Jokes & Riddles - October 2006

2006-10-01 13:29:41 · 20 answers · asked by Dixie53 2

If you read the one I put up yesterday, it'll make sense....

Things to do in a store... 13-21


# Walk up to complete strangers and say, “Hi! I haven’t seen you in so long!...” etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
# While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, “Who buys this crap, anyway?”
# Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.
# Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you’re taking it for a “test drive.”
# Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.
# Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.
# As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, “Wow. Magic!”
# Put M&M’s on layaway.
# Move “Caution: Wet Floor” signs to carpeted areas.

Sadder thing: I've done all this stuff, too (well, ma and my friends have!!)

2006-10-01 13:19:19 · 9 answers · asked by Kitsch Nouveau; 2

2006-10-01 13:01:31 · 13 answers · asked by cris_angel_fan 1

One day you find yourself stuck in a room. Nevermind how you got there. The room has no windows, no doors, no opening, no cracks, no ins and no outs. However, the only things in this room is a mirror and a table. How do you escape?

2006-10-01 12:56:42 · 7 answers · asked by missmozee 3

OK....your trapped in a field surrounded by 20 foot barbed wired fense (so there is 0% chance of escape). And on the other side of the feild is a massive horde of 200 angry Midgets with pipes and bats and they want to kill you reguardlessly.

And in football gear helmet kneepad and everything + you have a go cart. how will you handle this? o yea u also have a shotgun.

please describe what you are doing in this situation...most imaginative gets 10 points!

2006-10-01 12:56:39 · 9 answers · asked by GodOfWar 1

1. but everybody looks funny naked!

2. you woke me up for that?

3. try breathing through your nose

4. is that a medic alert pendant?

5. but whipped cream makes me break out

6. on second thought, lets turn off the lights

7. I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs!

8. I want a baby!

9. what is that?

10. maybe we should call dr. Ruth

11. did you know that the ceiling needs painting?

12. I think you have it on backwards

13. oops! did I remember to take my pill?

14. I told you it wouldn't work without the batteries!

15. did I tell you my aunt Martha died in this bed?

16. no, really...I do this part better myself!

17. perhaps you’re just out of practice

18. you remind me of my cousin

19. I have a confession...

20. I really hate people who actually think sex means something!

21. did you come yet, dear?

22. I'll tell you who I’m fantasizing about if you tell me who you’re fantasizing about...

23. when would you like to meet my parents

24. long kisses clog my sinuses…

25. was what good for me?

2006-10-01 12:55:05 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-01 12:46:03 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

Why are pirates scary.......?

COZ THEY ARRRRGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

2006-10-01 12:38:28 · 46 answers · asked by Anonymous

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."

2006-10-01 12:34:08 · 35 answers · asked by Hobby 5

agree or disagree

2006-10-01 12:33:52 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-01 12:27:55 · 15 answers · asked by Prep♥™ 5

“Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled, ” we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9. 10!
“Very good,” said her mother.
” Is it because I’m blonde, Mommy?”
“Yes, It’s because you’re blonde.”

The next day the girl came skipping home from school.
“Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled, ‘ we were saying the alphabet today and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B , C , D, E , F , G!”
“Very good,” said her mother.
“Is it because I’m blonde, Mommy?”
“Yes, It’s because you’re blonde”

“The next day the girl came skipping home from school.
“Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled ” we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls have flat chests, but I have these!” And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36cs.
“Very good,” said her embarassed mother.
“Is it because I’m blonde, Mommy?”
“No, honey. It’s because you're 19"

2006-10-01 12:27:35 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

noticing a sign in the window that read, "say it with Flowers". Can you put one rose in a box for me,he ask the florist, only one, the florist asked,yes just one. I'm a man of few words.

2006-10-01 12:19:50 · 10 answers · asked by kman1830 5

2006-10-01 12:14:29 · 26 answers · asked by Hobby 5

an elderly woman is on a plane, politely making small talk with the young man that is seated beside her. about half an hour after take off, the young man sneezed. but instead of emitting the usual 'aatchoo!' the young man writhed about in his seat screaming 'YES, YES, YES!' before rolling over and taking a nap. the lady found this behavior a little strange, but decided not to say anything. after all, he was a nice young man
about fifteen minutes later, the young man awoke and sneezed for a second tome, and once again, writhed about in ecstasy. this time he jumped up and down, slapped his thighs, and screamed 'whoa, baby! YES! YES! YES!, before rolling over and taking a nap
the elderly woman was shocked and rather miffed at his strange behavior, and thought to herself, 'if he does that again, I’m definitely going to tell him to settle down.'
another 15 minutes went by and the young man sneezed again. this time he proceeded even bigger and better than before. he leaped, bellowed, writhed and wiggled into the aisle of the plane, knocking over the drinks trolley, whilst doing cartwheels up and down the cabin. Fed up, the elderly woman turned to the young man and chided, ‘excuse me, young man! Must you really create such an embarrassing ruckus everytime you sneeze?’
the young man apologized, and explained that he was suffering from a medical condition, ‘you see, everytime I sneeze, I have an o-r-g-a-s-m,’ he explained
‘my goodness!’ exclaimed the old woman, ‘so what do you take for it?’
‘pepper’ the young man replied

2006-10-01 12:11:59 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

Allow me to tell you of a doctor who,
Wrote about red fish and some that were blue.
He wrote about green eggs, thing one, and thing two.

It goes without saying, as you can plainly see
He gave zazzered-zizzers, their zuzz
But what of thing three?

Dr. Theodore Seuss
Let his imagination run loose
With such things as “Thidwick, the Big-Hearted Moose.”

He gave Google, goggles and Horton, his who
He hopped on his pop.
Did you, your pa, too?

We met Cindy Loo Who,
Who was no more than two.
When his grinch found the strength of ten grinches plus two

Do not be surprised, now that you’re through,
To find yourself thinking in “Seuss,”
For an hour, or two.

(Would you care to add a few lines?)

2006-10-01 12:11:44 · 5 answers · asked by atomiktwin 3

You know I am doing an advanced research on what is the correct way of drinking water, I always thought that swallowing it as you place it in your oral cavity is the best way but, recent studies have revealed that we should chew water before drinking it. Some people in the place known as Mental Asylum have suggested pouring it down your left ear and slowly swallowing it via the right nostril.

I have also tried surgically dissecting the throat and splashing the water into it but, I have observed that this way proves fatal for 3 out of 3 people.

So, my simple question is "How to drink water?"

And for soda/pop drinkers, my question is "Why don't you drink water?"

2006-10-01 12:11:32 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-01 12:01:51 · 31 answers · asked by forest4eva2007 2

what is the purpose of friendship and why should one die for that purpse

2006-10-01 11:53:44 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

''Gephyrophoia''.

2006-10-01 11:42:27 · 26 answers · asked by kman1830 5

If you do please type them because i need to tell my freinds some really good jokes

2006-10-01 11:41:02 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

an old man of 90 years marries a lovely woman in her early twenties, and they are on their honeymoon. because the woman is worried about her new husband exerting himself, she tells him they should have separate suits. that night a knock comes on her door and her room is ready for action
they unite in conjugal union and all goes well whereupon he takes his leave of her and she prepares to go to sleep for the night
after a few minutes there’s a knock on the door and there the old guy is again, ready for more action. somewhat surprised she consents to further coupling which is again successful after which he bids her a fond goodnight and leaves
she is certainly ready for slumber at this point and is close to sleep for the second time. there is another knock at the door, and there he is again, as fresh as someone her own age and ready for more. once again they do the horizontal tango. as they’re lying in afterglow the young bride says to him, 'I am really impressed that a guy your age has enough juice to go for it three times. I’ve been with guys more than half your age who could only manage to do it once.’
The old guy looks puzzled and turns to her and says, ‘was I already here?’

2006-10-01 11:37:17 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-01 11:32:09 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot

2006-10-01 11:11:50 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

a drummer

2006-10-01 11:01:40 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

Donald Rumsfeld briefed the President this morning. He told Bush that Three Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq. To everyone's amazement, all of the color ran from Bush's face, then he collapsed onto his desk, head in hands, visibly shaken, almost whimpering. Finally, he composed himself and asked Rumsfeld, "Just exactly how many is a brazillion?"

2006-10-01 11:00:26 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

A programmer and an engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from Los Angeles to New York.
The programmer leans over to the engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game.
The engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines.
The programmer persists and explains that the game is real easy and is a lot of fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $5."
Again, the engineer politely declines.
The programmer, now somewhat agitated, says, "OK, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $100!"
This catches the engineer's attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game.

2006-10-01 10:57:37 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

1.What begins and ends with E, and usually only has one letter in it?
2.What lives as long as it eats but dies when it drinks?
3.Forward I am heavy, backward I am not. What am I?
4.How far can a fox run into the woods?
5.What gets wet when drying?
6.What comes once in a minute, twice in a moment, but never in a thousand years?
7.The more you take, the more you leave behind. What are they?
8.It's been around for millions of years, but it's no more than a month old. What is it?
9.What belongs to you but others use it more than you do?
10.I am the beginning of sorrow, and the end of sickness. You cannot express happiness without me, yet I am in the midst of crosses. I am always in risk, yet never in danger. You may find me in the sun, but I am never out of darkness.


Answer all right...and 10 points, thank you...bye.

2006-10-01 10:35:06 · 12 answers · asked by coca_cola_froggy 4

the stage is level

2006-10-01 10:22:59 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

the third grade

2006-10-01 10:10:04 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous