Jokes & Riddles - October 2006

TEACHER : "Can anybody give an example of "COINCIDENCE?"
PAPPU : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."
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TEACHER : "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree,but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
PAPPU : "Because George still had the axe in his hand?"
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PAPPU : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
FATHER : No. Why do you ask that?
PAPPU: Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
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TEACHER : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots !
PAPPU: Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair just like that at home.
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TEACHER : Now, PAPPU, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating ?
PAPPU: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
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TEACHER : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
PAPPU: A teacher

2006-10-01 23:59:05 · 9 answers · asked by M 1

I don't care if they are sleazy, sweet or just rude! Give it to me!
I'll start you off...
If we were squirrels, how would you like to bust a nut in my hole?
Sad, who's got a better one?

2006-10-01 23:57:54 · 13 answers · asked by ? 3

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TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water?
PAPPU : "HIJKLMNO! "!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
PAPPU : Yesterday you said it's H to O !
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TEACHER : PAPPU, go to the map and find North America.
PAPPU : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS : PAPPU!
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TEACHER : PAPPU, how do you spell "crocodile"?
PAPPU : "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
PAPPU : Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
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TEACHER : PAPPU, give me a sentence starting with "I".
PAPPU : I is...
TEACHER : No, PAPPU. Always say, "I am."
PAPPU : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
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2006-10-01 23:51:25 · 28 answers · asked by M 1

I am thinking of a number between 1 and 12. 1st to guess it gets the 10. If a person has 2 or more guesses, then i will only take their first guess.

2006-10-01 23:48:21 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

If you were an animal, you know what you would want to be, but what animal would i want to be? If a person has 2 or more guesses, then i will only take their first guess.

Heres a list to help you, i would want to be 1 of these animals.

tiger, dog, cat, snake, panther, wolf, bear, lion.

2006-10-01 23:41:19 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log.

"My, what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf," says Little Red Riding Hood.
The surprised wolf jumps up and runs away!

Further down the road, Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again-this time he is crouched behind a tree stump.

"My what big ears you have Mr. Wolf, " says Little Red Riding Hood.
Again the foiled wolf jumps up and runs away!

About two miles down the track, Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again, this time crouched down behind a road sign.

"My, what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf," taunts Little Red Riding Hood.
With that, the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams, "Will you get lost?
I'm trying to take a ****!"

2006-10-01 23:35:51 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

Sally says, "I have one thing to tell you before we get in bed--I've had
sex with one other man before I met you."
Eric thinks a minute and says, "That's no big deal. Who was it?" Sally replies, "The
famous golfer--Jack Nicklaus."
They jump into bed and have a good session. Afterwards, Eric gets out of bed and begins
to put on his underwear. "What are you doing?" asks Sally. "I thought I'd get dressed
and fix some coffee."
Sally says, "Jack wouldn't have done that." "No?" says Eric, "What would Jack have
done?" "He'd have climbed back in bed with me and done it again." "All right!" says
Eric, "Let's go."
They have another pretty good session, a little longer this time. Wearily, Eric gets to his
feet and begins to put on his underwear. "What are you doing?" asks Sally. "I thought
I'd dress and get some coffee."
Sally says, "Jack wouldn't have done that." "No?" says Eric, "What would Jack have
done?" "He'd have climbed back in bed with me and done it again."
Eric climbs back into bed, and this time a virtual marathon takes place. Afterward, he
slinks out of bed, braces himself against the bedpost, and tries to get a leg in his
underwear. "What are you doing?" asks Sally. "Going for a cuppa."
Sally says, "Jack wouldn't have done that." "No?" says Eric, "What would Jack have
done now?" "He'd have climbed back in bed with me and done it again."
Eric plods to the nightstand and picks up the phone.
"Who are you calling?" Sally asks.
"Jack Nicklaus. I want to find out what par is on this damn hole!"

2006-10-01 23:35:21 · 7 answers · asked by al p 3

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his blonde neighbour came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.

She opened it, looked inside, slammed it shut, and stormed back into her house.

A little later she came out of his house again, went to the mailbox, again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came again. She marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions, the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"

To which the blonde replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps telling me I have mail!"

2006-10-01 23:32:22 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

The LAPD, the FBI, & the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is elling: 'Okay, okay, I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit.'

2006-10-01 23:30:03 · 4 answers · asked by al p 3

A man who lives in a lighthouse wakes up one night feeling hungry. He goes down the stairs of the lighthouse and has a sandwich. Then he goes back up to the top of the lighthouse and turns the light off in the lighthouse. When he wakes up, he looks out of the window and sees a crashed ship (which crashed because he had turned the light out in the lighthouse).

He can't live with himself and he jumps out of the window.

What has he done?

2006-10-01 23:06:25 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man was driving along a curvey road when "SMASH" he was hit another car......the womens car rolled onto it's top....when the man got out he asked if she was okay...."Yeah...iam okay ...you?" yes..he answered....as he helped the women out she said ..wow...maybe this is special..maybe we were suppose to meet like this...
as he sat the women on the curb next to him they started talking...the women said wow,this is special ,we get along so wel...maybe we were sopposed to meet like this... As the man went to check his car,she went to check hers,she saw a bottle of alcohol in the back seat..."Hey lets share this bottle of vodka here...to celebrate us meeting...
They sat on the curb and opened the bottle...she hands him the bottle and says...here you drink half..i'll drink the other half.He downed half the bottle then handed it to her...she set the bottle down next to her and closed it..."Aren't you ging to have a drink
"No thanks...i 'll just wait here till the police come.

2006-10-01 23:02:08 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

A woman pregnant with triplets is walking down the street when a masked robber runs out the bank and shoots her three times in the stomach. Luckily the babies are okay. The surgeon decides to leave the bullets in because it's too risky to operate.

All is fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walks into the room in tears. "What's wrong?" asks the mother. "I was having a wee and this bullet came out." replies the daughter. The mother tells her it's okay and explains what happened 16 years ago.

About a week later the second daughter walks in to the room in tears. "Mom, I was having a wee and this bullet came out." Again the mother tells her not to worry and explains what happened 16 years ago.

A week later the boy walks into the room in tears. "It's okay," says the mom, "I know what happened, you were having a wee and a bullet came out." And the boy says, "No, I was jerking off and I shot the dog!"

2006-10-01 22:57:59 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

What is the cutest, most adorable response to such a person with red-fuming eyes?

2006-10-01 22:52:45 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the dining room table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She
watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee.

"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?"

The husband looks up, "Do you remember 40 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 18?" he asks solemnly. The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive.

"Yes, I do," she replies.

The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily. "Do you remember when your mother caught us behind the couch making love?"

"Yes, I remember." says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continues..."Do you remember when she shoved a shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 40 years?'"

"I remember that, too." she replies softly. He wipes another tear from his cheek and says "I would have gotten out today."

2006-10-01 22:33:34 · 11 answers · asked by dwh 3

'A' is the father of 'B' but 'B' is not the son of 'A'....then what is the relationship btwn them??

2006-10-01 22:01:12 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists, two men and a woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her

The man said, You cant be serious. I could never shoot my wife. The agent said, Then youre not the right man for this job.

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. I tried, but I cant kill my wife.

The agent said, You dont have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.

Finally, it was the womans turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. Then the agents heard screaming, crashing, and banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow, and said, This gun is loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair.

2006-10-01 22:00:17 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Once a man went to a vet and said: Doctor I came on vacation so that I can get treated.
Doctor: I think you should go to the Doctor opposite to my clinic
Man: No, I am coming to you.
Doctor: But, I am a vet . I am an animal specialist.
Man: I know, but I want you to treat me.
Doctor: I cannot, because you speak like me and think like me which means you are a human, not an animal.
Man: I know I am same and I am a human but the problem is
I get up in the morning like a horse
I go to work like a deer
I work all day like a donkey
I wag my tail in front of my manager like a dog
I play with my children like a monkey
I am like a rabbit in front of my wife
Doctor asked: Do you work in Software Company
Man: Yes
Doctor yelled: Come Dear, no body will treat you better than me.

2006-10-01 21:45:09 · 5 answers · asked by avagrafic 1

I do NOT want the complete joke. (Really) Give me ONLY the puchline from the joke and let us all try to figure out the rest of the joke. This also gives you a lot more freedom as to the jokes content. Some puchlines are so funny...they almost don't even need the joke. The winner can put the whole joke in the comment section AFTER the winner is picked. (Or we can contact each other if we want to hear the whole joke.) I will start it off with the best punchline I have ever heard.

So the dad says: " Son...you may be 'living off love', but you're killing the chickens." (LOL) Let's hear yours now.

2006-10-01 21:39:42 · 7 answers · asked by Smart Dude 6

Yo mama is soo fat that she was mistaken as a overturned semi when she fell crossing the highway.

2006-10-01 21:34:43 · 10 answers · asked by juju_63670 2

At the grand meeting of the jungle, animals decided to accept the rabbit as their new king. Everybody agreed to call the rabbit as ‘Rabbit the Mighty, Rabbit the King’ and be afraid of him. Next morning, the rabbit walks through the jungle and sees the fox sound asleep. He kicks the fox in the butt. Fox wakes up, looks back, and yells ….. Oh, ‘Rabbit the Mighty, Rabbit the King’ and runs into the jungle until disappear. Next, rabbit kicks bear’s butt. Bear also yells….. Oh, ‘Rabbit the Mighty, Rabbit the King’ and runs away. Next is cow’s turn. As the rabbit kicked the cow, cow looks back, sees the rabbit and kicks back so hard that the poor rabbit flies into the air and falls 25 feet away on the ground and curls in pain for several minutes. Then the rabbit stands on his feet, looks around and makes sure no one is around. Finally, the rabbit continues walking into the jungle he whispers to himself: “Damn cow! Never attends the meetings.”

2006-10-01 21:30:46 · 15 answers · asked by sea_vancouver 1

This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas, but there are more Catholic churches there than casinos. Not surprisingly, some worshipers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.

Since they get chips from so many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to process these offerings. The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan Monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in.

This is done by the chip monks

2006-10-01 21:29:35 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

The more you take ...the more you leave behind...

2006-10-01 21:19:16 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

The teacher asked the children in the Sunday School class, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would I get into Heaven?"

"NO"! the children all answered.

"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would I get into Heaven"? Again, the answer was "NO"!

"Well," the teacher continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?" In the back of the room, a 5 year old boy shouted out, "You gotta be dead 1st!"

2006-10-01 21:15:07 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-01 21:14:12 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

A vain forty year old woman decides to have a face lift & with her wallet as large as her ego, gets one of the top plastic surgeons money can buy.
She gets her face done & pays the 200 grand & the doc tells her,
“I put two screws behind each of your ears so you can tighten as needed to keep your fresh young look”

The woman is pleased but after two years have passed, she wakes up & notices bags under her eyes. She furiously storms to the surgeons’ office.
“I paid you 200 grand, what the hell are these under my eyes?!!”
The surgeon replies, “Lady, those aren’t bags under your eyes…they’re your T!TS.”

“…and if you don’t stop turning those screws, you’re going to have a beard & a double chin!”

2006-10-01 21:03:40 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

A rich guy in Georgia decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors. He also invited Leroy, the only Black guy in the neighborhood.

He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters and BBQ and flirting with the women.

At the height of the party, the rich dude said, "I have a 10ft man-eating gator in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the guts to jump in."

The words were barely out of the rich dude's mouth when there was a loud splash and everyone turned around and saw Leroy in the pool!

Leroy was fighting the gator and kicking its butt! Leroy was jabbing the gator in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, doing all kinds of stuff like head butts and chokeholds, biting the gator on the tail and flipping the gator through the air like some kind of Japanese Judo Instructor. The water was churning and splashing everywhere.

Both Leroy and the gator were screaming. Finally Leroy strangled the gator and let it float to the bottom like a K-mart goldfish. Leroy then slowly climbed out of the pool.

Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief.

Finally the rich guy says, "Well, Leroy, I reckon I owe you a million dollars."

"No, that's okay. I don't want it.", said Leroy.

The rich dude said, "Man, I have to give you something. You won the bet. How about half a million bucks then?"

"No thanks. I don't want it," answered Leroy.

The rich dude said, "Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing. How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?"

The Black man said, "No."

The confused rich guy said, "Well, Leroy, then what do you want?"

Leroy said, "I want the name of the man who pushed me in the pool!"

2006-10-01 21:00:33 · 6 answers · asked by Woody 3

The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex.

Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family doctor.

The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion.

He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.

Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the woman told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.

The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother saying: "Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!"

2006-10-01 20:57:35 · 5 answers · asked by Woody 3

Go ahead and discuss...

2006-10-01 20:40:16 · 9 answers · asked by Middy S 2

INTERNET WOMAN: It's not easy to get access to her and you may get cut off a lot.

SERVER WOMAN: She's always busy when you need her. Sends you cryptic messages.

WINDOWS WOMAN: Everybody knows she has a lot of problems, but nobody can live without her.

AOL WOMAN: Nobody can stand her quirks and rules for more than half an hour. But she will try hard not to let you go away.

EXCEL WOMAN: They say she can do lots of things, but you only use her for the 4 basic operations.

WORD WOMAN: She always has a surprise problem for you and there isn't anybody who really understands her.

D.O.S. WOMAN: There was a time when everybody needed her, but nobody wants her now. She can do a lot of interesting tricks, but nobody cares anymore.

BACKUP WOMAN: You think you have everything with her, but actually there is always something missing.

SCANDISK WOMAN: Deep inside she is only trying to help by trying to clean you up and change you, But actually nobody knows what she is really doing.

SCREENSAVER WOMAN: She is useless, but you have fun with her. She will frequently interrupt what you are doing if you don't set her straight.

PAINTBRUSH WOMAN: Easy to use, but nobody gets satisfied. She leaves you wanting more.

RAM WOMAN: She forgets everything as soon as she is unplugged.

HARD DISK WOMAN: She always remembers everything, and thinks she is always right even if her memory is corrrupted.

MOUSE WOMAN: She is useful only when she is pushed and dragged. Tends to get dirty and sluggish.

MULTIMEDIA WOMAN: She makes everything look nice. Active and a lot of fun.

MICROSOFT WOMAN: She wants to dominate every man she meets. She'll try to convince you she's the best for you. She schemes how to make you get in trouble with other women. She promises you that she'll do whatever you want if you throw your girl friends' telephone numbers away. Suddenly, she will be the only one in your life. There will come a time when you will need her approval before you can open the fridge or you can take your car keys.

PASSWORD WOMAN: You think you're the only one who knows her, but actually everybody knows her.

MP3 WOMAN: Everybody wants to have her. She is so easy to get.

USER WOMAN: She does nothing right and she is always demanding more than she really needs.

ANALYST-PROGRAMMER WOMAN: She is always cooking, she is always mending, fixing you and tweaking you to be better and have fewer errors. Very controlling type.

CPU WOMAN: She has a great look outside, but she is empty inside. Takes a lot of time to get her the way you want her, and then she may suddenly freeze up and not communicate with you.

MONITOR WOMAN: She makes you see life in colourful ways. Passes many interesting things on to you.

CD-ROM WOMAN: She can do a lot of tricks if you take the time to communicate with her carefully. The younger ones are pretty fast and easy.

CONSULTANT WOMAN: She tells you everything except what you want to know. She is mostly talk and little action.

E-MAIL WOMAN: When she talks, at least 8 things out of 10 are strange, meaningless or spam.
VIRUS WOMAN: (ALSO KNOWN AS WIFE) When you least expect, she gets into your life, she stays and takes control of all your belongings. If you try to get rid of her, you lose many resources. But, if you don't, then you may lose everything.

YAHOO WOMAN: Lives by her own rules. Just when you thing you have a great relationship, she will cut you off cold without warning or explanation.

DEFRAG WOMAN: She like to come in and clean up your house, and your dishes, change your litterbox and generally clean up your act. She does not talk much so let her do her work.

GROUP MODERATOR WOMEN: a very strange breed, all have their own rules about the way to live and do things, some are very quirky and arbitrary and even nasty if you don't behave as they think you should. Some are great fun to be with. No general rules about these.

MAC WOMAN: They have a superior attitude, which may or may not be justified. A minority group, they tend to seek other like minded people.

2006-10-01 20:29:28 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Tiger Woods drives his Volvo into a gas station in Cork during his tour of Ireland.

The attendant at the pump greets him in a typical Irish manner, unaware as to who the golf pro is, "Top o the morning to you young fella!"

As Tiger leans over to get out of the car, two tees fall out of his top pocket onto the ground.

"What are dey son?" asks the attendant.

"They're called tees," replies Tiger Woods.

"And what would dey be for then?" enquires the Irish man.

"They're for resting my b-a-l-l-s on while I'm driving" says Tiger Woods.

"Jaysus," says the Irish man, "Dem boys at Volvo just tink of everyting!"

2006-10-01 20:24:01 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous