Jokes & Riddles - October 2006

If they make me laugh you might get points.. Not a very cool prize but it's all I can give you. Lol

2006-10-02 10:20:33 · 3 answers · asked by ..rae..♥ 5

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."

"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores, as he probably had a hard day. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. And most importantly...make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."

On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?"

"You're going to die," she replied.

2006-10-02 10:12:32 · 16 answers · asked by cheeks the slick 2

wut gets bigger if u take something out of it

2006-10-02 10:05:44 · 13 answers · asked by padreperson1 2

2006-10-02 09:59:35 · 2 answers · asked by Patrick O 2

Mr. Johnson got himself a new secretary. She was young, sweet, and very polite.

One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open. When leaving the room, she said, "Mr. Johnson, your barracks door is open."

He did not understand her remark, but later on he happened to look down and saw that his zipper was open. He decided to have some fun with his secretary. Calling her in, he asked, "By the way Miss Jones, when you saw my barracks door was open this morning, did you also notice a soldier standing at attention?"

The secretary, who was quite witty replied, "Why no sir, all I saw was a little disabled veteran sitting on two duffel bags."

2006-10-02 09:55:08 · 17 answers · asked by cheeks the slick 2

G'morning, ladies.

2006-10-02 09:53:53 · 13 answers · asked by A Baby Ate My Dingo 4

A blind man wanders into a lesbian biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, do you want to hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is only fair -- given that you are blind -- that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, mister. Do you still want to tell that joke?"

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters,
"No... not if I'm going to have to explain it five times."

2006-10-02 09:51:17 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

I never was, am always to be,
No one ever saw me, nor ever will,
And yet I am the confidence of all
To live and breathe on this terrestrial ball.
What am I?

2006-10-02 09:46:23 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous

A little blind girl's mom came up to her one day and said "Honey, Dr.Quack gave me this paste to put on your eyesovernight. In the morning we are supposed to wipe it off and you will be able to see.
So the mom put the paste on the little girls eyes and sent her to bed. The next morning the little girl woke her mom up and said "Mommy Mommy wipe it off I want to see" So the mom gets a wet rag and wipes it off. The little girl who had been blind all her life started crying. 'Whats wrong honey?' the mom said. "it didnt work replied the little girl " So the mom bent down and said














I know APRIL FOOLS

2006-10-02 09:44:21 · 22 answers · asked by JonnaMamma 2

There is a man in a bissnes eleavotor and then the woman walks in she says:T-G-I-F- the guy goes S-H-I-T the and then the girl sighs and says T-G-I-F- the the guy sighs and he says S-H-I-T and then with the sweetest big simle ever and says T-G-I-F- THANK GOD ITS FRIDAY DUHHHHH and the guy goes S-H-I-T- sorry honey its thursday. did yall like it?

2006-10-02 09:38:12 · 6 answers · asked by nacho_man23 1

For all those men who say, "why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free," here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize its not worth buying an entire pig, just to get a little sausage.

2006-10-02 09:37:57 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

What can you put in a cup to make it lighter?

2006-10-02 09:35:30 · 11 answers · asked by JonnaMamma 2

its a laxative it can knock the poop out of superman

2006-10-02 09:34:16 · 4 answers · asked by fancey 2

2 car salemen are sitting at a bar after work.
One salesman says to the other, "I better sell some cars soon or I'm going to lose my a.s.s."

Just then the saleman sees a beautiful woman sitting 2 barstools down from them, and says, "Oh Im sorry about my language."

The woman replies, "Thats OK. If I dont sell some a.s.s soon, I'm going to lose my car."

2006-10-02 09:14:38 · 7 answers · asked by creskin 4

what can go up a tube down, but can't go down a tube up?

2006-10-02 09:13:35 · 5 answers · asked by one8swayze 2

what gets dirty as it dries?

2006-10-02 09:10:51 · 6 answers · asked by one8swayze 2

Dear Human Resources Manager:
I am applying for the position of ______________which I saw advertised ______the _______________ today. Enclosed you will find my ______________which is to help you ____________ my _____________________ and to _______________ my __________________ in the hopes you will ___________ me very soon. Yours truly, ___________________.

2006-10-02 09:10:13 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

what gets wet as it dries?

2006-10-02 09:09:47 · 2 answers · asked by one8swayze 2

Oh, my Jesus! I wanna slap her! Should I do it? Please say yes!

2006-10-02 09:04:59 · 11 answers · asked by Ha Ha! 3

so they'll have something to do when there sitting at home on saturday nights.

2006-10-02 09:00:10 · 8 answers · asked by dumbblond 3

so they'll have something to do when there sitting at home on saturday nights.

2006-10-02 08:59:16 · 17 answers · asked by dumbblond 3

Why John brings the ladder in the shop? Because the prices are high!

2006-10-02 08:55:05 · 13 answers · asked by greeneena 1

A Jewish student was doing well in school in all subjects except for Math. So his parents decide to send him to a private Catholic school. While there the boy came home from school and studied every day. At the end of the marking period the boy got straight A's. So his parents asked him, "What motivated you to do so well in school?" He replied, "When I saw that guy nailed to a plus sign I knew they weren't fooling around!"

2006-10-02 08:51:08 · 8 answers · asked by looking for the left eye 3

2006-10-02 08:36:23 · 18 answers · asked by wickboom333 2

tell me any stupid joke!

like: 2 sausages in a frying pan
1 turns to the other an says,
"god its hot in here"
the other says,
ARRGGGHHH A TALKIN SAUSAGE!!!!

2006-10-02 08:35:53 · 42 answers · asked by Anonymous

I used to have an old joke book when i was about 10 or 11.

Inside it i found a strange way of telling the alphabet, it was along the lines of:

A - A is for 'orses
B - B for mutton
C - C for yourself
D - D for what
etc...

Can anyone out there help me to finish this off?

2006-10-02 08:25:11 · 12 answers · asked by ony114 2

A phone rings in a house and little boy answers and whispers down the phone.
"Hello."
A man is on the other end.
"Is you mummy at home please?"
"Yes"
"Can I speak to her?"
"No"
Why not?"
"She's busy."
"Well is Daddy there please?"
"Yes."
"Can I talk to him please?"
"No"
"Why not?"
"He's busy"
"Well is there an older brother or sister there?"
"Yes"
"Well can I speak to them please?"
"No"
"Why not?"
"The're busy."
"Well is there anybody else there please?"
"Yes"
"Who's that?"
"Grandma and Grandpa"
"Well can I speak to them please?"
"No"
"Why not"
"The're busy"
"Is there anybody else there please?"
"Yes"
"Who is it?"
"A Policeman"
"Well can I speak to him then?"
"No"
"Why not?"
"He's busy"
"What are they doing that is making them so busy?"
(little boy whispering very quietly), "They are looking for me."

2006-10-02 08:20:41 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-02 08:10:23 · 24 answers · asked by Dan 4

2006-10-02 07:53:31 · 16 answers · asked by Andrea 3

2006-10-02 07:49:33 · 7 answers · asked by Brittney 5