Jokes & Riddles - November 2006

2006-11-02 09:15:35 · 6 answers · asked by YIPPY SKIPPY 1

Mike Oxlong

Ben Dover

Teresa Green

Mike Hunt

Phil Macrackin

Justin Time

Justin Case

Robin Banks

Antia Bath

just an example............

2006-11-02 09:06:19 · 13 answers · asked by Welshchick 7

whats the differance between a wife and a mistress?

10 years and 4 stone

2006-11-02 09:05:04 · 14 answers · asked by ploppy pants 3

On a clear, calm night, a ship sinks in the middle of the ocean, killing thousands.

CLUE: If the weather had been worse, the ship wouldn't have sunk.

(answer tomorrow)

2006-11-02 09:03:53 · 11 answers · asked by Smo 4

Read question many times & rpl'y

2006-11-02 09:01:13 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-02 08:59:59 · 10 answers · asked by for a pound 1

A man runs away from home, makes three left hand turns, comes back home, and a masked man is waiting for him. What's he doing ?

2006-11-02 08:54:54 · 5 answers · asked by sluggo1947 4

no matter what amount i pull out i always get £10's.

Remember the scene in Rush Hour 2 when Chris Tucker didn't get $500 chips in the casino, its like that except i'm half english half east european

2006-11-02 08:44:27 · 5 answers · asked by hellraiza15 3

It's pretty easy, there's 10 points in it for you, and I'm bored.



Ten dogs are running. One stops. What time is it?

2006-11-02 08:42:40 · 19 answers · asked by Artemiseos 4

a woman with dry skin goes to a store. She is looking for skin cream. the woman finally sees it in an isle. it says, '' Lauren's skin cream for extra dry skin.'' The woman DIDN'T buy it. Why didn't she buy it? TRICKY QUESTION.

2006-11-02 08:40:28 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous

10. God worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions.

9. God knew that Adam would one day require someone to locate and hand him the TV remote.

8. God knew that Adam would never go out and get himself a new fig leaf when his seat wore out and would, therefore, need Eve to go get one for him.

7. God knew that Adam would never be able to make a doctor's, dentist, or haircut appointment for himself.

6. God knew that Adam would never be able to remember which night to put the garbage on the curb.

5. God knew that if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing.

4. As "Keeper of the Garden," Adam would never remember where he left his tools.

3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.

2. As the Bible says, "It is not good for man to be alone!" And finally, the number ONE reason that God created Eve...
1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched His head, and said, "I can do better than THAT!"

2006-11-02 08:40:02 · 19 answers · asked by hinsdalesprit 3

There's an old couple,and the wife dies, so the man has to go to a nursing home.
His friends feel bad for him after a while, so they get together and hire a prostitute to bring to him.
When they get there, they say to the old guy, "Good news, we brought you super sex."
The old guy thinks a minute, then says, "I'll take the soup."

2006-11-02 08:37:11 · 11 answers · asked by Geronimo5 3

One day a father and his son were walking and got hit by a semi truck. The father passed away and the son needed surgery. When the sugon saw the son the surgon said "I cant do surgery on him he is my son!!"

2006-11-02 08:35:59 · 31 answers · asked by Justine A 2

2006-11-02 08:34:29 · 5 answers · asked by jorb_well_done 2

An old man walks into a bank and says to the woman at the window, "I want to open a f*cking checking account."

The astonished woman replies, "I beg your pardon, sir. I must have
misunderstood you. What did you say?"

"Listen up, damn it. I said I want to open a f*cking checking account now!"

"I'm very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this
bank."

The teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to inform him of her situation. The manager agrees that the teller does not have to listen to that foul language.

They both return to the window and the manager asks the old geezer, "Sir, what seems to be the problem here?"

"There is no damn problem," the man says. I just won $200 million bucks in the f*cking lottery and I want to put my f*cking money in this f*cking bank."

" I see," says the manager" and is this c*nt giving you a hard time?"

2006-11-02 08:34:12 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-02 08:31:36 · 15 answers · asked by ? 2

1.A man passes a house with a red light flashing inside the window and decides to go in to indulge himself. Inside, all he sees are two doors one says men under 35 the second said men 35 or over bein a truful sort, he enters the door marked men 35 or over.
Once again he came to to other doors which say under eight inches and over eight inches.He remains honest and chooses under eight inches.Again he met with two more doors which said once a night and more than four times he choose once a night .To his suprise, he finds himself back out on to the street.The mortal of the story is?
Always tell the truth to get screwed.
################ ############## ############ ########## #######
2. jack and jill went up the hill
to play a game of cricket.
the ball rolled up his trouser leg
and stubled his middle wicket.
############# ########## ########## ######## ######## #########
3. Q. whats the deffinition of a slag?
A.a womens with the sexual morals of a man.
############ ########## ##

2006-11-02 08:30:48 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

It is hard to find a joke today without a dirty

Word or two in it, but, here is one:



Two tall trees, a Birch and a Beech, are growing in the woods.
A small tree begins to grow between them, and the Beech says to the Birch, "Is that a son of a Beech or a son of a Birch?"



The Birch says he cannot tell.



Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.



The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you
tell if that is a son of a Beech or a son of a Birch?"



The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies,
"It is neither a son of a Beech nor a son of a Birch. It is, however, the best piece of Ash I have ever put my pecker in. "

2006-11-02 08:29:09 · 18 answers · asked by sweet.pjs1 5

the blonde tells the brunette she cannot walk any further and sits down under a tree to rest. The brunette argues with her, then decides to walk home on her own. After walking for about half an hour, she starts to feel guilty about leaving her friend behind, and goes back to find her. As she reaches the area where she left her friend, she sees her lying in a field under a cow. She shouts out to her and tells her she is sorry for leaving her and that she has come back to get her. "Don't worry", replies the blonde, "we will be home soon, I'm sure one of these guys will have a car".

2006-11-02 08:27:26 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous

A chicken fell in a mud puddle.

2006-11-02 08:27:13 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two red indians are standing on a hill, one is the father of the other ones son. What relation are they?

2006-11-02 08:14:17 · 15 answers · asked by NDK 2

OUCH!!!

2006-11-02 08:14:02 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Fragile Name......

so you know what it is???

2006-11-02 08:11:21 · 8 answers · asked by Sambolina 2

When I last went past there, five ladies, naked as jaybirds, were laying in the grass in the front yard!
I was so disturbed that I went in and asked the manager if she knew the poor old souls were out there. exposed to the world.
She replied, "Oh sure, those ladies were prostitutes..........They're having a yard sale."

2006-11-02 08:11:14 · 6 answers · asked by gmajerisue 2

how can you tell when theres an elephant in your fridge?
you cant shut the door

how do you know when elephants have been romping in your garden?
bin liners everywhere

what is the time when an elephant sits on your fence?
time to get new fence

2 cows in a field one says what do think of mad cows desease?
the other replied why ask me i am a horse

what do you call a boomerang that doesnt come back?
a stick

where do you find a dog with no legs?
where you left him

what do you call a one legged man?
a pushover

did you hear about the blonde that fell off the floor?

how do you show a blonde a good time?
give her £20 and point her to a fair

what about the blonde who thought polyfilla was parrot food

why do birds fly south in winter?
its too far to walk

why do monkeys paint thier ball red?
so they can hide in cherry trees
what the loudest noise in the jungle?
a squirrel in a cherry tree

2006-11-02 08:00:34 · 23 answers · asked by ploppy pants 3

if ever there is a joke which made you laugh like any thing, pls share it with me.

2006-11-02 07:59:14 · 22 answers · asked by DoubtingThomas 2

2006-11-02 07:58:57 · 8 answers · asked by flavorlicious 2

ann says i need to pee and goes behind a bush. joe hears her knickers come down and feeling a bit kinky puts his hand through the bush and between her legs and feels something hanging. ann he says, have you changed your sex? no she replies, i've changed my mind, i'm having a crap.

2006-11-02 07:55:26 · 17 answers · asked by mine of useless information 1

run like hell shes still holding the grenade

2006-11-02 07:51:21 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-02 07:50:27 · 18 answers · asked by flavorlicious 2