Jokes & Riddles - October 2006

and a half digs a hole and a half in a day and a half,,,,how long would it take one man to dig half a hole???

2006-10-01 20:20:43 · 22 answers · asked by charley7515 2

2006-10-01 20:17:26 · 15 answers · asked by Pete L 1

You are in a room that is completly bricked in on all four sides, including the cieling and floor. You have nothing but a mirror and a wooden table in the room with you. How do you get out?

2006-10-01 20:17:21 · 9 answers · asked by not so perfect 3

2006-10-01 20:16:47 · 9 answers · asked by Pete L 1

I know what my job is, the point has been made.
You say I have a big head, and you're right I'm afraid.
So put me in my place, and then leave me alone.
What I need most, is someone to drive me home.

What am I?

2006-10-01 20:08:08 · 24 answers · asked by slider 1

I can sizzle like bacon,
I am made with an egg,
I have plenty of backbone, but lack a good leg,
I peel layers like onions, but still remain whole,
I can be long, like a flagpole, yet fit in a hole,
What am I?

2006-10-01 20:01:23 · 12 answers · asked by not so perfect 3

A petshop owner had a parrot with a sign on its cage that said "Parrot repeats everything it hears". Davey bought the parrot and for two weeks he spoke to it and it didn't say a word. He returned the parrot but the shopkeeper said he never lied about the parrot. How can this be?

2006-10-01 19:57:52 · 12 answers · asked by not so perfect 3

Last time, we had this following riddle:

What can the frog do when his car breaks down?
A: He get toad!

Heheh. And here is today's riddle:

What do you go a nun that passed law school?

Have fun! :)

2006-10-01 19:30:30 · 12 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

2006-10-01 19:28:27 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-01 19:17:10 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

He has an Adams apple that isn’t an apple...
* Two calves that will never become cows...
* A nose bridge that doesn’t lead anywhere...
* A roof of the mouth that won’t cover anything...
* Twenty nails that won’t hold a board...
* A chest that won’t hold linen...
* Two t!ts that won’t give milk...
* Two buns that won’t feed anyone...
* A belly button that wont button...
* Two balls that won’t roll...
* An @ss that won’t pull a plow...
* An organ that won’t play music...
* A c0ck that won’t crow...
...And what are YOU laughing about?
You’ve got a p#ssy that won’t catch mice!

2006-10-01 19:07:51 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

A 16-year-old girl invited to a party alone. Since she was good-looking, she was a bit nervous about what to do if boys hit on her. Her mom said, “ Very easy! Whenever a boy hitting on you,ask him, 'What will be the name of our baby?' That'll scare them off."
So off she went, while at the party, a boy started dancing with her, and little by little he started kissing her and touching her. She asked him, "What will our baby be called?"
The boy found some excuse and disappeared. Some time later, the same thing happened again she made one more boy to ran off. Later on, another boy approached her a few minutes, he started kissing her, and she asked him, "What will our baby be called?"
He continued, now slowly taking her clothes off. "What will our baby be called?" she asked again. He began to have sex with her. She repeated the qstn..After he was done, he took off the condom, gave it a knot, and said, "If he gets out of this one... David Copperfield!

2006-10-01 18:41:05 · 15 answers · asked by Pd 6

Because everyone 'gets a turn'

2006-10-01 18:23:54 · 8 answers · asked by congo 1

Once there was a blonde who really needed some money. She saw an ad in the newspaper for a job at an Elmo factory. She went down and applied, but the manager told her that she wouldn't want the job because it was so boring. The blonde begged him and told him she would do anything because she needed the money really bad. After long consideration, the manager hired her.

After a few hours the manager looked at the video-monitor showing the factory floor and saw that the conveyer belt was backed up. The manager went downstairs to find out what the problem was. When he arrived there the blonde was sewing two marbles into the crotch of every Elmo.

The manager said,
''I told you to give each Elmo two test tickles,
not two testicles!!''

2006-10-01 18:08:53 · 25 answers · asked by dwh 3

One day a blonde is driving home when she rear-ends a man in his truck. The man stops and yells at her to get out of her car, so she steps out and tries to apologize.

He then draws a circle in the sand and tells her to stand inside and not to step out. He goes to his truck, takes out a baseball bat, walks over to her car, and smashes in the window.

She begins to giggle, so he looks back at her angrily and tells her to be quiet. Then he starts beating in the hood of her car.

She giggles again, and he turns to her and says, "You're askin' for it, lady!" Then he smashes in her windshield.

By this time the blonde is laughing hysterically, so he looks at her and yells, "What's so funny!?"

She laughs again and replies, "While you weren't looking I stepped out of the circle three times."

2006-10-01 17:59:59 · 27 answers · asked by dwh 3

there are several men in the locker room of a private club after exercising. suddenly, a cell phone that was on one of the benches rings. a man picks it up and the following conversation ensues:
'hello?'
'honey, its me! are you at the club?
'yes.'
'great! I’m at the mall. I saw a beautiful mink coat...it is absolutely gorgeous! can I buy it?
'how much is it, honey?'
'only $6000.'
'okay, go ahead and get it if you like it that much.'
'thanks! well, I also stopped by at the Mercedes Benz dealership and saw the latest models. the salesman gave me a really good price on a trade-in for our current car. you'd just love it sweetheart?'
'well, what price did he give?'
'only $60,000!'
'okay, but for that price I want it with all the options, petal.'
'great! before I go, there’s something else...'
'what, sweetheart?'
'well, I stopped by the real-estate window and saw the house we looked at last year, with the pool, acre of English gardens and views over the beach. its now on sale!'
'wow! How much are they asking?’
‘just $800,000
‘what do you know, I think we should buy it! It sounds like a fantastic deal. Go in and make an offer, pumpkin
‘thanks, sweetheart! I love you so much!’
‘you too, baby…’
And then the man hangs up, closes the cell phones flap and asks all those present…’so, does anyone know who this phone belongs to?’

2006-10-01 17:56:48 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

What happens when you cross Blue Paint with Barry Manilow?

2006-10-01 17:53:40 · 8 answers · asked by mat 2

What happens if you put babypowder in somebody's crack? If they fart would it come out like an explosion? I saw this on America's Funniest home Videos

would you ever try it out on somebody? What would you tell them you're trying to do? after it comes out would you run, blow on it, etc?

2006-10-01 17:42:06 · 7 answers · asked by Questionnaire 1

a mink in the closet
a jaguar in the garage
a tiger in the bedroom
and an a-s-s to pay for it all!

2006-10-01 17:31:10 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

2006-10-01 17:22:49 · 18 answers · asked by Hobby 5

SICK LEAVE
I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take any leave.
I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then he would tell me to take a few days off.. So I hung upside-down on the ceiling and made funny noises.

My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing? I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss might think I was "CRAZY" and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked "What are
you doing?" I told him I was a light bulb. He said "You are clearly stressed out.
Go home and recuperate for a couple of days". I jumped down and walked out of the office.

When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her "...And where do you think you're going?"

You're gonna love this...... )
She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark..

2006-10-01 17:22:00 · 13 answers · asked by Yellowstonedogs 7

2006-10-01 17:20:44 · 13 answers · asked by smgupta1947 1

1. enjoy talking about football. its a very intellectual game

2. learn the precise art of pouring a beer. and then pour many

3. bring your own jacket

4. don’t make him hold your purse

5. shopping is not fascinating

6. men don’t want to talk about marriage on the first date. or after the first year. or at all

7. don’t act clucky when you see little kids

8. when he asks for a threesome with and your best friend, he is only joking

9. unless the answer is yes. in which case, can he videotape it?

10. and show his buddies the next day?

2006-10-01 17:16:46 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-01 17:15:52 · 16 answers · asked by Hobby 5

The wife sneaked up behind her husband and hit him over the head with a frying pan.
He said, "What was that for?"
She said, "The paper I found in your pocket with 'Mary Lou' written on it!"
He said, "Oh that was the name of a horse I bet on at the track!"
A few days later she came up behind him and hit him with a bigger skillet. When he came to, he asked her why she did that.
She said, "Your horse just called you on the phone!"

2006-10-01 17:10:14 · 10 answers · asked by NANCY K 6

If your kids turn out like you.................LOL

2006-10-01 17:09:07 · 7 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

2006-10-01 17:05:21 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-01 17:05:09 · 8 answers · asked by Chris S 1

2006-10-01 17:00:23 · 3 answers · asked by Chris S 1

2006-10-01 16:57:29 · 6 answers · asked by Chris S 1