too. Then he hears a bunch of kids in the background which sounded like a heard of elephants. The husband then wanted them to calm down and said each and everyone of their names.

The blind man sarcastically mumbled, "is that all."

The bus then arrives but there are only 21 spots on the bus left for them to ride on. So the kids and wife ride while the blind man and the husband walk.

As they are walking the Husband keeps hearing this irratating wacking sound. He looks back and see's it's the blind man's cane hitting the ground. So the husband tries to ignore it at first. After this goes on for another 10 minutes he finally snaps. He says do you mind putting some rubber on the end of that stick.

The blind man then says angrily if you had put some rubber on yours we would be riding the damn bus!

2006-12-08 04:42:57 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

teacher: if you had 50 cents in one pocket and you asked your dad for another 50 cents, what would you have?? Student: 50 cents teacher: you obviously dont know how to add. Student: you obviously dont know my dad!!!!!

2006-12-08 04:40:28 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

1.Start at LondonHeathrowAirport.

2.Catch flight from London Heathrow to DallasFort WorthAirport.

3.Hire car at DallasFort WorthAirport.

4.Start going toward the "Airport Exit" on "International Parkway South" follow for 0.2 miles.

5.Bear left onto the highway toward "Terminal East Parking" - follow for0.3miles

6.Bear left onto "International Parkway North" toward "North AirportExit" -follow for 2.9 miles

7.Take the "Highway 114 west" exit toward "Fort Worth" - follow for 29.2miles

8.Then continue on "US287 north" - follow for 91.1 miles

9."US287 north" becomes "Interstate-44 east" - follow for 0.7 miles

10.Take left fork onto "US-287 north" toward "Vernon" - follow for 104.0 miles

11."US 287 north" becomes "Avenue F (US-287)" - follow for 2.8 miles

12.Continue to follow "US287 north" - follow for 104.9 miles

13.Take left ramp onto "Interstate 40 west" toward "Dumas" - follow for 7.8 miles

14.Take "Exit 70" onto "US 60 east" toward "Dumas" - follow for 0.5 miles

15.Take the "Buchanan Street" exit toward "Dumas/Pampa" - follow for 1.7 miles

16.Turn right onto "Old Route 66 (Interstate 40)" - follow for 0.1 miles

17.Arrive at the centre of town.

please scroll down

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Now that's the fu#&ing way to Amarillo!

SO CAN EVERYONE STOP SINGING IT NOW . . . . .

2006-12-08 04:39:31 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

A little boy and a little girl are contesting whose toys are more and interesting. Everytime the boy shows his new and insteresting toy, the girl can show a better one. The boy is almost losing the contest.

Finally, he shows his little dick to the girl, "I have this one, you will never have it." The girl sneer to the boy and show her vulvae, "My Mama told me, I have this one, I can have your toy as much as I like".

2006-12-08 04:39:06 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

3 guys were at a strip club and this hot exotic dancer comes out and starts parading around the pole. She dances to the music like no other chick they had seen before. When the song is over she starts going around the stage for tips. She bends over in front of these 3 guys vying for their attention to gain a better tip. The first guy, wanting to impress his friends and score with this chick, takes out a fifty, licks it then sticks it on the stripper's right butt cheek. The second guy, not wanting to be out done, takes out a hundred dollar bill, licks it and sticks it on the stripper's left butt cheek. So the third guy looks at his two friends, takes his wallet out, whips out a credit card, slides it down the stripper's butt crack and says, "Charge it!"

2006-12-08 04:37:31 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

Don't you think of all the people to send to poor villages in Africa - they choose Lenny Henry and his wife. I mean that woman's not exactly starved of food is she!

2006-12-08 04:32:56 · 5 answers · asked by First Ascent 4 Thistle 7

How do u teach a blonde maths? add a bed subtract her knickers divide her legs enter your square root leave your solution and hope she doesnt multiply!...............................................

Rocky the rooster woz the biggest,meanest rooster ever,he spent his time beatin the crap out of all the animals on the farm,one day he picked on the farm yard cat, unfortunately the cat beat the crap out of him. The moral of the story is.... no matter how big the c*ck is, the ***** can always take it!...................................................................

It's getting to that time of year where I desperately want to f*ck you, you know it will happen so let’s not fight it. Love you always………The Inland Revenue

2006-12-08 04:27:43 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

The customer asked for some chops.

2006-12-08 04:18:28 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

I was always taught that a man should walk on the side closest to the traffic, to guard the woman, but now I see it more often that not that men aren't taught that little common courtesy. Am I right or wrong?

2006-12-08 04:14:37 · 17 answers · asked by smcdevitt2001 5

2006-12-08 03:47:41 · 9 answers · asked by David A 1

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2006 when...

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your
coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

AND NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself.

2006-12-08 03:45:35 · 65 answers · asked by Anonymous

Your momma is so fat, Jenny Craig gave her a refund and coupons for Hometown Buffet
Your momma is so fat she thought the moon was a Skittle
Your momma is so fat cows look at her and ask "Got Milk?"

2006-12-08 03:45:18 · 17 answers · asked by flavorlicious 2

Little Johnny greeted his mother at the door after she had been out of town all week and said, "Mommy, guess what? Yesterday, I was playing in the closet in your bedroom and Daddy came into the room with the lady from next door. They undressed and got into bed and then Daddy got on top of her and ...."

The mother held up her hand and said, "Not another word! Wait until your father gets home and then I want you to tell him exactly what you've just told me."

The father came home and the wife tells him that she's leaving him. "But why?" croaked the husband.

"Go ahead, Johnny. Tell Daddy what you've just told me."

"Well," said little Johnny, "I was playing in your closet and Daddy came upstairs with the lady next door and they got undressed and they got into bed and Daddy got on top of her and they did just what you did, Mommy, with Uncle Bob."

2006-12-08 03:37:59 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-08 03:37:27 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

An Essex girl goes to the council to register for child benefit.
How many children?" asks the council worker.
10" replies the Essex girl.
10?" says the council worker. "What are their names?"
Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and
Wayne".
Doesn't that get confusing?"
Naah..." says the Essex girl "its great because if they are out playing
in the street I just have to shout WAAYNE, YER DINNER'S READY, or WAAYNE
GO TO BED NOW and they all do it..."
What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed
council worker.
That's easy," says the Essex girl... "I just use their surnames"




An Essex girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on
the counter. "I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress" she
says.
Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear.
"No"she replies. this time it's mayonnaise."



Essex Girl enters a sex shop & asks for a vibrator.
The man says "Choose from our range on the wall."
She says "I'll take the red one."
The man replies "That's a fire extinguisher."



An Essex girl is involved in a nasty car crash and is trapped and
bleeding.
The paramedics soon arrive on site. Medic: "It's OK I'm a paramedic and
I'm going to ask
you some questions?"
Girl: "OK"
Medic: "What's your name?"
Girl: "Sharon."
Medic: "OK Sharon, is this your car?"
Sharon: "Yes."
Medic: "Where are you bleeding from?"
Sharon: "Romford, mate."



An Essex girl was driving down the A13 when her car phone rang. It was
her boyfriend, urgently warning her, "Treacle, I just heard on the news
that there's a car going the wrong way on the A13. Please be careful!"
It's not just one car!" said the Essex girl, "There's hundreds of them!"



Another Essex girl was involved in a serious crash; There's blood
everywhere. The paramedics arrive and drag the girl out of the car till
she's lying flat out on the floor.
Medic: "OK, I'm going to check if you're concussed."
Sharon: "Ok."
Medic: "How many fingers am I putting up?"
Sharon: "Oh my god I'm paralysed from the waist down!"



An Essex girl and an Irish guy are in a bar when the Essex Girl notices
something strange about the wellies the Irish guy is wearing.
She says, "Scuse me mate, I aint being funny or nuffink, but why doz one
of your wellies 'ave an L on it and the uva one's got an R on it?"
So the Irish guy smiles, puts down his glass of Guinness and replies,
"Well, oim a little bit tick you see. The one wit the R on it is for me
roight foot and the one wit the L is for me Left foot"
"Cor blimey", exclaims the Essex girl, "So THATS why me knickers 'ave
got C&A on them".

2006-12-08 03:35:12 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-08 03:26:34 · 10 answers · asked by Marell H 1

...first there was 6
...then there was 7
...both are combined
..1 is 9

Its from a rap song and for the life of me, I CANT FIND THE ANSWER!
Yahoo! Answers crew, please help!

NOBODY CAN SEEM TO SOLVE THIS!

2006-12-08 03:26:16 · 10 answers · asked by BoRNACiD 2

2006-12-08 03:15:59 · 6 answers · asked by efyusikay 2

At the airport yesterday a man who was identified as a primary school teacher was stoppped at security for trying to board a flight carrying a compass, a protractor and a graphical calculator. Authorities believe he is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement.

He is being charged with weapons of math instruction

2006-12-08 03:14:49 · 16 answers · asked by natalia 4

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? Why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why isn't notebook paper constantly suffocating students while they take notes in class? I'll tell you why: because paper can't beat anybody; a rock would tear paper up in 2 seconds. When I play rock/paper/scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to beat me with their paper, I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, "Oh, I'm sorry. I thought paper would protect you!"

2006-12-08 03:10:57 · 10 answers · asked by Mista-J 4

There once was a man from East Sheen
Who invented a wan.king machine
On the ninety-ninth stroke
the bloody thing broke

2006-12-08 03:02:24 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous

He lay in bed all night wondering if there is a Dog.

2006-12-08 03:01:15 · 9 answers · asked by Chris 4

i want to go peacefully, like my grandfather did...in his sleep. not like the passengers in his car! (if you think the is funny, your great. if not, tell me why. thank you.)

2006-12-08 02:56:36 · 12 answers · asked by menolikey811 2

3 birds r going in the same line ......
the centre bird says 2 birds r going ahead of me and 2 at the back
how????

2006-12-08 02:55:02 · 19 answers · asked by aasaf_burnout 2