Jokes & Riddles - October 2006

Provided that wind velocity is negligible and air pressure is normal... ...would Mr. J ever be able to reproduce again?

2006-10-01 09:59:49 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-01 09:54:22 · 5 answers · asked by lilmatt20042002 1

I need good yo mamma jokes me and my friend are having a contest...

2006-10-01 09:53:07 · 8 answers · asked by Caroline H 2

If so, your doing it too fast! HA HA HA HA!

2006-10-01 09:32:37 · 10 answers · asked by Stands Alone 2

2006-10-01 09:09:26 · 23 answers · asked by rednewyorkpeeps 1

fat jokes, your mamma jokes, clean jokes, rude jokes, any jokes for me...

2006-10-01 08:43:55 · 14 answers · asked by sparky 2

2006-10-01 08:41:47 · 23 answers · asked by bob 2

a popular rock band began a tour of the world, hoping to gain some new fans and sell a lot of records. the bands first destination was Scotland. as they had some time to kill before their first gig, the two drummers of the band went on a day trip to Edinburgh. they soon began arguing about how to pronounce it. 'its "ed-in-burra".' said the first one. 'no way, you pronounce it "ed-in-berg",' said the second. to settle it once and for all they decide to ask a local. stopping at a burger joint, they asked the blonde behind the counter, 'how do you pronounce the name of this place?' she looked at them strangely for a minute, then said slowly and carefully, 'mac-don-alds.'

2006-10-01 08:41:01 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

ok this is a little sick so yea it has mild incest so if you know you will get sickend then dont read....i thought the last part was funny it got me a little sick tho too so here we go


This little girl was getting her room painted
so she had to sleep in her brothers room
thats night the her brother was playing with himself
the little girl was like
'what are you doing?'
the little boy responded 'playin with johnny'
LG: can i play with johnny too????
LB:sure just dont hurt him
...
.
.
.
.
.
. the next morning the little boy woke up with blood on his sheets
LB: WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO!!!
LG: i bit johnny cuz he spit on me












sorry if you wer offended

2006-10-01 08:31:10 · 12 answers · asked by hopelessly romantic♥ 2

a blonde needed to send a message to her mother who was overseas. she went into the communications center, but was told it would cost $50. she said, 'I'm desperate to talk to mom, but I don’t have any money. please, I’ll do anything for you if you would help me!'
the man arched an eyebrow. 'anything?'
'yes, anything,' promised the blonde. so the man took her into a room down the hall and shut the door. then he said, 'get down on your knees.' she did. then he said, 'undo my zipper.' she did. the man closed his eyes, and whispered, 'okay, go for it!'
the blonde edged closer to his groin, slightly puzzled, but keen to speak to her mother, and yelled into his y-fronts 'hello, mom?'

2006-10-01 08:22:06 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a

>sign out of the corner of his eye....It reads:

>

> SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

> HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION

> 10 MILES

>

>He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without

>second thought....Soon he sees another sign which reads:

>

> SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

> HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION

> 5 MILES

>

>Suddenly he begins to realize that these signs are for real and drives

>past a third sign saying:

>

> SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

> HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION

> NEXT RIGHT

>

>His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the

>far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign

next

>to the door reading:

>

> SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS

>

>He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun

>in a long black habit who asks, "What may we do for you my son?"

>He answers, "I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in

>possibly doing business...."

>

>"Very well my son. Please follow me." He is led through many winding

>passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door

>and tells the man, "Please knock on this door."

>He does so and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers

>the door... This nun instructs, "Please place $100 in the cup then go

>through the large wooden door at the end of the hallway."

>

>He puts $100 in the cup, eagerly trots down the hall and slips through

>the door pulling it shut behind him. The door locks, and he finds

>himself back in the parking lot facing another sign:

>

>GO IN PEACE. YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS.

2006-10-01 08:21:46 · 18 answers · asked by lady_kiki_007 1

1.What is a computer's first sign of old age ?
Loss Of memory

2.What does a baby computer call his father?
Data

3.What is an astronaut's favorite key on a computer keyboard?
The space bar

4.Why was there a bug in the computer?
It was looking for a byte to eat.

5.The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies, probably because they are generally the same people.

Some Questions you cannot canswer :::
1.When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?
2.What should you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?
3.Is it possible to be totally partial?
4.If a turtle loses his shell, is it naked or homeless?
5.Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?


Today's Thought :
Never murder a man when he's busy committing suicide.

2006-10-01 08:19:11 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

so they know which day of the week it is

2006-10-01 08:07:13 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

the first stage....all over the house even out of the house.

second stage... the couch the bdroom and the bath.

third stage ....in the bedroom only.

and the final stage ....in the hallway passing each other saying "%$#@.... you", "#$%@....you back"

2006-10-01 07:41:10 · 12 answers · asked by cheeks the slick 2

I'm a very handsome boy!! what should i do???????

2006-10-01 07:38:29 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-01 07:34:35 · 24 answers · asked by adanthuis 2

Choose only 1 color out of these 14. 1st to guess it correctly gets the 10.
If a person has 2 or more guesses, then i will only take their first guess.

light red or dark red
light blue or dark blue
light pink or dark pink
light green or dark green
light orange or dark orange
light purple or dark purple
light yellow or dark yellow

2006-10-01 07:21:22 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

Wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the previous night. 'You'll get your chance in court,"the desk sergeant said. No,no,no,! the man replied. I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!

2006-10-01 07:17:47 · 12 answers · asked by kman1830 5

I am thinking of a 2 letter word, 1st to guess it correctly gets the 10.
If a person has 2 or more guesses, then i will only take their first guess.

2006-10-01 07:16:51 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-01 07:15:47 · 38 answers · asked by Tansy 2

> How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it.

> What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.

> Why do bagpipers walk when they play? They're trying to get away from the noise.

> Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

>
Q: what's black and white and balck and white and black and white?
A: a penguin rolling down a hill

Q: what's black and white and laughing?
A: the penguin that pushed him

2006-10-01 07:15:45 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-01 06:58:33 · 13 answers · asked by Alice 1

Technology @ the Supermarket
The new Supermarket near our house has an auto water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on,you hear the sound of thunderstorm and the smell of fresh rain.
When you approach the milk case,you hear cows mooing and witness the scent of fresh butter fat.
When you approach the eggs case,you hear hens cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of eggs frying.
So far I have been afraid to go down the toilet paper aisle.

2006-10-01 06:56:48 · 7 answers · asked by spookareus 3

what was the drivers name?

2006-10-01 06:51:06 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous

Okay this is all one riddle but it's four different questions:


1. You are participating in a race and you pass the second person. What place are you in?



2. If you overtake the last person what places are you?



3. Math question. DO NOT use pencil, paper, or a calculator.. Do it in your head!:
Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000
Now add 10. What is the total?


4. Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?



Try to answer all four questions and I'll put the answers on a different one! So look for the answers in a few days!

Hehe =]

2006-10-01 06:46:36 · 11 answers · asked by ♥HaNNiE♥ 1

2006-10-01 06:41:41 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

It's the box the penis cums in

2006-10-01 06:34:06 · 14 answers · asked by joaniebalonie 2

omg her name is heidi moorehead. is that wrong, and i am completly serious. kinda sucks to be here, and she gets alot of crap cuz of it. i feel bad for her tho. how about u?

2006-10-01 06:02:49 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-01 05:15:00 · 16 answers · asked by madhura 1

2006-10-01 05:04:17 · 45 answers · asked by Anonymous