Jokes & Riddles - October 2006

he sent a mesage for his IRS agent and his lawyer,both church members,to come to his home.when they arrived they were ushered to his bedroom.as they entered the room,the preacher held out his hands,sighed contentedly,smiled and stared at the ceiling.for a time no one said anything.both the IRS agent and the attorney were touched and flattered that the old preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moment.they were also puzzled because the preacher had never given any indication that he particularly liked either one of them.finally the lawyer asked,"preacher why did you asked the two of us to come?" the old preacher mustered up some strenght,then said weakly,"Jesus died between two thieves and that's how i want to go,too".

2006-10-02 04:48:04 · 6 answers · asked by Lost Phoenix 3

2006-10-02 04:45:58 · 4 answers · asked by mohan cchandran 1

A man needed a haircut so he went to a town and asked a man where a barber shop was, he said that there was one north and south in the town. He went to the nothern one and there was a hairy unshaved man with hair all over the floor.So he went to the other barber shop and it was fresh, clean, and the barber looked nice. But he decided to go to the northern one instead why?

2006-10-02 04:42:17 · 5 answers · asked by rabbitsareroadkill37 1

2006-10-02 04:39:07 · 9 answers · asked by Raptor 3

A man and a woman are riding next to each other in first class on a plane. The woman sneezes, then takes a tissue and gently wipes it between her legs. The man isn't sure he saw what she did, and decides he is probably hallucinating.

A few minutes pass. The woman sneezes again. She takes a tissue and gently wipes it between her legs. The man is about to go nuts. He can't believe that he's seeing what she's doing. A few more minutes pass. The woman sneezes yet again. She takes a tissue and gently wipes it between her legs yet again. The man has finally had all he can handle.

He turns to the woman and says, "Three times you've sneezed, and three times you've taken a tissue and wiped it between your legs! What kind of signals are you sending me, or are you just trying to drive me crazy?"

The woman replies, " I am sorry to have disturbed you, sir. I have a rare condition such that when I sneeze, I have an orgasm."

The man, now feeling bad, says, "Oh, I'm sorry. What are you taking for it?"

"Pepper", she replies.

2006-10-02 04:32:46 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-02 04:31:17 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

when the big hand touches the little hand.

2006-10-02 04:15:10 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his mother asking him to send her a current photo of himself in his new location. Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts a photo in half and sends her the top half.

Later he receives another letter asking him to send a picture to his grandmother. The man cuts another picture in half, but accidentally sends the bottom half of the photo. He is really worried when he realizes that he sent the wrong half, but then remembers how bad his grandmother's eyesight is, and hopes she won't notice.

A few weeks later, he receives a letter from his grandmother. It says... "Thank you for the picture. Change your hair style, it makes your nose look too short!"

2006-10-02 04:09:55 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

this very attractive lady walks into the doctors office and right away he cant control his urges as he asks her to disrobe. when she is on the table he starts rubbing her breasts and ask if she knows what he is doing, and she says yes youre checking for lumps. then he starts rubbing her thighs and again asks if she knows what he is doing, and she says yes you are checking for any muscular abnormalities. by this point he cant control himself any longer and rips his clothes off and jumps on the examining table and starts having wild sex with her, and he asks again if she knows what he is doing, and she says yes, you are getting herpes, thats why i came here.

2006-10-02 03:56:38 · 36 answers · asked by Anonymous

A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Mr. Sam, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing discovery: Sam had the longest private part he had ever seen!

"I'm sorry Mr. Sam," said the mortician, "but I can't send you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this. It has to be saved for posterity."

And with that the coroner used his tools to remove the dead man's distinguishing member. The coroner stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed was his wife.

"I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said, and opened his briefcase.

"Oh, my God!" she screamed, "Sam is dead!"

2006-10-02 03:47:35 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous

Answer will come tomorrow, unless you already know!

2006-10-02 03:35:26 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

1.What didn't Adam and Eve have that everyone else has?

2.What kind of room has no windows or doors?

3.What do you throw out when you want to use it but take in when you don't want to use it?

4.Can you name three consecutive days without using the words Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, or Sunday?

5.This is as light as a feather, yet no man can hold it for long.
What is it?

2006-10-02 03:25:07 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

for example Online Keycutting or Hairdressing

2006-10-02 03:05:15 · 13 answers · asked by draytondon 4

2006-10-02 02:50:08 · 11 answers · asked by IHATERIDDLES 1

A polar baby bear went up to his mum and asked if he was really, truly sure he was a polar bear.

"Of course you are,"she said. But ask your father if you really want to make sure."
So the baby polar bear finds dad and asks if he is really , really sure he's a polar bear.
"Of course you are boy,"says dad. "You're pure white, you live in the Arctic and eat fish. So why ask if you're a polar bear?"
"Because I'm bloody freezing,"baby says.

2006-10-02 02:45:50 · 4 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

what is the favorite joke that you like to tell at parties and other places and i do mean the funniest joke please try to keep clean if possible

2006-10-02 02:37:33 · 7 answers · asked by skyppolar_green 2

The original computer had a print (the lead) and a delete (the eraser. (Picture a pencil)
Memory was something you lost with age
An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity

A keyboard was a piano
A web was a spider's home
A virus was the flu
A CD was a bank account

A hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived

And if you had a 3 inch floppy .







. . you just hoped nobody ever found out!

2006-10-02 02:31:16 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-02 02:27:25 · 16 answers · asked by zerina b 1

Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina

"One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor,but the other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much.

"The second one , naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils."

2006-10-02 02:27:11 · 4 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

HINT: One is the Plural of the OTHER....

2006-10-02 02:25:46 · 11 answers · asked by spice3boy 2

PS use ur common sense

2006-10-02 02:07:10 · 9 answers · asked by karan a 1

dental.
i have got mental rental ...what else??

2006-10-02 01:39:03 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

Hint : If you are a Human......

2006-10-02 01:35:50 · 27 answers · asked by spice3boy 2

2006-10-02 01:24:31 · 18 answers · asked by au4u45 1

2006-10-02 00:51:53 · 17 answers · asked by Stan 1

Be open minded but not rude.

2006-10-02 00:48:40 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

What is your favourite joke?

Not that this is necessarily mine

2006-10-02 00:47:46 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-02 00:35:54 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

how much could i sell it for and would you buy it?

2006-10-02 00:27:28 · 8 answers · asked by blacksheep0685 1

Tech Support: "Ok Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at thesame time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen.Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: "I don't have a 'P'."
Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "What do you mean?"
Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"
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Two friends work in a software company. One day, they were to move their machines to another building. One of them was having a tough time carrying the machine.

Other Friend: "My computer has 500 MB disk. See how easily I am carrying it, Your's is just 250 MB. Can't you carry even this much?"

First Friend: "But your's is empty and my disk is full."
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2006-10-02 00:26:15 · 11 answers · asked by M 1