Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

Three Hillbillies are sitting on a porch shootin' the breeze.

1st Hillbilly: "My blonde wife sure is stupid... she bought an air conditioner!"

2nd Hillbilly: "Why is that stupid?"

1st Hillbilly: "We ain't got no 'lectricity!"

2nd Hillbilly: "That's nothin'! My blonde wife is so stupid, she bought one of them new fangled warshin' machines!"

1st Hillbilly: "Why is that so stupid?"

2nd Hillbilly: "Cause we ain't got no plummin'!"

3rd Hillbilly : "That ain't nuthin'! My redhead wife is dumber than both yer wifes put together! I was going through her purse the other day lookin' fer some change, and I found 6 condoms in there."

1st and 2nd Hillbillies: "Well what's so dumb about that?"

3rd Hillbilly: "She ain't got no pecker!!!"

OK. Did yha get a chuckle? What state are yha chucklin' from?
Funny comments a plus!!
The California SmileyCat : )

2006-08-04 08:26:29 · 8 answers · asked by SmileyCat : ) 4

2006-08-04 08:24:03 · 20 answers · asked by ? 6

2006-08-04 08:22:11 · 14 answers · asked by ? 6

2006-08-04 08:20:27 · 9 answers · asked by ? 6

I did proposed to her, she said yes but if only I brought her a pair of crocodile boots. I setted off to Africa and a search is being made, they find me hunting crocodiles and watch me killing a huge one I walked over the reptile, checked its legs ooops "71st and *again* bare feet!"

2006-08-04 08:17:36 · 6 answers · asked by Pd 6

Hello I'm taking a vote to see who likes nice people.Like a friend. If u do like nice people u get 10points.

2006-08-04 08:14:44 · 11 answers · asked by Niniliciouz 2

Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.

2006-08-04 08:14:44 · 8 answers · asked by ? 6

2006-08-04 08:12:41 · 17 answers · asked by Kismet 7

I have been trying for a while to figure out this riddle. Could someone please post it to this forum or send me the answer?

Here is the riddle

http://www.sculi.com/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=10

2006-08-04 08:11:42 · 3 answers · asked by preston 2

Riddle:
You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right side is a sharp drop off, and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is a galloping kangaroo and your horse is unable to overtake it. Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the kangaroo. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?


Answer: Get your drunk butt off the merry-go-round.

2006-08-04 08:07:44 · 6 answers · asked by ☆skyblue 7

A Scotsman, American, and an Irishman are in a bar.
They are having a good time and all agree that the bar is a nice place.

Then the Scotsman says, "Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from, back in Glasgow, there's a better one. At MacDougal's, you buy a drink, you buy another drink, and MacDougal himself will buy your third drink!"

The others agree that sounds like a good place.

Then the American says, "Yeah,that's a nice bar, but where I come from, there's a better one. Over in Brooklyn, there's this place, Vinny's. At Vinny's, you buy a drink, Vinny buys you a drink. You buy another drink, Vinny buys you another drink."

Everyone agrees that sounds like a great bar.

Then the Irishman says, "You think that's great? Where I come from in Dublin, there's this place called Murphy's. At Murphy's, they buy you your first drink, they buy you your second drink, they buy you your third drink, and then, they take you in the back and get you laid!"

"Wow!" say the other two. "That's fantastic! Did that actually happen to you?"

"No," replies the Irish guy, "but it happened to me sister!"

2006-08-04 08:05:04 · 10 answers · asked by hinsdalesprit 3

Top Ten Signs You Smoke Too Much
10. In the middle of smoking a cigarette, you pause for a "cigarette break".

9. Your birthday is a state holiday in North Carolina.

8. Your title for the Surgeon General: "Captain Bringdown".

7. Cracking your knuckles leaves you winded.

6. Morning schedule: Wake up, cough for three hours, take nap.

5. In your neighborhood, they give directions by saying "Go down to the big pile of cigarette butts..."

4. You get mattress fires more often than haircuts. 3. You smoke during sex.

2. You refer to nonsmokers as "pink-lunged sissy boys".

1. You explain to the nurse that you didn't realize you were in a "non-smoking" iron lung.

2006-08-04 08:03:18 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

Are they going to beat the livin' thetans out of me?

2006-08-04 08:01:30 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

I walk on four legs in the morning, two legs in the afternoon, and three legs in the evening. Please spell it right!

2006-08-04 08:00:01 · 19 answers · asked by superwildthing06 1

After carefully reading the disclaimers it did say in the advertisement that contents are empty and for me to stop eating altogether.

So I guess their bases are covered right?

2006-08-04 07:57:03 · 41 answers · asked by Anonymous

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days.
Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day.
He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"
God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds,
"Look Michael, look what I've made."
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"
"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."
"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, "For example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while Southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people," God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."
The Archangel, impressed by Gods work, then pointed to a large land mass the top corner and asked, "What's that one?"
"Ah," said God. "That's Canada, the most glorious place on Earth. There's beautiful mountains, lakes, rivers, streams and an exquisite coast-line. The people from Canada are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found traveling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard-working and high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace. I'm also going to give them super-human, undefeatable ice hockey players who will be admired and feared by all who come across them."
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed. "What about balance, God? You said there will be BALANCE!"
God replied wisely. "Wait until you see the loud-mouth bastards I'm putting next to them."

2006-08-04 07:54:11 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

Just for kicks and laughs ... it's Friday .. let's play YO Momma ... I'll start ,,,,, Yo momma is so fat she used a microwave as a pager

Yo momma is so fat that God couldn't lift her spirit

Your turn!!

2006-08-04 07:46:39 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-04 07:43:41 · 2 answers · asked by tosynno 2

anyone who gets it right first gets 10 points...

2006-08-04 07:43:03 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

if you make me laugh the hardest you will get 10 points!

2006-08-04 07:42:04 · 10 answers · asked by Cags18 3

Jenn picked a book off the highest shelf in her room. On the spine she read. How to Jog. She ran out of the room and opened the book but found it had absolutely nothing to do with jogging. Explain.......

2006-08-04 07:39:46 · 10 answers · asked by Michael D 5

Mrs. Flinders decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, and a ruby pendant."
"But you're not wearing any of those things."
"I know," said Mrs.Flinders. "It's in case I should die before my husband. I'm sure he'd remarry right away, and I want her to go nuts looking for the jewelry."

2006-08-04 07:35:27 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-04 07:32:15 · 8 answers · asked by tosynno 2

It was jumping a motorcyle over twenty buses.

2006-08-04 07:30:04 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-04 07:23:55 · 11 answers · asked by tosynno 2

What did the little black kid down the street get for Christmas?







.... your Bike!

2006-08-04 07:16:19 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

A bear and a rabbit are in the woods. They are both taking a load off (going #2) and the bear says to the rabbit "Man, I hate my fur. I always get poo stuck to it when I have to go."

He asks the rabbit "Do you have the same problem with your fur?"

The rabbit replies "Nope, it doesn't stick to my fur!"



... so the bear picked up the rabbit and wiped his butt with him.

2006-08-04 07:11:27 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

What is the earliest age a kid should get a cellphone?

2006-08-04 07:08:03 · 27 answers · asked by GhostRecon48 2

I have a sign I am thinking of putting up in my office. No patient ever comes in to my office only idiot staff members. I plan to hang the sign on they wall near my computor and when someone ask me a stupid question pointing to it and ignoring them. My question is do you think most will laugh or just get angry.

The sign says

I used to care but I take a pill for that now.

I am serious what do you think.

2006-08-04 07:06:02 · 25 answers · asked by ♂ Randy W. ♂ 6

What is the earliest age a kid should get a cellphone?

2006-08-04 07:04:55 · 6 answers · asked by GhostRecon48 2