Jokes & Riddles - November 2006

Whats brown and sticky? A stick
Why did the kid fall off his bike? Cuz his mum threw a fridge at him
Why did the plane crash into the building? Because the pilot was a piece of bread
Whats better than winning gold in the paralympics? Having legs
What did the deaf, dumb and blind kid get for christmas? Leukaemia
(For all the Aussies out there cuz I dont think Americans will get it) What do you call 20 Aborigines in the back of a truck? Clean Up Australia Day.

Post your own jokes and best one gets 10 points

2006-11-02 22:58:56 · 6 answers · asked by master_betty_101 2

A little girl asks her Mum, "Mum may I take the dog for a walk around the block?"

Her Mum replies "No because she is on heat."

"What does that mean?" asked the girl.

"Go ask your father. I think he is in the shed."

The little girl goes out to the garage and says

"Dad, may i take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mum but she said the dog was on heat and to come and ask you."

Dad said. "Bring Belle over here.

" He took a rag, soaked it with petrol and scrubbed the dog's backside to disguise the scent, and said:

"OK, you can go now but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time round the block."

The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog.

Surprised Dad asked, "Where's Belle?"

You're gonna love this!!!!!!!!!!!

The little girl said, "She ran out of petrol about halfway round the block, so another dog is pushing her home."

2006-11-02 22:51:49 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

After the girls did their business they proceded on home.

The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said "These damn girl's nights out have got to stop. I'm starting to suspect the worst. My wife came home with no panties!"
"That's nothing" said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck between the crack of her butt that said "From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you.

2006-11-02 22:50:18 · 13 answers · asked by zorroorojo 3

Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out. Both were very
faithful and loving wives, however they had gotten over-enthusiastic on Bacardi Breezers.

Incredibly drunk and walking home, they needed to pee. So they decided to stop in a nearby cemetery. Having nothing to wipe with, one of them thought she would take off her panties and use them.

Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them, but was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded
to wipe with that.

2006-11-02 22:48:26 · 3 answers · asked by zorroorojo 3

Billy's mum has three children. They are all named after coinage. The first childs name is penny, the second is called shilling. What is the name of the third child?

2006-11-02 22:41:55 · 43 answers · asked by Tudor B 2

A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady 40 miles per hour.
The wife is behind the wheel.

Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear
voice. "I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a
divorce."

The wife says nothing, keeps looking at the road ahead but
slowly increases her speed to 45mph.

The husband speaks again. "I don't want you to try and talk me
out of it," he says, "because I've been having an affair with
your best friend, and she's a far better lover than you are."

Again the wife stays quiet, but grips the steering wheel more
tightly and slowly increases the speed to 55.

He pushes his luck. "I want the house," he says insistently.

Up to 60.

"I want the car, too," he continues. 65 mph.

"And," he says, "I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit
cards and the boat!"

The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge.

This makes him nervous, so he asks her, "Isn't there anything you want?"

The wife at last replies in a quiet and controlled voice. "No,
I've got everything I need," she says.

"Oh, really," he inquires, "so what have you got?"

Just before they slam into the wall at 65 mph, the wife turns to him and smiles. "The airbag."

Moral of the Story: Women are clever bitches. Don't mess with them

2006-11-02 22:36:44 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

imagine the earth is perfectly round.You tie a piece of string around it so that it touches all the way around. How much string would you have to add so that the string was exactly half an inch away from the surface all the way around?Please explain>

2006-11-02 22:17:30 · 27 answers · asked by pasky 2

A husband wrote the following letter for his wife and left it on the dining room table:

"To My Dear Wife, You will surely understand that I have certain needs
that you, being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with
you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter,
I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be >>>spending
the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel.
Please don't be upset. I shall be home before midnight."

When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the dining room table:

"My Dear Husband, I received your letter and thank you for your honesty
about my being 54 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind
you that you are also 54 years old. As you know, I am a math teacher at our local college.

I would like to inform you that while you read this,
I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is
also the assistant tennis coach. He is young, virile, and like your secretary,
is 18 years old. As a successful businessman who has an excellent
knowledge of Math, you will understand that we are in the same situation,
although with one small difference - 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54
goes into 18. Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow."

2006-11-02 22:15:26 · 24 answers · asked by zorroorojo 3

A guy walked into a bar one day and noticed a jar full of money on the counter. He asked the bartender what it was for and the bartender replied that if he could go into the back and make the Elephant laugh, he could have that jar of money.

So the guy walks in the back and a few minutes he comes out with the Elephant laughing his head off. He gets his money and walks out.

The next day the same guy went to the same bar and noticed another jar of money sittin on the counter. The bartender, when asked, said that if he could go in the back and make the Elephant cry, he could have that jar of money.

So the guy goes in the back and about 5 minutes later comes out with the Elephant crying huge tears.

As the guy was about to leave, the bartender stopped him and asked him how he made the Elephant laugh and cry.

The guy replied: The first time I told him I had a bigger dick then he did, and the second time I proved it.




he he he.... u like it??

2006-11-02 22:06:41 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-02 21:58:18 · 23 answers · asked by jaze 1

2006-11-02 21:40:48 · 27 answers · asked by 2 good 2 miss 6

Mine is:

WE AIM TO KEEP THIS TIOLET CLEAN, YOUR AIM IS APPRECIATED!

I think that's great but I'm sure you've seen better.

2006-11-02 21:38:16 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-02 21:36:13 · 18 answers · asked by 2 good 2 miss 6

2006-11-02 21:34:16 · 14 answers · asked by 2 good 2 miss 6

when the camels were town criers, when the flies were barbers, when I was waving my father’s and mother’s cradles one here and one there...Where were you?

2006-11-02 21:32:39 · 15 answers · asked by CLOSED. 1

I know I must be dense but I just can't get it.

2006-11-02 20:59:20 · 48 answers · asked by Shredder 6

_h_t___me_

2006-11-02 20:31:32 · 14 answers · asked by sashi p 1

is it from hemorrhiods?

2006-11-02 20:28:05 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-02 20:20:33 · 19 answers · asked by jaze 1

my friend’s birthday is the 7th & I want to sing her a funny/random birthday song.. Anybody know one?

2006-11-02 20:09:42 · 9 answers · asked by vegetablegod 2

Forward its HEAVY....backward its NOT..?

2006-11-02 19:04:20 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

In the basement there are 3 light switches in the off position. Each switch controls 1 of 3 light bulbs on the floor above. You may move any of the switches, but you may only go up stairs one time. How can you determine which switch controls each light?

2006-11-02 18:07:33 · 9 answers · asked by aufrecht_melcher_grossaspach_05 1

A new father goes to see his newborn baby for the first time..he stands at the window and see's all the little babies lined up in front of him, he taps lightly to get the nurses attention..."what name" she asks..."Jones " he replies ....she walks over to a crib and takes out the baby..swings it around her head and throws it towards the window,she then picks it up and kicks it across the room......".What do you think your doing" shouts the father.......ha ha says the nurse ......"It was already dead".................

2006-11-02 17:50:05 · 10 answers · asked by that b puss 3

2006-11-02 17:46:20 · 12 answers · asked by Business Magnet 1

Last time, we saw this following riddle:

Do you think grasshoppers like to play baseball?
A: No, they prefer to play cricket!

Hehhe. And here is today's riddle:

What flowers do we always carry with us?

Good luck! :)

2006-11-02 17:42:52 · 12 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

a car hop? a school dance? a pillow talk?

2006-11-02 17:27:31 · 16 answers · asked by bonehead 2

So a guy walks into a talent agency. He says to the agent, "do you think you can use me for anything?" The agent says," sure kid, lets see what you got."

The guy proceeds to tap dance, do a soft shoe, runs some comedy and really impress the agent.

Agent goes, "you're great, you're wonderful, i can make you a star.
Whats your name?"

Guy says," penis van lesbian."

The agent say you have to change your name, i cant do anything for you with that name.

The guy says no, I wont change my name.

He leaves and goes to every other agent in hollywoold and they all says the same thing. Got to change that name and i can make you a star.

Finally the guy, beaten and desperate for work goes back to the original talen agent.

Guy says , "hey do you remember me? Do you still think I can be a star?"

Agent says sure kid, sure...but dod you change that damn name yet?

The guy says YEA.

Agent says ok whats your new name?

Guy says Dick Van Dyke :)

2006-11-02 16:55:21 · 15 answers · asked by Thumper 5

Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"


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2006-11-02 16:54:32 · 13 answers · asked by jazi 5

Two cows were talking in the field. One cow says, "Have you heard about the Mad Cow disease that''s going around?"
The other cow answers, "Yeah, makes you glad you''re a penguin, doesn''t it?"

2006-11-02 16:42:54 · 10 answers · asked by Waldo F 2

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

2006-11-02 16:42:49 · 31 answers · asked by jazi 5