Jokes & Riddles - November 2006

John Lennon
Paul McCartney
George Harrison
Ringo Starr

2006-11-02 16:18:42 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

Hope you enjoy, Plz let me know! Thanks and if you have heard them before relax, there are people that haven't!!!!!

SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE!
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan

What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts

Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs

What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.


Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.

What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?
Everyone has the same DNA.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.

Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."

Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.

Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong".

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.

What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." -A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain'tgonnabelievethisshit....


Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides



HAVE A GREAT DAY

2006-11-02 16:07:58 · 24 answers · asked by basscatcher 4

A dope ring!

2006-11-02 16:04:08 · 10 answers · asked by Stinky Nutz 1

2006-11-02 15:54:32 · 8 answers · asked by savethemonarch 1

Mr Clarke I have reviewed your case in this divorce said the judge an i have decided to give yur wife $775.00 per week. "that's very fair your honour" the husband said and every now and then i will send her a few bucks myself.

2006-11-02 15:34:38 · 10 answers · asked by glasgow girl 6

they like a little juan on jaun!

2006-11-02 15:29:13 · 8 answers · asked by ? 5

How else are they gonna hold on to the broom?

2006-11-02 15:23:06 · 13 answers · asked by Stinky Nutz 1

the riddle is- when you put these two names of a fruit together and read the word out loud, it sound like a new word meaning "now/current." what are the two fruits?

2006-11-02 15:09:02 · 14 answers · asked by emmie 2

2006-11-02 15:05:33 · 25 answers · asked by glasgow girl 6

a blond calls Delta Ailines and ask's "can you tell me how long it takes to fly from San Francisco to New York:" :Just a minute replies the desk clerk. :Thank-you says the blond and hangs up.

2006-11-02 15:00:26 · 13 answers · asked by glasgow girl 6

It's a pro baseball game. It's the top of the 11th. inning.
The score is 10 to 1. So, why isn't the game over?
funniest answer gets 10 points

2006-11-02 14:55:18 · 5 answers · asked by dogpye5 3

If you have heard it before and want to say something negative then go away! It's not for you. It's for the folks that haven't heard it. And to them please let me know what you think, Thank you.

THE COWBOY AND THE LESBIAN.

An old cowboy sat down at the Star bucks and ordered a cup of coffee.
As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.
She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"
He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows,
going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring
calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding
my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy."

She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As
soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I
think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think
about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of
women."

The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy
and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?!”
He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out that I’m a
lesbian."

2006-11-02 14:54:26 · 21 answers · asked by basscatcher 4

I got this in my bulletin on MySpace today. Me & my husband have looked it over but cannot find an error unless it's something as simple as putting an apostrophe between the t & s in the word whats. If someone knows the answer to this little puzzle & I believe you are correct you will get the 10 points.

:FIND THE PROBLEM
Find whats wrong here...

A
B
C
D
E
F
G
H
I
J
K
L
M
N
0
P
Q
R
S
T
U
V
W
X
Y
Z

Did you know that 80% of Stanford students could not find the error above? Repost this with the title "Find the Error", and when you click Post Bulletin, the answer will show**Real Obvious

Ryan- i couldn't find it!!T_T!!!
can anyone else?!?!?
Courtney- i found it!!!!!!!
eve-wtf i cant find it?
Trevor- none that i can find
mandy- wtf? there is no error i think i know the alphabet!!! lol!!
Justin - I found it
Destanie I found it
Angela - Found it
Tonya - Am I stupid?
Andy - Found it .
Ryan-I found this bad boy, take a gander
James - I feel stupid
Robert - I found it.
Kent- no luck
Julia- I found it
Jeff - can't find it!!!
Nikki - I figured it out! Take that Stanford!!!!!!!!
Pameka: I got it!! Me and Nikki! We're just that good.
Alisha - I found it!
Kimberly~ i finally found it!!!!
Andrea~ I found it right away. How can you not find it? It's so easy.
Anne--yeea, no idea
Tom ... not sure?
Ape..Oh I found it?ha ha
Annmarie~phew!! I found it!! geesh..that was hard!!
Pualilia~ I found it...I find it hard to believe that 80% of Stanford students could not find the error.
Jodi- found it, but it did take me a few
Mindy - Can't find it at all
sadie -im retarted!
Jenn- im w/ sadie
Jaction Joe - Muhahaha I see it :)
~*Raivyn*~ LMAO!!! Come on people, this is easy (even my daughter found it)
Elaine - totally found it, and it's a little obvious, I must say.
Kelly - .....X_X
Sam- Ahh i found it
Sean - very easy. I laugh at you kelly! Just proves thats buddy is smarter than you.
Kate-i found it it took me a while but i found it
Chris-What error?
JESSICA~ holy ****! I FOUND IT!
Tiffany - You know its going to be a bad day when you already feel stupid by 10:30am...
:P
WIKKID ~ 0H I FOUND IT!!!
Arielle - found it, it isnt hard
Alan - I found it.
Matt- I must be stupid!!
Ashley~ I FOUND IT!!
Alex~ i can't find it
Eric ~ Found it right away!
rachel~~~~ i found it you guys are dumb!!!!
Timba- Found it
Alison- haha i found it...took meh a while though X3
lizzie- i cant ***** find it
Pat- Found It!!!!!!
Amber- Found it, a lil to easy
Courtney--Can't find it, therefore there is no error :)
Stacy- Found it......and yes courtney there is an error! HA
Stephen - Found it. Now I feel smarter than Court for the first time!! She knows what I talking about! LOL
William - I found it after the second look!
Erin - I hate this fukn thing!!! there are 26 letters in the alphabet and they are all there in order!! so WTF!!!!!!!!!
Kristen- I got it!!!!!!!! hee hee
Pamela- I found it!!!!!
matt:wtf?
tom: Got it----cmon people!!!!
matt... even i found it, seriousely so dam easy
Lana~ ok definetly dont see anything
Michelle- nothing
Jesse-Got It
cookie- i have no idea
Christy - I found it ( soo easy )
Molly - nope, didn't find it. Imagine that.
Laura- I had to repost cuz I actually found it. I did have to look a few times though.
Natalie - I had to ask Kent. He figured it out. Doh!
Arlene - Yup, I found it.
@my- LOL Took me a second look (and me singing the alphabet out loud) to catch it. Yes there is an error & I found it. Muahahahahahaha. I be smarter then 80% uhv Stanferd gaduates. LMAO
brett- I guess I'm not collage material... I couldn't find it
kelly~couldn't find it
Rebecca~~~I think I found it
Maria - have no idea
Amanda**I think I'm too tired for brain teasers. :) But I think that I found it. Woohoo!!!
dani-where the "f" is it???
katie- i dont see anything wrong....i think that if you stare at it too long then you see double and then you think there is something wrong
shannon - i believe i found that sucker
Suzette - couldn't find it!
Idgie (shay) - I have no clue.
Stacy C- I don't see anything wrong. If someone knows what's wrong please let me know. It's bothering the crap out of me.

2006-11-02 14:53:34 · 14 answers · asked by ~*Lady Beth*~ 4

2006-11-02 14:45:28 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

[1]. A man gets onto an elevator. When the elevator stops, he knows his wife is dead.
[2]. A policeman follows a burglar into a bar. When he enters the bar he finds a set of identical twins, dressed the same, with the loot between them. After several minutes he arrests one of the twins.
[3]. She lost her job when she invited them to dinner.
[4]. He couldn't find a chair, so he died.
[5]. A car without a driver moves; a man dies.

Answers tomorrow.

2006-11-02 14:31:58 · 10 answers · asked by Smo 4

On Bubu Island, there has been a famine and none of the animals have eaten for weeks. One day, a piece of meat falls down from the sky and all the animals gather around it. The animals decide to hold a comedy contest to determine who should get the meat. The way it works is after an animal tells a joke, if every animal laughs, then the meat is his. HOWEVER if even one animal doesn't laugh, he will be pushed into a river and drowned.

So the cow bravely steps up. His joke was hilarious and every animal laughed... except for the pig. The cow was pushed into the river and drowned. Next came tortoise. The tortoise was a terrible comedian and his joke sucked. No animal laughed... except for the pig.

"Why did you laugh at that?" asked the giraffe, "That was a terrible joke."

"Because," the pig replied still rolling and crying from laughter, "I just understood what the cow meant."

2006-11-02 14:28:48 · 20 answers · asked by Peter 2

another joke was, i went on a date, her dad told me to have her home by 8:15, i thought great not til mid-august.

2006-11-02 14:26:33 · 1 answers · asked by Adam C 1

In Sioux City, Iowa, you can't take a photograph of someone with a wooden leg?

2006-11-02 14:05:50 · 14 answers · asked by hot.turkey 5

...even thought they are birds, peacocks don't lay eggs?

2006-11-02 14:04:48 · 6 answers · asked by hot.turkey 5

A man was chosen for jury duty who really wanted to be dismissed from serving. He tried every excuse he could think of but none of them worked. On the day of the trial, he decided to give it one more shot. As the trial was about to begin, he asked if he could approach the bench.

"Your Honor," he said, "I must be excused from this trial because I am prejudiced against the defendant. I took one look at the man in the blue suit with those beady eyes and that dishonest face and I said 'He's a crook! He's guilty!' So, your Honor, I cannot possibly stay on this jury!"

With a tired annoyance the judge replied, "Get back in the jury box, you fool. That man is the defendant's lawyer."

2006-11-02 14:03:47 · 19 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

Try the White Hen Pantry , on the south side of Chicagothey carry all the Irish Goodies,

2006-11-02 13:55:35 · 2 answers · asked by ballygirl 2

toms mom has four kids: snap, crackle, (lasts?)

2006-11-02 13:41:01 · 25 answers · asked by Hey! 1

the can, or the can opener?

2006-11-02 13:39:28 · 17 answers · asked by next.... 2

2006-11-02 13:34:58 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous

yes--I am talking about the one on drury lane-is there another?

2006-11-02 13:26:24 · 11 answers · asked by keepingthefaith 5

My daughter has this riddle for school and we can't figure it out.

2006-11-02 13:22:55 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

Tom's mom had four kids: Nickel, Dime, Quarter and what is the fourth?

2006-11-02 13:20:41 · 23 answers · asked by Crystal ♥'s Raymond 3

A rich man announced that a race would decide which of his two sons would inherit all his wealth. The sons were to ride their camels to a certain distant city. The son whose camel reached the city last would be given all of their fathers wealth.

The two sons set out on the journey. After severals days of aimless wandering, they met and agreed to seek the advice of a wiseman. After listening to the wiseman's advice, the two sons rode the camels as quickly as possible to the designated city.

What was it that the wiseman told the two sons? (They did not agree to split the wealth)
.........................................................................................................................................
...............................
..................................
.......................................
LET THE GAME BEGIN!!!

2006-11-02 13:20:07 · 10 answers · asked by mr. fancy pants 3

Detective Logan arrived on the scene of a crime on Halloween night. An old woman, Miss Rita Olig, was laying unconcous on the floor, a Halloween mask on her face, her head surrounded by blood. A plastic bowl lay nearby, the candy strewn everywhere. Another detective went over what they thought happened, ‘she was upstairs when the first trick-or-treaters rang the bell. She put on the mask and grabbed the bowl. She must have slipped on the pearls and tumbled down the stairs. Suddenly, a man who introduced himself as Miss Olig’s nephew and her niece walked in, seemingly unaware of the tragedy. ‘Aunt Rita!’ Bobby, the nephew, gasped. The detective told him ‘Your aunt had an accident. She’s dead. The kids had been coming up to the door for half an hour and getting no answer. One of them finally looked through the window and saw her. ‘Why is she wearing the mask?’ asked Bobby. ‘She promised she wouldn’t do that this year. We were suppose to take her to dinner!’ Emma, the niece added, ‘Well, obviously, she changed her mind. I don’t know how many times I told her not to wear that mask on the stairs.’ Detective Logan asked, ‘When did you last see your aunt?’ Bobby answered, “Er, I came by this morning. My daughter left her jumper here. Aunt Rita made me tea and we talked a bit.’ Detective Logan turned to the other. ‘This was no accident, it was murder.’

2006-11-02 13:17:50 · 12 answers · asked by Smo 4

who ever answers it first will get best answer

2006-11-02 13:17:10 · 12 answers · asked by iMaTwin 3